Genre: crime.
Characters: Kim Sunggyu, Kim Myungsoo, Nam Woohyun, etc.
Type: [M], [TW].
Focus: plot, flow/ pacing, engagement.
Reviewer: Minah.
Chapters reviewed: 8 (approx. 28000 words).
Requested on: Jan 3, 2018.
Request completed on: Jan 9, 2018.

picked up and credited

TITLE (9/10)

I like your title. It sums up the main problem that our characters have to go through in the story - to solve the case of the Grim Reaper. It is a simple title, yet impactful and suitable for the genre, describing the criminal and the plot. If ever, I would love a title that makes sense in the end, so that it would leave a more powerful feeling to it (-1). But so far, I think the title fits well, very straightforward, in a good way.

DESCRIPTION AND FOREWORD (9.5/10)

Your description is, again, very straightforward. It gives away an important detail of Woohyun being a suspect. It gives away one of the biggest mystery that the readers will undoubtedly be curious to figure out. Even after chapter eight, I'm still yet to find faults in the description. You did a great job in this area, only except for the word "evidences." "Evidence" is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural (-0.5).

CHARACTERISATION (25/30)

So far, we have been introduced officially to Myungsoo, Sunggyu, and Woohyun; the supporting character, Dongwoo, who might be the key to many events in the future; two more characters can't be ignored, the unofficially introduced "Grim Reaper," as well as his lover.

Your characters all have their own little traits to them, although not very distinctive, and it's understandable because there's still more to come. But so far, I can say they are all interesting individuals.

We have Myungsoo, the somewhat juvenile, somewhat impractical but dedicated detective. He seems a bit immature at times, and it does not fit his occupation and reputation as "the best detective of his generation" (Chapter 2) (-5), maybe because of the way you write, which I will talk further later on. After eight chapters, I would say that he did more harm than good and it seems he is not a very competent detective to be assigned seven cases and failed to solve any. He couldn't find any traces to solve the crimes he's appointed to do, was unable to arrive in time to receive the autopsy that Dr. Shin finished analyzing (I will talk about it later in the plot area), and he did not check his phone for new messages, which I found weird. A single glance at the phone screen wouldn't hurt. For most phones nowadays, I believe we can read a part of the text message on the screen for a few seconds. It quite annoyed me to read that part.
As I said, Myungsoo is too carefree for a detective in my opinion. I feel like there are many problems with him. He is not a reliable character in your story and even though he is the character I feel closest to so far, he is the only problematic one in the story.
Even so, I do see him having done something helpful for the investigation. He realized that the motive of the criminals in his assigned cases are about the same (though I think that it is not a very impressive findings because the pattern is pretty obvious), recognized a fault in Woohyun's wordings - one of the biggest question marks about Woohyun. I think the problem is that he is inconsistent with his actions. He seems smart at times, but other times, not quite.

Next is Sunggyu, I think you have disclosed enough for us to recognize him as a good character. He is quiet, less energetic/ reactive than Myungsoo, and feared of gruesome images. It was also interesting and realistic how he thought for a second that the dead possible guilty criminal deserved his death. He is somehow still a mystery to me in the latest chapter, when I thought I knew him enough. He is holding some secret that aside from him, maybe only Woohyun knows. Perhaps somewhere after the first encounter, he went out to meet up with Woohyun without Myungsoo knowing.
Sunggyu also shows lots of his thoughts along the way, which contradict with Myungsoo's but he rarely speaks up just to make sure he doesn't offend or disappoint the younger. It was interesting that he came up with those thoughts because it fits his occupation as a psychologist. He seems smart enough, and I'm looking forward to more from him.

Woohyun is another interesting character you have built. Another psychologist but seems more apathetic, more insolent and impudent as he has shown his apathy and even satisfaction towards the death news of a criminal suspect, and the way he talks in his first encounter with Sunggyu and Myungsoo.
We would never know if he is the killer of at least one of the series of unsolved cases that Myungsoo is handling or not. But the chance is high. It does not mean that he appears that evil to me so far, but the way he talks and thinks does feel like he is a potential criminal. But who knows, that might just be his unconscious thoughts. He might just be a normal person like any of us. Nobody is an angel, after all.

Even though I think Woohyun's lover, the Grim Reaper, and Dongwoo are essential characters, I will not mention them because there is not much offered from them yet. I think the Grim Reaper shares the same mindset as Woohyun, except that he acts the way he thinks. Dongwoo and Woohyun's lover are also a big question mark for me; I also think that maybe they both are just the same person, based on what I saw in chapter 8. I'm curious how big of a role these characters will be to the story later on.

PLOT (21/30)

It seems that you have set up the plot well in the first place, because I see that you drop hints frequently in every chapter, but still manage to keep the secrets to yourself. Since we still have a lot of mysteries in the story, there might be a lot more chapters coming up. Grim Reaper's identity, the relationship between Sunggyu and Woohyun, Woohyun's lover, Dr. Shin with Woohyun... So far, I cannot deny that it is indeed, an exciting story. However, there are some details I want to talk about.

Phone wallpaper. This detail was somewhat suspicious for me. Sunggyu must have changed the picture of Woohyun to himself, making Myungsoo believe that he was only hallucinating. I believe that it wasn't just there for nothing, well maybe showing Myungsoo's clumsy side once again.

Dr. Shin. I was surprised to read that there exists a kind of medicine that could erase people's memories by timeline, meaning erasing the most recent ones and the damage depends on the amount consumed. So I searched up on the internet, and as expected I found nothing close to that. So it was quite a drop of credibility in your story (-4). Even if the existence of the chemical is approvable, I doubt that the Grim Reaper could find the substance that contains his DNA, the source that started all things. I wonder why they didn't mention about that DNA source, why they didn't get back to it and start it over again. I also look forward to when Dr. Shin completely retrieves all her memories, what she would reveal to our case solvers.

Myungsoo and Sunggyu's mistake. I think that the incident where Sunggyu and Myungsoo were put in before they could get any closer to Dr. Shin's, was okay and reasonable, and I also could understand how they did not contact any of the trustful officers in the department to help them collect the DNA result. But after all, you could have let one of the two to arrive at the destination they should be. Why didn't they split up? Why, especially Myungsoo, didn't leave the precinct and go for the most prominent potential clue for his case? (-2)

How Grim Reaper was so in time. Unless you explain how he got the information that Dr. Shin had done the analysis, later on, I'd say that it was a bit too convenient to be true. I mean, Sunggyu and Myungsoo also coincidentally let the Grim Reaper steal the data without much effort, after all.

So far, I don't quite like how Sunggyu and Myungsoo are solving the case mostly with external help (-3). They seem to be too passive, and most of the time, I lost track of what they were doing because I find their actions unremarkable. I think you could have made Myungsoo and Sunggyu somehow found the trace of struggle lying on the victim's fingernail at the crime scene; they should at least visit the crime scene and come up with some idea from it. There was not much important stuff they have done to solve their case that I could notice, sadly.

I feel like it's still presumptuous of the Grim Reaper to kill the suspects of the criminal cases where they were proved to be innocent. Since everything is not distinctly black or white, I'd love to see how evident it is that the released suspects were indeed the criminals. We never know if the Grim Reaper killed the wrong people they thought were at fault, do we?

I think there were many details that I found perplexing, as I could neither agree nor dismiss. So the feeling quite leaves me unsettled and frustrated at times, while I was reading your story. You asked me to focus on plot, but there still has lots more to come, so I can't thoroughly analyze anything I found thus far. I think the plot still has potential to hit big. I don't find it boring at all. You continuously keep us occupied with your hints and all that. So keep it up!

WRITING STYLE/ PRESENTATION/ FLOW/ GRAMMAR AND SPELLING (16/20)

Although the wordings are not always perfect, I'm comfortable with your writing style. I just found it quite hard to comprehend when often you either overuse the pronouns, making me confused about who you are referring to, or repeat them a lot for a sentence (-1). For instance, in chapter 7, you wrote: ""What are you doing here? Is anything the matter?" No matter how much he missed his lover, he would never ever let him choose him over the other's job. As a professional himself, Woohyun thinks it's highly impractical to dedicate more hours to him instead of the job they worked so hard to have." I'd much love it if you use names more often.
Speaking of which, I find that you addressing the main characters professionally doesn't sound like an ideal thing (-0.5). When they are alone with each other or even with other people, it's okay to just refer to them with their real names, not "Dr. Kim", "Detective Kim." It sounds quite distant to our already familiar characters.

I also notice how you choose some romanized Korean words in your story in early chapters, while hyung is entirely understandable, I recommend you replacing words like "ne," "ya" with "right?" and "Hey!" instead. I also noticed you have described how characters speak in an exaggerated manner by prolonging one letter of the word, for example, "stoop," "hellooo," "looong." It sounds more childish and unprofessional for writing, and I don't quite like the vibe it gives (-0.5).
Also, I don't see the need to use uppercase to indicate someone is yelling or talking very loudly. The reason is same as above. I also would say that the Grim Reaper is quite childish by the way he speaks. It's quite important to express a character's personality by their dialogue alone. In this case, I suggest removing the word "sigh" that he used to show his dramatic disappointment on how they slipped their chance of catching the murderer, or when he said "hahaha". (-1)

Don't worry about your story's flow and pacing. Everything has been going at a smooth pace; nothing seems rushed, draggy, or choppy. If anything, I can only point out that the scene where Woohyun was contemplating if he should access the internet or not, at the beginning of chapter 7. Because at the end of chapter 6, you have already revealed that Woohyun checked the mail and the news anyways. (-0.5) Maybe some grammar mistakes (tenses, subject-verb disagreement) interfere with this area, but not so severe to the point of disturbance. (-0.5) So it's okay.

TOTAL: 80.5/100

★ REVIEWER'S NOTES:

Finally a story with a high score in my shop! I like your story, despite it lacking some credibilities. I would love to hear what you think about my review. I hope I did not sound harsh. I hope this review helped you somehow. Please do point out anything wrong or confusing I have said, as I genuinely want to get your story wholly. I'm looking forward to your story, as a reader!