"I have so much to say, but no one listens."

-Effy Stonem, Skins

"Jongdae! Open the door!"

Jongdae rubbed his eyes as he stumbled towards his door. He was taken aback by the smell of food and smiled as someone stepped inside. The unfamiliar yet familiar scent of filled the room and he felt his heart sink.

"I forgot you were coming home last night so I'm sorry if it was too loud for you."

"That's okay Minseok hyung."

Minseok flashed a smile as he opened the food he brought. It was already past noon and he worried about the thin boy that lived next to him. He remembered the day that he found out someone had rented the apartment next door. Minseok had expected a rich mama's boy who was desperate to "experience" what it was like living as a poor college student. To his surprise, Jongdae wasn't either. He wasn't poor and he wasn't a college student.

Which is why Minseok fell in love with the kid.

"As a way to apologize, I brought your favorites."

"You didn't have to."

"Of course I did! If I hadn't, you probably wouldn't eat at all."

Jongdae struggled to smile as a way to thank him. But in reality, all he wanted was for him to just leave. He was exhausted from the night before and he could feel his throat hurting. All he wanted to do was go to sleep.

He quickly sat down and wolfed down the food, hoping that Minseok would get the message. Which, of course, he didn't. So with no time to spare, Minseok began to explain to Jongdae why one night stands was a gift from God and how it was always important to inspect the before putting it on.

"So we decide to leave the club and head back to my place."

"Really?"

"Yeah, apparently she lives with her parents. Can you imagine seeing 60 year olds standing in the doorway while their daughter is on top of you?"

"No."

"Exactly. No one wants that."

Jongdae quickly nodded and stood up. He grabbed his coat and backpack before heading to the door. Minseok followed after him and smiled proudly as he wrapped a scarf around his neck. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a few bills. Jongdae's face grew red as Minseok placed them inside his coat pocket.

"Hyung, you don't have to."

"But I want to. Buy yourself food after, ok?"

Jongdae smiled once more and headed outside. The cold air blew his scarf away and he quickly wrapped it back up. He couldn't afford to get a cold, expecially with the upcoming grueling schedule. He ran towards the main street and caught a cab. The weather was getting colder and he sunk himself deep into the carseat.

He looked outside the window and felt his heart drop. Couples were walking together and their bodies grew closer the colder it got. He watched their hands entwine and lowered his eyes.

It was that time of year again.

He hated every second of it.

"How long will it take for you to memorize the song?"

"Just this one?"

Jongdae looked at the sheets of paper in his hand and frowned. He looked up at the small group of people staring at him from across the glass window. He put on the set of headphones and warmed up his voice. 

"Listen to the guide first and then let me know when you're ready."

Before he could say anything the door slammed open. A young man walked inside with a group of people behind him. Everyone instantly stood up and Jongdae looked down.

"Is this the song?"

"Yes, Jongin. We were getting ready to record it."

"So go ahead and record it."

The producer motioned for Jongdae to start as everyone sat down. His heart raced as he cleared his throat once more. The music started and Jongdae opened his mouth to sing. His eyes met Jongin and he looked away when he sneered. 

'You should thank me for making you famous.'

He finally finished recording the song and grabbed his things. Jongdae quickly bowed and practically ran out the door. He was pulled back by the producer who sheepishly handed him an envelope.

"It's your pay. It's not as much as last time since this is just a single."

"That's fine."

"Remember that next week you have to follow us at all the schedules."

"I understand."

Jongdae bowed once more and walked away. His fists clenched the envelope before stuffing it inside his pocket. He wrapped his scarf tighter as he stepped outside. The cold air took his breath away and he ran towards the bus stop.

His eyes landed on a couple whose bodies melted together. Their hands were wrapped around each other as they squeezed closer together. He was standing so close, he could feel their body heat radiate out of them.

It was that time of year again.

And Jongdae hated every second of it.

"Here he comes!"

"Jongdae! Jongdae! Jongdae!"

Jongdae forced a smile as he walked inside the restaurant. Minseok had invited him to eat dinner with his friends at a nearby restaurant. How Minseok always knew he had gotten paid was a mystery to him.

"Hello."

"We already ordered food," Minseok smiled, "I picked your favorite."

"You mean your favorite?"

Minseok threw an empty bottle at Chanyeol. No one knew exactly his age since he always called everyone hyung. But that didn't stop him from acting as if Jongdae was his friends. 

"Jongdae likes whatever I like."

"Are you sure?"

Baekhyun walked towards the table and smacked Chanyeol's hands. He smiled at Jongdae as he poured him a drink. He was the same age as Jongdae but they weren't friends either. The only reason why they hung out with him was because Minseok forced them to. It's not like they have another option.

"How was the recording hyung?"

"Fine. Thanks for asking Sehun."

Sehun was the youngest but looked the oldest. He was tall and lean which made all the girls swoon after him. Unlike Minseok, Chanyeol and Baekhyun, he was the only college student of the group. Which was always a cause of celebration since the three of pay for his tuition.

"I hope we at least get to see you in the mv."

"There's no mv."

They grew quiet as Jongdae gulped down the soju. He winced as he felt the burning sensation of the alcohol slip down his throat. Chanyeol poured him more and cleared his throat. They knew that discussing his music career was a risky move. It wasn't that Jongdae wasn't talented but rather he just didn't have what it takes to make it big.

"So Sehun, how's school going?" Minseok smiled, obviously changing the topic.

"Fine." Sehun shrugged, "The new freshman are coming in."

"Sounds fun," Baekhyun laughed, "Are you going to introduce us to some of them?"

"No."

Jongdae looked down at his watch as the conversation turned away from him. He stood up and moved to pay for their drinks before heading out. It wasn't as if they would miss him anyways. The cold air filled his lungs as the day grew darker. It was times like these that he hated the most. When the sky was growing dark and the neon signs of motels brightened.

He wrapped his scarf closer and walked back to his apartment as the streets filled with people. The desperation in his eyes grew as his eyes glanced at each couple. How he longed to have someone besides him and fill his empty heart with love. But of course, he hated himself too much to try at all. 

Jongdae screamed as he tripped over something. He grabbed his head before being pulled up. The warm hands on his own scared him and he pulled back only to look at a handsome face.

"I'm so sorry! I forgot to get out of the way but I needed to tie my shoelaces but-"

"I'm fine. No problem."

He bowed and walked towards his apartment but was stopped once more. The handsome man pulled him gently out of the way as he pushed towards a nearby cafe.

"I want to apologize again." He smiled, "I would love to buy you coffee."

"I said I'm fine," Jongdae seethed, "You don't need to buy me anything."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Then take this with you. I hope to hear from you soon."

Jongdae stared at the small flyer in the man's hands and stuffed it inside his pocket. He clenched his teeth as he bowed once more and ran out of the cafe. It wasn't long before he reached his apartment. He felt his stomach drop when he heard moans coming from Minseok's apartment. 

"Of course," Jongdae laughed, "I forgot."

It was that time of year again.

And there was nothing he could do about it.