Hi again.

A Turn for the Best or Worst

Hi everyone whom has subbed to this story! I know I kind of "discontinued" the story, but if people want me to start it back up I will! First I would go through and edit of course, but then I would update! This story has quite a bit more subs than I ever expected. If I do continue this story, then I'll try to improve my writing because it isn't very good. Just know that I won't be able to update very often because of school!

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zcrystalemerald #1
Chapter 1: The plot seems good :), just a small tip tho, show not tell. You told the readers what happened, rather then revealing the information at a later time in the story. Instead of Hongbin revealing what his father did to him you could leave it like a mystery, or describe with more detail for example:
"He started to beat me, badly. Punches flew all over my body as he, my father, stepped on my face and spat. "You dare to think so highly of yourself?" He reached into his pocket ** pulled out the dreaded knife. He looked around, cautious. I internally screamed, *this is a public park some one should come and save me* my eyes darted wildly but no one, I saw no one. No one will save me. He grinned, only we were here and he knew that. He was free to do whatever, he didn't even have to clean up unlike the times he beat me in my- his home."
*this represents italics btw, because you cant make the text slanted in a comment

this part of the chapter, "Oh was I thinking all day? It’s already lunch. Wait, how is that? I don’t know." could use improvement. It would be better to have Hongbin just enter his first class. Then in another paragraph skim over the school day (or describe it in detail) then proceed to the end of the chapter. Or you could have Hongbin think, "has the day really flown by this fast, its already lunch time?"
HikariRaizel90 #2
Chapter 1: Your story interesting
Can't wait for the next chapter
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