Chapter 1

A Turn for the Best or Worst

~~~3rd Person POV~~~

 

    As Hongbin was making his way down the street, he noticed something different. Someone ignoring his friend, who was talking non-stop. He was about to stop to see why, but he thought that he would just be a bother to them. So he just continued to school.


 

~~~Leo POV~~~

 

    N was nagging at me for something I forgot. I didn’t really care, so I didn’t listen. I was about to fall asleep when I noticed someone watching us with curious eyes. It looked like he wanted to join us, but he just continued walking. He’s interesting. If anyone else saw N nagging me, they would’ve tried to intervene. But he didn’t.

 

    “ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME??” N yelled in my ear.

    

“Yeah.” That’s my usual response to him anyway.

    

“Good. Like I said-” N was cut of by Ravi hugging him from behind.

    

“Hyung you nag too much. Just leave the poor boy alone.”

    

“You’re supposed to be on my side yeobo.” N pouted.

 

“I am, just not right this second.”

 

With that said they headed down to their school. That’s odd. Didn’t they boy that was staring at us come down this way? I think he did. I wonder if he goes to our school?

 

~~~Hongbin POV~~~

 

    I shouldn’t have stared. I shouldn’t have. He saw me staring at them. If they get to know me then he’ll hurt me. I’m going to die this time if he finds out what I did. I know it. I know because he nearly did last time. I need to get away. Yeah, that’s what I need. But how?

 

*Flashback*

 

“You little , what do you think you’re doing? Making friends? HA! No one likes you. You’re just a bother to everyone around you. You’re mother killed herself because of you! Why would anyone like you? Go kill yourself, if you don’t I’ll do it for you.” He started to beat me. Badly. That’s not true. You said mommy was on a long vacation. She’s not dead. He continued on beating me for a few hours before taking out a knife and slashed my chest in a ‘X’ pattern. “That’s just a warning.” Then he left me laying there. We were in the middle of the park during dark so I nearly bled to death when someone found me.

 

*End of Flashback*

 

    I won’t survive again. I barely survived last time… Oh was I thinking all day? It’s already lunch. Wait, how is that? I don’t know.

 

    “HEY! Where do you think you’re going? You ain’t gonna leave before the fun starts are you?” Some guys cornered me in the classroom. Fun? You find fun in hurting people? They were about to start hurting me when someone, or should I say some people intervened.


    “YAH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??”

 

 

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Hi! First chapter, i know . But next will be better... I hope...

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zcrystalemerald
#1
Chapter 1: The plot seems good :), just a small tip tho, show not tell. You told the readers what happened, rather then revealing the information at a later time in the story. Instead of Hongbin revealing what his father did to him you could leave it like a mystery, or describe with more detail for example:
"He started to beat me, badly. Punches flew all over my body as he, my father, stepped on my face and spat. "You dare to think so highly of yourself?" He reached into his pocket ** pulled out the dreaded knife. He looked around, cautious. I internally screamed, *this is a public park some one should come and save me* my eyes darted wildly but no one, I saw no one. No one will save me. He grinned, only we were here and he knew that. He was free to do whatever, he didn't even have to clean up unlike the times he beat me in my- his home."
*this represents italics btw, because you cant make the text slanted in a comment

this part of the chapter, "Oh was I thinking all day? It’s already lunch. Wait, how is that? I don’t know." could use improvement. It would be better to have Hongbin just enter his first class. Then in another paragraph skim over the school day (or describe it in detail) then proceed to the end of the chapter. Or you could have Hongbin think, "has the day really flown by this fast, its already lunch time?"
HikariRaizel90
#2
Chapter 1: Your story interesting
Can't wait for the next chapter