Hello!

 

I have to apologise to you who have been waiting for this last chapter since I last updated a few months ago. I'm really sorry, but I am not meant to write chaptered stories, especially ones that I have already started to post. BUT! Here it is, the chapter that ends it all and I'm sorry that it propably cause I haven't been too eager to write this since I started it in 2015. I hope you can still enjoy this to some extent, though!

 

(Half of this chapter was written when I last posted so there could be a bit confusing change in either writing or the flow of things)

 

Important!!! If you are easily triggered/ think you could be triggered by what this chapter contains, go read the foreword! I have put a warning in there! I don't think it is enough to be triggering but I don't want to hurt anyone by accident just because of what my opinion is!

 

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Chunji was restless.

 

Who wouldn't be when someone you cared about, who you knew wasn't in their best state of mind, wasn't answering their phone even after multiple tries.

 

”Hyung, if you're so worried I can go back to the dorm and check up on him.” Chunji heard their maknae say from behind him.

 

”You don't have to, we only have so little left of the practice that it would be unnecessary to make someone drive you home only to pick us up soon after.” Changjo could see the worry in his eyes so he tried to get his hyung to smile even a bit.

 

”Who said anything about driving me home. I will be at the dorm faster if I run and that way no one has to drive me there. Saves gas and nature!” He was rewarded with the tiniest lift of the elder's lips before they fell back into worry.

 

”Be careful when you go. Watch out for the cars and don't cross the road before looking both ways!” Then he let Changjo go gather his things only to be stopped by Cap saying that they would take them with them when they left.

 

”I expect you to continue practicing while I'm gone! You need it more than I ever would!”

 

He left his hyungs to protest behind him and as soon as he was out of the building he started running. It wouldn't be too long of a journey, he would be there in no time.

 

-

 

”Ricky-hyung!”

 

There was no anwer as he stepped into the dark dorm. He took off his shoes and went to check the living room, then all of their bedrooms, with no success. He decided to try calling Ricky, just to be sure.

 

Soon after he started the call he heard light vibration from the opposite direction, from the living room. He found the phone on the couch and stopped the call.

 

”Where could that hyung be...” Changjo tried to think of all the places Ricky could possibly go to. He would have to find him, if only to make Chunji stop worrying so much.

 

”I doubt he went back to the dance studio, he didn't seem to in good enough condition to dance more. Same with the park... So a friend's house or the roof.”

 

Since he didn't know most of Ricky's friends and the ones he knew lived farther away from their dorm, he logically went to check the roof first.

 

He opened the door and had to pull his jacket tighter around himself, it wasn't too warm because of the wind that always blew in the heights.

 

”Ricky-hyung!” he shouted and looked around the roof. You couldn't see all of it from where he stood so he had to go further to make sure his hyung wasn't there.

 

”Hyung?” He turned around a corner and came to see a hunched figure sitting at the edge of the rooftop. The said figure turned around at his voice and he could confirm that it was Ricky. He carefully walked closer to him and was able to see that he had an empty soju bottle in his hand.

 

Ricky didn't seem to be too happy about him coming to him. But still the younger couldn't just go back, he had to find out what had been bothering him for a long time now. Only recently it had started to come to this extent that it affected all of them.

 

”Hyung! What are you doing? Have you been drinking?! Weren't you sick and you had to leave so you could get better?!” Changjo was confused.

 

Ricky didn't answer him, or respond to him in any way, but Changjo really hadn't expected him to. He walked over so he was within touching distance from Ricky and gently took the bottle from his hand.

 

He then sat next to the slightly older boy.

 

”What is wrong, hyung? You haven't been yourself lately. Everyone is worried.”

 

Silence ensued and Changjo was starting to think that it would remain untouched but then the boy next to him lifted his gaze from where it had been locked on and turned to him with sorrow in his eyes.

 

”Do you love her?” Changjo flinched at the roughness in his voice, also from the unexpected question.

 

”Of course I do, we're together after all.”

 

They again sat in silence and somehow Changjo got the feeling that he had given the wrong answer. How could that be, though?

 

”I'm in love with someone... And I have no chance with them.” Now his curiosity was awaken. Who could be the one his friend had feelings for? He had never before even implied something like that.

 

”Who are they? Do I know them?”

 

”You could say... that you know them in a way. They are someone I'm close with, at least I once thought we were. Nowadays I'm not that sure about that.”

 

They sat in silence, again. Changjo didn't know what to say or do to make the elder feel better. He didn't know how to comfort someone. He felt uncomfortable with all of this, he had a feeling that something bad was going to happen.

 

”Sometimes... I think that it would be better to just stop existing, to stop the pain that is a constant in my life. I came here so I could end it all... But in the end I thought about what they would feel if I didn't even tell them about my feelings. If it came from someone else when it was already too late, what would they feel? Would they be sad? Would they feel guilt? I don't them to feel that, it could eat them for the rest of their lives.”

 

 

 

–

 

 

 

”What is love? How does it feel like to you?”

 

Changjo froze, neither had said anything for a while now, they had been comfortable just sitting there. And the sudden change in their conversation wasn't something he was expecting so he carefully chose his words.

 

”I think... Love is when you want to be with someone... No, love is when you feel right about being with them. That you feel comfortable enough to share all of your thoughts with them, that you are willing to be with them through all the good times but also the bad times. ”

 

Ricky turned to him and held his eyes in a stare filled with intensity like he was trying to tell him something.

 

”I guess love really is different to everyone... I once used to feel happiness when I was with them. I was satisfied with just being in their presence. I was happy whenever they were happy, I was sad when they were sad. Now I feel it all with bitterness because I'm not supposed to be feeling that way when they are already taken.”

 

And Changjo could finally understand.

 

 

 

 

 

”Hyung... I'm going to fix this. I'm going to do the right thing and make it all better.”

 

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It's over! I think the ending was rushed and it wasn't written the way this story deserved but that's the best I can do. And I want to say that no, if someone was to ask for continuation, I won't do it. I have concluded this and will never return to this so I leave the future to your imagination. If there is something bothering you or something isn't adding up, then you can ask!

 

PS. I love Love Is... It's been stuck in my head through writing the rest of this chapter

PPS. You can thank my cousin for giving this a somewhat happy ending, I was just going to let Ricky die but she wasn't going to have any of that and came up with the way it didn't have to end in tragedy