Minseok is the typical Tumblr blogger who posts photos and gifs of animals, food and all those TV shows that make him look cool and a cultured - not swine - but a cute piglet. All of these posts mislead people in thinking that he’s a teenage girl except they’re wrong, but he looks like a girl anyway so why bother.

      The cute piglet always gets surprised why people actually dig his, dare he say, hilarious tags that get him followers. In reality, his tags are full of his dry sense of humor and the only reason his fanbase keeps on growing everyday is because of his face. A face that looks squishy enough they pass off as “those buns used in the sides at Wagamamas”, a follower once wrote in a selca of his.

     This entire selca posting started off as a dare that his once-roommate Jongdae told him to do when he learned that Minseok runs a Tumblr. If he didn’t do it, Jongdae will tattle his entire schedule to a clingy sophomore called Baekhyun that seemed to be obsessed with wanting to become friends with Minseok. Reluctantly agreeing with a few mutterings of “why are you even my friend?” and insults in the lines of “meanie” which Jongdae just found endearing. Minseok never really thought that somebody would actually like seeing his face but then his followers kept on growing and started demanding more of his face which he felt the need to calm the thirsty hoes down so he posted more. Eventually people started writing fanfictions about him that he had the mistake of reading and made him so disturbed he had to sleep in a bed together with Jongdae which was a mistake and made things so much creepier.

     This “popularity” has also made him friends with other gay af bloggers and one particular user takes in the form of Kris Wu who thinks he's the fresh prince of the galaxy and all that he creates in his almost non-existent brain, save for the fact that he knows Mandarin and nothing else. Minseok thinks Kris is hooked into some kind of galactic drug, but he's cool to hang out with, they make dumb vines together, and they share the same popularity in Tumblr because as much as that guy is a total whack, his face incredibly says otherwise. Yes their face is their most valuable assets. I mean, all he knew was how to eat, go to the gym and buy more Nike merchandise. If he was ugly, then what would his place be in this world? This is the 21st century everyone. It doesn't matter if you love unicorns and fantasize about My Little Pony, as long as your face is aesthetically pleasing, then you'll survive, and you'll get recognized for it. Thank you mom and dad's genes or DNA or whatever. What he's trying to say is that people find him attractive and funny and important. Ah~ what a time to be alive~

     One day, while of Kris was stealing all of his food (he wonders how Kris knew the super secret passcode to his super secret vault) after unceremoniously barging into his apartment like the barbaric caveman he is while gushing and reblogging in his Tumblr account and using his laptop FOR THE NTH TIME without permission, an angelic face caught his attention. Minseok has fallen in love.

     "Hold the up who is that babe over there?"

     Kris made a face as if he was thinking really hard on who this “babe” Minseok is yapping on about when clearly he is the only babe material in a 10-mile radius. Ah but then he eventually gets it, "Who? You mean Luhan? You haven't heard of him before?"

     "NO AND I AM REGRETTING ALL THOSE TIME I WATCHED WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN BASKING IN HIS PURE GLORIOUSNESS. WAIT, ACTUALLY I DON'T REGRET WATCHING FREE! IT'S THE BEST ANIME TO EVER BE CREATED IN THIS PLANET, BUT PLEASE TELL ME MORE."

     "Well since you begged, huh, I'll tell you then. Luhan's like us, he posts videos and stuff and he's really pretty so lots of girls and guys dig him."

     So Minseok does what any friend would do and shoves Kris away and yanks his laptop from him. He watches the video Kris reblogged and realized 10 seconds after (because he was busy oogling Luhan's face) that he didn't understand most of what Luhan was saying and Kris that little piece of was looking at him smugly like he just found out he really is a prince of the galaxy.

     "Sooo~"

     "WHAT?!"

     "Did you understand anything hmm~?"

     "KRIS YOU AND I BOTH KNOW YOU'RE A WIMP AND I CAN BEAT YOUR ANYTIME SO I SUGGEST YOU WIPE THAT FUGLY LOOK OFF YOUR FACE AND START TRANSLATING HIS VIDEOS FOR ME."

     Kris actually felt scared because he once saw Minseok beat up a person for kicking a puppy. No. Nope. He doesn't want to face Kim Minseok's wrath so he starts translating. Minseok is actually studying Chinese, but with no practice he forgets 96.75% of what he learns and can only understand the most basic words.

     After watching and reblogging all of Luhan's videos and photos, Minseok has officially fallen in love.

     Minseok believes that love knows no language barriers and has decided that he will put all his might into learning Mandarin with the help of Chinese textbooks, Google translate, and Yifan who is the same person as Kris. He just likes to be called Kris because he thinks it's his royalty name.

     Luhan is like a steaming cup of Americano everyday because he brightens up Minseok's world. After harassing Kris and threatening to ban him from his apartment if he doesn't tell Minseok the username of the love of his life, reading Luhan's bio 57 times and ogling at his face yet again, he has finally gathered up the courage to click the the follow button. He keeps reblogging more and commenting on Luhan's tags.

     Some time later after mastering the Mandarin language, a follower asks him, "Oppa do you like Luhan that much? >3<"

     ‘IS SHE ASKING WHAT HE THINKS SHE'S ASKING? DOES HE LIKE LUHAN? NO HE DOESN'T LIKE LUHAN. HE LOVES LUHAN.’ But Minseok needs to be civilized and has to play it cool so his Hannie won't get creeped out. He then replies: "Well he did help me learn Chinese haha~"

     Yifan reblogs it like five seconds later and he’s like “r u kidding, he’s obsessed with Luhan lol” and Minseok nearly kills him because his fanbase started flipping out afterwards and Yifan’s like relax it’s not like Luhan’s ever gonna see anything about it.

     But he did. Lu ing Han saw the out of it.

     Minseok is chilling at home when he notices a bunch of his old selcas circulating and getting a bunch more notes. He finds it weird so he checks his messages and he has like six million people asking him if he’s okay and if he’s freaking out as much as everyone else is. All he can say was “WHAT IN THE ACTUAL IS GOING ON”, but he then sees a message that says “I can’t believe what Luhan’s been saying about you!” and he almost drops his phone but rushes to his notifications and lo and behold his nightmare-slash-dream has come true.

     LUHAN. LU HAN. LU TO THE HAN, THE OBJECT OF HIS AFFECTIONS HAS FOLLOWED HIM BACK AND HAS BEEN REBLOGGING HIS POSTS WITH THE SAME VIGOR AS HE HAS, SO HE CHECKS LUHAN'S ACCOUNT IN THE SPEED OF LIGHT WHILE BERATING HIMSELF BECAUSE HOW COULD HE MISS IT WHEN HE'S LUHAN'S NUMBER 1 FAN?!

     What he sees makes him double take, I mean did Luhan really tag his posts with 'CUTE' 'OMG' 'WAA' 'IS HE EVEN REAL?'???? Is Minseok dreaming?? The boy with cheeks like the ones they use in Wagamama lets out a very manly squeal.

     "Kris slap me."

     "No dude wtf."

     "No I'm serious slap me. Like real hard."

     A pause. “You won't kill me for it or ban me from you super secret food cupboard that’s not so secret anymore?"

     "Uh yeah sure whatever just slap me. I’m going to make sure that I’m not dreaming."

     "Okay... here it goes."

     The next day Kris wakes up in the dumpster with a black eye and a restraining order.

     "Kris, what is a baw-zee."

     "What the ."

     "Baw-ZEEEE."

     "I still do not have any clue of what you're trying to say."

     "Since when did you have a clue of what I'm saying?"

     "Look do you want help or not?"

     "Ugh yes here go take a look at what Luhan said, 'GIVE ME SOME OF THEM BAW ZEES'. WHAT THE IS A BAWZEE??"

     "PFFT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA IT'S BAO ZI! It means steam bun or a bun, basically what your fans call you!"

     "Wow you're actually useful for once, but anyways ASDFGHJKL THAT's LIKE HIS SPECIAL NAME FOR ME OMG I CAN CALL HIM DEER WHEN WE GET MARRIED~ CUZ GET IT? IT SOUNDS LIKE DEAR OR SOMETHING NAMSAYIN?"

     "I liked you better before you were this obsessed."

     Minseok IS FREAKING THE OUT. HIS LUHAN just posted a new Q&A video AND HE'S NOT. EVEN. READY. Well okay he's ready but he's not. He clicks play and Luhan's beautiful face shows up in the screen and he's in cloud 9, not until he hears his name because WAIT WHAT? DID HE JUST HEAR HIS NAME? He reverses the video and clicks play again.

      "What do you think about Minseok? Oh! Minseok-ah~~ hehe~ I learned a bunch of Korean from him~"

     And then Luhan blushes. HE ING BLUSHES WHILE SAYING HIS NAME.

     Then Luhan says in Korean: "Minseok-ah! Let's make a video together someday!"

     GOODBYE SANITY. GOODBYE WORLD. HE'S DEAD.

     "Kris what do I wear??"

     "Just wear what you usually wear."

     "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'M GONNA MEET MY FUTURE HUSBAND I HAVE TO LOOK HOT."

     "Why don't you wear that deer onesie you bought while thinking of him? I think it'll be pretty cute?"

      "ARE YOU CRAZY? NO! I'LL LOOK LIKE A DIP"

     "Trust me! TRUST YOUR FATHER MINSEOK."

     "Ew. But ok since I can't find anything to wear. This better work or you won't even find yourself in the dumpster because you didn't wake up in the first place"

     Luhan texted him (Yes THEY'RE TEXT BUDDIES NOW) to meet up at this cute cat cafe in Hongdae called Meow Meow Minseok. Coincidence? He thinks not.

     He's kind of uncomfortable in his deer onesie but the prospect of seeing Luhan soon IN HD AND IN 3D makes the discomfort go away. He arrives at the cat cafe first and sits at a table near the glass panels while petting some kitties. A few seconds later he sees someone wearing a cat onesie and he snorts because that person must have been unfortunate to have a dumb friend like Kris as well, but then the person looked strangely familiar. In fact, too familiar that he's starting to think it's Luhan. The person enters the cafe doors and stands in front of him wearing a bashful smile.

     "Minseok-ah?"

     "Lu-luhan? You- cat- onesie-what?"

    Luhan blushes and explains that his friend made him do it because he thinks it's cute and since Minseok looks like a cat.

     LUHAN. LOOKS. SO. FLUFFY. HE'S GONNA DIE.

     Minseok makes incoherent gurgles while Luhan sits in front of him making googly eyes and mumbling 'cute' and the rest in history

     Meanwhile, two shady looking flamboyant men are at the corner of the cafe reading newspapers with two holes on them.

     "Ah~ I knew it Minseok is so smitten!"

     "uhm no excuse me but Luhan's the one who's head over heels to my son thank you very much."

     "Who are you anyway?"

     "I'm Kris, Minseok's father and prince of the galaxy, don't touch my hand I'm royalty."

      "Uhm..ok whatever floats your boat. I'm Junmyeon, Luhan's mom and sugardaddy. Don't ask, it's complicated."

     "It's nice to formally meet you. I'll leave my son to your care then and if your kid ever breaks his heart I will gather my whole kingdom and destroy you."

     "Puh-leaze your kingdom won't stand any chance against my black card, but anyways I am entrusting my Lulu to your care as well, so your son better treat him the way he deserves to be treated! Like a princess!"

     "Of course, we're royalty, we even have a food vault! Oh wait, that's supposed to be a secret. Please don't tell."

     "It's a deal. I must say your deer idea's pretty great. They look horribly cute together."

     "Likewise. They can thank us later, but for now, we're stuck here watching those be awkward like middle schoolers"

     "Ahh~young love~"

     "AND THAT KIDS IS HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER."

     "YAAA IT'S DINNER TIME! ARE YOU TALKING TO YOUR CATS AGAIN?"

     "BE RIGHT THERE IN A SECOND! YO KIDS I GOTTA GO REMEMBER APPA AND OMMA LOVE YOU AND DON'T DO DRUGS LIKE YOUR UNCLE KRIS"

     And he scurries down to his husband who's currently holding a steaming bowl of, none other than, baozi.

     He's home.

FIN. 

a/n: wHAT IN THE ACTUAL NAME OF THE LORD WAS THAT???