a/n: inspired by a real event in my life in which i nearly died due to drinking 2 iced coffees (even then, i still drank lots of coffee for the following weeks) (surprise surpise, i died again.) later, i learned that i may or may not be actually allergic to caffeine?? [still drinks coffee]

anyway, in this story, luhan’s not allergic to caffeine. just think of it as combining luhan’s energy generally + caffeine = double trouble energy. :D hehe and i’m so sorry for the horrible innuendos

He can drink several tons of soju and still be alive and somewhat stable (or maybe too drunk to realize he actually wasn’t)―but one cup of caffeinated coffee would effortlessly knock him into a state where he would lose control of himself―his actions, his words―every aspect of his being, really. The thing was: he had no intention of feeling any kind of euphoric sensation when it came to drinking coffee; although his reactions were somewhat similar to when he would drink alcohol, he still had different perceptions of purpose for both drinks. He had alcohol for the ‘letting loose of all things’ kind of vibe. He only drank coffee for pure business.  

But being hated by coffee was probably the most ironic thing that ever happened in his life. But more on that later.

It was not like he was allergic to caffeine. It was just that he liked staying alert, awake and had his adrenaline pumping―but all of those effects happen more than necessary, more than he could ask for. He was just a simple man. He just wanted to not fall asleep while driving on the road and boring meetings.

His body reacted to caffeine like a leech. It just won’t wear off even if the day was over―resulting him to sleep on the oddest hour of the night, unnecessary energy still stored inside of him until sunlight peeked through his curtains. And he extremely hated the feeling. Suffice to say, he avoided drinking coffee as much as possible. Trust him. He knew he should with all his heart―

And yet here he was, planning to order a cup of brewed coffee in a small, bustling café that played synthetic music and had hearts for couches.

 He was a proclaimed masochist.

However, he had a completely valid reason as to why he loved visiting this particular coffee shop; opting to wait patiently in line, even if he was internally dealing with the annoying person in front of him who definitely took his time deciding which drink he should buy―going from green tea latte to frappuccino (but ended up ordering black coffee anyway.) Here stood Luhan, shuffling his feet as he eyed the beautiful specimen that was ‘Sehun.’ An impure cinnamon roll too bad for this world, too hot: Sehun who took orders with a blinding smile, Sehun who ran his fingers through his hair absent-mindedly or purposely―just to spite his scolding workmates and to make ladies fall for him (marketing strategy); Sehun the type of barista who would listen carefully to every syllable of your name just so he wouldn’t misspell it on your cup, the type that would ask you loads of questions about how you liked your drink without any pressure. He was the living breathing personification of Luhan’s every pint of desire (and wet dreams).

“Hello, Luhan,” Sehun smiled. “The usual or my suggestion for the day?”

Luhan gulped, and even without the caffeine, his heart started to palpitate―except in a very pleasant way. He cleared his throat and reminded himself that he was a cool man. So, as coherent as he could, “Depends on your suggestion,”

Sehun grinned, “Caramel macchiato for today, how about that?”

“Hmm, why?” Luhan raised his eyebrows, and oh god, no Luhan, don’t bite your lip, it will give out too much.

“It’s sweet―perfect for you,” Sehun winked.

I must’ve saved a country in my past life to deserve this. “Oh, is that so?”

Before Sehun could open his mouth to say more, a voice yelled, “Sehun, stop flirting!”

Sehun ignored his manager. “Sorry, did you hear that? I didn’t hear anything.”

Luhan laughed, his cheeks painted red, “No, I didn’t hear anything,”

“Good,” Sehun chuckled, once again ignoring his workmates who were mumbling things like, ‘He’s on it again.’

“One caramel macchiato coming right up,” Sehun said, pressing a few buttons on the screen in front of him. “That will be your number and one date,”

Luhan shook his head and laughed. He raised his fingers to flick Sehun’s nose, “Dummy, you already have my number,”

From the background, he could hear Sehun’s workmates cackle hard, clutching their stomachs while they do so. Luhan couldn’t help but grin at the cute embarrassment that crawled on Sehun’s face.

“And no, just one simple brewed coffee; you know how I like it,”

Sehun sighed. “One decaffeinated brewed coffee coming right up, sir,” He huffed, writing Luhan’s name on a cup with a permanent marker. “You’re no fun,”

“Sorry,” Luhan shrugged. “I don’t like it when my employees flirt with their customers―especially if the said customer is their boss,” Luhan eyed the other baristas and snapped his fingers at them, gesturing them to get back to work, rather scarily. He then turned back to Sehun, “Seriously, caramel macchiato? You can do better than that, babe,”

Sehun looked mildly offended. “So, you don’t like it when I flirt with you?”

“Nah, it’s okay,” Luhan smiled. “Though you’re horrible sometimes,”

“I’m amazing,” Sehun rolled his eyes. “You’re seriously no fun,” He then took the brewed coffee from his other workmate who was on duty with making the drinks for the hour. “And here’s your order. Enjoy,”

“Aw, where’s the energy there?” Luhan teased.

“Enjoy your day, sir.” Sehun said as happily as he could, however, he immediately went back to his resting face as soon as he uttered the last syllable of his effortful greeting.

“Don’t be too sad,” Luhan then leaned in and whispered on Sehun’s ear, “To make it up for you, I’ll even call you ‘daddy’ tonight,”

Sehun then looked satisfied. Grinning suggestively, he said, “Alright! Have an amazing day, Mr. Lu! The sun is smiling down on you!”

 “Okay, I have to go now!” Luhan said, amused. Then quietly, “Love you,”

After he waved Sehun goodbye, he went out of the café, the bell above the door jingling, signaling his exit. He went inside his car that was somewhat expertly parked by the lot. And while he buckled his seatbelt for safety, he silently started grumbling about the business meeting he has to attend later at 5pm.

It was a great idea to visit his boyfriend, really―seeing him dissipated a huge chunk of his stress (and it wasn’t even afternoon yet.) Smiling to himself at least, he took big gulps of the coffee in his hand. While doing so, his eyes caught Sehun’s messy handwriting on the cup. He was surprised that Sehun had written something that wasn’t his name and a cheesy pick-up line. He detached his lips from the rim of the cup, a frown gracing on his features.

The crease between his eyebrows didn’t stay for long.

To my capitalist of a boyfriend,

Since you are no fun, this coffee may or may not be caffeinated. I love you!

It was more of a horrified expression.

Bonus scene:

That one time where Luhan accidentally drank caffeinated coffee + Sehun enjoyed it too much.

“What did I tell you, hmm?” Sehun tsked, shaking his head. “I told you to―”

“To be more careful and not accidentally kill myself with coffee, even if I actually own a coffee shop,” Luhan finished, mainly because he didn’t want to hear the reminder from the latter’s mouth again. Groaning, he buried his face on the comfy, feather filled pillow, mumbling things that came off as gibberish for Sehun.

The graduating university student shook his head once again, putting down his glasses, briefly massaging the sides of his forehead. He closed his huge accounting book loudly and said, “Exactly,”

Luhan then moved on by talking about alien conspiracies suddenly, babbling about how he wished to at least try to live in another planet, and maybe place flags of the logos of his businesses on Mars or Venus. Sehun, somewhat amused, asked him what his favorite planet was, briefly ignoring the formulas he needed to memorize for the sake of his boyfriend’s joy.

“My favorite is Venus, because Venus from Roman mythology is the goddess of love, , beauty and fertility. Love! I love you! ! We do lots of that! Beauty! I’m beautiful! Fertility―”

Sehun raised his eyebrows.

“I can if MPreg was a real thing,”

Sehun sighed, although his expression was fond. “This is why you shouldn’t drink anything that has to do with caffeine,”

“But I was so thirsty,” Luhan sniffed. He then extended his arms for a hug, “Sehun-ahhhhh,” 

Sehun stood up from his study table and went to the bed where Luhan was crying (it seemed like he was.) Luhan flapped his fingers, urging him to get closer―and when Sehun did―Luhan gripped him tightly, wrapping his arms around Sehun’s neck and his legs around his waist, indulging himself with Sehun’s pleasant and alluring scent.

“You know, I kind of like caffeine drunk you,” Sehun confessed. “You wanna know why?”

“Why?” Luhan pouted.

“Stop pouting or else I’ll kiss you,”

Luhan pouted more, looking like a duck, obviously wanting to be kissed even if Sehun made it sound like it was a punishment. Sehun laughed and pressed his lips against Luhan’s. “Anyway, when you’re in this state, you get cheesier and greasier,”

“M’not a cheese burger,” Luhan mumbled.

“I didn’t say you were one, but since I like eating cheeseburgers…”

“Sehun!”

Sehun chuckled and pinched Luhan’s cheeks lightly. “And that’s not all,”

“Hm?”

“You get really talkative. And you seem like you’re at ease, you know. Not stressed for work and all that. It’s really nice to see once in a while―you need to take a break once in awhile,” Sehun brushed Luhan’s eyebrows, kissing his forehead. "I like every kind of you, though,"

“What did I do to deserve you?” Luhan murmured, “I love you,”

“I love you, too,” Sehun replied, his whole fiber dripping with love for Luhan.

“You’ll take a break, alright?” Sehun asked, holding Luhan’s hands against his chest. “Seriously, you’ve never changed since college,”

“Yes, I will take a break; and you didn’t change, too,” Luhan huffed. “You’re still that freshman that is head over heels in love with me,”

“That’s right,” Sehun grinned. “And you’re still that snobbish, tsundere sunbaenim,”

“I’m not a tsundere!*”

“And you know what else I like about caffeine drunk Luhan?”

“What?” Luhan frowned.

“At one point, you tend to ,”

“Sehun!”

*tsundere is a person who is initially cold and even hostile towards another person before gradually showing their warm side over time.