CHAPTER 8 - HEART, EYES AND SOUL

Time flies so fast in Jinyoung’s thought. It’s been 2 weeks already since he lived with Mark. Although he just wanted to check whether Youngjae telling a lie in the first place, but he ended up asking the latter to stay with Mark for awhile instead. It hurt him deeply while seeing Mark can’t help himself now because the older always took care of him and his mom when he was still in Seoul.

“Junior, any idea for dinner?”

Not Park Jinyoung, Mark knows him as Junior, a relative that Youngjae hires for helping his close friend. Jinyoung asked Youngjae not telling the truth because deep down inside his heart, he still wonders how Mark thinks about him.

“What do you want to eat, Mark hyung?” Jinyoung never calls the other ‘Hyung’ before. He’s just the boy and honey-tongued is not one of his well-known habits until Mark came into his life. Jinyoung still remembered when their lips crushed for the first time. The captain boy never thought that one day he would have had a kiss-punishment before in his life.

Jinyoung paints a small smile on his lips when he drives back into the old days. Can’t help imagining how Mark will feel when he knows that, the boy who is calling him ‘Hyung’ right now is the same boy who Mark used to ask him to call the older ‘Hyung’.

“I’m missing Korean food. Can you cook?”

“Not that good.” He sometimes helps mama in the kitchen, but he isn’t confident for the taste if he has to go on his own.

“Fine. Let’s go to a supermarket. I can eat anything.”

Yes, he knows well about that fact. Mark never had a problem with eating. He’d seen it himself many time when the older joined his family’s dinner. Mama loves Mark a lot because of that.

“Okay. I will buy the ingredients. Please wait for me here.”

“Can I come along?”

“Hmm?”

Mark looked hesitate before says it again, “I want to take a walk outside.”

Jinyoung beams widely. “Sure, why not?”

Mark returns a smile and reaches out his hand. Jinyoung warmly locks them tight like the old days.

“Your hand gives me a familiar feeling.”

His heart can’t help beating faster. He blinks his eyes, voice shakes and tears up. “Who is that one?”

“My heart.”

Because Mark doesn’t like to use a crutch, so Jinyoung has to hold their hands and walks slowly. From other’s eyes, Mark still looks absolutely normal. So, can’t help that Jinyoung feels a bit shy when people passing by look at their locked-hands.

They almost get everything they want from a supermarket. Jinyoung pretty sure at least it won’t taste that bad.

“It’s been a while since I took a walk outside.” The older speaks softly, the face looks fresh more than usual. “I don’t want anyone’s pity as a disabled. That’s why I always bury myself in a room. If my friends don’t come to visit then I will never have a chance to go anywhere.”

“Didn’t your previous assistant take you out?” He asks curiously.

Mark shakes his head, “I never had one. I’m kind of cranky and not friendly.”

He lifts his brows, “But you let me live with you,”

“I’m also surprised at myself.” after few seconds he adds, “Your touch feels like the one I mentioned last time. Your smell too. I feel so calm when we are close. Maybe that’s a reason.”

His heart beats faster. Cheeks slightly turn pink. “Can I know her name?”

Mark stops his step. He seems unsatisfied with the question. But the moment Jinyoung opens his mouth to apologize, the low tone snaps out first. “Any bench around here?”

“Yeah.” Jinyoung then takes him to the closest bench and quietly sit beside, waiting for whatever the latter will speak.

“Actually, it’s not her. It’s him.” Mark’s voice sounds soft but firm. “His name is Park Jinyoung.”

To hear his own name once again from the one Jinyoung misses the most shakes his soul and body. He tries to keep calm and let another man tells his story without interrupting.

“Jinyoung was a captain of a college’s football team. Crappy Park was his nickname. I never have known him until one day I accidentally knew my ex’s donated-heart had been transferred to that kid.” A smile never left his lips when a teller starts a tale. “I had been observing him for almost six months. First I thought it’s because of Kyujong still lived in his body. But he was absolutely not her. Crappy Park being a real crappy captain like everyone said, but I loved that he never has given up. If only you can see his face when he cheered up his teammates, you will surely adore him as I do.” Mark pauses, happiness sparkling his eyes.

Jinyoung chuckles, tears up.

Mark never told him about this before. He doesn’t wonder anymore why Mark knew him well.

“My family has a genetic disorder about visual system. My grandfather also lost his eyesight. The doctor said that because of the car accident years ago, I would have been blind within 5 years. That’s why I came to Jinyoung.”

“But, why?”

“It sounded wired, but I wanted to look after them for the last time: both Kyujong and Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung still remembered how rush Mark was. He only thought that he was pretty strange. But now he knows why. Mark was running out of time. Our meeting was like turning an hourglass; while his time was filling up, Mark’s was decreasing.

“That kid must hate me a lot.” He chuckles, “But, I swear, I kept telling myself every day not to go any further. So what, look at me now. I still ended up falling in love with him.”

Although he knew that this love would end anyway, Mark doesn’t refuse that he also wants Jinyoung to love him back as a human who still has defilement. Everyone knows it’s always hard when you have to say goodbye to any relationship in any kind of love that you’ve started. Because at the end of the day, there will always be someone who cast down for it.

Like him,
Like Jinyoung at this moment.

Mark’s words cut him bleeding in somehow, break the wall down and absolutely destroy his strength.

“I can’t stop the time. My condition was getting worse and my doctor needed me to be here. So I came to the football club to say goodbye. I was planned to confess everything but, it was nothing when I had seen Jinyoung crying in front of me. My head’s blank. All I knew was I would have done anything to make him smile again.”

The tears fall down and Jinyoung doesn’t mind to stop it. The younger covers his mouth with his shaken hand. His heart aches. The reasons behind all the questions are killing him softly.

Mark is so mean.
How dare him holds everything on his own shoulder alone after all these years.
And how dare him makes Park Jinyoung fearless falls in love with him again without any condition.

“Jinyoung might have a good life there in Korea. He is lucky enough that he doesn’t feel much.”

The pain attacks him again when he hears that, “Why do you think like that?”

“I’ve heard he just fell in love with someone new - the good one. Our stories were just a summer’s dream. Come and go. Nothing left to remember.”

“Stupid,” He murmurs, knows that he can’t hold himself anymore.

Mark becomes silent before doubtfully asking, “Junior, are you okay?”

Junior is fine but Park Jinyoung is nearly burst out.

“If you never left any print, why would I be here? Mark hyung. You, stupid!” Jinyoung lets go of his sob, ignore all the eyes that lay on them.

“That… Jinyoungie?”

No word leaves his mouth. The younger let Mark’s hands touch his face as the answer. His whole body is shaking from crying too hard.

That when Mark starts to fondle his face slowly. His soft hands leave the warm feeling everywhere he is touched; eyebrows, eyes, nose, cheeks, and lips. Mark sheds all the suffering tear on Jinyoung’s face with his thumbs.

“Do I make you cry again? My bad.”

The Korean boy shakes his head. He must be a fool because he already forgave Mark since the very first second they met. He doesn’t know why. He just finds himself loving that guy unconditionally.

After all these times.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve died every day.” His painful voice firmly tells that. He then asks, “Is this the reason why you fled away?”

“I didn’t want to bring you any trouble. You were about to archive your life’s goal. I wasn’t selfish enough to stop you.”

Jinyoung wants to punch Mark real hard. How can he made his own decision without asking his opinion! If it was Jinyoung in the 5 years back then, he would not hesitate to dump him. But the game has changed now. It’s clear that he can’t live without Mark no matter what.

Mark then suddenly stands up. His voice gets colder than usual, “Go back to where you should have been. I’m asking.”

Jinyoung isn’t from the novel although he somehow finds himself living the dramatic life beyond them all. So, he answers with his full confident voice. “I will.”

Mark takes a deep breath before turning around. Jinyoung quickly gets up and puts his arms around the older’s waist. “But, you have to come with me.” He sobs, “The world without you is unbearable. I forgive you. I forgive you everything. Please just don’t leave me twice. We still love each other, don’t we?”

“Love,” The man stands still then softly removes Jinyoung’s hand, “… sometimes is not enough.”

///////

Jinyoung walks through the corridor until he finds the right door. He knocks it and comes in after Jungsu allowed.

The girl beams at him as always. She absolutely looks wonderful on her wedding dress.

“Jinyoung~” The bride calls him sweetly while walking over here.

“Wow. You are so beautiful today. Who’s that lucky groom?”

Jungsu chuckles, “Regret now?”

“If he is Yugyeom, I will not.” He smiles back then asks, “Are you ready my sister?”

“Can’t be ready enough.”

It sounds ridiculous that they become ending like this. Yugyeom told him that their story had begun on a drunk day. Jungsu wanted to know more about Mark so she asked him out. They were close after that since their lifestyle was almost the same. Yugyeom decided to make a move. And now they are getting married after their five years dating.

Jinyoung claps his hands loudly when he sees two people that he loves are kissing. They swear to love each other until the last day of their lives. Jinyoung can’t help but tears up controllably. He's lately sensitive about love. It might be an influence from dramatic novels he read, Jinyoung guesses.

“Do you want to marry?”

“Me?”

“Yes, pretty boy.”

Jinyoung smiles to the guy who sits next to him. Mark is extra looking-good today and he likes it. “No. I don’t.”

“Why?”

“You are too mean.”

Mark chuckles, sounds happier than ever. “If only mean means love.”

The younger bites his lips to hold his feeling. He whispers something to his ears after the ceremony ended. “Let’s take a walk.”

The air outside the garden is so fresh. Jinyoung explains how the things are around here to Mark as always because the older can’t see anything. They stop right under the big tree which its branch gives them a cool shadow. Mark lies on Jinyoung’s lab and closes his eyes. He is about 30 years old, yet still handsome and even calmer. Jinyoung doesn’t think he will ever find anyone that as good as Mark. Also, the one that he can love as much as his partner.

“Thank you for being my light.”

Mark speaks out of nowhere that makes the listener’s heart beating faster. Jinyoung feels a little bit shy. His cheeks turn pink. And all he can do right now is poking Mark’s nose.

“Can I kiss you?”

The plum lips down to touch the sleeping prince on his labs after hearing it. The soft touch of the butterfly leaves them both a universe feeling. Mark puts Jinyoung’s hand on his chest, the position over his beating heart. A little action that always makes him smile.

Jinyoung now opens a cafe in front of the company that owned by 4-architect friends. They are doing a project about universal design. Mark plays an important role as an adviser and investor. It’s good to see him happy with a job he loves. For Jinyoung, being close to Mark, taking care of him and having a small dog is already enough. It doesn’t devotion to love as many people talk. He already manages himself to live the happiest life. And those are his chosen choices.

One of them is Mark - the guy who always tell that Jinyoung is his heart and eyes.

And those mean the world to him.

END

TALK

Now Jinyoungie is being Mark's heart, eyes, and soul. Complete. I must confess that I don't think I can write it to the end (after 2 almost 3 years of breaking) but YES I DID. Thank you for waiting. I know I'm far away from good at writing thing in english but your comments work magic on me. So I come back. Hope you like it. THANK YOUUUU~ 

AliceJay