CHAPTER 6 - MOVE AND STAY
 

The moment that Yugyeom raises the winner cup of Traditional Football Match is the best thing in Jinyoung’s life. He happily shouts along with other people. His voice sounds husky since he’s been yelling throughout 120 minutes of competition. The university football team which leads under new captain Kim Yugyeom won another team by 4:3 scores. This is the first time in almost ten years that they are the champion.

“Jinyoung hyung! I did it! I ing did it!” Yugyeom nearly screams in tear. The big boy jumps into Jinyoung and embraces him tightly that the older’s about to falls down. The previous captain looks at the bright smile of his brother. It’s as wide as his. Those eyes are also lively shining.

“Good job dude.” He praises before giving him another big hug.

“What’s up Jinyoung!” Coach greets him while he’s walking pass there. The wide grin also paints on his lips.

“Congrats coach! Finally the enigma is destroyed. I don’t know  it’s because the crappy park was not around the field anymore or not.” He teases himself and giggles with his own joke. The old man pats his shoulder amusingly and walks away.

“We’ll have a celebration party tonight. Wanna join?” Yugyeom releases his waist and asks lively. Jinyoung has graduated for two years and Yugyeom is taking his duty after that. The boy knows well that all of his junior members in football team have been practicing very hard until they get what they truly deserve. The more he sees how hard Yugyeom works for the team, the more regret he feels.

The football team is always his pride, this kid as well.

Jinyoung flashes a small smile back and shakes his head, “Sorry Gyeom, I have a friend come with me today.”

“Hm? Who?”

He turns back and waves his hand to one girl behind. She smiles before walking towards to them. That pretty girl dresses well in sports look. She may not has a stunning look, but she’s still lovely in her own way. Jinyoung introduces her to his bro, “This is Jungsu, my friend. And this is Yugyeom, the big bear captain boy.”

Yugyeom squints, “Is she just only your friend?”

Jungsu shyly grins then turns her face to Jinyoung who still stay silent, before she herself answers the question. “Well, we’re friends. By the way, congratulations. Such an amazing game.”

“Oh, thanks.”

They’ve continuously talked for awhile until Jinyoung asked to leave. He takes Jungsu home after their dinner finished. Jungsu still has a pretty smile on her face as always like her own favourite gem.

“Thanks for today. I didn’t know if you were bored.” Jinyoung mutters. Their feet die down before her home. The weather in Seoul is now decreasing for couple degrees from the evening, but Jungsu still wants to extend the time to be with Jinyoung a little more. So, she beautifully smiles back. “Not at all. I really had a good time. It’s me who have to say thank you.”

“Well,” calmly stated Jinyoung, “So, quickly get inside. It’s colder now.”

“Um,” She nodded, but still not moving to anyplace. Jungsu gazes into his eyes, pins him there, before leaning closer until their lips meet. That touch is soft and gentle. Her hands are around his neck. The smells of female perfume diffuse in the air that Jinyoung could sense when he inhales. The latter can’t refuse that everything makes him feel so good,

but he is not kissing her back anyway.

Her body obviously shakes when she drew her lips away. Jinyoung knows too well that it must take all her strength to do a thing like this. They’ve been talking for almost 4 months. However, there’s nothing more than having dinner, watching movies, hold a hand. Anything never ever happened more than those. Moreover, Jinyoung himself never make it clear what is she to him or what kind of relationship they are in. When Yugyeom asked him about their status lately, Jinyoung also knew how much grievous she was. But she just kept it under her grins and concealed everything like didn’t feel anything.

Not demand, not rush - as well as not giving up a hope that one day he would be open his mind again.

“Goodnight,” He murmurs with a little grin, gently places his hand on her head. Jungsu nods, eyes are full of tear, but a smile never leave . She bids him a goodbye before turning to her home. Jinyoung stands there until she already disappears behind a huge door, then calls a taxi to come back home.

When he arrives home, the whole world is all in silent. He sits on his favorite couch in living room, extremely get tired from late night Friday’s traffic. The ex-captain boy sighs and closes his eyes in exhausted. He let himself sinks deep down in the dark that is corroding him both mental and physical ways. Jinyoung knew well what he just has done to Jungsu. He just embeds a bad first kiss memory into her mind. Jungsu is a good girl. She has everything and anything every man on earth would like. But it can’t help that every time he closed his eyes, Mark’s always there; his touch, his voice and his sense are still strongly clear. Seems like that merciless boy never want to let him go even though it’s already 2 years now from that hurtful day.

Mark never contacted him even once after gave a goodbye kissed. And Jinyoung were too sad to run find him after the truth’s revealed. Sometimes. Sometimes, something left unfolded mysteriously seemed to be better than facing with the sorrowful and concealed the truth.

Jinyoung is the brave one. No - he’s absolutely not. He lost all his own self-esteem. Three mouths were the time he spent on pillow-crying. He didn’t even dare to look at his reflection in the mirror, because he’s too scared it’s not him to stare back. As well with that reflection in Mark’s eyes which might never reflect his.

“Kyujong is living in you.”

His heart beats slowly. He hates every blood that runs in his body.
Jinyoung isn't sad because Mark has gone, but he did because Mark has come.

Woof!

Jinyoung comes to his sense again because of Coco. He peers out the dark to a little cage at the corner. The pretty dog’s eyes are still sparkling even in the darkest time. The captain boy sits up from a couch and opens the cage up. Coco gladly runs out in a second she gets an independence. Jinyoung looks at the little puppy that runs around the room and bows happily. He carries Coco up and tries to clam her down, doesn’t want her sharp voice to wakes Mama up, then looks into her eyes. Coco is already 2 years now.

The Maltese gives him a glance. Her determined yet warm eyes remind him to Mark, the one who called himself as a father.

“Where is your daddy? Huh?” Jinyoung murmurs, feel the shake in his own voice. He doesn’t miss Mark a lot lately because there're many things to think about, feel guilty for Jungsu is also one of those excuses. But, when he miss, he really does. Jinyoung never is able to resists whatever that comes flood in his mind. His voice, his sense, his kisses, his warm hands, his embraces. Everything about Mark Tuan seems still real for him. Maybe because of Mark’s heart is still beating inside him, that’s why his feeling always senses much more.

Coco is trying to flee again. She voices out to Jinyoung to puts her down.

“Want to leave me, too?” He asks softly. His eyes are now full of tear that he barely sees anything. Those cherry lips shake while he is asking the next unreachable question, “If I let you go, Will my heart get a freedom too?”

No answer from a little dog. Jinyoung bursts out in tear once again no matter how much tries to hold back. Two year is already too long for aimlessly waiting for someone, yes - deep down inside Jinyoung still hopes that Mark will come back to explain everything. But it looks like his hope will never become true.

He then puts Coco down, watches her disappears in the dark.

Maybe, it’s time he should let go of his hands too.

///////

“Jungsu, Where’s Jinyoung hyung?”

The girl raises her face up from iPad that she is watching this and that when the question is asked. Yugyeom sits down on the chair opposite her side, extremely looks exhausted from a packed transportation tonight.

“On his phone outside. Do you want to order anything? You look really hungry now.” She offers and Yugyeom totally agrees with. Jungsu beams at him and asks for a menu from the waiter.

After a kiss 2 months ago, Jinyoung suddenly asked her to be his girlfriend on next day. She must confess that she’s a bit shocked, but the happiness is much more. Their love life is now fine. Jinyoung is really kind to her that sometimes she’s confused if he conceals anything behind her. His eyes have a thin ice that she still can’t figure it out. She knows he has some secrets, but, as a good mate, she chooses to trust him first.

“When did you come?” Her handsome boyfriend greets his bro at university then sits down beside her. Jinyoung has a very good looking, good manner and always take care of others. Everything that combines to become him is making her falls in love again and again.

“Just now,” Yugyeom plainly replies, “Did a girl call you out? Why did you need to go talking outside?”

“Want another punch?”

Yugyeom snickers when his joke works again. Jungsu gives a small smile, but can’t deny that she thinks the same as what another boy just said. This is the first time Jinyoung avoid talking on the phone in front of her. Is there anything important?

Jungsu glares at a side of Jinyoung’s face. Her boyfriend still happily grin while talking to Yugyeom, but his eyes are clouded by something serious. She’s been secretly looking at these eyes for so long. It’s not hard for her to tell something bad is just happening,
but what is it?

The dinner is not fun as all expects. Jinyoung is too quite and Jungsu is still diffident with his friend. Since there’s no Jinyoung to connect the conversation, three of them end up at eat and drink silently. Until Yugyeom bottoms up his Soju glass and puts it down too hard, the junior then starts revealing what’s in his mind.

“Jinyoung hyung. Do you know how guilty I am to you? I always feel regret of what I’ve done.” Drunken Yugyeom painfully states and then crying out like a little child, “I’m a true . If I didn’t send our chat to Bambam that time, you wouldn’t have been in trouble like this.”

Jinyoung doesn’t respond anything. He’s a bit drunk but as much as another boy. Jungsu knows that this is a serious topic because Jinyoung’s eyes are teary now. Maybe a bad thing happened between them before she comes.

Yugyeom continues his speech, “You have no idea how glad I was when I knew you and Mark hyung seemed to get along well. Because that meant my fault would be reduced. And then that bastard —” BANG! the drunken guy hit a table hard then scoffs, “— GONE! How did he dare do this to you? Didn’t he know suffer you were? If only I saw his face again, I would—”

“Enough,” Jinyoung stops Yugyeom from saying, voice sharp. His beautiful eyes are deadly painful, “Bacause he will never come back.”

Yugyeom presses his lips and swipes his tear away, “I’m sorry,”

“It’s not your fault, let’s stop talking about this .” Jinyoung cut off and drinks his soju in his hand again. He doesn’t even mind to look at Jungsu who stay shocked at her chair, like he shuts down everything and get lost in his own world.

Her heart is beating real fast.  A few bottoms of Soju can explain everything she wants to know. She never heard about Mark. But she knows he must be important for Jinyoung since the strongest person she has ever met immediately looks weak. The sorrow cloud slowly yet deeply embraces Jinyoung and tears him apart.

“Jinyoung,”

Another voice raises up from behind, Jungsu turns her head to the new comer. That one is a thin guy with a cute face, but his eyes look serious as same as Jinyoung’s. There’s another guy beside him; the tall one with small eyes. Something in her mind warns that the storm is coming soon.

“Why did you hang up?” The tall guy scoffs.

“Hey, J-ing-B! and Hi there Youngjae hyung,” Said Jinyoung, “Sit down and have a drink.”

“You’re already drunk Jin,” JB snatches a glass in Jinyoung’s hand away. The latter gives him a dead glance before grabbing Yugyeom’s instead. JB curses loudly and stop him again. “Enough! Stop drinking and have a talk!”

“No! Nothing to talk with you guys!”

“You can’t run and hide from the truth forever.”

“Who’s that who run and hide!? Stop whatever you’re trying to say. I’m begging as a friend. Don’t let me hate you, JB.” He stands up from his seat, but it’s Youngjae who blocks his way by kneeling down. JB swears again when he sees that.

What’s happening now?

“Get up now! Why you gotta do this much!”

“I can do everything for my friend!” Youngjae ignores JB’s furious eyes and turns to Jinyoung’s direction. The atmosphere is getting serious more and more.

“Hyung, please don’t do this.” Jinyoung pleads.

“Please go to London with me.”

Jinyoung presses his lips hard then slowly shakes his head, “You know that I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I - I already have someone.” It’s the first time that Jungsu feels she’s still in the conversation.

“But Mark needs you,”

Mark again.
This name makes Jungsu can’t breathe.

“If he really needs me then why he won’t come here? Where has he been doing for two ing years?” Jinyoung asks, voice is full of pain. Jungsu doesn’t know anything about Jinyoung and Mark, but she can assume that her lover is still madly in love with that one or never stop loving him even once. Jinyoung’s heart says yes, his mouth says no, but his eyes are still hesitating. Like he’s in a space between love and hate. Jungsu prays that he has enough hate to refuse a favour.

Youngjae then looks sadder when he starts speaking again, “Mark has a reason to go.”

“What’s that?” Yugyeom asks for the first time.

Youngjae gazes at Jinyoung before telling something that completely hook everyone down.

And Jungsu already knows a time between Jinyoung and her is over now.

TBC.

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