Hyoyeon POV

It’s done. Today schedules really done. I never though practicing rumba dance can be this tired and take out my soul. Or maybe I have a little jetlag? Oh right. I went straight to practice after back from LA. Hoel. But I already did it over and over, why today different? Concert not a tired thing to do Hyoyeon! What happen to you?! What Am I write right now! Ok. I won’t write many thing now. I’ll think about it now. Hahaha I do much thinking lately after last year. Sooo ... I will start thinking abaou what really happen to me. But I want to write it down in you, Diary. Ottoke? Am I will write long story in here? ... Call!! Lets think and write. Start !

I’ll start with SMTOWN Concert in LA. Truthfully, I feel a distance between me and other SMTOWN Family. I don’t know why, but I start to not believe they. But how can they make a distance first before me who start to not believe them?! Although I have interaction with some member in ending stage, I can’t feel the same like before. Eunhyuk oppa ... something is wrong. Seems like he hide something from me. I don’t know what but I feel strange. Gulilty? Me? Well... I not tell he about my realtionship because he didn’t ask me after my confession in Strong Heart last year. Am I wrong not tell he? Or are he know already? And because of that he act strange to me? Aarrgghh I really don’t know what happen with he. I can’t feel old Eunhyuk oppa anymore.

Really. I want to tell he about my realtionship, but how will he react when my boyfriend have a couple rumor with other girl. Not other girl I think, A LADY. He is too protective to me for a boy thing. I cant tell he and showing my depressed feeling. Not just Eunhyuk oppa, but member also didn’t know about this right. I am not yet tell them. They just know I close with that Jay. It will be stanger if I say I have realtionship with other man when they just know I only close to Jay. Ottoke? What must I do? I really tired lie about this to them everytime I want to go out with he. Lie about this, lie about that, lie about other thing too ... I lie too much to them. Are this is why I keep getting tired quickly? Ehm, maybe yes ..

I can’t get over this feeling. I can’t!!! I have dance competion to do. Why I think other thing? I must concentration for my rumba. I must do sensual dance ... OMG this big thing always come. Y. Mark it as a dance you must learn more Kim Hyoyeon! Last week getting 1st place for tango dance and next one I must do sensual dance?! Rumba?! I get stress for this. Am I able to win again? No! Absolutely no! Sensual is new and you can’t do this Kim Hyoyeon. The show just in next day but i feel so nervous now. I miss my boy. What a random. Ahahaha He always call me before the show day. Why he not calling yet? Are he in Korea or not? Yah! Call me! I nervous like crazy >.< miss you boy ~~

WOW I write soo long diary today right My Ry? Ehehehe I feel soo much free now. My mind in ease again after pour it down in you. I think I can have a good sleep for tired day today right? Thank you Ry. I will come again after the show day. Ahahaha

Good night

01.17 AM

“Huah, already ­morning. I must sleep for tomorrow. But why he not call me today? Are he dont know how much I miss he? OMG Hyo. Just sleep. Don’t think about he. Maybe he busy right now. I must keep my diary first and go sleep.”

I take my diary book, put it in my desk