I opened the door to my second home and the petit young woman in the cashier immediately greets me. I eye-smiled at her unfailingly warm welcome. Without exchanging any words, I sit in my usual spot deep inside the café, right beside the glass with the beach behind it.

It was not easy to come to this place. To every public place. This is the price of being famous.

It probably is everyone’s dream to be famous. Especially someone whom the whole nation knows. Someone who is stamped with the “member of the nation’s girl group” label. Or me. The sister of the so-called Barbie doll.

It truly is a fascinating thing to be famous without making any effort. And I craved for it. With that dream and popularity before debut, I made it as one of the well-known actress. That’s right. It’s me, Jung Krystal the Top Actress.

People around me despise me, saying that I am only famous for my face, that I have no ability and skills. Those people who are less popular than me, of course. But those are no threats for me. They will disappear sooner or later anyways. My sister’s not-so-secret boyfriend is the head of the most reliable celebrity news company. Power is an easy thing to get with these genes.

Well, that was the past me anyways. The Krystal Jung who was blinded with power and fame. She is now gone. There is no more the self-claimed Top Actress. It’s just me now. Jung Soojung. The “Flowering Crystal”.

I sometimes am still not as how I expect myself to be, and numerous of people still detest me. But I’m sure hard work will pay off. Just like this café’s current owner.

I first came here by accident. The fifteen year-old me who was experiencing a celebrity-level stalking. Being a scared teenager, I flee and somehow ended up in this place.

The very same short-haired woman in the cashier just now was also the one who welcomed and protected me at that time.  Except she used to have longer hair before. She used to be the child of the shop’s owner –until her father retired last year.

She never changed since then. Still very warm and friendly. Not to mention her impartial kindness to anyone. Her hardworking personality, however, is something I have always respect about. Coming from a musical background, she is bound to do something related to it. Yet the talent everybody else posses in the Park family is not in her blood. Disappointment and tolerance appeared in the family, which provoked the young girl to do her best instead.

And now? The multitalented singer, Park Sunyoung. She sings and dances. And not just adequately, she does it with a degree of excellence. She is not a celebrity though, as she does not perform in front of the camera. I am thankful for that fact because she does not deserve all the stalking and anonymous critics from butthurt people.

I sighed and shift my body as I realized that I have been staring at the sea in an uncomfortable position the whole time being.

“The coffee will be cold soon if you continue staring.”

I tried to hid my surprised reaction and look at the source of the voice sitting across me. Sunyoung was staring at the sea with a playful smile as she turned to me.

“Since when are you here?”

“Since you started dozing off, I think?” She puts down her mug, “You look deep in your thoughts.”

I took a sip of my favorite Americano before I asked, “How can you not be tired?”

Sunyoung looked startled as she stays quiet for a while. “What?”

At this moment I felt like I was saying something wrong. I ignored the feeling and kept going. “You always kept working hard, threw your dreams, live to people’s expectations and all that. I don’t get it! Why? How? You should’ve followed your own dreams! You know you are allowed to do it. No one is opposed to it in the first place!–”

Mixed feelings of anger and understanding flowed through Sunyoung, which went unnoticed by the naïve Soojung who still continues blabbering. That’s right. She might seem and act maturely most of the times, but she still has that 20-year-old mindset which radiates the innocent and ignorant aura. Especially when she has a bad mood. Her past character she is trying to erase will start to reappear. For example, right at this moment. She would pour and try to build a wall by going off tangent on what she is trying to say and being selfish in doing it. And Sunyoung would be able to guess on what the younger is trying to say.

The shorthaired girl knew about this, but Soojung just hit on the right spot about the reason she chose to go with her family’s undemand expectations. And that silenced her; for the unbelievable ignorance the ex-actress is showing.

The older girl rises up her seat and stared at me. I stopped my prattling as soon as I saw the water of her face. She then left the table as I heard a sniff. Silence followed soon after I slumped myself against the chair in realization. Never have I seen her like this before. All sorts of blame and cowardice stumbled upon me. And I ran out of the shop and drove off.

And I thought I have changed.