Honestly, I started those stories over a year ago. Back then I was in a different place. I wanted different things, liked different things, wrote in a different way. I had different motivations and reasons for writing to begin with. When I came back here to finish those stories, reading them felt like I was reading someone else's stories. That's how much I had changed. They were still good stories to me but I had lost my connection to them.

So I spent the last 6 months or so writing other stories, trying to prove to myself that I could finish my stories. And I could. I finished plenty of stories. Some I posted here, some I didn't. So why couldn't I finish those two? What I found is that I just write differently now. Probably because I think very differently now. I didn't know how to finish those stories in light of that. It would seem like everything changed when I started writing new chapters. Like two stories instead of one. That wouldn't be good.

Today I figured out that I could still finish those stories, but I'd just have to start at the beginning and rewrite them the way that I write now and use the feelings and interests that I have now. Some things about the stories will change, some things won't, but overall it will still be a good thing because I'll have the joy of finally seeing my visions for those stories finished. 

I don't know how long it will take, but I'll start today.

I probably won't rewrite any/much of 7 kisses because honestly that story is almost done. I just need to change all the names again and start posting it, which I have been procrastinating on big time. But Dark Prince had me stuck when it came time to writing the last third of the story because I hadn't planned out properly what to do. Back then the way I wrote was just to write whatever felt/seemed good and hope it fit. I didn't have a specific plot technique like I do now.

That's why I would bug people so much for comments and validation and feedback so crazily and get so upset when I didn't get them. I wanted - no needed - to know if what I had written was "right" or "good enough" for the story and I looked to other people to give me that. I now know I need only look within. The only way to get that assurance is to plan the story all out beforehand. Then you don't need comments, subs, upvotes to tell you how to write the story. You simply decide that ahead of time.

All this time it was really that simple.

So....Now I am going to sit down and plan the whole story and ending out. Properly this time. The way I want it done. Then I should be able to carry on and execute my ending.

Also, sorry for removing all my friends and leaving for like a month. I feel like I've had so many ups and downs during my time here that it has pissed a lot of people off and made them either dislike me or feel entirely wary of me. It would simply be impossible for me to have friends on this site anymore.

And I don't ever get adequate support of my stories anymore. People read my stories but they don't comment or upvote. They only subscribe because I have it set so they have to, otherwise they wouldn't even do that much. I'd just have a bunch of ghost readers. They feel like showing any type of support is too big of a "favor" to someone like me. It's just a good thing I don't need support from others anymore. I can be starved to the brink and still survive. That's one of the things I'm best at.

And, hey, it's not like I don't understand.

I went through a very hard time during 2013-2014. They were the hardest years of my life. I wasn't physically or emotionally well most of that time. I struggled a lot with who I am, feelings of sadness and regret, and confusion as to how to get anything done in this world. During that I burned a lot of bridges and sowed some ill will. But you knowwhat? I've finally come through to the other side of my biggest difficulties. I've found the answers to all of my questions. And with great effort I have even learned how to understand and get along with others.

(I don't expect you to believe me or care, I'm just saying.)

New me is doing pretty well with writing, emotions, and getting along with people. I go around and meet new people who only know the new me (who is positive, makes a lot more sense, and is generally more agreeable and reliable than old me). And it's good. There's no history of old slights that I have to deal with. There are no incorrect or no longer valid labels of who I am as a person or a writer that I have to be burdened by or live under. There are just people who like me and I like them. It's nice and honestly, it's a real relief.

But I will still keep this account to finish all my stories.

Anyway, Merry Christmas everybody!

And look out for those updates. They'll be coming as soon as I can get them off the ground.

xoxoxox

- Mena