hahaha hai guys, this is soymilk149 now writing about my feelings about the whole "luhan leaving exo controversy" and my feelings regarding the future of xiuhan.

just a warning though: i'll get a little heart to heart in this text post

so if you don't want to read me getting a little sad and little teary-eyed then ya'll dont have ta read.

well well well

this just hits a little close to home because i actually discovered exo in their pioneer days ( i was certainly hooked after i saw teaser 11 with xiumin and kai) and from that point on, i grew a steady interest for them (especially xiumin and chen)

there was really no 'otp' that i shipped at first, i was new to the group and the group was new to me. however, when they made their debut, i was estatic because i loved their mini album and i loved their single "mama" so immediately after, i made that fic "dilemma" a long time ago, i paired up random people with each other according to my taste:

that krischen, baeksoo, xiutaohan, kailay phase. L O L

but you know what, after seeing all these tumblr posts and scavenging every and any exo-m interviews (even though i'm korean, i was exo-m biased); i saw a lot of subtle or even painfully obvious xiuhan moments.

for instance: that "baozi" "golden bun" "dumpling" that luhan made up whenever he mentioned xiumin.

or those airport pictures where luhan would protect xiumin from the raging crowds

or that cpr picture they did at happy camp

or that one fansign exo m first did in korea (holy they looked so cute i swear to god)

and especially the way luhan stared at xiumin; with intense adoration...

i you not, all the above can be taken for fan service and whatnot, but if you really look at those pictures of xiuhan... luhan just looks so fond of xiumin... there's that sincere love for him (not necessarily romantic, but somewhere along the lines of gentle affection? idk it just seemed that luhan really cared for xiumin and generally liked him)

before i knew it, my first exo otp became xiuhan. it was a small, unknown ship at first (with the main exo otps being: baekyeol, kaisoo, taoris, krisyeol, hunhan), but then it suddenly got so much attention once other poeple started to notice how protective, caring, and THIRSTY luhan became for xiumin LOL

and it was really nice, as a pioneer shipper myself; it felt so great to have your own otp (which wasn't that known in the first place) be in the spotlight and garner much attention. because finally, i had some people who had the same interests as me and i was able to talk to freely and spazz about the very essence of xiuhan.

xiuhan was my ultimate otp, something i could always write fanfic about, and scream over.

but then 2014 happens and then kris leaves, baek + tae start some dating scandal , and then now... i hear news about luhan finally leaving exo.

it all hit me hard, the last one especially because i frickin' treasured luhan. (not that he was my bias or anything but i still generally really liked him)

just then i began to realize that without luhan, there would be no more xiuhan moments (yes yes yes of course people are going to bring up some bull answer about how they would exist in our hearts... but in reality, luhan is gone for good which means goodbye future xiuhan moments)
 

there is obviously going to be a decrease in xiuhan attention with the absense of luhan and basically, as time passes on its going to be a dead, seriously inactive ship because luhan is no longer active in exo.

xiuhan was really the only ship i can call my "otp" .....my one true pairing.

because i thought they were very compatiable with each other, and they had so many cute moments together. but not only that, i was seriously with xiuhan eversince their beginning to end and i really adored this pairing from the bottom of my heart. even through all the weird, hilarious fanwars, exo scandals, the dark, unpopular days, and so forth.

i was able to see how bigger the xiuhan fanbase became with newer fanfics and newer shippers all estatic about one certain pairing

i witnessed a lot of things and experience many emotions being part of the xiuhan armada, and although it was a little hard in the beginning; i seriously do not regret stanning these two.

i don't regret staying up late to update my fanfics about them, i dont regret spazzing and crying over them, i dont regret browsing the internet and wasting my time looking at their interactions and fan edits, and i seriously do not regret meeting the coolest people here on aff who all stanned the same ship as i

these were all such a good experiences for me, and surprisingly it helped me go through a lot of hard times in my life and make me grow into a better person.

people may think im overreacting and all that jazz, but seriously... through xiuhan and the friends i made here... it helped me so much and i am so grateful to everyone.

i totally accept luhan's decision to leave exo, because of all the huge health problems and reduction of opportunities, i supported kris and i will support you too! i hope you well in your future endeavors and i hope you become happy, healthy, and bangin' rich and successful in the future.

thank you for believing in your members, having faith in them, and taking good care of them. you are such a good and considerate hyung, i legit respect you.

thank you for doting and loving the da ge unconditionally.

and thank you for your time in exo.

you'll be missed  my good man.

ahhh man, it makes me sad to say this... but

"all good things must come to an end"

it was really good and quite the experiece with the time i spent shipping the most cutest, greatest, most lovable otp of all times.

it was really great while it lasted. and i thank the aff community, xiuhan shippers and xiuhan themselves.

i love you guys all so dearly, and i will hold you guys dear in my hearts.