Hey guiise!! So I got this review for my Kai fic- WILL YOU BE MY TRUE LOVE? . Um I'm not a very good writer but I'm gonna follow these instructions and improve!! ⌒.⌒ The reveiw's not bad though eh? ^•^

001. TITLE (4/5): For starters, I wasn't immediately lured into your title. I thought it was slightly too simple. I won't judge you based on how many times the same title has been used since sometimes its inevitable not to :), but I have to say, that after actually reading the story, I found it perfect for it. It suits both Kai and Jay's situation, so nice job!

002. GRAPHICS AND APPEARANCE (7/10): Okay, now on this one I won't point mean fingers at you specifically, but the poster is ...alright. I mean, its pretty and has a romantic feel, I love the OC's expression aa I have never seen that pic before, but I found it odd that Kai is almost to the corner of the poster and in dim light. HOWEVER, I kind of understand if the plot sort of gives him reason to be like that, but if he is also the main character, he should also get some spotlight, y'know? On the overall appearance, I think it needs slightly more work. For example, I think that it would attract more a reader if you placed different fonts on the description and maybe italic some important words. This will help the reader become attracted to the story more :)

003. DESCRIPTION AND FORWARD (14/15): Okay, I read on one chapter that you changed the description up a little and that is good. I mean, its important that the reader gets giddy to hit that "subscribe" button right? However, I think that the description is a little too long. Don't overdo it with so many things about Jay and Kai's love. Make the readers feel that strong love of Kai and Jay by reading it. Though, I LOVED the way you worded about them parting ways since not everything comes out the way you want. It was beautifully written so nice on that. Just don't add so many "enters" between three letter long sentences because for some readers, they won't like such a long description. As said before, I also recommend using different fonts and using italic on some important key words or bolding some to make it pretty and alluring. Trust me, a lot of times readers DO judge a story by its appearance. If you notice, the ones that get featured are the ones with lovely description and appearance. Consider it, kay? :)

004. CHARACTERIZATION (16/20): On this one, I might be more demanding, why? Because I find the characters missing life. Lets start with Kai. You do let a bit of information about him in the description but other than that, I don't know much about his personality. I do know that he enjoys dancing and he really cares for Jay, but I seriously think that you should add more life qualities to him. Also, develop him and his motives. I looked at the comments and saw that not a lot of people like him. I honestly think that it makes the story better if you could bring more to the readers liking. Just a suggestion considering he IS the male lead, right?

Also, Jay. Honestly, I have a hard time deciding to like her or not. She sort of has this bipolar mood swings that drives me nuts. She expresses her emotions very exaggerated and it kind of pushes me away from liking her. At times she also sounds kind of whiny. Try to bring her explosion of feelings down a little. Just like you are doing now of your latest updates. :)

I have to ask, why is she nicknamed "Jay?" Is there a reason? That could be something that talks about her personality well! You should include details like that. Even that is helpful into understanding them better. Besides, adding more to them makes them likeable and readers can connect. But as of right now, myself can't be connected to either of them because they lack qualities that make them a human being. Try something like this for EXAMPLE: "Jay remained on the shore not touching the waters of the sea. When she was younger....(blah blah) but it didn't stop her from enjoying herself watching the silly men splashing the waves. Jay always tried to find the fun on these simple things. She treasured them...." and so on. See what I mean? :) Add more things to them so the reader understands them better. The only one I found interesting was Luhan. Just by reading what he says is enough to understand how he is. Try that with your other characters as well.

006. GRAMMAR AND WRITING STYLE (13/15): On the grammar, nothing too bad. A couple of typos here and there. Dont use a comma after someone says something. Its not needed.

EXAMPLE: " I love you." Jay said. Instead of " I love you." , Jay said.

Also, use more description. Dont just bluntly write out the events. Write what the character feels: smell, taste, see, touch, hear.

Like the beach scene. How was the beach? What did it smell like? How big were the waves? Was the beach water clean or dirty or in between? Was the sand soft? Things like that.

Hospital scene: was there sounds of machines humming in silence? Did it have a cold plastic feel? Was the hospital comfortable for Kai or he couldn't wait to get out. Things like this makes the reader want to to continue reading.

Also make spaces between dialogues. If they are together, it makes the story somewhat confusing to understand.

Can I just point out that the scene was freaking brilliant?! I loved the way it turned out to be a different girl. You totally surprised me there! See?! You have the talent to wow a reader. Just need to break it lose!

A few tips in writing steamy scenes: you don't have to, but its a suggestion; if any scene is coming up between Jay and Kai or a kissing scene, let yourself become that girl and let your feelings pour out to give it a realistic feel that the reader melts while reading. If you know what I mean. *blushes*

007. PLOT (18/20): I currently think that this is one plot different from any ones that I have read so far. So good job on that! My problem is that there are certain loop holes. For example, what happened with Jay's brief lover/friend? Did he just disappear after Jay ran off? What was the background of Kai and his girlfriend? There are people in the lives of Kai and Jay that easy come easy go. It sort of confuses the reader and it makes these small characters useless. Make sure that everyone that is involved with Jay and Kai help them for the worse or the better. Don't just add a random character and then never mention them again, kay? ^^ Make the story with more background!

008. FLOW (13/15): I'm so so so sorry, but the story jumps very fast in the beginning. Make the flashbacks of Kai and Jay's deeper. Don't just write a paragraph and then move to another time frame. Also, like I said before, add more description. Dont just make things happen. The story shouldn't have so many short and brief things. The events should've had more deeper meaning. Like, make it longer so that the reader feels like they have been seeing Jay and Kai together since they have worn diapers! Then they could get a huge impact when suddenly Jay drifts apart from Kai. Including, more descriptive detail add spice and something nice. You have the potential and strength, you just need to learn how to use it, dear! However, I am starting to see a little slowed down and easeful pace lately on your latest updates, so good job!

TOTAL: 85/100

REVIEWER COMMENT:

Please, don't be disheartened by me! I mean no harm to your ideas, because they are honestly well done! In overall enjoyment, I found it good to read and want to stay subscribed to your story :) I think you have the talents to wow a reader, just lack depth. Make sure that the reader can see MORE than they can already can, y'know? I also give you special credit for having so many readers that comment constantly and enjoy your story. I also like how you express your appreciation to your readers on the author's notes. Some other authors say to comment but don't seem to appreciate it to your level. That is well of you. Another thing I liked was that you used Kris as the other person in the love triangle. HE WAS THE LAST ON MY LIST, but you bring him out and that is U-NIQUE! Like I said, you have talent! You have it! Just bring it out!

Remember to credit the shop and stuff~ I look forward to continue reading your story.

Sorry if its long! I dont mean it to be ^.~ ~Stay sweet!

THANKYOU CYANIDE REVIEW SHOP!! ❤

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/833167/11/cyanide-review-shop-ft-b-a-p-busy-not-accepting-requests-graphic-review-exo-shop-bap-reviewshop

Here is the link to the story should you wish to check it out :)

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/832130/will-you-be-my-true-love-angst-romance-exo-kai-kimjongin-kaixoc