My heart constricted in my chest, the pain unbarable, as I laid in my mothers' arms. 

"Why?" I asked, my face burrowed into her neck. "Why does it have to hurt so much?"

Sobs wrecked my body, breathing long forgotten, as I began hyper ventilating, no longer in control of my lungs.

The emptiness, the loneliness, the helplessness I felt.

I breathed in gulps of air, that felt like I was suffocating myself, trying to calm down. 

My eye burned, I couldn't breath through my nose, tears streaming down my face into her shirt. 

It hurt.

It hurt more than ever.

Why does loss hurt?

Why does loosing a loved one have such a great impact on our lives?

Why do we feel like it's the end of the world?

I miss him...

I miss him more than ever....

I need him....

But he is no longer here...

My papa....my daddy....my everything....

"Why?" I asked again, begging for an answer. "Why does it have to hurt so much?" 

My mother lays her head against mine, pressing a soft kiss against my tear stained cheeks. 

"I don't know, sweet pea," she whispers, rubbing my back to calm me down, yet it does not help. 

"I don't know."