So lately my mom and I have been getting into these fights (nothing new) but she keeps telling me that I have this attitude. Like I'm negative towards everything; my family, work, and church. Her exact words were "You used to be so sweet and kind." Honestly I don't understand what she's talking about....like seriously she keeps telling me everyone in my family inculding my grandmother have noticed it. And then she tells me even people at work have. Now I'm all paranoid that people are talking behind my back at work. I want to know who she's talking about but she wouldn't tell me. I worry too much about what other people think and it's a problem and she knows that...I just don't understand... I feel like I'm going to be trapped in this house, in this little town forever. I'm scared to move out and live on my own because honestly I don't want to be alone...Even getting an apartment or whatever with a friend sounds great but when I'm home alone, thinking about it, it seriously terrifies me. I don't understand why. My mom says I should cut ties with those supposed friends that caused me a lot of grief (and still are) last year. I juts don't know how to stop being friends with someone...like I've known those friends for over half my life and I just don't know if I can let go so easily... I probably need to because they cause me a lot of issues no matter if they talk to me or not... *sigh* I seriously think I need to get back into meditation...I feel like I've lost my center and I'm just sort of stumbling through life now... Like seriously I don't get excited about things like I used to... I feel sort of depressed and dull anymore...I mean when I hang out with my friends it's not like that...but that only last for a day...by the time I come back home I feel drained and dull again. Something's missing...I've lost something amidst everything last year...I don't know what...and I don't know how to get it back...but I guess I'm going to have to try and figure it out because if I don't I'm afraid I'm going to run everyone off with the negativity that my mom apperantly sees in me.