Bad Girl - [Review] by justme8986

Title: 2/5

The title wasn’t that captivating. I wasn’t expecting me to have interest in this story. A lot of AFF authors have similar titles. I thought it was going to be another clichés story. Maybe you should change your title into something more interesting and different so it can pull more readers in.

Originality: 18/20

Even though I think the werewolf theme is overdone, the story is different. I like how you incorporate two different kingdoms living harmoniously together. I also like how you put the west kingdom as Exo-M and the east kingdom as Exo-K. I do feel I can kind of predict the ending already.

Description/Foreword: 15/15

I had no problems with the description or the foreword. The description drew me. I actually became excited to read the story. You provided enough information in the foreword. For the people like me who still don’t know all of EXO powers, the foreword was very helpful.

Grammar: 13/15

I saw a few grammar mistakes here and there, but nothing thing too bad. I can overlook it. Your grammar is good. Good job!

Characterization: 20/20

Good job on developing the characters. I can imagine some of the EXO fitting the role of your story perfectly. You also did good job in developing the OC’s personality.

Flow: 12/20

The flow of the story was a little choppy. There were times when you had people speaking, but I was confused on who was speaking. You had some of the dialogue bunch up together or the dialogue was hard to follow. For example:

“Let me go!” Chanyeol resisted and focused the heat to his arm. “Ow! Ow! Ow! What was that for?” Xiumin jumped, releasing his grip. “Hyung, you’re just taking a chance to freeze me again, aren’t you?”

This wasn’t bad, but I was confused. Was that Chanyeol who was speaking the whole time? You could have done it likes this:

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Let me go!" screamed Chanyeol as he focused on the heat on his arm

Xiumin jumped and release his gripped.

"Hyung, you’re just taking a chance to freeze me again?" asked Chanyeol

When you are changing POV, I was confused at times. I know that you let people know that you are changing POV by the big space between the two paragraphs, but when I started reading the story, I didn’t know that. There also time where you didn’t change POV, but you had a big space between the two paragraphs.

When big events happen in the story, it would be better if you went into more detail and be more descriptive. I understand you want to get the POV of all the characters, but I think you changing the POV so much make the story a little chop. Go in detail of the characters thought, action, and situation before changing the POV.

I also think the story would be better if you made the setting more historical. It will fit the feel of the story better. When I see sword fighting in stories, the story setting is usually before the 18^th century. Your characters in the story are using pens instead of quills and a lighter instead of making their own fire, yet they are still using swords? It doesn’t make any sense to me.

Lastly, I do feel the story is being rush. Take your time. I was caught off guard when Kris and Baekhyun believe they were in love with Dahye, but they only talked to her a few times.

Enjoyment: 4/5

I like the story. I really enjoy reading it. At times, I got immerse into the storyline. Good job!

AsianFanfics

Bad Girl - [Review] by justme8986

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