You're probably all wondering why I'm posting something like this. Well, to put it simply, it's as if I've come to an epiphany. I've finally realized what it really means to be a fan. I kind of wrote this with Sunggyu in mind.

Feel free to spread this around if you like because I'm pretty sure everyone will feel the same way after reading this.

"Being a fan, what does it mean? Most people think it means being devoted to your favorite idol/celebrity. But what does it truly mean? I've thought about this for a long time and there is no right or wrong answer because everyone's interpretations are different, but here's what I personally believe being a fan truly means.

It means that you're willing to go through so many different emotions for your idol. So many, in fact, that you've discovered emotions you didn't even know a human being could have. Being a fan means you have to deal with all the bullsh*t that other fandoms put you through. You have to endure all of the rumors, scandals, lies, hardships, letdowns, and tears that many of your idols go through. The good news is that you also get to experience all the triumphs, tears of happiness, and success your idols experience as well. 

Being a fan can be painful and sometimes you wonder to yourself, "Why am I even doing this?" The answer to that comes whenever your favorite group or your bias smiles/cries because they won 1st place on a music program, or when they announce they're going on a world tour and they're coming to your country. The answer is simple; because you as a fan, CARE.

Some people call us delusional because we have all these fantasies about being in a relationship with our idols and we hope that one day, we'll be able to call them our husbands. Go ahead and let them call you delusional, because you know what? It's not against any law to dream and to have an imagination. If you take it to the next level, whereas you actually become obsessed (i.e sasaeng fans), then yes, I will call you crazy and you deserve to be shunned out of the Kpop community because idols are humans too. They need their privacy.

For me personally, I know that I'll never be in a relationship with my bias or get married, but it's just nice to dream and it's what lets some of our lives seem brighter. I don't have a bad life, I actually have a great life with a wonderful family that loves me, but it's nice to escape reality once in awhile and pretend that my bias is my boyfriend or that we are married or something to that effect. I know though that none of this will ever happen and I'm okay with that.

I just want him to know that I will support him and his decisions, whatever they may be. I would love for him to notice me, but I would not go to the extreme lengths that some fans do to get their idols to notice them. I respect their personal space, even if I want to run up and hug them if I ever did get to see them up close. I have enough respect for both myself and my idol to not do something stupid that'll make me look like a crazy fan.

It may seem like sometimes, I want my bias to love me as a man loves a woman, but in reality, I would just love it if he loves me as an idol loves a fan. That's really all any of us wants is to be loved by our idols. That's why whenever one of them does something that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside (i.e Woohyun calling INSPIRITS his girlfriends), it makes us feel good to know that they're thinking about us and they love us just as much as we love them.

To sum it up, basically being a fan means push and pull. Being able to get on that roller coaster ride called "Kpop", taking a seat, and enjoying the endless ride, because we all know that once you get on that ride, it's going to continue on for a very long time. You will never be able to get off of it. But, who really wants to? Being a fan of Kpop may have it's ups and downs and sometimes it just annoys you because of all the netizens, sasaeng fans, haters, and fandom conflicts, but at the end of the day, after you get through all of that, you can proudly say you're a Kpop fan."

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know it's boring, but I just had to get my feelings out. ^^