Now playing: EXO's cover of

Journey's "Open Arms"

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Hey guise~!

I see that some of you have already begun a new school year. New challenges. Another batch of tears, blood and sweat to be shed. Everything will be made anew. Memories. Regret. Guilt. All that gist will be yet again experienced. The encounter of love. The bonding of couples will yet again be nudged towards us single ladies. ;) Another whole load of advices will be yet again given to those heartbroken souls. Well, I basically had an epiphany of my own school year.

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You see, I actually am receiving couselling for my anxiety towards my uncontrollable perfectionism and basically, my excruitiating stress over school work. Though I am quite young, and am not given a work load of a college student, I spend 7 hours of paying my undivided attention to every micro-spec of detail to my homework; to make it "perfect". Though yes, my teachers and collegues alike are very much left with an apparent praise for my work, it's almost always temporary. I get the awards and trophies and medals that would give me a "higher" standing than my peers, but that feeling of superiority merely lasts for a moment in time. xD But all of that artificial happiness comes with an expensive price: sleepless nights, hectic work schedule, fatigue, mood swings, and my lack of concentration on certain days. I'm living an addictive lifestyle that is based on school work, which of course, make my parents (make that parent. My dad is deceased. I'll probably write another blog dedicated to him. ^^;;) damn proud, but I'm almost never proud of myself because it just became a routine of expectations and requirements. I continued to live like a robot, sweet-talking to my teachers, working tirelessly for a paper work that merely worth 1% of my overall grade (ok, maybe I exaggerated myself a bit, but you get the gist) and just becoming a sometimes to my friends. (ohgad, I didn't use to swear this much. <.< My ears are bleeding.) 

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Well, counselling helped me by a ton. I've learned methods to counter-attack my often-occuring anxiety. Deep breathing, grounding (5, 4, 3, 2, 1) and living in the "now"; those are such techniques that definitely flabbergasted me, because they're very simple stuff I could've done years ago. I'll go into detail with the methods I've mentioned above. You don't necessarily have to be a person suffering from anxiety. But yeah.

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Deep breathing. Make sure to have both feet flat on the ground. Have a good body posture (staighten your back). It is much preferred if you do this sitting down. Now, inhale through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Don't inhale and exhale through your mouth because that'll just make you hyperventilate. If you prefer to close your eyes, feel free.

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Grounding (5 4 3 2 1). Basically, it's merely an observation of your surroundings. 

5: Sight (5 things you see: a couch, TV etc.)

4: Touch (4 things you feel)

3: Hear (3 things you hear)

2: Taste and/or Smell (2 things you can smell/taste)

1: One characteristic you like about yourself.

 

It's simple, doesn't take very long, and also gets your head away from those unnecessary worrying. 

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Living in the "now". Very simple. Just describe your surroundings in a more detailed manner. Much more time-consuming than the previous method, but will definitely calm you down if you're experiencing severe anxiety.

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Well, after learning all those methods, and after I told her about my perfectionism and the time-consuming routine that I spend on homework, she asked me one thing: What do you want to do instead of homework? If you can just take one or two hours away from working on homework, what would you like to do? Screw the ancient paragraph way. I'll just write a list.

1. LISTEN TO MY K-POP. (well, I always make time for this anyways.)

2. Watch my K-Dramas. (Good Doctor is such a perfect, unique drama. omfg my feels. And 'Heirs' is coming soon~)

3. Watch anime. (My childhood japanese obsession)

4. Listent to my visual-kei (J-Rock)

5. Go to the mall. (XXI all the way)

6. Go to the park and play badminton. (Them asian sport)

7. Talk to my friends more on facebook. (Dang it. I don't do that very often. I just go one facebook to check allkpop and EXO updates.)

8. Hang out with my friends after school longer. (Well, I already spend 30 min. of my time, so I really wouldn't want to extend it longer)

9. Spend more time playing the flute, piano and guitar. (Dang it. Band is a curriculum I took, and I major in flute, but I don't even have frickin time. Doesn't mean I'm not the 2nd-rate highest in my class though xD)

10. Make bubbletea more often. 

11. Take care of my nephew.

12. Draw more. Shoot. This should've been in a higher position. Oh well.

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erm. That's about it. I'm pretty shallow when it comes to happiness, so it doesn't take much to please me. ^^;; I guess that'll be a good thing for my future boyfriend. ;D Now that you talk about it, I do have one. Just a crush though. Name's Justin. He's basically my ideal type: good-looking, good build, good sense of humor, athletic, smart (math and science), plays piano, ice hockey and swimming. DANG IT. Too bad he goes to a different school. And we probably will never talk again. But I firmly believe he took interest in me too, though it may be temporary. AND HE'S ASIAN. Wooooot. /dem feels

 

So, as a concluding note, for my family of perfectionisits, don't expect too much. Change your way of thinking. Instead of "I must get an A", think more along the lines of, "It'd be nice if I get an A. But I'll enjoy the journey towards that." That way, the rewards will feel more... well, rewarding. It wouldn't feel so artificial. It will definitely be a happier experience when you receive an awards next time if your mindset is this way. Well, to my fellow perfectionists and anxious people, I bid you farewell for now.

Wo ai ni,

Stephanie.