Hi. I know you guys won't be interested in this but I just need to let my frustrations and sadness out because three months ago, I've been going through some depressing stages in my life.

So there's somebody that's a big part of my life. I mean, she's like with me since I was kid. She wasn't my mother but I'm somehow related to her. I can't tell you our relationship but don't get me wrong guys...I'm not romantically attached to her. So here's an explanation...

I was young back then but I already have a mind. I could remember her. Aside from my mom, she also took care of me but then when I was a baby. I even call her Mommy ** but then she left when I was two years old. I could clearly recall how much I cried that night. So we were gonna drop her off in the airport and I knew she was leaving...only thing is I didn't know that time that she would be going to another country. I kept on crying and I could remember how she cried and said, "Sshh. Don't cry. I'm doing this for you. Always tell me if somebody is being mean to you." Even when we were already on our way back home from the airport, I kept on crying and my parents had to stop by 7eleven to buy me ice cream (I'm a kid and that's basically something that would make me shut up). After finishing the ice cream, I went back to crying and because of tiredness, I fell asleep.

Then when she was in the U.S...she wrote me letters. A lot. Like every month. She would write and ask me how I am. She's gonna tell me good things and blahblah...She's gonna tell me I love you...I miss you..I'm gonna see you soon.

In 2006, she got pregnant. She had her own baby. I was still a bit young back then but I wasn't stupid not to know the fact that the baby is hers. It really hurt me. I wanted to cry but then again, she's not my mom. I just loved her. After she had her own child, our relationship and communication was put to a stop. No more emails, texts or letters—even calls. I missed her a lot and it was painful as hell.

You see, I know I shouldn't feel this way. I'm not even her daughter. Why should or why do I feel this way? Why do I get hurt? I ask myself those questions all the time and after some time of realization, it clicked. SHE WAS WITH ME FOR A LONG TIME. I LOVED HER. I TREATED HER LIKE A MOM AND IN JUST A ING BLINK OF AN EYE...EVERYTHING IS GONE?

This May, after I moved to the U.S. I saw her again. What could be worse than that? I live with her. Everyday when I wake up, I see her. I eat with her. I go to the church with her. EVERY SINGLE THING I DO, I AM WITH HER. And you know what's funny? When they came to pick us up at the airport, she approached me, crying. I was just sitting there, not shedding a teardrop but these days...I feel like I want to cry a river. I wanna cry out loud. After almost ten years and we saw each other again, I thought I was over her. I thought I fully understand that I can't treat her like a mom anymore bu I was wrong...I'm still longing for her hugs and i love yous which I doubt would happen anytime soon. I just miss her.

There are a lot more stories about this but I think it's too personal...I hope I didn't sound so dramatic (I did). I hope you understand. This is the only way to let everything out.