Flight of Time - by Katakatica

Review by Yukotan

A. Title

Even if it's a slightly overused title, it suits perfectly the story! I find that Flight of Time is the right title for this fanfic: you have also explained very well the meaning behind it, in fact I can understand what you wanted to say just by reading the foreword. Unfortunately, it doesn't really stand out: I have seen a lot of times a title similar to this one, but I also think that it's still the right one. As I read the title and the tags, I felt curious, but until new update, there still aren't a character death and the 2min couple. However, I'm sure you'll soon add the latter - I suppose your readers will see a dead character only at the end... Unless someone else will die. Anyway, nice choice! I wouldn't have known what to put as a title.

B. Description and foreword

As I've written before, the description completes the title. It doesn't really say much about the plot, but you have immediately said to your readers that it's going to be a sad story; in the description you didn't write about anything that could say why the story was going to be sad, and I think you did the right thing. I'm not really an angst fan, but I was intrigued by the description and I continued reading without thinking twice. The foreword surprised me: not because of the first lines and the trailer (which was really good and I enjoyed watching it!), but because what you have put after them. I just didn't expect music to suddenly start! You have chosen some sad songs, but the thing I didn't appreciate is that the player starts automatically; not everyone enjoys that, maybe next time just put one that will start only after a click.
I'd make a couple of changes, but anyways I think you did a nice presentation.

C. The Plot, Characterization & Story Progress

The plot isn't extremely original, I've read thousand stories with this one and more or less, every fanfic ends in the same way. There is just one thing I appreciate, and it's the fact that you didn't give Kibum a real disease; your readers just know that he's sick and he might die soon, and you saved yourself from a lot of trouble, since you didn't have to search for symptoms and so on. You couldn't do much with such plot, but at least you knew what to write and how. The characterization was nicely done, too bad that you didn't actually finish your story, because I'm sure you are going to write a lot more about Kibum and Jonghyun's relationship (for example, how they met each other, when they fell in love and so on), and of course I can't forget about that "2min" tag! The story doesn't have a real end and you don't know how happy I am that Kibum isn't magically sick anymore. I'm happy that in "True" you reminded everyone that he's still sick and that his disease isn't going to disappear just like that. You have worked hard to create and show Kibum and Jonghyun's characters, from their fears to be left alone without their lover to their resolution to not give up and fight the disease. 

Unfortunately your story isn't finished yet (in fact you updated with another chapter), but I'm sure that these eleven chapters will give a solid base to continue this fanfic. 

D. Grammar, Phrasing & Word Choices

I didn't see many mistakes, you mostly forgot to add space between inverted commas and words or you forgot full stops here and there, but nothing serious! Sometimes you used too many adverbs, but overall it was a fluent reading. I'd change just a couple of things in the foreword:

"Mr. Kim, it seems like your condition had been getting worse."
should be
"Mr. Kim, it seems like your condition has been getting worse."
Why did you use the past? Kibum is still sick and he's actually getting worse.

In the chapters:

"One year..."Were the simple words [...]
should be
"One year..." Were the simple words [...]
I've found this little mistake on every dialogue. Just add a space and it will be perfect!

Absentmindedly, he let a smile dance on his lips.
There isn't any mistake here (although I found written "absent-mindedly" in wordreference.com), but I think you could have avoided to use an adverb there.

Last notes

I wasn't your actual reviewer, but I'm happy I was chosen for this review! Your fanfic was very pleasant to read, too bad it's not finished yet... Keep going like this and you'll have a wonderful -but sad- fanfic! Please don't be sad of the rate, unfortunately I don't feel like I can put a real rate with an unfinished story. You did, however, a beautiful work! I was really glad to find an extremely smooth and fluent reading. Please, keep working hard!

4 stars out of 5!
★★★★☆