Ever since I was small, I have been fascinated by instruments -- the piano in particular. However, I haven't been gifted with the talent that made me a second Mozart as soon as I touched a piano, nor did I have the chance to receive piano lessons. And I think that's a huge pity. For I am someone who loves the sound of pianos so much, who could watch fingers smoothly slide over the keys all day and just adore the grace of it. 

I still don't understand why my parents never fostered me in any way. Why, of all Chinese families, is it mine that doesn't bother with sending children to piano lessons, violin lessons, art school or sports? I would love to be an well-rounded person, profound in many areas. I would love to lose myself into playing piano. I would love to have been sent to an art school and learn some techniques or something. But none of that ever happened. And of course, everyone would be like "why don't you learn it now?" (my father's said the same) but one thing will never change: those who start something at a young age and kind of grow up with it will always be more profound in that one thing than those who started as adults/adolescents. Besides, being able to learn means having a piano or something -- and as for piano I would like to receive proper lessons instead of trying to teach myself because I've got no musical talent -- and all of that requires money. Ugh. Piano lessons are really expensive in Germany (not to forget the piano itself is really expensive too) and when I told my father I'd like to receive them, he answered, "Well, get the money and you can receive piano lessons, but otherwise it won't be possible, you know that..." 

Seriously, I really admire and envy those who've played piano from a young age and are now really good. Possessing that skill is really wonderful. I mean, being able to create music and just play so gracefully. And what I respect, admire really much is the ability to hear the notes and then play them without sheets.  Or the ability to suddenly think of a melody. Never in my whole life were I able to think of an original melody. And just sitting there and suddenly humming something new ... That's simply amazing!

But instead of dwelling on the fact I can't, I should try to change that. I think I'm gonna look for that old children keyboard thingy and try to practice a bit or so. I mean, I can at least try... Still, it's always hard to push away those 'what if' thoughts. 

Anyone feeling this?