Note: this is actually my personal diary-sort-of entry thar I wrote immediately after Kcon. Didn't intend to post it anywhere at first, but then decided to post it on tumblr (would post the link bc I even added my very shaky and bad fancams, but no tumblr in China, yay!) because many seemed to be craving some first hand Kcon experience. In my last blog post I asked whether you guys wanted me to post it, so here it is (it's very long, so only read if you are really bored or really interested in the Kcon and tolerant towards misspelling, typos, terrible grammar, and excessive fangirling; srsly two months later I don't know if I can read this without dying from embarrassment and amusement):

My Kcon experience.

Note: It'll be a very personal post at first, much of my own thoughts and problems and just my way of seeing everything. If you'd rather read about the concert, start at “Then there was BTS“ (skip 9 paragraphs). But even that will be mostly about my bias groups, BTS, Block B, Shinee, a little FTIsland and f(x), and not necessarily chronologically. This is more like a diary, but I thought, why not share it if you're going to write it anyway. ;)

My friend and I arrived in Paris on the day of Kcon at 6AM after 2 hours of sleep during the 8-hour-ride (and I actually intended to sleep the whole ride long haha). I felt so sick then, but we made it to our hotel safely, left our luggage, ate something (I ate two of my sandwiches that have gone bad but I didn't realize -- or didn't want to realize since I made 6 ing whole sandwiches with every ingredient possible), freshened up and then went to the Arena.

Even though it was only 10AM the lines (both for the pit and the convention) were super long already. We decided then and there that we'd definitely wouldn't cue for the convention, and by God, it was the best decision of the day (I talked to so many who told me it was either not worth it or they weren't let in).

To shorten things up: the waiting was sooooo terrible, at some point my enthusiasm went down to -70. It was raining, it was windy, it was ing cold. Since the rules on the Arena website were so strict my friend and I only prepared food and water to finish (or throw away as we had way too much) for the waiting. I had a waterproof jacket, thank God, and a scarf and a beanie, but my legs and arms were freezing, especially when you're tired as heck bc of 2 hours of sleep. But we just ate our food (fruits and sandwiches and nuts and rice crackers -- your health is important, remember!) and got ourselves some hot drinks.

Afer my coffee my enthusiasm went up to +40, then to +90 when I started talking to the girls behind and in front of us. It felt like I made friends in minutes. Like a creep I asked them about their age, their occupations, bias groups, etc. I was just so curious (and I'm naturally talkative haha) Two of them were from England, the other two from Hungary. They were such awesome people! We kept in line for each other when we went to the toilet, shared food and stories. We talked about so much, I felt so pumped by the end (when it was 6PM and the letting in officially started).

Then went down. About an hour before we were let in, my friend noticed that our tickets had gotten wet from all the rain. At first I tried to play it down, like no it'll surely work. Then I had this crazy paranoia that we might really not get inside because the tickets were damaged and my friend had no digital version of it (!). With the help of our new friend from England, we tried to get the digital version or at least a confirmation, but nothing worked. So every single minute and second before we actually were at the tickets check in (too lazy to actually use a translator, so anyone reading this, please excuse my awkward expressions), my mind was racing between two options:

1) they will tell us we can't get inside, I am probably going to have a mental breakdown after almost 10 ours of waiting in the rain and wind just to be sent back (new don't even wanna start thinking about the money), and once I'm home I will mentally kill my inner Kpop fangirl to never be reminded of this horrible experience; 2) our tickets will work, all the stress and panic is for nothing and it'll be a waste of energy and time to think about it;

Because of all the stress I was at -10000 right before the concert, thinking it was all for nothing.

In the end we got inside, just like that. Reluctantly, we peeled off the receipt (it was drenched) and the tickets were FINE. He waved us over. +10000 I screamed. My friend screamed. We ran. The security told us to slow down. Then, in laughter, we rounded the corner and the moment my eyes took in the vastness of the arena and all the people and the stage, I screamed again. I barely scream, but at that moment I was so crazily relieved I thought I was going to die from relief.

Then there was the next problem: My friend and I noticed half an hour before the concert started that we had to pee like heck. We were torn between going to the toilet and risk not getting back to our rather good places (good view of the center stage). Or stay, risk all the pain and just not enjoying the concert bc of the pain of keeping it in. Mood was at -40 After some reluctance we decided to stay and that was the second best decision of that day.

I swear even after the whole introduction, even while Leeteuk was talking, and the whole crowd went crazy I was still slightly concerned about my bladder and also making sure that my bad was zipped close and that my jacket was properly bound around my waist. I like Leeteuk, but since he was on a stage far away from my place I couldn't really see him, so I couldn't really go crazy.

Then there was BTS's opening with the traditional sond. I totally did NOT expect that. I was so sure to see IOI first. Then they were there, the crowd exploded, I was so surprised, but again I couldn't completely celebrate it because they were on the main stage and I was too small and too far away. However, the moment they started running to the stage that near me, when they ran past me, so close like we were in class and they were standing at the front and I was just a few rows away, everything blanked out. I lost my mind, I believe. Mood at +2000 You see, as I am a person who sometimes falls in and out of interests, one worry I had until the end was that I wouldn't go crazy once I saw the idols because I'd be momentarily out of it. I thought I'd perhaps be too tired and bothered by my physical needs and all the pain in the back and the legs to properly react and enjoy. I thought I had to push myself a little to get going. Boy, was I wrong. Flash of a face, and my mind blanked out. I don't even know whether I screamed then.

I honestly don't remember much expect for flashes of memories, of their faces as they ran past me to the center stage. I COULD SEE THEIR FACES. As I mentioned in an earlier post, it felt surreal, more like a fancam than real life. THEY LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE THEY DO IN EVERY SINGLE FANCAM, MV, ETC.! I was sooo shocked I really don't remember a lot about the beginning. I know my feelings, absolute shock and wonder and awe at how this was possible, but what I saw feels like a memory from a dream.

From that point on, all thoughts about peeing or thirst or backpain were pretty much completely forgotten until the end of the concert (it still scares me how much control our emotions have over our bodies).

Then Block B was announced and after the long intro of the video (which I honestly, to my greatest shock, don't really remember) and Toy being performed at the front (I got glimpses, but mostly I had to look at the screen), they also ran toward my stage. I lost my again. Honestly, I feel so betrayed by my memory, which is normally so good and clear (I've never had blanks even when I was drunk as hell). I seriously don't understand what's wrong. Maybe the glimpses were too short, maybe the crowd covered too much, (also Block B performed a lot on the last stage where I could only see backs), but maybe my crazy and totally unexpected excitement and shock at the realness of everything just made me lose my awareness of self. IDK. But I remember Kyung's, Ukwon, Jaehyo's, Taeil's and Zico's face from eye memory so clearly, just not sure if it's from the ending stage, though, OTL. I'm pretty sure Jaehyo was during their performances because he ran around at my side. Though he's not my bias, I must say he seriously looks handsome as . (But god, I love P.O but I just didn't see him?!)

However, what I do remember clearly is going crazy just because of the audio perception when Block B performed. I LOVE their songs so much and I really went crazy in the crowd. Their songs are perfect for concerts because of the groove and the whole hyper-ish feeling. When they began with Nalina kind of acapella-ish, everyone was chanting. Then it started, and everyone was dancing, jumping and just going crazy. Through the screen I saw Ukwon singing and Kyung rapping. And I also remember turning to my friend excitedly because due to the angle, I thought they were going down the stage to pass through the crowd (completely unrealistic thought, but godddd, I was so excited and dumb).

IOI was cute and they did really well. I enjoyed the songs, and I waved my light sticks politely, but I also used the lack of crazy hormone-induced feels to breathe in the waves of cool air from above and calm myself and take care of my body. I have a weak constitution, so I was afraid to faint from lack of air and water. So for me it was really good that whenever there was this crazy, mind going blank thing going on with me, afterwards there was something where I could enjoy like a well-behaved person and breathe normally. I really appreciate them for performing on the center stage. I saw then so clearly!

As for f(x), oh, I love them. But again, they were mostly performing on the main stage at the front where I really could only catch glimpses of them as tiny figures between heads and arms and on the last stage where I could see their backs. I absolutely enjoyed the songs and the fanchants, though, and I think Amber (next to Hongki) had one of the best fan interactions. I love her sooooo much for appreciating our waiting. I had so much fun chanting with all the songs, especially 4Walls and Shake that Brass. They really are so pretty, Krystal (girl crush) especially, but I would have liked to see more excitement in her face like in Amber's and Luna's. Luna's solo stage was awesome even though I heard her song only once since I didn't expect it.

Unconsciously, I wandered away from my group and got closer and closer to the stage. Which was perfect because really, when BTS came, my soul left my body. At first I was so sad to see that Fire would be performed on the main stage only TT_TT I love that song so much and I was SOOO looking foward to it, but I could really see NOTHING because the whole arena went crazy once BTS started. BUUUUT then they came to my stage. I died. I really did. There was way too much to look at. I had to practically tear my eyes off each member to appreciate them all, but in the end Jungkook and V stole my attention. Literally. I absolutely regret not seeing Jimin that much TT_TT But then again he was often on the other side, and V and Jungkook sort of rotated with being on my side, and I thanked the Universe, God, everything in this world for that. Really, I remember the moment Dope started and I had such a clear view of both Jungkook and V that I sent a silent prayer of thanks (I'm not even religious!) to the heavens. My inner voice was screaming that all the waiting in the cold and the panic and the little sleep and the pain were nothing compared to how lucky I was to actually be sooooo near BTS during the majority of their songs!!!!

I stared at Jungkook's stupidly handsome face for so long I missed pretty much all of his body waves, haha! But I saw his face sooooo clearly, it was just driving me crazy. I think i really wanted to find the difference between fancam and real life that I lost myself in the analysis of his face. I wanted to look at the performance as a whole but I couldn't look away, still shocked at how handsome he was in real life. But V also killed me. Every time he stuck out his tongue, I just-- no words needed. And his wet hair!!! When he shook it like he was some puppy, GOOOOD! And also, I'm pretty sure about this memory: When he was drinking water from the bottle he kind of missed his mouth by a bit and it looked so clumsily cute! And then when he went to get a towel, I thought for a moment he would take of his jacket. I would've bid my ovaries goodbye then. V and Jungkook both often looked in my general (veeeery general) direction due to their position, but a true eye contact would've made me lose my voice from screaming, so that didn't happen, hah.

Everyone seemed to have died internally, screaming like they were being slaughtered (I Need U was even worse than Dope for that matter). They are awesome performers! Such charisma, such perfect dance moves, such grace! But I think I really need more play-around songs like Fun Boys (BTS solo, here I come, lol) for the interactions and the getting close to the fans. I was really torn between following Jungkook, V and Jimin with my eyes as they went to the last stage (my three main biases!!!) and taking in Jhope and Jin who were so close! I decided to look at the latter and sometimes spare a glance at the screen to see what the other three were doing. But honestly, a concert is so hard. Live things are terrible because every second matters when it comes to dance moves, expressions and moments between the members and you CANNOT be everywhere with your eyes. But I am soooo grateful for where I stood and where they performed. GOOOOD.

My friend and I even jokingly wondered whether we closed our eyes when screaming. If yes, I should have almost no visual memory of BTS, haha.

Anyways, after BTS I was really in need of a breathing break. I tried to limit my screams to when I would unconsciously scream out of feels instead of politely screaming for everybody (I was already hoarse from talking to all the other fans even before the concert, hahaha), but with BTS there was no conscious decision. Only see, scream, die.

I'll shorten things up now: I'll just talk in an illogical order of flashes and feels. Hearing Taeil with Luna was really awesome, especially since he was so close, but after BTS the strongest feels I had were for FTIsland and Shinee. I looooved Hongki for pumping everyone's energy and raising the mood. It could have been so awkward because it was clearly noticeable that not many knew the songs they performed (even I didn't know two of them because I totally expected other ones... my old favorites Love Sick and I hope; shame on me), but he's so great at fan interaction! I loved his voice since 2011, having been a huuuge Hongki fan back then, so hearing his voice live was beautiful. And when he ran around, I enjoyed it so much! After a while Seunghyun and Jaejin came to my side as well, and gosh, they're so handsome and awesome with their guitars! I tried screaming their names (as I pretty much considered doing with every idol who was near me, but it either drowned in the others' screams or I just whispered-screamed their names to myself). All thre were sometimes looking in my general direction, which made me really happy. Although my voice was already hoarse as heck and it hurt, I sang along every FTIsland song, especially Severely and Pray!

Then before Shinee there was this break were Leeteuk played with the crowd. Again not in my view, so I finally took out my phone because suddenyl realized I had no way of remembering my exact position and the distance to the center stage if I didn't film at least a little bit. So I prepared everything and filmed some Shinee parts, but the cam was not my priority. I wanted to enjoy it with my own eyes as much as possible, so all my videos and shaky and pretty bad, but I just wanted the atmosphere (and I also got unexpected screams from me that I don't remember hahaha). Sadly, Shinee performed half of their songs at the front TT_TT really drained my feels because I know I would've gone crazy because just with the songs that evoked so much nostalgia (Sherlock and mostly Lucifer) I was so happy (but sadly not losing my ), but all the Taemin bodywaves I got to see up close almost made up for that. I saw Onew's angelic smile, Key's precious bone structure (gosh, I sound so creepy). And god, the bodywaves and Taemin taking off his jacket and standing on MY side. I lost my pretty much (also on the inside I was hoping for Press Your Number...). Taemin truly is a God when it comes to dancing and fanservice. I exploded when he let his jacket slip down and rolled his hips! He came so close to the fans. Oh, and I have a video where he starts a bodywave and you just see the camera going down AKA me dying.

Then after Shinee was over I realized I'd missed the chance to film anything of BTS or Block B TT_TT buuut then there was the ending stage and again flashes of faces, but this time no blank spaces in the memory, just excited heads and arms that blocked my view at times, but I remember losing my all over again when BTS came again and Fire started playing and just all the members up close again and then they were so far on the right. I have a video where I'm shaking as because I'm so happy to see them again. Jungkook was blowing kisses in the air and Taehyung was waving, damn it!! Then from the corner of my eye I noticed Block B, turned and died. I died. Revived. Lost my . All of Block B was right in front of me, Kyung and Ukwon next to each other, almost all facing my direction. And next to them Minhwan and Seunghyun, precious babies. I'd actually think I wouldn't know whose name to scream with so many people near me, but thanks to my embarrassing video I know I screamed Kyung's name... :'D He was just so clearly visible to me (I have actually not properly established who my bias in Block B is since I only got into them for Kcon) I think I tried screaming Ukwon's name, too? Hmm, just watching my cam, I think I might have mistaken Ukwon And then V came and waved, God... my terribly high-pitched voice screaming “Taehyunnggg!!!“ OTL. And then I screamed Jin and Jhope I think? And JIMIIINN!! And am I stupid or did V appear again? IDK I only realize it now looking at the cam

And Seunghyun was filming the crowd with his phone when the confetti was floating, that precious little baby! And God, when Save Me started playing, I died again, but failed to record and even missed some things because I had to get out the phone again, -.-. But that really doesn't matter compared to how happy I was that I could see everyone and get a shot of them at the end (though I would've liked some straight close up BTS to kill me very much).

After the concert I was horse, my feet and legs hurt from tiptoeing all the time and my neck from looking up. So much pain and thirst, but my friend and I spontaneously went to the empty men's toilet and were quickly finished, haha! It was just a lazy suggestion from me, but she agreed and we were so happy about all the time we saved because the cue for the women's toilet was sooooo long! But we forgot to buy the metro tickets before, so we had to wait long for that. But thank God, the metro was still working, this line without any flooded stations and before all metros stop at half past midnight. My friend and I were worrying our asses off before Kcon about everything that could go wrong! No metros, illegal taxi drivers that kidnap you, rapists, etc.

In a nutshell: we are seriously crazy when it comes to our paranoia and consideration of everything that could go wrong. We came way too prepared and way too properly behaved. They didn't check the bags as strictly as we thought, and we threw away so much food and water we'd prepared so carefully.... I still hate the thought of wasting food and water, but that's another story.

Seriously, guys, it was an amazingly awesome experience, but also a crazy rollercoaster of up and downs, so think twice before you decide on pit tickets. I imagine seats are a lot more comfortable in every way possible (no cue, no leg pain from tiptoeing – I reduced it by slackening my legs and stretching them during the artist changes – , no neck and back pain, no heavy bag, no fear from losing your place), but I can also imagine that you won't get the extreme losing feeling that often because seats are farther away, but honestly, depending on the type of arena I might go for a seat. You do see more as well. But the little I saw was so, so much better than what I heard other people saw when they were seated (at the back they really saw everything but in super tiny which I personally couldn't enjoy). I think ideally, I'd want to be in the pit in the very first few rows. I saw some fancams or Jungkook and Jimin body waves. They literally their hips at YOU!!!

Anyway, I was happy and tired as after that. But at the same time I had too much adrenaline in me to sleep, so I went through the photos and cams that were uploaded and watched my own. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw the arena and heard the songs. ~

PS: What I learned to do better for (possible) concerts in the future I might visit:

1) bring water, try to get it inside, at worst you'll have to throw it out before the arena

2) bring a ing backpack (don't let your back die)

3) wear gym shoes or just shoes that are good for you (I did that but I wish mine would have had even more “healthy” platforms since I'm so short TT_TT)

4) bring light-weighted clothes, bring bin bags in case it rains

5) bring healthy food, but not too much (vitamins, nuts are all good)

6) bring a real light stick!