Re-Remembering

Author: Ajitofu // Reviewer: Midnight-B2UTY

Title ( 12 / 15 ):

It’s not a very interesting title. There could be better. I have personally even thought of better titles for your story than this.

I’m not even sure if “re-remembering” is an actual word, to be honest, as I’ve never heard anyone say that before. I just don’t understand how you could “re-remember” something…? Like, does that mean you’re remembering something you’re remembering? What? I don’t know. I just confused myself even more so I’m going to just… shut up about it.

 

Description and Foreword ( / 10 ):

You don’t have a description or foreword or anything, since your story isn’t on AFF. Of course, I won’t mark you down.

 

Plot ( 12 / 25 ):

·         Originality ( 8 / 15 ):

It’s… not original. I mean, I’ve seen plenty of time-traveling stories and movies. I’m pretty sure you have, too, right?

This was no different from any other “time-traveling” themed story or movie I have read or seen in the past: the girl or boy is suddenly left by their lover, then he or she is taken back to the past to watch their lives from the 3^rd person point of view. He or she is practically invisible, unable to be seen or heard or felt. He or she learns why his or her lover left them.

Yeah, it was really predictable.

At least… until I got to around chapter ten. You know, the part where Taeyeon and Sunny are talking in the café? Yeah, that. I was… not expecting that.

And come on, I feel so… disappointed in myself, considering I’ve always been so good at predicting plot twists; I feel like I belong in the corner of shame.

I thought it was just the kindness of Fate giving Tiffany a chance to understand. I guess I was… wrong. Oh God, I feel so frustrated with myself. How could I not have guessed this? I really want to flip some tables right now.

Okay, I praise you for actually having a plot twist that surprised me. You should take joy in those moment because it will never happen again. I hope.

·         Believability ( 4 / 10 ):

I think it’s pretty believable for a person to be as heartbroken as Tiffany when his or her lover leaves him or her. She felt a lot of pain, remorse, and above all, confusion; she felt what all the brokenhearted would feel. She thought what anyone who had their heart broken would think: Why?

You probably would have guessed I took off points because the “time-travel” thing isn’t all so realistic. I mean… how many of us here travel back in time?

I’m pretty sure humans (and shamans and witches?) have not yet created magical gems that will take us back to our own past. Unless, of course, someone has created one but just doesn’t want to share. Nonetheless, I’m going to stick with the belief that no one has created those yet.

But hey, it’s fantasy/science-fiction; it’s not supposed to be realistic anyway.

 

Presentation ( 10 / 10 ):

You didn’t have a poster or background but I won’t mark you off on that; I’ll just grade you on other things. After all, presentation isn’t just based upon the poster and/or background.

I gave you full points because you didn’t use huge fonts or bright colors. It was easy to read. It was also really light and matched the delicate feel of the story. You also had a black background, which, I guess, went with the angst theme.

I also liked how you used roman numerals for your chapters, since it made the story feel slightly more sophisticated (I don’t know how, though; it’s probably just…… me being weird again).

 

Characters ( 11 / 15 ):

Taeyeon and Tiffany don’t necessarily… fall into the pitiful… pitiful pits of Mary Sues. They, however, aren’t exactly…… original either. Well, nothing’s truly “original” anymore. I hope you still get my point though.

Tiffany was really kind and cute. She was playful and scared of horror movies. However, she’s not so kind and cute to the point where I would consider her a Mary Sue.

I mean, a lot of girls are like her: kind, cute, sweet, playful, and so on. I would say she’s relatable. Although she’s relatable, I wouldn’t say she’s an original character.

She’s no different from the other OCs in the other fanfics. There’s nothing special about her - no specific qualities - that make her stand out from the rest of the OCs.

I wasn’t even able to find any flaws in her. Not even clumsiness (which is good because all Mary Sue’s seem to have some kind of balance disorder or something), stupidity, or denseness. Well, she is a bit dense. Okay, fine, she’s not really dense; she’s more… in-denial? Like, she always had assumptions of Taeyeon cheating on her but was always denying it because of how much she loved Taeyeon.

Speaking of Taeyeon, she was a bit… ehhh. She  was all cute and childish and easily amused by things. There’s nothing wrong with that. I mean, a lot of people I know are like that.

It’s just the fact that many authors write about these kinds of characters. Well, there seem to be only three different characters authors write about in AFF (the cute, stupid girl; the y, hot rebel; the perfect, rich girl).

I just feel that Taeyeon’s characteristics were expected and similar to other characters. Though, I do think it’s nice that you used a lot of her real-life qualities, like her adorable childness and ertedness.

But I do like how you portrayed your characters. You used a lot of indirect characterization, which I absolutely love. I just hate it when authors use direct characterization; I feel that it ruins the whole story, you know? I mean, it’s fun to decipher personalities as the story goes on, which was why I actually enjoyed reading about your characters (although they are a bit stereotypical).

 

Spelling and Grammar ( 9 / 10 ):

You’re fluent in English. Obviously, that meant I barely caught any errors… barely.

 

Yours [Chapter VII]: “Really. Just forget it.” Taeyeon will gently free herself from her grip and move add some more tomato paste to the sauce.”

Corrected: “Really. Just forget it.” Taeyeon will gently free herself from her grip and move to add some more tomato paste to the sauce.

 

Yours [Chapter VII]: She reveals a pair watered eyes…

Corrected: She reveals a pair of watered eyes…

 

Yours [Chapter X]: “But because of that, I had more time to do things I weren’t able to before…”

Corrected: “But because of that, I had more time to do things I wasn’t able to before…”

 

Yours [Chapter XIV]: “I’m right here—within your each. And yet, we haven’t each other for months…”

Corrected: “I’m right here—within your reach. And yet, we haven’t seen each other for months…”

Reason: Well, I’m not sure if I inserted the correct word between “haven’t” and “each” but I think that’s what you were trying to say, based on the following sentences.

 

Yours [Chapter XV]: Tiffany scanned the room to make sure Taeyeon wasn’t on the bed…

Corrected: Tiffany scans the room to make sure Taeyeon isn’t on the bed…

Reason: Because you write in present tense throughout the whole story. This was the only line I’ve caught that was not parallel with the other sentences.

 

I won’t mark off a whole lot of points. I mean, these are just little typos that we’ve all made at one point or another, right?

 

Writing Style ( 10 / 10 ):

You have a really good grip on figurative language, which is nice because it helps me to better understand things that are happening.

I like that I was really able to feel Tiffany’s emotions through the words of your story. Like I said before, I love that you don’t just tell us exactly how their personalities are - you show us through their actions. I really like your writing style, in general.

Although it was an angst story, you had some cute fluff moments in there to ease the sadness. I liked it. You really made me laugh a few times, especially at the part where Taeyeon met Sooyoung (my bias, by the way, not that it’s important or anything…).

 

Flow ( 8 / 10 ):

I think the flow was a bit rushed. Like, for example, the part where she was first taken to the past after receiving the gem from the random… strange… boy.

I think it also would have flowed better if you had included more moments between Tiffany’s old self and Taeyeon.

However, I think the quick flow is how it’s supposed to be, and it’s actually good that way.

Tiffany’s reaction to being taken to the past was quite realistic. At least, that’s probably how I would have reacted (with more screaming, of course).

 

Enjoyment ( 13 / 15 ):

I actually quite enjoyed this story. There were some parts that bored me, especially the first few chapters. It got interesting after she had been taken back to the past. I think it would have been more interesting if you had included more moments, as I had said in the “Flow” section above.

Truthfully, this was the first Yuri story I’ve read (I think; I don’t quite remember, to be honest). It was a bit out of my comfort zone but it didn’t change my opinion on this story. I found some parts a bit dull and boring, some parts a bit exciting and fun, and some parts a bit sad and touching.

Overall, I quite enjoyed it. I just think I would have enjoyed it more if you had included more scenes and memories between TaeNy.

But I did really love the ending; I thought it was beautiful and bittersweet. It was a bit ambigious, leaving the reader to wonder if that would really happen or not.

 

Bonus ( 2 / 5 ):

I think you’re a great writer with a great story. I just don’t feel you deserve many bonus points considering your characters were no different from other characters and your plot was a bit cliché.

 

Total Score ( 87 / 125 115 ): 76%

You asked me to be harsh but I’m not sure if I was too harsh or not harsh enough? Either way, I’m sorry if I was too harsh/not harsh enough. I’m really just trying to help.

Oh, and I’m so sorry this took almost two weeks! Like I said in the last review, I had a lot of last-minute issues to handle. Nonetheless, I’m so, so sorry for taking so long! I hope you like the review, though! Thanks for requesting!