Hey guys.

Remember in Shattered Wrong I promised to write happier stories? I already have a plot in mind and I wanted to post it up today, but today something horrible happened- and everything literally shattered... And then... I'm not feeling happy- just sad,  tears, and angst. This large empty hole in me and it hurts so much and I can feel myself just losing it.

There's that... Emptiness. Like you aren't feeling anything and you're just scared. You're scared and worried and everything is just hurting you. You don't know if you want to be alone or you want to be comforted- your friends' hug feels so fake- everything sharpens to a painful brightness- you see your friends going about laughing because you're a lost case and they already made plans.

And you're just lonely, cold, and empty.

Everything mocks at you and there's dread left; and your parents' scolding washes over you, leaving a pit in its wake.
And the horrible thing smiles at you- you wish you can turn back time- nothing else matters- just trying to change something that CAN'T be changed anymore.

And then- worse off you feel alienated because the truth is that no-one cares, at all. Because everything comes with a price and the only thing that you can pay is tears- they don't want that.

I could say more- but this isn't a story for edification. It's my rant. 

 Needless to say there won't be any fluff until for a while- because my stories' feelings come from real life and not imagination. But I'd keep developing the new storyline. 

The feeling of loneliness. The feeling of lost. The feeling of scared. The feeling of dread, anger- helplessness. Pain.

I could hurt something- someone- anything- do whatever- just to change this- and that scares me, You really do need pain to forget pain. 

And I finally understand again what it truly means to lose. 

Everyone has pain- they just choose to hide it differently. Most hide it in their eyes-and few hide it in their smile. 

Love- 

A very unmatured author that gets upset and shattered at the littlest things- Zi Ning. 

P.S. It means I get happier faster too, so everything is alright. :)