Sometimes, I hate myself because I get too attached to things. I wish I wasn't like this because it really hurts. I wish I could sleep the whole 2 years so I didn't have to think about it. I'm so.....empty. It's not gonna be the same ever again. He's not my ultimate bias, so me being like this is scaring me because I'm not sure what's going to happen when my ultimate bias leaves. (Donghae is my ultimate bias) I spent the day of October 29th, crying randomly when no one was looking. The people here wouldn't understand so I cried alone in my room. I spent the night of the 29th going through a box of tissues. I'm even going to skip my first class because I'm going to be an emotional wreck that is going to cry at every little thing. Not sure about my second class though. A good thing that my roommate doesn't come because she would be looking at me weirdly. My friends on the other hand, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with them. Who knows. But right now, I don't want to see anyone. It might take me a couple of hours or days to be able to move on. If I can't move on, then I might have to do what I did for my exchange student. After she left I was in a depression for days. So I stopped doing things that had to do with Kpop. Ultimateky, I got better. I don't hurt as much when thinking about her. But I think that Leeteuk is going to be a different story. We shall see how it goes. Please don't tell me that I'm going to be okay, or that it's alright, or anything like that. It just makes me feel worse.