I Need Help application

Ae Hwiyeon (애 회연)

I Am...

This Is Me

Personality Before Disorder: Hwiyeon had always been the quiet, studious girl in school. She got along well with everyone in her homeschool group, even the youngest kids or the college-aged students. She had a couple of close friends, one of whom lived down the street, and she was very friendly. With adults she was respectful and quiet, as children should be, but with her friends she became loud and giggly. She always came up with the best ideas for games; her brother once said that “a new idea pops out every 1.928374543 seconds!” She was fun to be around and was always consulted with homework questions. Her parents could trust her to keep things under control if they were both out. She didn’t care about herself, but was always ready to help someone else. A smile was always on her face; she was a bright and bubbly child. Although she was a bit introverted and shy, she was always willing to make new friends. Swimming was her passion; she loved every aspect of the sport, and tried to get some of her homeschooling friends to swim on the summer team with her. She naturally had a bit of a temper, but was used to holding in her anger and frustration. Everyone who knew her deemed her a “charming and beautiful young lady, with the smarts as a bonus.”
Personality During Disorder: Since entering high school, she became more quiet and reclusive, often holing up in the library for hours at a time. She didn’t want to hang out with her friends anymore, and slowly she lost most of the few friends she did have at Daegu High. She constantly wore clothes that concealed her body figure, like large jackets over her school uniform. When she was home, she’d go to her room and not say a word to any of her family until dinnertime. Her grades started to slip as she spent less and less time on her studies. Her teachers were concerned, as until then she had been a very good student, but she just lied her way out of many situations and barely passed her classes 11^th grade year. She became prone to violent mood swings, and all around her were affected. She knew how to fake and lie very well; most people didn’t see through the fake smile or the reassuring lie “I’m fine.” She rarely left her house except for school. When she cried, it was at night or in private, so no one knew. It was common for her to only get about 2 hours of sleep a night, and thus she was much more irritable. She was angrier at her parents, and began arguing with them more. Her friends rarely saw her. She is very resentful of the idea of treatment and continues to deny that she has problems, even though deep down inside she knows the truth.
Likes:

People telling her positive things (you have a good figure, you’re a good swimmer, etc)
Ice water, or more specifically, the ice in the water. She chews ice to keep herself from eating.
Cats (she wants a Scottish Fold kitten but she’s scared to ask)
The colors blue and purple
Receiving small gifts
Sleeping (although it’s rare she gets a full night of sleep)
Swimming
Feeling sore after a good workout
A thick novel
Spicy food
Apples; to her they are one of the ‘safest’ foods out there
Chocolate; it’s her favorite binge food, but she’s often not ‘allowed’ to have any even though her mom keeps the house well supplied
Popping her own popcorn in a brown paper bag
Bread, like toast and cookies, even though it's so high in carbs and such

Dislikes:

When others set the table or make salads, as she usually does this
When people ask her if she’s eaten breakfast (which she hasn’t eaten in years) or lunch (never during school days)
When she can see the grease or fat or salt on food
Dogs, or anything that can slobber on her
Excessive aegyo
Roller coasters
Being forced to do things
Cockroaches and cicadas
The color pink
When people touch her hair or try to hug her without her knowing
When her parents comment on how much time she spends in her room or how little she eats
Meat or eggs (she’s a vegetarian)
Horror movies
Yesung’s hair style from A-Cha
Sudden schedule changes/arriving late
When other people go into her room, period
The ‘tons-of-surgery-and-makeup’ look
Scandalous clothing
Girly pampering like spa days; she feels like she doesn’t deserve it
Taking less than 10,000 steps a day; if the number is less, then she’ll walk until the total on her pedometer reaches 10,000
People telling her to eat or watching her eat
Anything high in saturated fats
She absolutely hates when her hands shake. To hide it, she usually crosses her arms or puts her hands in the pockets of her jacket. They usually shake due to fatigue, hunger or low blood sugar. When someone holds one of her hands, they can actually feel it tremble.

Hobbies:

Reading
Making embroidery floss friendship bracelets (they hang off the back of her school backpack)
Writing in her journal, which contains everything from calories to high school soccer games
Swimming
Learning kpop dances
Cooking

Habits:

She refuses to eat or drink anything before weighing herself each morning
She plays with her earrings when uncomfortable
She occasionally runs her hand across her collarbones, cheekbones or jawbone to check how pronounced they are
When she yawns, she tries to cover her ‘double chin’ and at the same time
She walks in a way that makes sure her thighs don’t rub (of course, this looks like normal walking to everybody else)
She waves hello and goodbye with both hands
She crosses her legs whenever she sits
She wears a light jacket almost anywhere she goes
She lightly stutters when nervous
She has a tendency to yell and get cross with people when frustrated
She covers with a hand when she laughs
She hates wearing slippers indoors; she’d much rather wear socks
She has to fall asleep on her stomach with one cheek pressed into her pillow, otherwise she can’t stay asleep
She occasionally has a little freak out moment and hurriedly checks to make sure her pedometer is still on her belt
She doesn’t like to eat after 7 pm
She bumps her hands against her hipbones when bored or spacing out (or occasionally for reassurance)
She gets stressed out easily when confronted with an unfamiliar or difficult situation

Trivia:

She always has a pedometer attached to her belt
She has a specific workout that she does every morning and every evening, which comprises of 200 jumping jacks, 100 crunches, 40 squats, 40 lunges, 200 pushups and 2 sets of 45-second planks
She sometimes sneaks down to the kitchen around midnight after everyone’s gone to bed in order to steal food
If someone else makes the dinner salads or sets the table, she excuses herself from the table to have a mini panic attack in her room
She is obsessed with the variety show Running Man, and can tell you exactly what the landmark was, who the guests were and who won in any given episode
She has a dimple in her left cheek, but Jonghyun (her mentor) doesn’t find out about it until at least a week has passed
She’s very camera shy, so Jonghyun sometimes has to do a lot of coaxing before they can start filming
She starts to panic if she doesn’t know where someone will be at a certain time or if her schedule is abruptly changed
She wears glasses and contacts interchangeably, but wears glasses mostly on non-swimming days
She has two piercings in each ear
The areas she’s most sensitive about ED-wise are her thighs and waist/lovehandle area; if someone tries to hug her around her waist she instinctively twists away
She actually has very erratic eating behaviors. Some days she eats no more than 500 calories, and others she eats up to 1600 calories. The difference is how easily she is able to eat on any given day; if it’s difficult to eat on any given day, then it’s a low calorie day and vice versa. If she eats 2000 calories in any one day, she considers herself a miserable failure and undeserving of the title “eating disordered.”
Before her college counselor at school knew about her problems, she once said that Hwiyeon has a fear of faliure (thus why she didn’t complete assignments on time)
One of her greatest fears is that irreparable stretch marks/cellulite will appear on her hips and thighs
She got hit in the face with a soccer ball when she was younger, so now she is scared of sports balls flying at her
She has the word “FAT” cut into her stomach, but no one knows about it
She has exercise-induced asthma; if she works too hard and for too long, she isn’t able to breathe. She once had to be put on oxygen because of an asthma attack.
Before her parents found out about her ED, she used to pack a lunch for during school, then throw it away and spend the lunch hour in the library
Her parents think she may have a minor form of OCD, but doctors won’t diagnose it
The only makeup she wears is concealer, mascara and a bit of eyeliner. She also wears eyeshadow for special occasions.
She never puts salad dressing on her salad
Her parents found out about her mental problems at her 12^th grade weigh in; she had lost a startling amount of weight between her 11^th and 12^th grade physicals. They still don’t know about her cutting, though.
On a bad day, it can take her up to an hour to eat something as simple as an apple, or even longer if she's being forced to eat
She secretly wishes to look emaciated; that way, everyone knows she’s sick rather than saying she’s faking it for attention
It’s easier for her to eat in the middle of the day, around 2-5 PM; in the beginning of the day, she promises herself that she’s going to work hard, and at the end of the day, she hates herself because of how much she did/didn’t eat. Thus, it’s easier in the middle of the day because her willpower isn’t as strong then.
She longs for the day when she’s considered officially underweight by medical standards
She loves reading books, especially fantasy (Eragon or Harry Potter) or sci-fi (Hunger Games or Ugly). She’ll read almost anything from those two genres
She wishes she could look like Sooyoung from SNSD (especially how she looks in Visual Dreams)
She is left-handed, a strange thing in Korea (most people in Korea are right-handed)
She gets triggered easily by girl idols; that’s why she has a male mentor rather than a female mentor
She’s very hesitant to eat in the morning, because for her if she eats at, say, 8 AM, then she’s going to be eating for the rest of the day
She's and ELF, and her bias as of right now is Sungmin

My Relationships

Mother: Ae Jeona | 47 | Korean | Elementary school teacher | The relationship between Jeona and Hwiyeon has always been a bit strained, to say the least. Hwiyeon had always found it hard to talk to Jeona, and she often thought her mother was long winded and took forever to finish a thought, which frustrated her. Jeona’s tendency to arrive everywhere late also annoyed Hwiyeon, which prompted her to ask her father Ryoju for rides to school. The two are on good terms, but the atmosphere between them is a bit weird to others. They can joke around with each other, but only on good days. After Jeona found out about Hwiyeon’s illness, she became very strict with her daughter’s eating, telling her that she needed to eat something before heading off to school. She became the food police of the house, making sure both Hwiyeon and Donghyun ate enough each day. She was scared that the same would happen to Hwiyeon’s brother Donghyun, and she felt nearly helpless to do anything about it. Forcing people to eat became her way of coping with Hwiyeon’s illness, in a way. She searched for therapists against Hwiyeon’s wishes, and eventually signed her up for the show. All she wants is her daughter back.
Father: Ae Ryoju | 47 | Korean | Engineer | Hwiyeon and her father are much closer than she and her mother. They share the same sense of time and duty, so they are very compatible. They both agree that Jeona and Donghyun are too relaxed in a time-driven world, so Ryoju drives Hwiyeon to school early most days so she doesn’t have to arrive five minutes before class like her brother does. He also helps her with her homework since Jeona is too used to dealing with littler children. Hwiyeon and Ryoju also share work around the house and yard, and can often be seen tending to the garden together. Hwiyeon loves asking her father difficult questions, and they could spend hours talking about the most random topics. While Ryoju is somewhat of a jokester and makes idiotic puns, it’s one of the things that makes him dear to Hwiyeon. The two get along very well. Hwiyeon even once wrote in her journal that, if her parents ever divorced, she’d choose to live with her father rather than her mother. Her father hasn’t changed much after he found out about her sickness. Rather, he tries to be as supportive as possible, even if the situation does frustrate him sometimes. He realizes now that all her wild mood swings and difficulties in class arose from the sickness. He tries to be there for her, but his demanding job doesn’t allow for it most of the time since he works from seven in the morning to seven at night. He is a lot more understanding than Hwiyeon’s mother, to say the least.
Sibling(s): Ae Dongyun | 14 | Korean | Middle school student | Hwiyeon and Donghyun have always had a normal brother-sister relationship. Most of the time they got along fine, and even played video games together, but sometimes he annoyed her to no end, especially at the dinner table. It didn’t help that he was so much taller than her at nearly 183 cm tall. He acted embarrassed to be around Hwiyeon in public, which isn’t that surprising. He actually played a small part in Hwiyeon’s disorder; he was as skinny as a stick, and with his physique he could lie around all day and lose weight. She was insanely jealous of that, since her physique dictated the exact opposite. On top of that, Donghyun thought eating disorders were ‘stupid’ and the people who had the disorders should be able to just look down at themselves and see how sick they were. After he found out about Hwiyeon’s sickness, he initially scorned it. He distanced himself from her because he didn’t want to see her anymore. They became quite distant. As the months of trying to find a therapist progressed, however, he slowly reapproached her and said that he wanted to help her get better, but he didn’t know how. Now, he is around her more, but he makes a genuine effort not to annoy her, because he heard that annoyance can trigger ED behaviors.
Background: Hwiyeon was born the first of two children to two happy parents in Daegu, South Korea. She grew up in a single-story house, where the living room was used as a classroom for her and her younger brother. She was homeschooled through 9^th grade. She grew up under the caring, watchful and loving eyes of her parents. Back then, her mother was a teacher to her rather than a classroom of elementary students; she started teaching when both of her kids went into the real school system.
When Hwiyeon was 6 and Donghyun was 3, her mother signed her up for swimming lessons. She discovered she had a natural affinity for the water and loved to play around, while Donghyun refused to even put his face in the water. She loved it; he was terrified of it. Hwiyeon was then signed up for the local swim team, where she started working hard to learn all the . Backstroke was her favorite, and she soon became one of the best backstroke swimmers for her age group.
After four years, when Hwiyeon was 10 and Donghyun was 7, Donghyun joined the swim team as well. And he excelled, now that he was able to put his face in the water. He quickly became the fastest boy in his age group, and was even faster than some 10-year-olds. By the time she was 14 and he was 11, he had passed her in speed. Hwiyeon was insanely jealous; she had worked hard for the speed she had, while Donghyun goofed off in practice and was still naturally fast. It embittered her.
After Hwiyeon joined the high school swim team at 15, she worked even harder to drop time. She practiced a good 15 hours a week, sometimes more if the team collectively decided to lift weights. Due to certain influences, she worked harder than anyone else on the swim team, and everyone looked up to her as a model hard worker and student. But after her grandmother’s funeral, her hard work soon had another meaning; a way to burn calories. She still loved the sport, but it was for an entirely different reason.
(Best)Friend:
Jeo Daemi | 17 | Student at Daegu High School | Daemi is pretty wild and wacky. She is full of energy and always laughs, which is rather contagious. She loves to goof around and have fun with her group of friends, but she also is a very good student who knows how to ask for help. She can wear anything and make it look good. Being 172 centimeters doesn’t hurt either. She’s super clumsy and constantly says random stuff; for this she has the nickname Onew-Dae. If she laughs hard enough she snorts, which causes others to make fun of her (lovingly, of course). She also can’t sing to save her life, thus giving her the nickname Do-Rae-Mi, which rhymes with her real name. | Daemi and Hwiyeon first got to know each other because they were both on the high school swim team. Hwiyeon taught Daemi how to do a flip turn and how to do butterfly, which she now excels at. (Daemi even went to the national competition for swimming.) They shared a few classes as well, and have stayed at each other’s houses before. But after Hwiyeon started being swallowed by her sickness, she gradually secluded herself from Daemi, who in turn simply hung out with her regular group of friends, not knowing a thing. Now that she knows about Hwiyeon’s illness, she’s trying to be more supportive. She’s one of the only people Hwiyeon trusts anymore.

Rival: No rival :)

I’m Sick

What disorder do you have? Depression | Anorexia | Bulimia | Other (ED-NOS and dermatillomania)
How did you develop the disorder? It wasn’t so much as a single event as chain of events spanning almost a year. A couple of years before attending Daegu High School, in 8^th grade, Hwiyeon was told that her aunt had blood cancer. This saddened her, but it also gave Hwiyeon a fiery passion for anatomy and medicine. She wanted to go into high school learning about cancer, and she was determined to become the first person to discover a cure for her aunt. This cancer played a major part in the development of her disorder.
Hwiyeon had been homeschooled her entire life leading up to 10^th grade. She had also swam all her life, which became one of her passions. The change from being homeschooled to attending Daegu High School was one of the most major factors. All of a sudden, she was immersed in a world of kpop idols and deadline stress and classmates whom all obsessed with how they looked. She tried to believe she was immune to that since this was her first exposure to this stuff ever, but slowly she started worrying about what she looked like and how she dressed and such. Since she was also swimming for her high school, she was even more pressured to maintain a good figure since her curves would show through the suit.
Midway through her 10^th grade year at Daegu High, she got called out of class and taken outside, where she was told her grandmother had just passed away from Alzheimer’s. At first Hwiyeon couldn’t believe it; she was her favorite grandmother, and while she knew her grandmother had been sick, she hadn’t known the severity. It didn’t sink in for her until she saw her grandmother laying still in the casket, about to be buried in Busan, where she had lived for the last few years of her life. At that point, something inside of Hwiyeon snapped. She blamed herself for everything that had happened. She hadn't helped her grandmother. It was her fault she had died. She hadn't even visited her. When she returned home after the funeral, bawling her eyes out, she tore apart a razor and took a blade to her stomach, making two long cuts.
Afterwards, she started unconsciously obsessing over her figure. She figured out that not eating gave almost the same feeling as cutting, and it made her prettier as well. Eventually, it became a full-blown eating disorder, which she managed to hide from her parents for almost two years. Her depression also stemmed from her weight fluctuation.
How long have you been sick? Depression: 1 ½ years | ED-NOS: almost 2 years
How long have you been seeking treatment? 2 months
Has it gotten any better since starting treatment? Yes | No
Degree of disorder: Minor | Minor-Medium | Medium | Medium-Major | Major
What do you do to ease the pain? Hwiyeon has been cutting on her stomach (so no one sees) and eraser burning since before her ED came about. She also has dermatillomania, which means she obsessively picks at pimples, scabs, chapped lips and other ‘imperfections’ on her skin.
What do you hate about yourself?

Fat
Ugly
Stupid
Lazy
Worthless
Terrible student
Inferior
Unwanted
Unloved
The worse child
Unnecessary on the swim team
Liar
Friendless
Unintelligent
Hated by everyone
Not photogenic
Squinty
Unworthy
Terrible sister and daughter
Bratty
Crybaby
Alone
Rigid
Needy
Nobody loves her
Nobody cares about her
She’s fake
Fashion terrorist
Stubby and blunt fingers
Ugly feet and toes
Her broad swimmer's shoulders

What do you like about yourself?

Trusted not to tell secrets
Kind
Keen sense of time

What IS good about you?

Easily trustable
A hard worker
Doesn’t easily give up
Supportive
Pretty smile and laugh
Smart
Her eye-smile and dimple combination

Who signed you up for this show and why? Her mother signed her up for the show. All other therapists that she had interviewed didn’t seem like they’d do her daughter any good, and she didn’t want to send Hwiyeon to an inpatient facility. She figured this might be her only chance to have her old daughter back.

Help Me

Mentor: Kim Jonghyun | SHINee
Mentor Personality: He is very cheerful and playful and loves doing things. Since Hwiyeon is a girl, he feels a need to protect her from both the outside world and herself. He’s very frank about things and sometimes spews whatever is on his mind, but at the same time he is very sensitive so he knows when to keep his mouth shut. He’s kind and a very hard worker. He can be a dork which makes Hwiyeon laugh.
How do you interact with each other? They’re kind of awkward with each other, but Hwiyeon is not a SHAWOL so it’s not that kind of awkward. Hwiyeon is super shy around him, which comes off as coldness, and doesn’t say much to him even though he tries to get her to talk to him or do something with him. Since she doesn’t spend a lot of time with guys, she’s not quite sure how to act with Jonghyun, and more often than not, pushes him away. She uses formal language with him constantly. In the beginning they both are reluctant to talk about her illness; him to ask, and her to bring it up. But eventually she warms up to him and starts talking to him more. After they are a bit closer they drop formalities and start spending a bit more time getting to know each other. Occasionally Jonghyun goes to her swim competitions or sits with her while she eats. Eventually he becomes the only person she feels comfortable eating around. He is willing to do anything for her.
First Meeting: When Jonghyun is told of the person he would be taking care of, he went to went to watch one of her swim practices and approached her after she finished changing for school. He had also just changed his hairstyle for a new concept, so she hadn’t recognized him from afar. (You can do this, or you can make something up yourself. It doesn’t matter much to me.)

Back-up Mentor: Kim Kibum (Key) | SHINee
Mentor Personality: He has a mom-like attitude and loves caring for things. He can be pretty loud, and occasionally whines, but he knows when to shut up and listen. He knows how to make a variety show with all his laughs and talents. He can sometimes nag, but mostly it’s overruled by caring.
How do you interact with each other? Similar to Jonghyun, Hwiyeon is a bit shy around Key, but she opens up to Key faster than she would have to Jonghyun. She still uses formalities, though. To her, it feels like Key actually cares about her rather than just using her to gain popularity. She’s intrigued by his diva-ish personality, which is so different from what she’s grown up with. She’s grateful to finally have someone who actually cares about her. The two get along, even if it is a bit awkward at the beginning, with Key being a guy and all. Key also helps her with her English.
First meeting: You can make something up yourself. I’m not very good with thinking that kind of thing up :)

Extra

Requested Scenes: A scene with Jonghyun and Hwiyeon, where Hwiyeon gets super upset about something and starts crying and yelling at Jonghyun, saying how he’s so thin and how he’s only in this for the money and doesn’t really care about her.

Or, a scene where Hwiyeon has been having an extraordinarily difficult day, with school and stuff and with filming on top of that. They’re taking a break from filming, and Hwiyeon excuses herself to go to the bathroom. When she doesn’t come back by the time filming is supposed to start, Jonghyun goes to check on her and discovers her nearly unconscious with blood dripping from her arms. This would probably happen right after the requested scene above. (If this is even allowed on the show. It’d sure put a twist in there ^^)

Or maybe there could be a scene where she and Jonghyun are sitting somewhere, and Jonghyun is trying to get her to eat since he’s really concerned about how little she’s been eating the past few days. But she keeps fighting against him and refusing to eat.

Or, a scene where Hwiyeon refuses to be filmed because she’s having a bad fat day or something, and it takes Jonghyun an hour of coaxing to get her to start filming.

A secret camera on her might also be fun once she and Jonghyun are close enough and she won’t be offended. Or maybe the secret camera could be on Jonghyun. Oh, the possibilities :)

BY NO MEANS do you have to do all of these. I’ve listed them in order of importance, most to least, and you only have to do one if you want :)

Did I miss anything? I don’t think so. If I did, I’ll change it and tell you.
Comments/Questions: Well, just so you know, I’m not a total SHAWOL so the most I know of Jonghyun and Key I learned from Hello Baby and other shows. So if there are any discrepancies in their characters then that’s why. :) I would have used a Super Junior character as her mentor, but somehow that just felt…wrong.
By the way, even though Hwiyeon doesn’t really have purge tendencies, please make sure that someone is always with her during the crucial hour right after she eats anything extra greasy or fatty or high in calories on the show. Who knows what might happen otherwise?? :) Anyway, I hope you consider Hwiyeon for your story! :)

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