I am crying... i have enough for the past few week.. everytime the lump goes through my throat.. i would just swallow it.. hoping it will be gone but I am crying now.. It just feel so lonely.. so ing lonely.. when i am in the same places i have been with my dear friends for the past few year but now.. It just me alone and i can help from crying when i return back to school.. I feel so sick living at home when its holliday but i feel like going home when i have to live in school.. even my Taemin pic won't help me smiling again.. it just feel so pathetic... Its like i don't belong anywhere.. The places where i always laughw with my friend few months ago now become a place i am crying alone.. I am 18 and i have good result with a fail subject in my academic certificate and i got dump by college just because of that though the let the one with grades lower than in the college.. how pathetic that make me... Am i that bad.. I was keeping myself so cause i don't want my parent to worry about me but everyone around me just making me pissing off at myself.. I feel like i am so useless.. Am i that pathetic.. I think so cause I am crying when I wrote this knowing I don't have my dear one i wanted so bad right now... I am always a crybaby around my friends but evrytime i fought with other or i cried.. they always by my side ... just being with them make me feel loved and safe but now.. i just have to lived here alone though there's so many person around me that i knew but it feel like they are stranger..

I want my mom to comfort me now so bad but i would never want my mom to see me crying.. it just make me more sad to know that my mom would be sad too if she saw me crying... i rarely cried in front of her and now staying alone in this empty room make me worse.. i want to go home but it will just be the same.. i will end crying alone in my room without no one knowing and knowing that just make me even feel so pathetic... When someone says that they can live without friends.. i just say that i can't without one of them.. I really can't live without them... Nothing would ever make me stop crying tonight when i had to sleep in the bed i used to share with my dear best friends.. It make me feel so bad.. So in bad.. I never expect this but i really want to start a new life or I might end up ending it than continued beeing just pathetic like this.. I feel like dumping all my social account.. I can't even wrote an update... i fee so bad that my head ache so much.... i feel so bad..

I feel so bad that I even thought about deleting all my story...

So ing bad that no one around me would ever read this.. no one... no one would ever know//