R E L A T I O N S H I P

I've been quite childish before well now it have to be changed. I hate teenagers phase.. it made me feel and act stupidly and i hate to remisnice back those time..

I really want to be someone mature, dependable by other.  Discarding that childish part of me could be quite hard. Erasing those past would not been easy. I hate to be what my past have constructed me into. I want to have a real love life and being appreciated by someone.. i have always stick to feeling to help me. I know i've got a strong intuition yet it never work in relationship department. I am quite dense in feeling and emotion. My best friend told me I am real dense on my face. truthfully maybe i have a serious trust issue. i usually trusted the wrong person and it always hurt me.

I knew i hurt others too. Wrong timing. wrong impression and wrong initiative.

I have a lot of crush but i never took them seriously. Probably i hurt several people on my dense account. It is my fault that i happen to attracted to guys with a lot of self esteem and charming mouth. Yet i am never brave enough to chase back. I could push those flirtation with my dense and blunt cover up. Was it okay to go for crush?

I am always afraid that the flame would put out so fast. a little spark sometimes are not enough to sustain a happy relationship. I was quite afraid for how people can fall in and out of a relationship as fast as i can blink my eyes. it was worrying when i am alone by myself. Keep wondering that probably i would be alone all the time. Is this a life crisis phase for me. LOL..

S T U D I E S

Yet I wish i will have a fun life in campus.. degree.. yayy.. a dream of mine. i was quite dissapointed with my CGPA. I have graduated with 3.51.  but to think back when i have the bad pointer in my first semester of campus. I tried hard the next sem so that i will raise my grade. I don't to be a dissapointment to my parents and i sacrificed a lot in three years. Social, lovelife, friendship. I keep the important ones only. Sleeps and gastrics in my campus life. three days without sleeping and bath infront the canvas.* GOD.. it was hell* Though i never think i could ever had migraine so bad in my life that i chop off my hair short really short with a scissor. the trip to the saloon a few weeks* i have to wait for my hair to grew a bit* later was really embarassing that i swore i would head to the hairdresser first thing every final semester. I finish my last semester with GPA 3.82. it make it all worths.

Yeah.. 2As and 1B.. i really in in interactive design. My lappy also agreed with me. I couldn't count how many time I have visited the technician. I breakdown crying actually a week bfore my final review in front the technician. The elder man actually had to consoled me and lent me tissues. It was a total embarrasment but the suffering was worth it.Though the sleeping order and eating habit ruined me a lot. Student life should be healthier.

I wonder if my blogpost have turn into my whiney diaries.. LOLOL