[PART OF Changtastic ℝeview & ℝecc Services.]

: : : : : : :

One Without the Other

Author: swabluu
Reviewer: aintyoufunny

>> STORY LINK <<

Dear swabluu,

I am really glad you're the first fic I get to review, but at the same time, I am incredibly disappointed because I actually enjoy correcting mistakes. I fear I will have nothing to correct.

I will start with your title and summary: they're okay. I'm not going to lie by saying I was incredibly impressed, but they didn't exactly disappoint me either. The title is just based on the summary, so I can't necessarily criticize/praise I did like your summary a bit more, though, because it was mysterious in its own way, if that makes sense. It sets up and implies that Heechul and Hankyung needed each other ("They said you couldn’t have one without the other."), but that they're going to somehow break in the end ("Perhaps Heechul took that a little too much for granted."). [TITLE: PASS]

Onwards with still the simple basics, everything was neat and such. Nothing wrong with it, and it was easy to read the text and such. [PRESENTATION: 5/5]

Now, with the actual story, I'll go over the things I don't like first, because there aren't that many things to address. I do kind of wish there was some sort of tense change, because everything is in present tense. For example, when Hankyung and Heechul first meet, I do think that should be in past tense, because you also describe their relationship afterwards with present tense.

And this, "The moment Heechul sees the apologic expression that still remains on Hankyung’s expression, however, his anger somehow dies away, even though normally, he should be snapping furiously all the more because he just cannot stand the apologies people give him because they have been burdened by something they have done to him." is a run-on, by the way. You're missing a semi-colon after 'expression' and a comma after 'all the more'.

Another somewhat minor thing is the conflict. Don't get me wrong - I love how everything turned out. It's just that the whole "I-almost-murdered-you-but-I-didn't-but-now-I'm-back" thing kind of seems... absurd. I do understand that Heechul's fame makes it harder for him to hide, but I was so confused as to why he couldn't have been something a bit less cliched. Like perhaps Hankyung's stalker who used Heechul to get dirt on Hankyung. Because ruining Hankyung's life while also ruining Heechul's seemed kind of... odd, I suppose. I get that it's because he knew Hankyung meant a lot to Heechul, and destroying Hankyung would mean destroying Heechul, but still... it's a bit... out of the way, I suppose.

Now onto the things I liked, I really did enjoy how the plot ended and began. It was suspenseful, and I was coming up with various reasons as to why Heechul was taking Hankyung's stuff. I thought the man might have been Hankyung's secret lover who blackmailed Heechul with his knowledge of Heechul's feelings (I am ridiculous, yes), or maybe he's SJ's stalker.

And your ending - oh my gosh, your ending. It is definitely my favorite part of the entire story. Hankyung walking away, that last flashback. Oh my gosh, it was just so amazing and it honestly broke my heart right then and there. It was just too perfect.

[PLOT: 21/25]

[ORIGINALITY/ENTERTAINMENT: 19/20]

Characters can usually be the reason I love or hate a fic. For me, characterization is key, because no matter how amazing a plot is, if the characters fall flat, then it just isn't worth it. For your story, I don't know whether or not I love the characters.

I sympathized with Heechul. I understood his reliance on Hankyung, and how much he loved his best friend. I loved how he thought he needed Hankyung more than anything else, how Hankyung was his anchor. But at the same time, I hated how weak Heechul was. I didn't like how the side shown to us - not the members - was weak, weak, weak. I would have liked it if Heechul stood up for himself at least once throughout the fic.

And with Hankyung, I really liked his character, too. He was quiet, but the dominant figure. He always seemed so understand and apologetic, which is why it somewhat bothered me when he wasn't completely understanding when it came to Heechul's situation. I do understand that Hankyung just wanted to help and that he suffered for his friend, but then again, after seeing how much Hankyung did for Heechul, I felt like he would've been mad and would've eventually forgiven Heechul.

(And that totally contradicts with the fact that I loved how Hankyung took that as the last straw and did not forgive Heechul.)

But I think this characterization thing was a one time thing and I don't necessarily have advise for it, unfortunately. It might have just been the conflict itself that made it hard to change it up.

[CHARACTERS: 7/10]

With the things that amused me: I really, really loved how Hankyung and Heechul first interact. Hankyung is innocently confused, and Heechul is struck with awe and maybe even anger, yet he doesn't find it in himself to yell back as he normally would. More than I like their characterizations separately, I thought Hankyung and Heechul's actual interaction was much more interesting, because it did show a little more truth into their relationship.

And let me tell you one of my favorite things about your story: the flow. The flashbacks corresponded so perfectly with everything! They fit together like puzzle pieces, and they helped move the story along so beautifully. [FLOW: 10/10]

And lastly, your grammar and such was spot on. :) Honestly, it was amazing. No tense errors, but there was a typo and such here. But I won't dock you on that because there weren't many (not even five, I bet), and I can tell you know what you're doing. [LANGUAGE/STYLE: 25/25]

As I assumed earlier, there really isn't much to critique you on. I wish I could have been more help, honestly, but I just couldn't come up with anything solid enough to help you on.

OVERALL SCORE: 87/95 --> 92% --> A-

(Note from the reviewer: I do review differently from the other reviewers, because I rely on the rubric a little more, you could say. I also show you the points, mainly for my own benefit to keep everything neater, and perhaps you were curious as to how the score was created. Hopefully that's okay with you! And thank you for being my first story to review... I know I'm not very trustworthy yet because I lack AFF experience.)