Ive been advised by online psychiatrist to go see them face to face immediately since like november? or earlier.

but i ignored and chose not to go so here we go again the demon got stronger :

Yesterday I diagnosed with acute psychotic  (with suicidal thoughts) so I must see psychiatrist immediately and consume meds for this mental illness. If it's within 1 month then I go seek help, it will not bring me closer to danger (yet). 2 online psychiatrist advised me to go seek help immediately but man - the meds and consultation theraphy that will cost me for this :) 

But i lack of resource and i just not too brave to come out yet about this. Cos if i'm about to go out then I must told ppl at home to where I'm going right then i just dont want to explain. And i kinda know that i will hear this from them : you should have pray! like i told you! 

and now it kinda takes its toll on me as well i struggle quite a lot now at work, i get easily exhausted as well. i dont know what to do.