To be honest, I hadn't even realized that 6 months had already passed. It still feels like it happened a day ago or a week ago or a month ago. Time stops for no one and eventually, everyone had no choice but to move forward, including me.

Jonghyun's birthday came and went. SHINee's 10th anniversary came and went. SHINee's first two MV's came and went. And, now, the third and last MV. I watched the teaser and to be quite honest, it made me emotional but I was prepared to face it. And, then, people were commenting about 6 months and a half year and when I checked the calendar, I saw it: June 18, 2018.

Somehow, I was mad at myself for forgetting because I always made a promise to remember. That every 18th, I would remember. 

It's exactly half a year since we lost him. And I'm still not okay. 

Everyday, I still think of him. Everyday, I still miss him. Some days, I write to him about my thoughts. Some days, I don't. Most days, when I'm outside in the late afternoons or early evenings, I look up to the sky to try and catch a glimpse of the moon. When I see it, I smile. When I don't, I sigh. But, I like looking up at the sky more in these last few months. I like to imagine him up there, relaxing on a cloud.

Some days, I say loving words to him. Other days, I say angry words because I hate the fact that he's not here. And a few days, I say sad words because I miss him and want him back, alive and well.

Sometimes, I'm at peace with the reality. But, sometimes, I wish desperately for time to turn back and for things to be different.

It's been 6 months. I'm moving forward. I'm healing.

But, I have not once stopped thinking about you, Jjong. Not for a single second. I miss you. I love you. I hope you're happy.

"Your short 'goodbye' becomes a long rain and falls down. Ooh, I don’t deserve even an umbrella. I’ve caught you like a flu." - SHINee, "Who Waits For Love"