Today my friend saw the keychain on my bag, and she said it's cute and asked me where did I buy it. I told her that my bff bought it for me and we are pairing them. Then she asked me if I ever bought her anything. I was stunted for a second because I couldn't answer her.

Right, what did I even do for my bff? Everywhere she went, everything she did, she thought of me first. When she has an extra of things she own, she thought of me first. Me? What did I do?

When I saw things that we both like, I thought of her too. I brought some sweets to an occasion where we must sit at seperate places, and I ran around looking for her to share the sweets together. Everywhere we go, we go together. That's how inseperable we are.

I might seem carefree and even insensitive in other people's eyes, but there's a side of me I only show to a certain someone. I'm not even sure what kind of person I am in front of her, but I know I want to protect her from everything that can harm her, which in another language is, “把ta捧在手心上宠”. 

Long story short, I am super confused with my feelings. I don't know if our relationship has surpassed friendship or not. I know very well that she only sees me as a best friend, but I might see her as more than a best friend. (I wonder if our feelings are mutual.) But when I'm with her, I'm completely comfortable. I don't feel flustered, or anything. I'm just happy to spend time with her. But when I'm not with her, I sometimes think of her a lot. Nothing's like the stories I read, like the dramas I rarely watch. There aren't drama, it's just... life.

I know, puberty. The age when my mind messes with my feelings and make me question things. This might not be love, or not even like. This year is an important year for all of us. I shall just focus on studies and others can wait. 

Stop being lovesick and start minding my own business, like her.

180430 (Oh my gosh this is so cringy sorry for dumping my personal issues here this is like the only site where really no one knows my identity)