Today, heaven earned another angel.

I tried to stay up as long as possible to find everything out as it was happening, but I fell asleep in hopes that there was still a 0.1% that he would wake up. I'm extremely upset.

Jonghyun wasn't just a typical idol, as for many other people, Shinee was the first group that I discovered back in 2009/2010 that got me into Kpop and kept me here. Shinee was my first bias group and I had a special place for Jonghyun because he was my bias. I've shed so much tears today.

Before Kpop, I was a walking mess. I looked like a drug addict and I was into such a fandom that had an extremely bad rep for crime. I would often wake up from nightmares, my mood was always ty. I contemplated dropping out of high school because there was no joy in life for me.... because I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up- because life was just so meaningless and all I saw was black and white.

When someone I befriended showed me them, I was just taken back. It was so different than what I was used to and within a week I had Lucifer stuck in my head. My eyes gravitated towards Jonghyun in awe. I eventually stopped listening to any other music and solely focused on Shinee and other groups.

When I discovered Hello Baby, it was the first time I had a breath of fresh air. It was also the first time I actually saw color in my world. It felt like 'This is where I am meant to be'. 

So, I'm extremely honored to have had Shinee and Jonghyun to be my every first group/member that got me into Kpop.

Jonghyun was a fighter. 

He struggled with his own depression, but more importantly he helped other artists in their time of need. Lee Hi is taking this pretty hard because he helped write 'Breathe' to help her calm down; who knew he needed that song more.

Jonghyun was a blessing that walked on this planet. He helped so many fans/artists overcome their depression, and he also fought for LBGT rights. 

He was an amazing artist, friend, brother and son, and teammate.

He will be missed, dearly.

Let his death be known that:

Depression is a real thing and no one is immuned to it.

Even the happiest of people are suffering on the inside.

Whenever you spread hate, imagine how it affects the idol if they saw it.

Instead of dictating their lives by bashing who they date, imagine how that feels to not be able to be happy over a basic human right.

If you see them, don't scream at them that you love them crazily. Ask them if they are okay.

I heard that Jonghyun is donating his organs. Alas, he is an angel till the very end.

To my fellow readers and friends,

If you need someone to talk to. I'm always here. I know I may seem like an with all my rants, but I'm just looking out for everyone.

Talk to someone if you are depressed or having suicidal tendencies.

Your life is precious.

Talk to someone.

Please.

고인의 명복을 빕니다 김종현 ♡

Rest in Peace, Kim Jonghyun ♥