Smiling. Laughing. Joking around. Those actions do not necessarily reflect happiness. Those actions can be easily faked. When someone asks you if you are "okay" you nod and smile and say that "yes you are" even if you're not. Even if you are breaking on the inside. Why? Because that person doesn't really care to know. The question is out of habit more than anything. That person doesn't want to deal with your . They don't care. Period. They just want to be in the presence of the "happy" and "smiling" version of yourself. And not your real self. Definitely not.

 Idols/celebrities have it worst. They HAVE to smile and be happy 24/7. Their lives are put on display for others to see. People pay to see a happy and smiling idol and not a "broken" one. They could care less about what's happening behind closed doors. And companies push their idols to their limit to make money. That is the only thing they care about. When you're famous, you don't know if people want to befriend you because they genuinely want to get to know you or because they want to use you (mostly it's for the latter).  They don't want to know your problems. They only want to be in the presence of the happy go lucky image you are known for and not the real you. Never the real you. You feel alone (you are in a way) and a part of you doesn't want to burden those around you. So suicide seems like the best option, to end the pain and to stop being a burden. I understand where Jonghyun was coming from. I understand why he did what he did. On numerous occasions he asked for help (lyrics, statements etc.) but why wasn't he helped? Sadly mental illnesses in SK (and the world) aren't viewed as important illnesses when they are. THEY ARE. Depression destroys you. It's not easy to deal with. Trust me I know. Jonghyun could have been helped. He could have been saved. He could have been only if his mental illness was taken seriously. Only if it wasn't neglected. Only if his cries for help were answered. Only then he could have been saved. And that is what hurts the most. 

That being said SUICIDE IS NEVER THE OPTION. IT NEVER IS. WHOEVER READS THIS, IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH SOME HARDSHIPS NEVER GIVE UP. AND REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT.  YOU MIGHT THINK YOU ARE BUT YOU ARE NOT.  SOME PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE WILLING TO LISTEN. THEY ARE WILLING TO HELP. BUT THEY CAN'T KNOW IF YOU ARE FEELING BAD IF YOU DON'T TELL THEM. THEY CAN'T READ MINDS. YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM. YOU HAVE TO. AND THEY WILL LISTEN. TRUST ME. THEY WILL. THEY WILL. AND YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO ME. I AM HERE. I AM WILL LISTEN. I WILL. SO DON'T HESITATE TO DM ME IF YOU WANT. I WILL BE HERE FOR YOU. REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
YOU NEVER ARE. YOU NEVER ARE.

The only thing that is left for me to say is the following, Jonghyun may you rest in peace. The world lost a precious gem tonight. I hope you're happy wherever you are.

#RIPJONGHYUN