Well where to even begin this was something that took me months to write... I had to stop many times just because my feelings were too overwhelming... But here we go KCON 2017... 

What to even say Other than I am dead... I died... I still feel like it was all dream

Yes that is how I am going to describe my Kcon experience a dream. This is what these few days were like..... a dream. 

Just as a warning this blog may be very very VERY long. And will most likely include lots of caps and boldness and color swearing and ect, ect, ect. If any one of you read my past concert blog you will know what I mean. 

I guess to start these few days are and will forever be the most important days of my entire life and I hope you all can understand why. And how special this is to me.

Okay I am going to go back a few months. When Kcon 2017 was announced. 

It was like late March early April I don't really remember but I was excited. I have been to both Kcon15 and 16 there was no way I wasn't going to go to this years. 

I remember the first round of artist announcements I got extremely excited. I saw KNK were going to go. And in this crazy kpop world KNK is one one the only few rookie groups that stood out to me. They are my current favorite rookies(along with KARD). So now I am like yesssssss this one is going to be good. But I really hope they bring senior groups this year. Last year the seniors were Ailee, Eric, and BTOB so I wished for older seniors... Hey I was jelous LA got SHINee SUJU SISTAR like... Can't we get them...

But anyway over the next week I was just being normal me, I was getting ready to see EXO I think I had already seen BAP the week before.... I think... But I knew I was going to see EXO soon (if you guys want to know how that went here is link) So that was what I was mainly excited for. 

I was all fine excited to meet my love Kim Minseok...But then Kcon decided to drop the hints.

I kid you not I started to have a panic attack. I don't even remember how I calmed myself. Just writing this now my heart is racing and this happened 6 months ago..... oh god its been 6 months... Okay I am not gonna cry not yet.

Anyway.... the moment I saw that smiley face and light bulb and to make it worse the coke bottle a hints. I broke down into tears. I lost it I was like no no no no no no no no no no no no NNNOOOOOOO 

I showed my brother the hints and he like it "Dude them its them."

I went to all the social media groups I am in and saw who they were guessing and quite a bit of people were guessing them and it made me even cry more. I was a complete mess. That entire week I was a nervous wreck. Even at work my coworkers where asking me if I was okay. And I tried to explain but just gave up or I would be over emotional. 

I would talk with my former work bestie about it. But I did try my best to not break down. All i did was get teary eyed. 

Then the day had come....Thursday was finally here.... I did my best to try and not get my hopes up. And I swear to you all with all of my existence I tried so much not to bring my hopes up. I would talk to myself in my bathroom mirror. "Carmen don't bring your hopes up. Why will they even come here. They are to busy to even think about it. No No No Carmen there are are other idols who love coke also. Relax woman. Don't over excite yourself only to be hurt." 

Now if you all don't know who went to kcon NY must be wondering "Ok who is this group she is talking about." 

Well let me go back to when I first got into kpop. Lets take a short trip down my kpop memory lane. 

I got into kpop early 2011. The way I got into kpop is kind of weird and there isn't really 1 reason that brought me into kpop. I was still a "big jpop" fan (i say that because I was only obsessed with only 2 or 3 jpop groups) in the beginning of 2011. For the majority of 2011 I thought I was in like a million fandoms. When now that I think back I was in a mess of things. I knew groups but I didn't really know know them if yall know what i mean. 

But anyway, I was kind of lost in the kpop world I didnt have that "first kpop group" That brought me in kpop. The way I truly got into kpop and in Korea was because I was channel surfing one day and I had KBS World as a channel and from then.... there was no human on this world that would pull me away. My family was going through a really hard time. I was a freshman in high school I was kind of the outsider even with my group of friends. And KBS World was my stress reliever. That was the only channel I would watch. I knew the entire schedule I knew what show was on, what show would be next, which shows where live streamed. I would lose sleep a lot just to see Music Bank. But even with that I still wasn't really in a fandom. 

Then I got attracted to someone on a certain show. He was on a show called Win Win. I don't know what it was but he grabbed my attention. But I didn't know where he was from. I didn't even know he was an idol. Then one a certain episode he was told to dance and named his group. 

And to remind everyone I had no idea about kpop and social media. I never thought about reaching out to other kpop fans to figure out how everything works. I only had anime and jpop friends. But it wasn't until late 2012 that I was more open with kpop fans. 

But lets continue I was falling in love with this guy and I wanted to researched his group and for the first time, in almost a year of being in the kpop world. I found a group I wanted to know everything about. I never felt like this with any group. I wanted to know everything. I tried to find all the shows they were on but at that time I only watched 1 due to some circumstances. But I fell hard and there was no turning back. I finally had a fandom. Then they returned in 2012 and it was my first comeback and I was excited I was learning about these boys for like 6 7 months and to see something new I felt like it was where I belonged. 

These boys ended becoming a big part of my life. I had to give up a lot of things during that time. I had moved, I had problems with my mom, I had to give up on my dreams. I was going through so much emotionally that these boys were the only ones that were there to make me smile when I wanted to cry. My new dream was to meet them and and tell them personally that they had saved my life. 

Sorry for being a little deep but its the truth. I wouldn't be here if these boys didn't appear in my life. 

But as years went on. My dreams of meeting my boys were becoming less and less. As groups began to have tours here in the US I always knew deep in my heart that my boys would never come to the US and in 2016 my feeling was conformed. That I would never see them as a whole. And I had given up that the closest I would ever get to see my ultimate bias group would be seeing SHINee and Exo. (Exo I have already seen twice....I STILL NEED TO SEE SHINEE BEFORE MY DUBU GOES TO THE MILTARY) 

2016 Was one if the best but also hardest year for me as a kpop fan. Best being able to see so many concerts and seeing how far I had come as a kpop fan. But hardest because I had to accept the fact that I could have lost the group I loved so much. 

But then something magical happened. I think I hid this to long sorry..... I didn't plan on making it this way. But

It was Thrusday a few days before going to see EXO it was 8pm est. I was watching KCON's FB live stream. My brother was doing something on his phone..... I was holding his hand. And just thinking of that moments I am getting all nervous again. *takes a deep breath* 

KCON was taking so long to do the announcement. I was sweating my heart was racing. I was probably not even breathing. Then they finally decided after who knows how long I was waiting. 

I couldn't watch anymore and I closed my eyes. I couldn't look....... and then I heard Plz Don't Be Sad . 

I screamed so loud that
1.) My brother almost went deaf.
2.) My mom who was outside with her human came running to see what the hell happened.
and 3.) I was a crying mess. 

HIGHLIGHT WAS ANNOUNCED FOR KCON NY. 

 

 

AS IN FORMALLY KNOWN AS BEAST!!! BEAST AS KNOWN TO MY KPOP FRIENDS AND FAMILY AS MY ULTIMATE BIAS GROUP! THE GROUP I HAVE LOVED FOR 6 YEARS! THE GROUP I DREAMED TO SEE! THE GROUP WHO STOLE MY HEART! THE GROUP THAT I NEVER THOUGHT I WAS EVER GOING TO MEET! 

 

 

Highlight was coming to NY. 
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HIGHLIGHT IS GOING TO COME TO ING NEW YORK!!! 

 

 

 

I am sorry guys but this means.. meant so much to me. I was running around all over my house crying and crying. That night I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about how I was going to be face to face with them. I was planning how I was going to meet them what I am going to say to then and so on and so forth. 

Over the next few months I was doing everything to be ready for this. I took out all of my beast stuff that I had. I thought It wouldn't be a good idea to take my beast shirt so I ordered a Can You Feel It? shirt. I also got my beast galaxy bag. 

Since I was on a budget, I was only able to go to one night of concert. The night where my boys were going to perform. So unfortunate I didn't get to see Twice, NCT, CNBLUE,and UP10TION. I do kind of regret not going to the second night... I am slowly becoming an NCT fan just a small one... 

 

I ended up buying P1 tickets because I needed to get that HiTouch and well.... let me go back up first. Let me talk from the beginning

 

 

Me and my brother left to KCON on Thursday June 22nd. We went our normal way, we took a bus from our small city to a bigger city to their train station. Took a train to Grand Central NYC. Since kcon isn't really in NYC we had to walk to another train station to got to the city where KCON was held. And once we arrived we walked about 15 minutes to get to the convention for early check in. 

We left our town at 7 in the morning and didn't get to Newark NJ (where kcon is held) until 2 in the afternoon. It was a long trip. 

Here is where I say dreams do come true and something out there was on on my side to make my dream come true. I don't really believe in religions.. But I know there is something out there in the universe that helped me those days...

So to continue me and my brother had already got our convection bracelets basics and then it was time. We were in line to to get our benefits. We waited in line for I don't know how long but I was really nervous. I was praying to get get that hitouch. And as we got closer my heart was racing my hands were cold, and it was a hot day adding to that my hands never get cold but they were freezing.  

Then we finally get there, I was shaking I feel like I am about to fall part I felt like I had a million things with me and then. We get the scratch off. Me and my brother go off to the side I am shaking my stomach is doing backflips and then we begin to scratch............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its blank

 

 

 

It was blank. I was confused so many people were around me asking if i got this person If i got this and someone noticed I got a blank and she told me there were vouches that were blank and told me to go to the people where handing out the vouchers to change them. And there we went to change out vouchers. And one again here comes the shaking and I scratched it once and I started to cry.

 

 

 

 

I GOT MY HITOUCH I GOT IT ITS IN MY HANDS I IS IN MY HANDS 

I WAITED 6 YEARS 6 YEARS AND HERE ON THE DAY I LEAST EXPECTED 

WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR ITS HERE ITS FINALLY HERE!!!!!! 

Writing this.... remembering the emotions I felt that day... I paused many times to whip my tear.

I actually have this voucher in my wallet. It is the first thing I see when I open my wallet. When this was in my hands I cried. I felt like the world for once was beautiful. 

I actually called my mom, and I cried. I called my mom and told her I am the happiest person in the world. I cried so much and I felt like I was floating. I keep this as a reminder that it wasn't a dream. It was real life and it happened. 

And all of this happened one day before. And yet there is still much more to happen. 

So not I have calmed down and waiting to meet my hotel roomies. So we all met up and some of us headed to the hotel while one stayed behind for klub kcon (I wish i had bought the klub kcon pass!! KNK showed up *angry cries*) Well somethings happened to one of my roomies so I had to go back to the convention to pick him up. 

But another amazing thing happened. I decided to take an uber pool back to the convention. And someone I would have never imagined was in my car pool.....

I don't know know if you guys know her but she is one of my favorite youtubers.... I rode in an uber car pool with FEI for HeyItsFei. 

SHE WAS LIKE IN THE SAME CAR POOL AS ME. LIKE WE HAD A CONVERSATION. WE TALKED AND AAANNNNDDDDDDDDD SHE FOLLOWED ME ON INSTAGRAM. 

SHE FOLLOWED ME ON INSTAGRAM AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH MY GOODNESS LIKE NOT ONLY DID I JUST GET MY HIGHLIGHT HITOUCH ONLY AN HOUR AGO BUT I RODE AND TALKED WITH FEI AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHI APPEARED IN HER VLOG ALSOOOOOOO

 

And to remind everyone this wasn't even the first day of kcon.  

I was in shock for the rest of the day. I was just floating. But as it hit night time. I was getting excited but I did fall asleep early. I needed to. June 23rd was going to be one of the most important days of my life. 

June 23rd, 2017

The day was finally here. The day I was waiting for for the last 6 years. I got up early for one reason. 

Did I ever mention Kevin Woo? You know Former member of UKISS.

No? Well he was going to KCON NY as a special guest. AND I WAS EXCITEDDDDDDD. 

Short back story UKISS was one of the first kpop groups I knew. I thought they were japanese well to make long story short my jpop husband is close to Kevin and thats how I discovered UKISS

But anyway when we got to the convention we got their around 8 in the morning... 2 hours before Kevin held a panel.... And there was already a looonnnnggg line. 

So I used my short people skills to sneak to the front.... I know bad. But still I GOT CLOSE

SEEEEEEEEE OH MY GOSH I STILL CANT BELEIVE I SAW KEVIN. (FTI I WAS ALSO IN HIS IG POST!!)

But that is how I started of my day. I made a plan. I kind of followed it. Kind of..... 

My brother was kind of grumpy that morning and decided to skip seeing Kevin. Which I am still mad at him for since UKISS was one of his first ub groups but whatever. But it kind of made sense since Kevin's panel interfered with something. 

I talked about getting my boys HiTouch. Well my brother in the other hand..... He actually got a Twice hitouch but he traded it for KNK (we should have sold it but eh)

But anyway Kevin's pannel started at 10 and ended at 11. 11 was KNK's fan engaments. And while my brother got hitouch i ended up getting audience so I was able to record it. 

I ended up running to the fan engagement. And I shouldn't have. I had sprained my ankle recently and wasn't really able to run. But i had too.... 

I did get front for audience.. HEHEHEHE 

Even though I did get there right when it started people just don't move when there is empty space so.... well I walked ahead. Don't take this bad habit from me but when I see an opportunity to get closer I will take that chance. Don't do this unless you are thick skinned. Got it!

Here is KNK at the fan engagement, (they are so tall Youjin threw me heart T.T and i didnt catch in on camera)

 

I didn't get perfect pictures since I was pretty far but I did get realllllyyy close at the concert.

So by now its noon and I am purely running on an adrenaline and a monster I chugged down at Kevin's panel. (Which was another bad idea I cant handle energy drinks well....) 

The entire day I was really nervous. Adrenaline + Monster not a good match

Moving on I had actually found something out. My boys were going to be out at a panel at a certain time. So you can guess

I went to that place right after KNK's engament and I waited 2 and half hours. It was not in my plans but I was going to take as many chances I could to see my boys. I was honestly shaking for like 80 percent of the day. 

I was going to lay eyes of the boys I always dreamed of seeing. 

After waiting over 2 hours and running around which once I saw my physical theripist I did get in a little trouble for running.....

ughhh i keep crying..... here we go

I saw my boys no more than 10 feet away from me.... 

 

 

 

 

This picture... I have a few others at this but this one is the only one of all 5 them without there being so many things blocking them....... 

But I want to tell you guys that... now that I am looking back to all these pictures and fancams... It is so hard to belive that I saw them.

This picture here

This moment 

This time

Highlight was in front of me. Highlight was right there. I waited 6 years. I dreamed for 6 years to see them. To have them this close to me. To have them right there. Like they are right there in front of my eyes. Right there. 

With all of my will power I did my best not to cry. 

I honestly don't remember how long they talked but it was probably 10 minutes then they moved to another panel and well I was going to follow but I realized it was time for something. 

After the group of people slowly followed the boys I wanted to find my brother. He then gave me a hug and I softly started crying. I didn't realize I was crying. All I can remember is hugging my brother and wiping my face. It was almost 3 in the afternoon and well....It was time. 

There was more that I had to do. So I held in my tears, I gathered my self up fixed myself a little bit and we headed to where the fan engagement was. My brother ended up getting an audience pass. He was supposed to record but his phone wasn't on my side (/-_-/)

But anyway. While I was in line I actually made an awesome line buddy. I just wished I got her number or something. She was such a great support. 

Why.. Well ...I was freaking out. I am not gonna lie. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. My line buddy did really help me a lot emotionally. We talked about 90's kpop (i am obsessed with 90's kpop). So It was a fun conversation. She talkled about seeing Turbo and GOD it was a nice distraction for me.

So while we were talking me and my line buddy hear a lot of screaming.... i get out of line for a second....

KEVIN WOO WAS INTERVIEWING MY BOYS ON ONE THE DANCE STAGES IT WAS THE REUNION OF XING (If you dont know what i am talking about google xing you will see)

I wanted to go so bad but i was in line for my hitouch so I couldn't. I whined for a while and looked over trying to get a glimpse of everything... And the next thing I know. The line is moving..... 

And once again I was freaking out. I felt like dying. I seriously did.

 I remember getting through security with so much anxiety. That day I believe hold the record of me having so much attack... It was definetly not good for my health... But Its UB group... I never thought I would see them. Let alone this close.  Even know after months have pasted just retelling this is making me so anxious. I feel like my chest is getting tight and ugh... I really do wish to all kpop fans nor matter how many concerts you go too. Meeting your UB group... It's nothing like you can ever imagine. I will go into more detail later.

But anyway to continue I remember while going into the venue for the fan engagement I showed one of the workers there my hitouch and  while I was going into the Hitouch area I felt like I was running. Which I most likely was. 

I remember talking to a few girls who were there that actually go to korea for the fan meetings and concerts and one of the girls she even showed me the pictures she took with the members. I was so jealous but I was probably more anxious than anything else. To remind  I hadn't eaten much. I don't even think I ate. I think I drank like 3 bottles of water instead. I was so nervous and ughh. I was just a mess of emotions. 

Next thing I know here comes the MC... WARNING WARNING MY SCREAMING AHEAD

 

 

 

 

 

This time I screamed to my hearts content. And once again was in shock awe came over me all over again. It was as if I didn't just see them half an hour go.

The boys talked about what they liked about NY and how they were excited to see their New  York fans so on so forth. I was pretty calm during that. I wasn't freaking out okay well yes I was but not how I was for the whole day. Then the interview ended and that is when my nerves came back. 

The MC said time for the HitTouch again here comes the nervous the excitement. My hands turned cold my hands were sweating my heart began to  race. But I made a plan I was going to at the end of the line. And that I wasn't going to be crying and I will cry towards the end

So I said before my line buddy she was my pillar if strength for this moment. 

She we are waiting to be near the end. I am seeing all these people and I am getting even more anxious. I wanted to cry so bad. But my line buddy was helping me hold myself together. I know I keep repeating myself but I am telling you I keep getting those feeling again now that am writing this. 

As we were waiting more like looking for the end of the line I randomly get this overwhelming feeling.

Like I had to do the hitouch right then and there. I had to. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't done it then. But I just knew I had to do it right then and there. So I told my line buddy lets to this. Right now. I don't know what I am going to do if I don't do this now. 

Like I said I was feeling so many things at this moment. I felt like time had frozen and I just needed to do this now. Something was telling me that I had to do that now or I don't know what would have happened. 

As I was getting closer and closer I started to panic. I was panicking I was hyperventilating. I just wanted something but I don't know what it was. And even thinking back it now. I don't know what I wanted. It was the first time in my entire life I had this overwhelming feeling.

I tried so hard to keep calm my line buddy was telling me take deeps breaths relax. I kept repeating deep breathe in deep breathe....

As I hit the barricade lining right before you go to near the stage I put my head down. I had my head down. I just thing I lost feeling in my body... The next thing I do is put my head up right before I walk up the steps I didn't realize I was next...

 

Next thing I know I meet eyes with Yong Junhyung...... 

 

I have his smile burned into my memory. The moment I made eye contact with him. I remember being stunned.  

I remember the moment when I held his hand.. I held his hand tightly and told him I love him so much. He told me he loved me also and When I heard his voice tell me that every tear I had held in came out. I felt as if everything was going in slow motion..... 

Next it was Doojoon he told me not to cry. Then it was Dongwoon he said also to please dont be sad. Kikwang said Be happy and Yoseob please be happy. 

I honestly don't remember exactly what they said I know it was along those lines. I told them I loved them with my broken crying voice and they acknowledged it. I didn't just touch their hand. I held their hand. I held their  hands with both of mine. I made sure it wasn't just a "touch"

Their hand's were so soft..... and and and..... How else am I going to explain this. How am I okay after this. 

Who would be okay, I held my hands with my ultimate bias group. I don't think anyone will be okay after holding hands and making eye contact with the group you love the most. 

Once again I am saying this... bringing back these memories... these emotions I am crying. Maybe because my mental health isn't the best at the moment or whatever it may be... I still feel the emotions from that day. Just brining back how I looked into their eyes... How I wasn't looking at a computer screen... It was them. LIKE THEM. I WAS TOUCHING THEM

 

Well moving one...Once I got off the stage I was a crying mess. I was gone I was done. My line buddy just gave me this biggest hug and all the girls that were around me we like its okay its okay. Telling me not to cry. Then my line buddy tells me they are talking again. I am just crying. My tears haven't stopped. As they are saying their goodbyes I just stare at them and think this was true. This is true. This happened. I am not alive. 

My line buddy really is the best. She was hugging me the entire way through... She even told me once I calmed down a little bit. My hitouch was the slowest. Like every it was just like 1.2.3.4.5 fast paced. While mine was slow and I took my time and enjoyed the moment. Which I did. I made it my goal to enjoy it.

Then the boys said goodbye and once again miss cries a lot started crying again. And some girls that were handing out Highlight banners saw and they were feeling the exact same way. 

Right after I saw my brother he hugged me and cried. I cried and cried. And we haven't even gotten to the concert yet and I am already with half of my voice lost and all of my makeup is gone my hair is mess and I just look like crap. Adding it was raining and humidity.... I knew I should have put it up...

 

After the fan engagement I met a few online friends and they know and well asked me how the hitouch was and well I cried. I was crying a lot. 

It was like 4 so I think me and my brother wanted to go to the red carpet but we weren't sure. We got in line but lots off people were cutting so we decided it wasn't worth it so might as well just get line for the concert. 

We sat with a group of girls and we talked a little bit but talking with then and just listening to them made me realize....I am one old kpop fan. 

But moving forward I forgot my roomie said she was holding our spot in line and we got to cut most of the line. And you guys will see how close we are and how my curse of 2nd row was half broken. 

But getting into the P1 pit was the most complicated thing I have ever done. No lie. First there were only 2 people scanning tickets and taking forever to check our bags. (Dont even get me started on bag check....)
Then we had to "walk" to get our bracelets. And oh my god...THEY WERE TAKING FOREVER TO PUT THE DAMN THING ON MY WRIST. Then to add they had to rip my ticket for some unknown reason. I have been to a few concerts there and they never ripped my ticket but whatever...

Once that was finally over we had to run. I ran with these wedges I have I use just for concerts. Since I am a small nugget I have these wedges that give me a 3 inch boost and yes I should've have run but I had too.... Like... Girl gots to break her 2nd row from barricade curse.

But...

Once again 2nd row behind the barricade..... It was still nice since my other b2uty friend was there. We cried a lot together just to let you all know... 

And my roomie was there after some hardship but we did it and here is where we were.

And the waiting game begins....

Here is where I stood.
 

It looks far. Well that because I was P1 the area for those closest to the main stage were the ones who were fifthly rich. Something I am not... If was a solo Highlight concert.... Well with 1.5k I might as well go to korea and watch them there live.

I was really close to the P1 stage... even something more magical happened... which I will talk about later on....

But here is just a small little fun thing. They were playing MV's of the artist of course so I saw my boys... and well of course I screamed and jumped and like I was omg omg omg... So the freak attacks begin again...

Then the lights dim.. And the P1 stage lights up...

 

 

Kevin was there and and 

SEE WHAT I MEANT WHEN I SAID I WAS CLOSE! FROM HERE ON OUT I AM GETTING P1 THIS IS THE BEST VIEWWWWWWWW

So... um yeah Kevin was going advertising about the next winder Olympics and stuff. We saw some dancers they got prizes so on and so forth....

Then Kevin says goodbye and..... WARNING CONCERT CARMEN IS COMING OUT

 

All I can really member now was how excited I was and it was finally happening. 

Well who is first up?? MY FAVORITE ROOKIESSSSS KNK!!!!!!!!!!

WARNING AGAIN MY FAILED FANCHANTS AND SINGING 

 

LIKE OH MY GOD KNK

KKKKNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKK

Sorry for that but I don't know what it is about KNK but when they debuted they caught my attention but at the same time I kind of shrugged them of... But now I have become KNK trash... like I adore these boys... 

Anyway Yes I mean failed fanchants because well... I spent so much time learning it and then I forgot... ;-;

But after I stopped filming I just sang like an idiot I don't care anymore... 

But after that som next came debut song..

 

KNOCKKKKK THE SONG THAT GOT ME CONFUSED FOR WITH MY FEELLLLLSSSSSSS

BUT BUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SONG THEY STARTED WALKING....

 

YES YESSSS THAT IS HOW CLOSE I WAS YESSSS LIKE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

EYE CONTACT MAN EYE CONTACTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Okay enough screaming for a few seconds... Trust me I will continue... But yeah the finished Knock they talked a little and then... It was the final song T.T 

AND IT WASNT U 

U WAS MY FAVORITE SONG THE TIME (now its rain... i have played it over 100 times) BUTTTTT THIS HAPPPPENNNEDDDDDDD

 

DID YOU SEE IT DID YOU DID YOU????? NO 

LOOK WHAT I CAPTURED

SSEEEEEEEE WHAT I MEANNNNNNNNN SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE JIHHHUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN

LIKE YOU ALL SEEE THISSSSSSS EYE CONTACT FOR LIKE .5 SECONDS BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT EYES CONTACTTTTT

Okay deep breathe... so this happened again.... but with Seungjun.... BUT I DIDN'T CATCH IT CORRECTLY I ONLY CAUGHT THE BOTTOM HALF OF HIS BODYYYYYY *CRIES*

Anyway... that was the end of KNK I was happy and I saw KNK ughhh my heart.... 

Moving on... KNK left the stage and then... I saw 2 people go on stage. I memeber of SF9 and Gfriend.... I post no picture because well.... They are super blurry and well yeah.... no...

BUT-----

I SAW 2 HUMANS COME ON STAGE AND I WAS ON THE BRIDGE OF TEARS AND I HATED HOW MY CAMERA COULDN'T FOCUS WHILE I WAS FILMING

MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY 

MY WONNIE MY LOVE MY MAKNAE I AM WATCHING HIM PREFORM HE IS ON FRONT OF MY EYES HE IS RIGHT THEEREEEEEEEE

 

 

So.... takes a deep breathe... yeah I saw My Woonie... I heard his voice... and he was singing in english... Ugggg I am not going to cry...

But yeah I was choked up and my b2uty friend... She was crying.. I hugged her and told her not yet. Wait we will see them back.. ...

Now lets move on... After we relaxed a bit who was next? 

SF9!

I wasn't really familiar with SF9 but they were amazing! Now 6 months later... I am starting stan them... why because O Sole Mio I am weak when it comes to Spanish concepts... Weak... 

But they started of on the main stage they were amazing..

I didn't record a lot of SF9

I just recorded 1 or 2 fancams...

 

I am still in shock how close I really was *looks out the window...* I am so lucky sometimes...

Well during SF9's talk they did this spin the wheel thing and a lucky girl got to attention from the members and it was cute and funny. It was fun.

After that up next was GFRIEND.

I am still mad that KCON doesn't bring many girl groups. Like... why... does NY get the short end of the stick... T.T 

But GFRIEND was great really good. I am not really a fan of GFRIEND but they looked so cute.

 

I didn't record much. I mainly recorded for my cousin who couldn't go. His favorite girl group is GFRIEND so I did record for him.

After Gfriend I was getting nervous who was going to be next. We only had 2 more artist left and I am like... Okay is it time... Like after watching so many fancams for years... Was it finally be a fan in those fancams....

Well... My heart rate was going up again and I was on the bridge of throwing up. Like literally I felt like I was going to barf any moment now. But a smooth R&B voice came on to relax my inner turmoil

The one and Zion T

I being the idiot I am didn't record any of Zion T's performance.... I always do this. But my brother got a few fanams so its okay well for me anyway....

But in all honesty his set really calmed me down I was a mess on the inside and I felt like I was going to explode... So I am glad Zion T did. But I learned something about myself.... I have trying to learn korean for a while (I fail because why... I dont study everyday) Anyway... There was a song he sang and for some odd reason I could understand what he was singing.... I don't know.. Just a random fact from the concert...

Anyway... Zion T finished his set.... 

And again.... anxious me is back. Right when I think it is time to see my boys... They show a VR of past KPOP hits and I here thinking are we getting a repeat from last year.... Quick memory lane story. Last year for Kcon seventeen performed Suju's Sorry Sorry and DBSK's Ballon which I freaked out I was like OMGGGGG I have the fancam of it. Trust me I was hilarious

So I thought they were going to go way back when... But not really. More like 2015 which I still screamed sang. I debated putting the fancam... but I will be sharing more embarrassing ones so why not

 

 

Yes SF9 covered EXO's Call Me Baby and I was singing like an idiot and I ruined others fancams! Which I feel horrible about.... I was just excited... But anyway yes I was singing and fanchanting.. I couldn't help myself. I had leaned all of Exo's title tracks fanchants and Well it is a habit now.... Even to this day when I listen to Exo subconsciously I do the fancants...

But anyway. After SF9 did Call Me Baby they also did BTS Boy in Luv...i may not like BTS at all but Boy in Luv is my guilty pleasure song.. 

But it baffles me how "older kpop" has come to this... It baffles me... To me old kpop is SECHSKIES, HOT, GOD SES, Fin.K.L, Uhm Junghwa, Gungmo.. and early BoA, DBSK and Suju....

 

 

But enough of that.... the moment I have been waiting all day. The moments I have dreamed of. What I was finally waiting for...

FINAL WARNING TO THE END OF THIS BLOG THERE WILL BE BLOOD CURDLING SCREAMING, CRYING, FAILED SINGING, FAIL FANCHANTS AND THE LIST WILL GO ON JUST BE PREPARED FOR ME TO BE DYING 

BECAUSE HERE COMES THE MEN I LOVE ARE FINALLY ON STAGE 

 

THE FINAL PERFORMANCE! LIGHTS DIMMED! THE VR PLAYED!
YOON DUJUN
YONG JUNHYUNG
YANG YOSEOB
LEE GIKWANG
SON DONGWOON
HIGHLIGHT WAS FINALLY ON STAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

 

YES I SOUND LIKE CRAP BECAUSE I HAD ALREADY LOST 80 PERCENT OF MY VOICE BY THEN BUT I FOUND SOME TYPE OF INNER BEING THAT MADE ME SCREAM!!!
HIGHLIGHT WAS ON STAGE MY BABYS ARE PERFORMING.

But to tone it down for a second... looking back on my fancams I started crying... Because  I relived this moment But I will talk about it more later... Back to the screaming

I I I I I I I I I I I I 

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT IS HAPPENING IT IS HAPPENING 

LIKE LIKE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PLZ DON'T BE SAD THEY WENT TO THE P1 STAGE AND AND SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED LOOK

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN!!! I HAD BROKE MY 2ND ROW CURSE THANKS TO THESE AMAZING PEOPLE

Let me put down the caps for a second... To get a little serious... These girls who let me go in front of them... I know I may never see them again.. But I wanted to thank them so much. Just like my line buddy... I wish I could have gotten their number or something so I can treat them so something yummy. They don't know how much it meant to me. And I wish I could see them one more time so I can thank them properly without me and my crying bursts.... Ugh.. I just really wish I could thank them properly. 

So here we are I broke my 2nd row curse... for the first time EVER I was finally front row... I didn't have heads blocking my way. I didn't have people's hair go in my mouth... I was there in front and not just in front of anyone.. It was my boys...

So the next song they performed I expected. Calling you. And once again I was singing like and idiot... You will see in the fancam..

But the 2 songs they performed after.... I was caught off guard.... First one was YeY...

They performed YeY... THEY PERFORMED YEY! Like I have bittersweet memories with it. Once again I will explain later on... And yes I was singing my head off. Yes I was crying and singing Yes. 

But after YeY they had another talk as you will see in the fancam (if you do see it in full.... its like 13 minutes long) But you all can just skip around to where I want yall to see. Anyway. After YeY they also did a wheel of fortune... And well from what we saw from SF9 the girls in my area wanted to me to you know be the one picked... But it was group photo.. We all thought maybe with a fan but it wasn't they ended up taking a picture with the entire stadium...

But right before they walked to the main stage... Around 9:08 as they were leaving Doojoon noticed I was crying... So I don't know if he remembered me as the crying girl from the hitouch but he blew me a kiss... 

And as you guys will notice I didn't catch it on camera... And I will tell you guys I searched every Highlight fancam I could to find my kiss... But Nope. 

My brother tells me that it was meant as something special between me and Doojoon... Which I still have the engraved in my memory just like Junhyung's smile during the hitouch...I still wished I caught it.. 

But yeah the photo happened and what I thought would be the last song.. Well I was struck...

Good Luck.... GOOD LUCK 

GOOOOOODDDDD LLLUUUCCCCKKK

IT WAS A SONG A DID NOT EXPECT AT ALL I WAS STRUCK AND YES YOU GUESSED IT I SCREAMED 

 

This was probably the longest fancam I have ever recorded.I tend to try and record a little bit if each song so I can have the rest as memory but this time I recorded almost everything. Now that I think about it I think it is because Who knows if I will ever see them again... 

But anyway I will touch base on that after.. So yes they sang Good Luck like i was blown away I thought I was dreaming... Like Ughhh I am crying... 

I thought they were going to end the there... But then I heard the beginning of Beautiful Night.... 

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH 

Guys to me Beautiful Night isn't just any song...for me it was my first everything. My first comeback, my first poster, my first album, I even bought myself the Limited Edition version of it. Beautiful Night was the song that made me a full B2uty. And I saw it live...

The only person who has good fancams is my brother. He is the one who took the Beautiful Night fancams. I did record when they were near me but they are just awful sound quality.. So I will just say.

That song ended a Beautiful Night........... (no pun intended.. okay maybe a little intended) 

After of course all the artist came onstage to say one last goodbye.. I thought I filmed everything but I ran out of storage... so I didn't get the last goodbye...

 

So there it is... I heard the backgroup voice thing say well thats it for tonight see again next year... And well thats it...

All know is... once my roomie and my brother saw me they put me in a huge hug. And All I did was cry and cry and cry. I went also over to my B2uty friend and we hugged each other and cried.... I think I took some confetti I have no clue where it is now... But then we realized... we have to see them say goodbye.... 

I think we took our time though... Or did i run.. I don't remember... I think I ran. But my other roomie she saw me once we were outside and she also gave me a hug and I cried even more...  I think It was then when we realized we had to run to see the artist goodbye...

We did end up getting there on time. So it was really funny actually. We were all trying to figure out who it was... We only saw hands wave.. I didn't even see my boys go. But I know they saw me.

But here is something really funny. There was a van that was waving a KNK sign and next we know Inseong's face is pressed on the window xD

I got scared but laughed. He is so adorable. 

After that we all went to get some food. And off back to the hotel we went. 

We all talked about the concert my roomie actually caught a bear Gikwang threw so we played with it. I took a picture with it and yeah... 

We tried not to talk about my because I would break down crying. 

I remember I took a shower ate and went to sleep. I woke up  a few times that night because my throat really REALLY hurt and is the end of day 1 of KCON...

The next morning I said bye to one of my roomies she had to leave. I said bye bye to Kiki Bear also. 

It was early but I couldn't go back to sleep. So I talked my best friend and I did a few things for her. We got up around 10 me and my brother decided day 2 would be the day we walk around get free stuff buy stuff. Enjoy the convention. Which we did. 

I actually got a fan pass to see CNBLUE so I went with my best friend I had no voice so I did like this air scream xD

We also got to see UP10TION real close.  It was so random. Me,my brother and my best friend we went to a panel it ended so we went to look for something to do and the next thing we see UP10TION.... Up close Which was just pure luck. They looked really cute... But someone need to take care better care of their hair...

Honestly the second day of KCON was more like a blur to me.. I was still you know on cloud 9. I was in denial. At the convention they his this cut out of my boy and every time we walked passed it... I had too look away.. Because I would cry... 

Since we didn't have tickets to the concert. Around 5 in the afternoon my best friend went to the red carpet so we said goodbye. I felt sad since I don't see her often. (she lives in New York  l well live in my small state Connecticut) So I was sad to say bye. Its been six months... and I miss my best friend...

So thats it. After me and my brother got back ot the hotel we ate he opened the album I bought for him (BAP of course) I bought a Highlight towel banner, signed stickers.. we got some face masks. That was it. We enjoyed our time left in the hotel. When our roommates came back we talked about the concert and went to sleep. 

Then next morning... well it was time to go home.. I woke up early to pack. Me and my brother said goodbye to everyone and off home we went... 

I cried a lot my way back home... I felt lost. Well I suffer from this every concert every convention

Post concert depression. And of course it was bad. To this day I would randomly think back and well Junhyung's eyes would pop into my memory.. and I cry... 

But I realized something as time went by. There is still one person I have yet to meet. Jang Hyunseung. 

When Hyunseung left beast I was lack of a better word a mess. I touch base on it a little earlier in this post but when I saw Highlight I thought my dream was complete. But I realized I wanted to meet Beast. I want to meet all 6. And I have only met 5. There is still one more left. 

That's why when I saw Highlight I felt lost. I accomplished what I have always wanted. But I realized.. It only for 30 minutes.. Like really. I need a full concert. Which I will wait for even if it is after they return from the military. 

Adding I still have to meet Hyunseung. I never talked about the departure of Hyunseung well... I didn't know how too. When I saw beast as 5 I could not accept it. Yes I cheered for them. But in the back of my mind I needed Hyunseung's voice. But when the 5 members re-debuted as Highlight... I see see them as 5...Don't as me why because I still dont know.

So when I saw them perform YeY thinking about it now... It was the last song they ever sang as 6. That's why to me YeY is a bittersweet moment for me.

1so Of course I wish I see my OT6 again but as long as I meet all 6 of them. Then I will say my full dream came true...

Well I think it is time to end this. Everyone thank you for taking the time to read this long 9.1k word blog.. I forget what I had to explain so yeah.. It was most likely my feelings... 

But anyway thank you for reading this and seeing reading my journey with to meet my UB group. I do wish to every kpop fan out there who has yet to meet there UB group/Bias... 

It is something that will stick with you forever... It is a memory that will have so much emotions every time you think about it. Every time you talk about it. I still cry when I think back to June 23rd. I still get this rush when I talk about it. 

If you ever have the chance too meet the group you love take that chance and do everything you can to see them. After meeting my boys I know it is a memory I will cherish forever. 

I got to meet Highlight/and Kim Minseok. Its something when I get older and have my own kids... Its is something from my youth that I will never forget. 

Oh and on a side note before I forget... If you guys watch Mnet's video of Highlight's Plz Don't Be Sad kcon performance..... I am in the videoooooooo towards the end... a girl with black shirt and blue black hair with a highlight banner jumping.. thats me! I did notice the camera man with the camera on me during their performance but I didn't think I would make it to a video!!!! 

Now okay that is the end I swear. I honestly don't know when I will do another concert blog.. I have been having personal issues so I have not been able to attend any concerts since KCON... I missed KARD and Day6 *cries* 

But I will be around writing. So if anyone wants to really go deeper in my convert experiances. Let me know... I might write a blog on how old I feel as a kpop fan.... Or as how Kim Minseok is worrying me because of my mental health...

But either way thank you all again too all who read this and helped me show my emotions I had and still have since I met my boys. It took me a long time to write this. I feel like I am closing up something... I am just a crying a mess... I hope you all felt what I felt when I was there. It will always be the moment I wish to relive at least one more time..

Until next time *goes cries because fully accepts it was real and its over*