Ever imagine what it would be like if everything was just as you imagined? It would’ve been pretty perfect to live in a pretty world, don’t you think? Everything you wanted is happening in your life. All the worries and messy events in your life never exists. What does it feel like. You, just being happy and contented.

Hell no. That’s just fiction.

What do you know? What do you want to know? Old people would tell the younger generations how amazing it was when they’ were still young. How fun and exciting it was. Every little girl would always dream about being the main lead princess in their fiction life. Imaginations. Delusions.

Scratch that.

I was different. I never had those glittery princess type dreams with castles and prince saving his damsel in distress.

Kinder, I had a crush. I bought a candy with a quotation saying I like you. And gave it to the girl I had a crush on.

Elementary, that’s when I knew I’m comfortable with dating girls. Without knowing I already came out of the closet, I confessed to a girl and had a relationship. But I started doing ty things and ended the relationship. Same with the second girl whom I hurt the most.

High school, that’s when I knew I’m too naïve to even expect that someone would like me. Because every time I tell them I like them, they would freak out and push me away.

I’ve been through relationships to awkward friendships to unrequited love. And it all sums up with reason of: I was not the one they wanted. I’m not enough.

Yeah, I think they’re right. Because maybe if I’m good with jokes or maybe good with making them look good in front of other people. Maybe just maybe they might like me. Or love me.

I guess It’s all gray and lur now. Funny, I’m starting to get emotional and lonely.  I’m starting to feel it.

In the middle of the crowd, I’m the black and gray. Waiting endlessly.