No was supposed to be my answer.

One sip was supposed to  be the last.

Never was supposed to be my promised.

But here I am again, doing everything I told myself not to do again.

Tempted and thirsty.

Thirsty for water? Ha, alcohol beverage is what I’m talking about. And everything that I was addicted to.

I didn’t want to but I wanted to take the risk.

 I don’t want to speak but I opened my mouth.

 I didn’t want to drink but here I am, walking  letting my feet lure me in to my death in the street.

I didn’t want anyone to accompany to go home.

I don’t want anybody to tell me” lets take her home.”

I don’t want that.

I don’t.

Really.

I just need it.

Even for just this night.

To care for me. To take the risk to go with me in to the dark night in the street willing to protect me and walk with me.

But what got me drinking in the first place?

You.

That pretty smile. That pretty eyes. The memory of you leaning on my shoulder while watching the rolling credits of the movie in the theater flow down to the other end of the screen..

As I drink up the alcohol sweetly burning inside my mouth. I suddenly asked myself the three questions I  in my mind for 3 months.

What did I do wrong?

Was I enough?

Was it a right or wrong decision to take the risk and ask you out in the first place? Knowing from the start you will play around and break my heart  because I know that I will assume and expect again from someone I don’t know and fall in love right then and there.

And here, I realize It was a big mistake.

You are my big mistake.