Yeah the story continues…

If you read my previous post (tadaa) you already know what happened and what my situation is. And now I just made a complete fool of myself. Or at least I think I did. :’)) [Btw maybe it will become a habit for me to write about him from now on because I felt much more relieved last time. But really, it totally helped.]

 

So what happened…

We have a winter break at the university (it ends on Monday bruh :’( ) and I spent most of my time at home but I went to Budapest on Thursday because I met my friends. You know, a last drinking before everybody has different schedules due to the studies. It was the usual gang although some of us were missing and couldn’t camp but yeah the important thing is that what about ‘A’.

I didn’t know if he would come or not because all I knew was that he would go skiing again I-dunno-when. But I was secretly hoping. That day I still didn’t know what about him because when I met my friend and we got on the streetcar she suddenly remembered that he didn’t ask A what his final decision was. Because he said maybe he came, maybe not because he was a little sick. So she wrote him a message.

At the bar A’s best friend told us that he told him that he went to the theatre so it was really confusing because we had two different explanation and I was a little upset but after that I cared about the people and my drinks. My lot of drinks. O_O We can say that I got drunk again (6 shots, 3 or 4 rose spritzer and 1 Screwdriver … why did I do that to myself?? why???) and halfway through the evening my friend told me that A would surely come. Because she was texting him (in the theatre wth) and he even asked where we were.

I was beyond happy but nervous at the same time. One of the girls even asked me how we were because she didn’t know what happened after New Year’s Eve and I told her that we talked about that and now we stayed friends. And she was like ‘I’m curious what will happen later because I’m sure it wasn’t the end’ and I was like ‘Okaaaay think that if you want.’

But the main thing. We were upstairs and talked when someone came. I looked to the right and it was A but I immediately turned back to my friend. I was soooo embarrassed. But everybody started to talk about him because he got a new haircut (a really really nice haircut tbh, omg he is way much cuter and more handsome than before and why he has to do this to me whhhhy) and how good he looked. I didn’t even dare to look at him lol. So the time passed and when I came back from the counter my friend told me that she goes out with one of the girls to eat pizza. I said okay, then went back to our table where there were only 4 other people: my friend’s twin, her boyfriend aka A’s best friend and the girl who asked me about A. So I just silently sat down to the end of the table because that was my place when my friend’s twin asked why I don’t sit closer and pointed to the seat next to A. I was just staring at that place and everybody was staring at me so in the end I murmured something and sat there.

And the awkward thing. As I told you I was pretty drunk and I can’t really remember but I started to talk to A. And when I’m drunk I talk a lot. Like really-really lot even more when I’m not drunk. And yeah my victim that night was A but I don’t know what we talked about. The things that remained: his dog, how the theatre was (he didn’t even know the title lol) nd his school and I dunno. I remembered that there was something with my tattoo too but today my friend told me that yeah we started to talk about why I had my tattoo made on my middle finger but then I showed her my middle finger with the writing ‘Smile’ on its side and she understood. Plus I told them that because I can hide it with my index finger. I remembered it but she told me that I didn’t stop there and it was my topic for a long time. Sooo embarrassing.

The other two things I remember that the summer topic came up among the people a lot of time (you know the summer house I was talking about in the previous blog post) and I told A something about it and he was quite surprised and said “According to these you’ll come too”. I don’t know what he means about it and I regretted I hadn’t asked if it was a problem or not. x3

The other thing that I apologised to him again about asking if he was gay…….. And I can’t tell you how I feel about this. Really. Just… I want to disappear….

So I was ‘entertaining’ A and I dunno when but he started to put on his scarf and coat. And I asked if he was going and he said yes because he was still a little sick. But he hoped that I wouldn’t get lost (seems it became a not-so-funny inside joke between us, maybe he is annoyed by it, I can’t tell) and I crossed my arms in front of my chest and said that last time he promised that the next time he will accompany me (it was in October so it didn’t make sense but leave it alone xdd). He asked really and then he told me that then I should go now with him if I want that but I just stayed at my place and didn’t go. Because yeah I really don’t know how he said these things: he was joking, he was serious or he was annoyed. So he left but before that he said goodbye to me separately like ‘Goodbye E…(my name lel)’ and then to the others. Again I don’t remember with what kind of tone he said that.

After that I talked to the others but somehow I asked A’s best friend what he knew about his opinion about our thing but he just told me that he didn’t know. He tried to ask A a lot of times but the answer was always not useful at all and equal to an I-don’t-know. Literally. But he will try his best to arrange it (he was a little drunk too).

So this is how I made fool of myself. Because I was really annoying and told a lot of things again. And the next day I got a really bad hangover but I decided to apologise to A because maybe I made him feel uncomfortable. Or something. And I felt so bad for him that he had to bear me.

Here’s our conversation (we talked in Hungarian of course xd):

 

Me: Hi

I just wanted to apologise for the last night if I put you through awkwardness.

I really should stop speaking this much at times like this.

 

Him: Hi you really talked a bit much but you didn’t put me through awkwardness.:)

 

Me: :)

Next time I will try to /my friend’s name/ tire out:D

 

Him: As you think:)

Me: I don’t bother you further, that’s all I wanted.

Oh and get well soon:)

 

Him: thanks

 

 

Aaaaand that’s all. :’DDD The good thing is that I feel that I can move on (I still have strong feelings for him and all but now I feel alive again xd).

 

And now that I wrote down these I feel better again. :D <3