our forgotten memories : tak eunchae ( 탁은채 ) | ❝ do you not remember me..? ❞
our forgotten memories : tak eunchae
❝ thank you... for never giving up on me ❞
character name : tak eunchae ( 탁은채 )
nickname (s) :
+ ) mallori : mallori is eunchae's actual first name bestowed upon her by her grandmother while eunchae is her middle name. for the first fifteen years of her life, this name was predominantly what she was referred to as; however, significant events occuring in her fifteenth year resulted in her using her middle name before moving to korea altogether. of recent times, her grandmother and her step-grandfather are the only people who still really call her this.
+ ) giselle/my little prima : a dancer of ballet, her father often referred to her as his 'little prima', considering the amount of potential she had in her to be a great ballerina. when eunchae was around five years old, she found complete admiration towards the ballet titled giselle after watching her father perform the as premier danseur. to eunchae, everything about the ballet was so beautiful that she swore that she'd work hard at it to one day fulfill the role of giselle. percisely why her father also referred to her as so.
+ ) laundromat girl : the nickname is in reference to her first meeting with min yoongi. prior to even friendship, he referred to her as such because he didn't know her name. even as a couple, he sometimes calls her this to bring back memories or . in return, she'll call him 1000 won.
+ ) yoongi's girl : it's a sort of nickname that makes her laugh a little bit. it's what many of yoongi's professional relations and a small handful of yoongi's unclose friends refer to her by due to a lack of actual association with one another ( yoongi gets a little protective tbh ). and because there is no name on the table, only because yoongi introduces her to these people as simply his girl, they're going to have to call her just that.
birthdate + age : may 02, 1993 ; 22 years old
birthplace + hometown : newport, rhode island, usa + seoul, south korea
languages :
+ ) english : native - having been born and raised in the united states of america, it is reasonable that she would have a native linguistic standing in the language.
+ ) korean : fluent - raised by fully korean parents, she was taught the language growing up. it was particularly her mother, a native of korea as opposed to her americanized father, who believed that keeping their culture active in their lives was of utmost importance.
occupation : student - eunchae currently attends k-arts as a partaker in the department of dance performance and specializing in ballet.
faceclaim : krystal jung ( f(x) )
backup faceclaim : irene bae ( red velvet )
personality : from an outsider's perspective, tak eunchae is often viewed as someone who is serene, calm and cool, practically the embodiment of sophistication and grace. she also presents a strong air of confidence as if she could step on you as if you were a bug. but truly, she is very polite, good-natured, and amiable, making it almost effortless for people to find a liking towards her. as a person, she is empathetic, being quite relatable to others, and compassionate, radiating an aura of welcoming and warmth at almost all times. while it is not so negative a trait, she can be a little worrisome of a person. nonetheless, people will find that she's very easy to talk to as she is quite broad-minded and open to any topic, and she never really judges others for their musings and actions.
she does have a bit of a cynical side due to growing up with colleagues talking behind her back, but gaining her trust usually means gaining her trust for a lifetime. for the most part, eunchae is not one to be afraid to be outspoken and forthright to someone, especially when it comes to ballet. she can truly sharpen her tongue, and as painfully honest as she can be, she's usually correct on some terms. likewise, there are times, just rarely, which it just slips out and uses wording that could probably be a lot better, causing wrong interpretation and misunderstanding. additionally, she has an inclination to conceal her more negative feelings such as sadness and anger as she is the type to bottle up her feelings, and it would take a substancial force to break her down. but when the emotions do come out, they can deeply and significantly affect her in life.
background : long story short; eunchae was brought into this world on a temperate early morning on the second day of may as mallori eunchae tak, the only child and the pride and joy of her parents. growing up, she particularly had a strong bond with her father due to ballet. she often seen as a prodigy though many collegues tried to shoot her down because they say that she's only in her position because of her father. starting at age twelve, she attended summer courses at the school of american ballet, and there was talk of her being a strong dancer in the new york city ballet, and she was even featured in a magazine as someone to look out for, but when her father died due to a car accident with a drunk driver when she was fifteen years old, she ceased all of her activities out of complete devastation to losing her beloved father. and as if erasing mallori tak from the earth, she started going by her middle name, eunchae.
she moved with her mother to korea that same year, and had a brief encounter with a boy who at the time she did not know was called min yoongi. after the encounter, she thought about what if they would be attending school together and left it at that. she attended school at a performing arts high school, and her principle, because eunchae was a special case, gave her special treatment and allowed her to come to classes when she felt like it and reserved a practice room for her to encourage her to be active in ballet again. then, she met him again. she initially rejected him of his offer to friendship due to her trend of isolation, but his persistence is what started their actual friendship. they supported each other throughout high school, and when he asked her to be his girlriend, it was practically the happiest day.
following their graduation from high school, eunchae's mother died of cancer. there was the possibility of her moving back home in rhode island to live with her grandparents, but she ended up moving in with yoongi's family instead. in attempt to gain her life and dream back, she applied to several fine arts universities before choosing k-arts, and the rest is history. you know, she doesn't remember falling in love with min yoongi. but she remembers holding his hand and realizing how much it was going to hurt when she would have to let it go.
likes :
+ ) high-rise platforms - according to eunchae, places such as rooftops, balconies, and mountains show the extent of what the world has to offer to simple organic matter, such as ourselves, may it be the natural landscapes or the beautiful city views or the gold feeling of a light and summery breeze.
+ ) ballet - it has been a part of her life for such a lengthy period of time since the dainty age of three years old and has been the very force that continues to bond her and father together. especially due to her isolation, she hasn't really been on the stage very often, but she's trying her best to get back into it all.
+ ) classical music - having a background in ballet will indeed spark an interest in orchestral music. she's quite well-versed when it comes to the greats, and she considers tchaikovsky to be her favourite composer, but goodness, she could talk about dvorak, khachaturian, shostakovich, satie, ravel, rimsky-korsakov, stravinsky, and brahms all day long.
+ ) hip hop/r&b - if there is any other type of music that attracts eunchae, it's definitely hip hop. it's something that she acquired a taste for, having frequented new york city, a setting rich with legendary rap artists, during much of her youth.
+ ) mornings - mornings, particularly sunday mornings, are a time spent with none other than min yoongi. and that means kisses that are delicate with sleep. and soft whispers of 'good morning' and 'i love you'. and lazy morning . and shower ( omfg ). and eating yoongi's bomb pancakes for breakfast. and snuggling on the couch as if they were the only two people in the world.
+ ) with min yoongi - obviously. there's literally no denying this. like don't try to lie about this.
+ ) marine biology - if she wasn't so determined when it came to ballet, she often said that she would have worked toward being a marine biologist instead. the ocean is simply fascinating and, not to mention, very beautiful. there are just so many lifeforms in its stead.
+ ) cologne - there's just something about the scent of a man, especially min yoongi, that floats eunchae's boat. thank you to jo malone blackberry & bay cologne.
+ ) old films - don't you ever look at the aesthetic of old times and wish that you could have been part of it? looking at how movies have developed throughout the years, from silent films to ones with audio to ones with colour to the present, is particularly interesting.
+ ) art - without art, the world would be monotonous and too crude to live in. it opens up the eyes of many and provides a gateway to an endless array of imagination and self-expression. and it is everywhere in this world. art is in people. it is clothing. it is even drifting in the air.
+ ) road trips/car rides - the more aimless, the more fun. there's nothing quite like the feeling of having your windows rolled down with the breeze running through your hair and fingers. sometimes, she and yoongi will drive out into the countryside and into oblivion without even having a set destination because why not? it's all about the adventure.
+ ) aquariums - aquariums are simply magical. watching all of the aquatic animals just triggers fascination in eunchae. yoongi doesn't like them very much because eunchae always ends up paying more attention to the fish than to him, but he often takes her there anyway because he knows that she loves it.
+ ) books - the moment that a book is opened and the first pages are read, a completely new dimension is open and ready to be explored.
+ ) children - she loves children in the way that they are generally very innocent, very lacking of opinions or hate. they even say the darndest things. eunchae looks forward to seeing yoongi as a father one day.
+ ) late night adventures - there are nights in which eunchae cannot find the right to sleep or gets hungry. if yoongi is awake ( which is quite often due to his diligence in his work ) or willing to spare the sleep for her, they'll go out to where ever to hang around- a park, a diner, a convenience store- even if it is 4 in the goddamn morning.
dislikes :
+ ) kimchi - she knows. the almighty kimchi is definitely an absolute staple of the korean people. it'd be like the whole continent of asia being without rice. unfortunately, the smell and the taste don't exactly do her too well. she's just not much of a fan.
+ ) stress/pressure - is there anyone in the world who actually enjoys stress? while stress and pressure can indeed be somewhat of a good thing when in complete moderation, too much of it proves to be destructive.
+ ) sweets - for some reason, she never really found a liking towards them. she's always been more of a savoury type of person rather than a dessert type of person. there are some exceptions, like plain ice cream and fro-yo.
+ ) pulp in orange juice - pulp is representation of evil in this world. while she does know that pulp apparently adds a source of fiber into the orange juice, there is something about the texture and the way that it slides down . it is indeed a shocking event when she picks up a bottle of orange juice to drink only to realize that the texture is not of the baby smoothness that she loves but of the cringeworthy graininess that she utterly despises. she'd rather just eat an orange.
+ ) gaynor minden - for a ballerina, pointe shoes are the most important thing on the list. gaynor minden brand, as somewhat hyped as they are, does not provide anything for her. they may have a bit more of comfort and durability, but it doesn't make up for the fact that they're so ugly and that they ruin the line of extension of her legs. she often wonders if gillian murphy and natalia osipova actually wear them or if they're lying to us all.
+ ) coffee - she's always been more of an aromatic tea type. while coffee can be helpful to staying up, the crash afterwards and, not to mention, the aftertaste of coffee is disgusting.
+ ) horror movies - she doesn't dislike horror movies because she finds them scary; if anything, she is consistently unaffected by them. the dislike comes from how irritated she gets when the main characters are all so stupid, and though she knows that's why there is a horror movie in the first place, she still wishes that she could smack some sense into these dumb heroes and heroines.
+ ) crying - generally speaking, eunchae doesn't like to get very emotionally in a negative sense. the feeling of being weak and vulnerable is something that she wants to feel as rarely as possible
+ ) k-pop in general - the music is usually way too "poppy" sounding for her. she doesn't really mind it, but it is not something that she'd be willing to listen to on a regular basis. there are generally a few exceptions: she quite enjoys big bang, though she also does enjoy a few songs by b.a.p. and f(x).
+ ) getting sick - for a lack of better word, illness is ty. while she physically endures most of everything like a champ, illness is excluded. who likes feeling constantly stuffy and disgusting??? who???
+ ) the gym - she doesn't dislike the gym for the reason that most people dislike it. eunchae quite enjoys physical activity, and it is something vital to her fitness and development as a dancer; however, erts who can't keep their hands to themselves is what strays her away from having a membership at the gym.
+ ) her feet - overall, ballerina feet are ugly. you can thank strenuous hours of practice and performance with the beloved pointe shoes. her feet really aren't that ugly when you compare them to the feet of any other ballet dancer, and fellow collegues often gawk at how perfectly normal and in shape her feet are, but she still does feel a little bit of embarrassment towards them.
+ ) prejudice - this is something that most people do experience, some more than others, but nonetheless, it is a widespread occurence. growing up, colleagues often judged her based solely on the fact that her father was a prominent ballet dancer. some believed she was only successful because of her connections from him. after his death, she was always judged for her isolation. most currently, she is judged because she rarely attends classes and instead practices in her reserved practice room sometimes receiving private instruction from the ballet seonsaengnims.
trivia :
+ ) " if the shoe fits... " - while she actively presents discontent towards gaynor minden branded pointe shoes, she has a preference towards bloch and sansha. they work best for her, and she finds them beautiful.
+ ) " it's not stealing; it's borrowing. " - often, she takes yoongi's shirts, sweaters, scarves, and flannel to wear for herself because they smell like him. yoongi, on the other hand, doesn't mind it at all. he actually promotes the stealing of his clothes so that guys know that she's off-limits.
+ ) " lingerie sets the mood for the day. " - eunchae is that rare type of girl. she actually matches her bras and accordingly. it would bother her otherwise.
+ ) " a dream is a wish your heart makes. " - the role of cinderella marked her revival into the world of ballet. it's no giselle, but she loved dancing as cinderella nonetheless.
+ ) " stronger in places that have broken. " - broken bones are nothing new to eunchae and hearing others break their own is nothing new either. she has her podiatrist on speed dial.
+ ) " jorunaling is a voyage to the interior. " - journaling is one of her favourite pass times. she often writes about her day, and many of the pages have polaroids and magazine and newspaper clippings as well as cinema and concert tickets pasted neatly on them.
+ ) " children contain the universe. " - in the future, she'd like to have two children of her own and third child adopted.
+ ) " right hand: korean. left hand: english. " - eunchae is ambidextrous. she finds it to be a pretty cool feat to able to right in korean and english at the same time.
+ ) " just like my soul. " - she doesn't necessarily have a favourite colour, but when asked, the default is usually the colour black.
+ ) " you were passion. " - prior to min yoongi, she "dated" only one other person when she was fourteen. he was a year older and his name was misha zakharova. the two had met through the s.a.b. summer programs two years prior and had been partnered up together consistently for duos. together, they had heaped with chemistry and they were a dance partnership made in heaven. had eunchae stayed in the united states, they probably would have ended up as an actual couple later on in the years. today, they still remain friends and contact each other on the occasion.
+ ) " it's not dance. it's life. " - she always says that if she gets into a car accident and the only chance of her living is her being paralyzed or having a limb cut off, you may as well just let her die instead. it'd be the end of not just her career but also her entire life.
+ ) " where flowers bloom so does hope. " - of all flowers red spider lilies are probably her favourite. following that are boat orchids, a personal favourite of her father.
+ ) " i thank the beauty of the world. " - one of her favourite places is the window seat set-up in her and yoongi's apartment. accomodated with fluffed-up floor cushions, a padded rug, warm blankets, tealights, magazines and books, a breakfast tray, and potted plants from the near by florist shop, it is one of the places where she finds comfort and relaxation. it's also a place where yoongi gets much of his inspiration from. - x x
+ ) " like giselle, you will be there for me. " - when she is feeling lonely or disheartened or if something memorable happens, she writes letters to her father. although he will never truly receive them, it puts eunchae's heart at ease.
+ ) " thank you for loving me. " - on her left ring finger, she wears a promise ring given to her by yoongi. the ring is embedded with a 2.62 carat imperial topaz, and she truly holds it dear. - x
family :
+ ) mother : chae heesun : 48 44 years old
+ ) father : peter jaewon tak : 50 43 years old
+ ) grandmother : della goeun soh : 74 years old
+ ) step-grandfather : william taylor : 77 years old
min yoongi
❝ you make me a little bit more of a morning person ❞
love interest : min yoongi
back-up love interest : song minho
birthdate + age : march 09, 1993 ; 22 years old
occupation : underground rapper
how many years together : 6 years
personality : min yoongi. to many people, that boy is one ball of charisma that certainly attracts people to him, may it be intentional or not. there's just something about min yoongi. people know him as particularly masculine, valiant, and manly and is seen as the epitome of swag. however, he is a normally respectful, considerate, and insightful type of person. but there's more to min yoongi than simply swag and charisma. yoongi is and can be one hell of a smartass and can be overconfident in a non-obnoxious sense. he's a complete potato, lazy in all ways and wanting to sleep in all of the time. he likes to tease eunchae, on purpose, with his stupid cheeseball remarks, and there are just times in which he's a little narcissistic ( " i'm a genius. " ) and uses snarky expression, but it can get a good laugh. he's a free spirit who knows what he's doing and doesn't like being bound too much. and when it comes to eunchae, he can get a little bit protective over her despite knowing very well that she is her own indepdent person. and though he has his faults, in concern to his career he is very hardworking and very passionate. he often stays up late at night to finish his work, and it truly is admirable. ( additionally, although he does not like to admit it, he can be quite adorable- like puppy-adorable- and even pouts and blushes when eunchae points it out. )
meeting : the first time that tak eunchae and min yoongi met was when they were fifteen years old, around the time that eunchae first moved to korea from the united states. having just moved, eunchae and her mother didn't have a washer and dryer in the house to do the laundry just yet, so they had to resort to the near by laundromat instead for the time being. as for yoongi, his family's washer and dryer broke down, so he volunteered to bring the laundry down for his parents. despite using the machines next to each other, the two didn't really pay attention to each other just as they hadn't payed attention to anyone else in the laundromat. they were just common people doing common everyday things, which emphasizes how interesting it is that your lover could be the stanger standing right next to you in the future.
it wasn't until a flustered eunchae realized that she was 1000 won short to use the dryer and ended up asking min yoongi standing next to her. he always brought extra money just in case something like this would happen and so he lended her the money, even telling her that she didn't have to pay him back. for min yoongi, just looking at tak eunchae struck something in him and made his heart beat in ways that he never thought could happen, and the sensation of her hand brushing against his made it hard for him to hold back a blush. he didn't even know her name, but he'd be lying if he said that he wasn't smitten with the pretty stranger. as their time in the laundromat passed by, he wanted so badly to talk to her, but he had no idea what to say, and when their time ended, he felt some sort of heaviness in his chest out of regret.
his friends often found him talking about "laundromat girl" for the next few weeks that they were almost concerned for him, who had never really thought of anything besides rap and hip-hop so passionately. the only positive was at least they knew that he had blood flowing down there and was capable of loving a human. a week into the start of his tenth grade year at a performance arts high school, yoongi had to run a few errands in the dance department for his teacher when he passed by a particular dance practice room with a large window to look inside and saw a girl gracefully dancing ballet. he'd never seen anything so beautiful before. it was when she stopped dancing to adjust her pointe shoes that he realized that the girl in front of him was none other than laundromat girl. he was absolutely ecstatic, to say in the least, that she was right there and that there indeed was ( j- )hope for his admiration.
yoongi still couldn't find the courage to talk to her. it was hard to believe that the charismatic boy full of swag who he was was softened completely by one girl. a girl who he still had no idea what her name was to make matters worse. but he ended up dropping by the dance department practice rooms everyday to watch her practice and noticed that she never really seemed to be in any of the academic classrooms. it was as if she was confining herself in practice. but he truly admired her for her hard work. she seemed just as if she was a professional in a national ballet company. well, that's what yoongi assumed. he never actually watched a ballet ever before in his life. one day, he came into the practice rooms only to notice that his dream girl wasn't anywhere to be found. that is, until he heard a feminine voice behind him asking a question.
" you come everyday. who are you? "
he turned around to see her. and with all of the courage invested inside of him, he introduced himself to her and stated that he couldn't help but watch her talent. but yoongi noticed that she kept looking him over as if sizing him up, her index finger tapping her cheek as if in thought. then, as if every fragment of knowledge on the earth flooded into her mind, she snapped her fingers and said the words 1000 won, finally realizing why the boy in front of her looked so familiar. following those events, eunchae took out 1000 won and placed it into his hands before going into her practice room. yoongi wanted friendship, but eunchae herself was feeling sort of iffy in general and turned him down gently. but min yoongi doesn't give up. he still came everyday. he left her bottles of water and towels each day. he brought her lunch boxes several times a week. two weeks went by, and eunchae finally gave in.
on the last day of their tenth year in high school, yoongi took eunchae to cheonggyecheon stream where he simply took a hold of her hand and told her:
" eunchae, this is the most embarrassing and cheesiest thing that i've ever done in my life, but i'll just deal with it. the moment that i met you in that laundromat, i began to have feelings for you. and these past few months that we have been friends have been amazing. if the ocean was the standard for beauty, you'd be the pacific. anyway, eunchae, what i'm trying to get at here is- and you don't have to answer right away but- will you be my girlfriend? "
and now : currently, the pair live together in a two-bedroom apartment on the sixteenth floor of a twenty-story building; however, the second room is more for guests who may come by while eunchae and yoongi sleep together. much of the income comes from yoongi's job as a fairly successful underground rapper, he thanks his beautiful manager girlfriend, though there is also the insurance money bestowed upon eunchae following her father's death and her mother's death that has payed eunchae's way through her life as a university student. overall, their life has been quite successful together. they wouldn't have it any other way.
interactions : min yoongi and tak eunchae are indubitably a lovey-dovey couple in their own little way, together, they share not just a close romantic relation with each other but also a close-knit friendship. they have always more or less quite honest with one another and have strongly supported each other through good times and bad times alike. couple items aren't really their thing, but eunchae will often wear yoongi's clothes, and they're usually always seen with their hands entangled or their arms linked together. and it seems as though yoongi treats eunchae like a queen. while seems to be a regular part of their love life, simply cuddling in bed is a great thing, too. their kisses range from the sleepy, delicate morning kisses to the night time love-hungry and passionate ones.
the argument and the accident
❝ well, i'm so sorry that the world doesn't revolve around min yoongi! ❞
the argument — her thoughts : " a few days prior to the argument, i was visited by someone very familiar: luisa clark, a friend of my father, and an assisstant director of the new york city ballet company. i was confused at first. why is she here? is what i thought. it just so happened that all this time they were looking for me with wishes of admitting me into the company, but with my name change from mallori to eunchae, they had their troubles and hadn't even thought to search records with my middle name until they found out that a 'tak, eunchae' had been accepted into the korea national ballet. of course, i had to talk to yoongi about it. i just didn't think that he would have been so disappointed by it. all of this time, i have supported his dreams. i managed him. i've been to all of his gigs. when he was up all night writing lyrics, i always had a cup of tea for him in support of his success. "
" i just...i thought it was unfair how i had done nothing but support his dreams, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to support mine, the very dream that kept me and my father running. i know, i know. it's almost irrational for me to just go to new york and leave korea, and i know that we have already established a life here. even though i don't have much to lose here, yoongi has friends and family and not to mention his career. but luisa coming all the way here to find me meant so much to me. entering the new york city ballet just like my father was all that i've ever dreamed of. and i felt as though my dreams were being ripped out of my hands just like that. "
the argument — his thoughts : " we could start a new life in new york is what she told me, but how could i leave my job here? my friends? my family? and then she suggests that she could go by herself and just visit every so often, but... how could i live when she's going to be apart from me? ballet has been her dream for so long, and i understand that, but i thought that she and i worked together. it was wrong of me to push my dreams and responsibilities onto her, i know, and it was wrong of me to push away her dreams when she had nothing else but support me through mine, i know. i didn't want to be the bad guy and rip up her opportunities in front of her, but that's what i ended up doing. i regret it. i wished that instead of arguing we could have just talked over it in a peaceful manner. "
the accident : " i remember getting the call a few days after the argument that eunchae and her friend, junghwa, had been admitted into the hospital after getting into a car accident with a drunk driver. eunchae got the worst end of the bargain and ended up in the icu for surgery. junghwa, who was almost unscathed, said that eunchae... that she was on her way home. that she wanted to apologize to me. that she bought my favourite cut of han-u beef. that she bought me a bouquet of white orchids. that she... she wanted to ask for my forgiveness because she felt as though the argument was her fault and that she still loved me to the point where she couldn't live properly when i wasn't there. and that drunk was alive and well! he did this! he... he hurt my eunchae. "
" eunchae's surgery was a miracle success; however, when i came into visit her, she looked as though she had no idea who i was and when i heard the words 'hi, who are you?', my entire world collapsed. "
questions
do you live together with your love interest?
answer : " yoongi and i have lived together for quite a while now, since around the time that we graduated and around the time that my mother passed away. after her death, i was left with no place other than with my grandmother and william in america to go to, and leaving my life in korea felt wrong, so i ended up moving in with yoongi and his family whom i absolutely adore. "
" no one could have possibly anticipated it when it was found out that eunchae's mother had been diagnosed with cancer. i remember very clearly the day that mother told me that she fully put her trust in me and asked me to take care of eunchae. it was as if she knew that she wouldn't make it in the end... for my girl's dying mother, i would do anything. there was no doubt that we would take her in. "
" when i first moved in, yoongi would always make me take his bed while he slept on the futon. i was always so concerned that his back would be feeling hurt or that he would get cold later on in the night. "
" the sleeping arrangements that i set out didn't last, not even for a week. on the fifth night, eunchae asked me to sleep with her because she said that she felt cold. then, on the sixth night, she asked me again because the family dog slobbered all over her pillow. we ended up just sleeping together until we moved out. "
" after two years, we were able to move out and into our own apartment in a high-rise building within the city. it really was the happiest day when we first moved in...despite the fact that our cute two-bedroom apartment was on the sixteenth floor, just four floors away from the top, and getting moved in was a pain, but we really couldn't argue with the view. "
how long did you guys "avoid" each other after the argument? did the accident happen right after the argument? explain when the accident happened and what happened after the argument.
answer : " right after the argument, a foreign sense of awkwardness had begun to diffuse into the air. it was something that we had never, towards each other, experienced so strongly before. we were both almost helpless in wanting to confide in each other, but we were both also very stubborn to forgive each other right away. yoongi spent the night at his parents' place, and for the first time in a long time, i was left to an empty bed. that night, i couldn't help but replay the entire argument in my mind over and over again to the point where i could barely sleep. because of it, i grew irritated. i felt absolutely aggrieved at the fact that yoongi was not being supportive towards me as i always have been towards him. the innummerable thoughts and emotions swarmed around me like wasps, deeming themselves as inescapable. "
" eventually, i gave up on sleeping and instead made use of the remaining hours of nighttime by packing up some of my things. i was going insane with each passing moment, and staying in one place was proving to be suffocating. as much as i held affection towards korea, it was crushing me. i left that morning for newport, where my grandmother and william were and where i felt i could refresh my mind in the comfort of my old home so that i could clear my head and properly think, leaving only a simple scribble of a note. i didn't even mention where exactly i was going, only that i would be gone for a short while. it was extremely impulsive on my part, and regret, for leaving yoongi just like that, emotionally destroyed me after my actions had fully proccessed in my head. "
" yoongi and i didn't talk to each other for about five days. i was heartbroken, but i felt that i didn't have any right to feel that way because only i was to blame for going as far as leaving the country without much notice. i knew that i had practically betrayed him. during my time in newport, i wrote many letters addressed to yoongi, but they were never sent. towards the second half of my stay, i tried calling him at three different times, but it seemed that his phone was either turned off or dead. he didn't try contacting me, and i became fearful of the possibility of him growing to hate me even after all of these years of being together. if that were the case, i couldn't blame him. what i had done was unforgiveable. despite having gotten to know each and every aspect of him, i had almost no idea about what he could be feeling, only that he would indubitably be feeling hurt, and that was what bothered me the most. "
" i decided that enough was enough and i came back to korea. i was going to apologize wholeheartedly to yoongi. i was going to tell him that i'll just decline the offer to join the nycb and stay with him. the knb was just enough for me. i called up my friend, junghwa, and we went shopping for han-u and flowers. on the way home, i remember feeling hopeful towards the possibility of being forgiven, but the blaring of head lights poured into the window next to me, and everything went black. "
" when i came to my parents' place and i explained the situation, they were angry. not at eunchae but at me. i know i was being an , and it kept me up at night thinking about what had happened. the next morning, i entered the apartment to find out that eunchae had gone away. i got scared. i got scared that even after the six years that we were together that she stopped loving me, but i saw her note and decided to just wait it all out. for the next five days i drowned myself in my work. i didn't even bother to charge my phone, and the apartment began to be littered with bottles of beer, most empty, some half-finished. i was a mess. by the time that the fifth day came around, i came to my senses a little bit, but i remember just feeling as if something wrong was going to happen that day. little did i know. "
comments / questions? : oh, buddha. i haven't slept for the entire night. thank you for reading my application! i hope that things make sense, and i apologize for any half assing or repition tt^tt in the meantime, i'm gonna go take a much needed nap lmaooo c:
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