Okay, I know I’ve said it before, but I really must be some sort of masochist. I’ve been reading fanfics today, and 90% of them have been angsty, heart wrenching, and just plain soul-crushing. Now, I HATE Angst. I hate it, and I want nothing more than to wrap it up in a ball, throw it in a tank, seal it away and trap it in the deepest darkest crevices of the ocean. I hate it, yet I love it so much that I just want to…asddfghjkl

 OTL.

Oh, my sadistic tendencies. Why must love be so cruel? Why must it hurt? Why can’t we just walk up to a person, say “Hey, I like you, you like me.” And Boom! Romance.

But nooooo.

Life must be one twisted ed up, beautiful and heartbreaking cycle. You find someone who you think you want to be with, and no matter how much you try to convince them and yourself that this…what you have is forever, you can only sit back and hope you don’t get screwed over in the end. We’re all so helpless in the grand scheme of things, and that just…..

It makes you wonder why you should even try. You wonder why, yet you do try because love can be one of the most beautiful and ing fantastic things that we can experience in our lifetime. All of the adrenaline of jumping out of a speeding train, with as much pain and damage as a consequence.

It’s painful and cruel and heartless to even the most saintly of people. No one is too nice, too generous, or too lucky to not experience it. You feel like your heart is being ripped out, and no amount of time or comfort can cure it. A pain that beats out any physical injury.

Love has inspired and created movies, paintings, wars, suffering, books, music; everything. It makes up most of our day to day life, even if you don’t know it. Somewhere, someone is watching you from afar- too scared to tell you how much they want to hold you, kiss you and just cherish you.

Somewhere, someone is too scared to leave him, because even with the bruises and the violent words, the man she loved is still somewhere in there; she just knows it.

Somewhere, some man would do anything for her and sell his very soul to the devil just to make her happy, when all she wants to know is when his next paycheck is coming in, because she just has to have that new bag, and him if he can’t give it to her.

Somewhere, someone would give anything for just one more day. One more day to show them just how much they love them and want to spend the rest of their lives together. One more day because, they’re too young to die, and life and sickness are just too cruel.

As humans, we crave this. We crave the pain of not knowing, not being sure of our own happiness, because sometimes it makes living just so…real. Sometimes you give too much of yourself to a person, and sometimes you don’t give enough. There’s no guide out there that shows a clear cut way on how to love someone. People are so complex and different, that no two people ever love exactly the same way. We have so much pain and baggage in our lives that mold and shape the way we love ourselves, and pick the people who we want to love us.

How do you know how to love, if you never had anyone teach you how? How do you know you’re doing something right, when things could change so quickly?

You don’t.

You never do, but the only thing you can do is try. All we can all ever do is try, and hope that somewhere down the line after all of the mistakes and misunderstandings, that you were able to do something right. Something worked out right.

Gosh, so much angst has turned me into a poet. ORZ

My gosh, my heart, and now I feel like writing one shots, and the plot bunnies are attacking my brain, and I just. .

I’m am proof that too much angst in a short amount of time, and being an emotionally repressed child is not a good combination.

>8(

I think I need a hug now. XD