It wasn't too long after Yifan left that Junmyeon received a text from an unknown number.

I'm sorry.

Junmyeon considered himself pretty intuitive in the best situations but he didn't need to be brainy to know exactly who the message was from and what it was pertaining to. He had stared at the two words unblinking for a full minute before his finger deftly pressed the delete button and the message disappeared from the contents of his phone, he wished it were that easy to forget.

The days drifted into weeks yet the departure of his fellow co-leader was still fresh in his, and everyone else's minds. They tried their hardest to seem unaffected for the camera...for the fans, but there were slip ups and almost breakdowns, mostly from himself. To the members it would seem as if Zitao was the one who took Yifan's leaving the hardest, the two of them had a relationship that went much deeper than that of just fellow bandmates, but as much as he wishes it were true Junmyeon knew that Zitao didn't wake up crying and shaking, Yifan's name on his tongue. Zitao could sleep alone whereas Junmyeon found himself constantly sliding into Sehun's bed, being so used to sharing body heat with another that sleeping by himself felt cold and foreign. Sehun never mentioned it, Junmyeon was thankful.

It was almost two in the morning, they were practising the new choreography for Growl, they had to cover Yifan's part and make it smooth and transitionable...make it look like it was always a dance for 11, but they knew it would never be complete with Yifan. Junmyeon was so exhausted he could feel it deep in his bones as he trudged over to his bag and pulled out his water bottle and phone. His heart leaped when he saw a new message from an unknown number.

Are you doing okay?

This time Junmyeon didn't delete it straight away, he kept it stored in his inbox and during moments of spare time he would let his fingers hover the keypad and try to find the words to describe just how not okay he actually was. But he never typed a reply and the message stayed dormant on his phone for a whole month. 

Junmyeon wasn't blind, and 's weren't subtle. He noticed the worried glances they would shoot him whenever they thought his attention was elsewhere, he noticed how Jongin stuck close to him whenever they were in public places, he noticed how Kyungsoo would serve him extra rice on his dinner plate since he thought he wasn't eating enough, he noticed how Chanyeol had toned down his teasing into lighthearted remarks and he noticed how Zitao would go out of his way to try and cheer him up. He appreciated their efforts, but the only person who could snap him out of his depressing funk is the very person who sent him spiralling into it in the first place. 

He occasionally found himself wondering about Yifan. Was he sleeping okay? Was he eating good? Had his health improved?...Did he miss Junmyeon as much as Junmyeon missed him? It was during one of these thought sessions that he received another text from Yifan, he hesitated before opening it.

Junmyeon I know you're mad but please talk to me, I'm going out of my mind worrying about you.

He felt anger flare up in his belly at the audacity of this man. Why would he be worried about him? And if he was so concerned why didn't he just call instead of sending stupid little messages once every blue moon. If he was tempted to reply before that feeling was completely snuffed out, no he wanted to make Yifan worry, he wanted him to feel as ty as possible just so he could understand a fraction of what Junmyeon was going through. He deleted the text and angrily shoved his phone into his bag.

A few minutes later Zitao came to sit beside him and he heard him mutter under his breath, "You should reply to him, hyung." An icy glare that made the younger boy flinch was his only response before he stormed off to get his makeup reapplied. He was aware of the dead silence in the room, but for once he found himself unable to really care.

It was almost as if Yifan could read his mind, even from thousands of miles away. Because that night as he slept pressed against the maknae's side, his phone began to ring. The only people who called him nowadays were his parents and the occasional manager but that thought didn't even cross his groggy mind as his hand fumbled for his phone in the dark and he answered with a slurred, "Hello?"

"...Junmyeon?" Oh he recognized that voice, it haunted him every day with its absence. He was cruelly snapped into full consciousness and he felt tears prick in the corner of his eyes. He tried to reply but the only sound that escaped him was a choked gasping noise that made him sound like he was sobbing...and maybe he was.

"Are you--crying? don't cry, Junmyeonie, don't cry. I'm sorry I know its late but I just...needed to hear your voice," Yifan finished quietly before adding, "I couldn't sleep without hearing your voice."

Junmyeon was left in stunned silence, unable to form even a single conherant thought other than the fact that Yifan was here, or as close as he could possibly be at the moment. Yifan, despite his flaws, was quite intuitive and seemed to understand that Junmyeon was unable to speak so he decided to use this oppurtunity as a chance to finally say what he had wanted to say ever since he left.

"I love you. I didn't want to leave but I had to..." Yifan was silent for a moment. "I'm in Korea...Seoul to be exact. I need to see you." He told Junmyeon where he was staying and the hotel room he was in, but once again Junmyeon remained silent, this time by choice.

"Junmyeon, are you there?"

"Don't call me again...please." He felt his own heart break at those words but he knew it was for the best, he couldn't do this...not with Yifan. He hung up the phone and let it drop from his shaking hand and onto the floor. His body was shaking with silent sobs and he felt Sehun's arm wrap around his torso and another one smooth down his dishelved platinum hair.

"It's okay, hyung," he murmured, "it's okay."

He knew it wasn't.