At A Loss
12400+ words

 

Sunhae’s fingers flew over the keyboard in record speed as she listened to the potential customer over the tiny headset and flawlessly responded to every inquiry. She stared at the computer screen not knowing the face of the person she spoke to. In fact, the only assumptions to be made about the potential buyer had to be derived from the other’s voice - and assume, Sunhae did. It was Sunhae’s job to sell. Selling meant convincing a person that what she had to offer was something the other needed. It wouldn’t have been very professional to beg or plead or even throw a standard sales pitch. No, Sunhae spent less than ten minutes getting to know a person through very practiced and trained verbiage. She quickly pinpointed weaknesses and struck in such a way that anyone would have thought Sunhae had just led them to a discovery of gold in which they could not ignore, and why would they?

 

Sunhae had the highest percentages of successful accounts and return consumers. She could have easily become one of the most envied or spited agents within the company and perhaps she was, but with a sincere smile and seemingly open personality - Sunhae had never experienced any interoffice hatred.

 

She had a genuinely pleasant relationship with just about everyone in the office. Sure, there were a few that she could stand to keep her distance from, but she would never deprive them of a warm greeting and a courteous inquiry as to their health or the state of their day.

 

There was only one person in the entire office that Sunhae made any effort to avoid and it was for naught since he was her boss. She had no choice but to put up with every staff meeting where he made her the embarrassing example to everyone else. Sunhae hated how he showed off her statistics and efforts as if her performance was some kind of credit to him. He wasn’t her mentor. He hadn’t trained her or exhibited any remote influence on how she performed her job. Yet, at every meeting she waited for the cringe-worthy moment where she was placed on a pedestal in front of everyone.

 

Mr. Kim could take her statistics and entire list of dedicated clientele and shove it.

 

Sunhae ended her current call and continued to type away at her systems bookings to send off requests to a variety of vendors that she had good relationships with. The red light on her phone continued to flash as she had more than an eight-hour-day’s worth of calls lined up. Her eyes stayed trained on her phone display even as she continued to type. No matter the fact that this was how everyday was for her, Sunhae couldn’t stop the stress from flooding through her body. If she didn’t finish placing the requests before she picked up the next call, she would get distracted and wouldn’t remember everything she needed to complete. Sunhae already had small scribbles on random pieces of paper scattered about her desk as a badly organized to-do list. Usually her lunch breaks were reserved for straightening the mess into something that made sense so that she could attack it before the workday ended. This was every day for Sunhae and she succeeded at it constantly. As her gaze traveled over the small notes she still dreaded that she would never catch up.

 

Abruptly, a cup was placed on her desk between her and her phone. Sunhae blinked before looking up.

 

“The phones can wait. Take a break.”

 

Sunhae had to bite back a scowl as she looked down at the cup and then returned her gaze to the owner of the voice. “What happened to statistics and numbers and how poor the company is doing overall?” Sunhae retorted, not censoring herself in the least. He might have been her boss but he was always the first one to drive her absolutely crazy.

 

“Your numbers will go down if the stress gets to you. Besides, that lecture was for everyone else, not you.”

 

Sunhae was aware. She was never the one who the lecture was meant for. She was the tool in making the lecture effective. Sunhae didn’t want special treatment any more than she wanted to be the office example. She did her job to the best of her ability because parts of her earnings were commission based. It never had anything to do with showing off or gaining attention. It certainly had nothing to do with gaining the attention of her boss.

 

“I will take my calls now,” she replied. With a firm set to her posture, she looked at the cup of what would most likely prove to be tea and muttered a quick ‘thank you.’

 

“Sunhae,” he stated to get her attention.

 

She kept her eyes fixed on the cup. “Yes, Mr. Kim?”

 

“Take a break,” he said with finality.

 

Sunhae in her breath in shock when he punched two buttons on the phone making the blinking red light stop. Sunhae’s eyes widened as she stared at the quiet phone. The accumulating stress hit her full force. It burned from the base of her spine until it became a ball of anger at the front of her head. Her hands clenched into fists over the keyboard as she willed all of the anger to dissipate so that she wouldn’t do something phenomenally stupid.

 

“Sunhae,” he spoke again.

 

Her gaze whipped to his in barely contained fury. The hell with this bastard! She would have already been on the next call if he wasn’t there eating up all of her precious time. I don’t care if he’s my boss! This is my job. A job that I do very well to make him look like he’s some type of leading sales department god! Never mind the fact that he already has a third of the department pining over him. She mentally face-palmed and tried to quiet her thoughts. Sunhae wanted to retaliate but all she could manage was a glare.

 

“They’ll call back,” he stated with confidence.

 

Sunhae could feel herself actually shaking with anger and had to divert her gaze to an object, any object. She knew she was going to lose it, and doing it in front of her boss and half of the office was not okay. Sunhae always did her best to remain polite, positive and approachable. This unhinged side of her wasn't welcome here.

 

Sunhae stood quickly, yanking her headset off and whirling away from her boss. "I'm taking my break." She walked quickly to the ladies restroom catching a few frustrating teardrops before they had the chance to ruin her makeup and to destroy the image of herself that she had worked so hard to create.

 

 

"Sunhae!"

 

"What?!" She yelled back in complete annoyance. Right when she thought she was finally in her world away from reality, she was yanked back in. Sunhae had spent the day apologizing to individual callers at work, as well as barely getting through most of her to-do list. She'd escaped the large office having only put in an hour of overtime before she could leave for home. Once in her room, she shed her work attire for what she termed as ‘lounge clothes’ and pulled on headphones. Others in the house were constantly bothered with her music so she gladly took to shutting them out with the noise cancelling headphones and the music that she could fade away with.

 

Despite being the phenomenal sales woman during the day, Sunhae still came home to her parents and older brother. She could have, maybe, moved to some place of her own long ago if it hadn’t been for her family’s circumstances. The problem was that Sunhae still felt like a trapped teenager despite her individual success. In fact, Sunhae quite often felt as though she left her mid-twenty-year-old-self behind every time she walked through her front door. And go figure, since no one treated her like an adult anyway.

 

Her older brother, Chuljae, was born without a of patience. Sometimes she thought that they would probably get along if their circumstances were any different. They were only two years apart, but it felt like a decade. Chuljae could have easily built up and run his own company by now with his tenacity and more than perfect grades throughout school. It was really a shame that he was stuck at home as well. In fact, it was far worse to have wasted his potential versus Sunhae’s.

 

Their father worked more than Sunhae did and it was a miracle that anyone ever saw the man. Sunhae was convinced that he worked so that he could avoid being at home. She didn’t entirely blame him. It took a combination of the three of them to entirely take care of her mother. What she and her brother had joked as being crazy behavior a few years ago had actually turned into a string of incorrect diagnosis for more than a handful of possible mental disorders. While their father’s income took care of the house, the utilities, and food; Sunhae’s income supplemented the cost of the medical attention her mom required. From medication, doctor’s visits, and therapy, Sunhae had taken up responsibility in making it affordable. This left her brother with the responsibility of actually taking care of their mom. It was a job he took very seriously.

 

But then, he took everything seriously.

 

“Did you pick up the refills?” Chuljae asked with annoyance when she had snapped back at him.

 

“What?” Sunhae asked, honestly not knowing what he was talking about.

 

“The refills. Mom’s refills? You were supposed to stop by after work since the pharmacy is on your way home.”

 

Sunhae fidgeted and picked at one of her fingernails. It was a telltale sign that she was nervous or guilty and she hated that she couldn’t act better. It was a wonder that she did so well at her job, but then she only spoke to clients over the phone. Physical clues that would giveaway the truth were hidden from them. If only I could hide now.

 

Sunhae stood suddenly and reached for her purse that had been tossed on her bed and forgotten. Hiding and excuses would get her nowhere. Solving the problem would at least get her away from her brother’s accusing glare. “I’ll get them,” she mumbled.

 

“Are you serious!? How could you forget!? What am I talking about? You forget everything! I could have gotten them myself, but you said you would!” he shouted.

 

“I’m sorry! My boss pissed me off today and I lost my concentration. I’ll go get them and be right back.” Sunhae tried to walk around her brother but with his height and blatant anger, Sunhae found herself apprehensive to move past him.

 

“Hurry then,” he urged, taking a step to the side so she could move.

 

Sunhae was almost out of her room when she heard her brother mumble to himself. She wasn’t sure she was supposed to hear it, but she did. Sunhae wondered if her day was going to get any better.

 

 

Sunhae quickly explained the available arrangements that had previously been discussed between herself, a vendor, and a customer whom she was now speaking with. It wasn’t a complex arrangement, but all parties involved were being picky one way or another and Sunhae had to play the middleman if she wanted to gain the commission, making sure both parties agreed to the specifics. She was twisting words and layering on as much empathy as possible in trying to get the consumer to understand the limits while still making sure they realized the value and worth of trusting her. She knew she could win this one and while the other was being particularly stubborn - and that damned light just never stopped blinking - Sunhae carried on.

 

At least, she thought she could until she was suddenly snowballed into a new world of requests and a nearly 180-degree change in the initial request. Sunhae took to bouncing her foot in place just under her desk. Her knee shook and synchronized in motion with the syllables she was speaking. She hadn’t realized that her tone had elevated, along with her speaking volume, until a bright blue sticky note suddenly appeared at the top of her computer screen.

 

Breathe

 

Thrown off in shock, Sunhae did just that. She stopped speaking and took a deep breath. The woman on the other line suddenly halted her side of the conversation as she realized that they weren’t still in an urgent exchange of words.

 

Sunhae turned her gaze away from the screen to see a wide-eyed and what could only be construed as ‘worried’ look on Mr. Kim’s face. He was standing just beside her desk and she was perplexed as to why he was there, again.

 

Her brain quickly focused entirely on the interruption. Without one word of explanation, Sunhae pressed the mute button on the phone. She paid no attention to the other’s repeated ‘Hello?’ in inquiry as to just where Sunhae had suddenly disappeared. No, the only thing she was thinking was that her boss had the most intense and yet inviting gaze she’d ever witnessed. No! He has once again ruined my work!

 

The worried gaze relaxed and became accompanied by a warm smile. “Intense call, huh?”

 

Sunhae’s eyes flittered around her workspace for a moment as she took in another deep breath. “No more intense than anything else,” she tried to reply casually. She was sure she still sounded annoyed, but he should really take the hint.

 

“Just remember to breathe,” he advised in a tone that flirted with being a bit too low for Sunhae’s liking. She watched as his smile widened a bit more before he turned to leave her space. She was at a complete loss. She didn’t know how to resume her phone call. It wasn’t often that her calls were interrupted. In addition, she didn’t know why her boss felt the need to hover so much lately.

 

Sunhae returned to the phone call, apologizing for technical errors as a reason why she had suddenly disappeared. The silence had made the other even crankier. It wasn’t hard to understand why Sunhae couldn’t convince the other to accept anything practical. She’d failed. And while this happened often, even to Sunhae, it was just another thing to add to a week that was shaping out to be disappointing.

 

Needing to actually recuperate a bit and clear her head, Sunhae walked away from the messy desk and the blinking red light on her phone in favor of the break room on her floor.

 

“Hey, Sunhae!” greeted one of the other sales agents. Nari was notorious for having the type of appearance that would have guaranteed sales closures had she been in a face to face environment. She was popular within the office while typically beautiful. It also wasn’t a secret that she had a ‘thing’ for Mr. Kim who never seemed to actually take an interest in anyone out on the sales floor. However, at the first whiff of the smallest rumor about the man, Nari would drop everything to sniff it out.

 

“Hey,” Sunhae replied with her normal smile.

 

“I saw Mr. Kim around your desk again today. The brute loves to pressure you doesn’t he? He does know you’re merely human, right?”

 

Sunhae blinked a few times. Is that what people think? I guess that’s better than people thinking that he gives me special treatment. Still, Sunhae couldn't perpetuate the misconception. “He just likes to check up on how I’m doing. He doesn’t really add any pressure to what I’m already dealing with.” Well that is a lie, Sunhae thought. He may not add pressure, but he has definitely ruined a few calls for me lately.

 

Nari frowned. Sunhae couldn’t tell if it was for her sake or out of some small amount of jealousy over any attention that Mr. Kim had given her.

 

“Yes, well, Jongin wouldn’t want his star employee to burn out, would he?”

 

Okay, so it was jealousy. “I don’t imagine it would be good for Mr. Kim, nor the company.” Sunhae was never comfortable addressing him in such an informal way. To her, ‘Mr. Kim’ was more than appropriate. “However, we all have the same amount of stress and if I failed to make sales, he wouldn’t keep me around.”

 

Nari nodded while letting that bit of information sink in. Sunhae didn’t need the other to be jealous or cause problems, and the most Sunhae could think to do was to reiterate just how pivotally professional things were between Mr. Kim and herself.

 

The short venture to the break room wasn’t quite the escape from stress that Sunhae wanted in that moment. Without another word, she found something to drink and did her best to ignore Nari. Sunhae was relieved that the other didn’t say anything else to her. Nari could have Mr. Kim for all she cared. Her life was not exactly in line with welcoming a significant other into it. In fact, with everything, she would rather not have to explain just what her life was like outside of the office to anyone.

 

 

“I don’t know! I was in my room! Why are you blaming me!?” Sunhae shouted at both her brother and father who were staring daggers at her.

 

“You knew you were the only one home!” Chuljae shouted right back.

 

“I work all day-”

 

“God damn, Sunhae! We all have responsibilities! And you knew!” he interrupted before she could excuse herself.

 

The two men had come home almost at the same time to find Sunhae’s mother in the dining room talking to herself and scratching phrases into the wood of the dining room table. The phrases were incoherent and made no sense to anyone who read them. It was then that Chuljae had stormed into Sunhae’s room, pulling the headphones away from her head, and screaming at her to come see exactly what she had failed to stop from happening.

 

To be honest, Sunhae had merely come home and done the same thing she always had. Routines were easy. Routines were set in stone and didn’t require a lot of thought. She needed her escape after a tiring day and found it within music and books. Sunhae hadn’t spared a second thought about anything else after she’d come home. Now, facing the two angry members of her family, Sunhae inwardly joined in on their scolding in reaction as to why it was that she just hadn’t remembered.

 

“All you are supposed to do is keep an eye out. Look at the table.” It was her father’s tone that made her feel like a child. Sunhae was an adult, but because of the atmosphere surrounding her, neither her nor her brother were particularly able to move on. It didn’t help that they all treated her as if she couldn’t do anything right, either. Sunhae scoffed in her head. Her professional life and her home life were very different.

 

“I know, I know…” Sunhae muttered. She did, really. She understood everything and could vaguely recall that she had known it would just be herself and her mother that late afternoon. She had simply forgotten.

 

“So, what? You did it on purpose? You’re so selfish Sunhae!” her brother yelled.

 

“I didn’t do it on purpose! How am I selfish?!” she screamed back.

 

“We all have to sacrifice around here! But the one evening where it’s your responsibility -”

 

“I FORGOT! Okay?! I just forgot! I didn’t think about anything else when I got off work today.”

 

“Exactly. Only if it’s important to you do you remember. Your stupid music and can wait. Mom can’t!”

 

Sunhae felt defensive and guilty at the same time. She hated to argue, but she didn’t completely believe that she had neglected to remember out of selfishness.

 

“I just forgot! It wasn’t about prioritizing!”

 

“God, you’re going to be just like mom,” Chuljae muttered in resolution.

 

Sunhae could feel the heat behind her eyes and the stiff pounding in the front of her brain. She didn’t have any mental disorders. She was fine. There was no way that she was going to hit some point where everyone around her would have to take care of her because she couldn’t do it herself. She wasn’t her mom. I’m not messed up like that!

 

She wanted to scream.

 

Sunhae looked at the older woman who was sitting at the dining room table. She was somewhat listening to the three of them, but Sunhae could tell that she was still lost in her own mind. It hadn’t always been this way. Sunhae could remember when she was younger and her mom was always involved in everything and always made sure that her and her brother were able to participate in everything they wanted to for school. She made sure they could visit friends and go to events. She helped them with homework projects and constantly encouraged them in their schooling. Sunhae always thought she was some sort of hero, especially when their dad wasn’t involved with them much at all. Sunhae couldn’t remember just when things had started to spiral out of control, but it was obvious that their mother had kept a lot of her behaviors and shortcomings a secret from everyone for as long as she could.

 

Sunhae decided not to respond. Instead, she moved through the living room and sat down in the chair closest to her mom.

 

“Hey Mom. Do you want to tell me what this means?” Sunhae asked while moving her finger across the injured tabletop.

 

It took a moment for the older woman’s eyes to focus on what was in front of her. After a heartbreaking long moment, she began to talk. Sunhae held back tears while listening to her mom tell her something in both a tone of voice and a reality that was too unfamiliar for Sunhae’s comprehension.

 

 

“Sunhae. I have Mr. Choi on the phone stating you promised a call back and have failed to do so.”

 

She looked up from the clutter that layered the top of her desk and frowned in confusion. “Which ‘Mr. Choi’?” To be honest, Sunhae dealt with a great many people and keeping them all in order was nearly impossible. She watched in confusion as her coworker looked down at her various scribbling of notes and zeroed in on the one bearing his name.

 

“That Mr. Choi,” the other pointed.

 

Sunhae looked at her notes. It took a moment, but everything flooded back to her so that she remembered what her previous conversations with the man had been like. “Okay, I’ll take it,” Sunhae stated, knowing that it was just best to prioritize him now rather than making him wait.

 

Her coworker scoffed, which in turn made Sunhae frown. She had only ever been nice to everyone and really didn’t understand why the other would have been this upset towards her.

 

The clearing of someone’s throat nearby caused both Sunhae and her coworker to turn slightly towards the noise.

 

Sunhae rolled her eyes.

 

“Mr. Kim,” the other stated in recognition, obviously surprised at the sudden appearance of their boss.

 

“I’m surprised, really,” Mr. Kim stated with a cool quirk to his brow and a tiny pull to the corner of his lip. “One of Sunhae’s ready and willing customers is in the palm of your hand and instead of swooping in and taking charge of the call you’re standing here with the guest waiting impatiently?”

 

Was he actually encouraging someone to steal my customer?

 

“You all have the same tools in your grasp. And this is a commission-based position. Am I correct?” he stated loudly and in a tone of voice that was way too similar to the tone he used during meetings.

 

“Yes, Mr. Kim,” the other replied.

 

“Then there is no excuse for this. I mean, unless you all want Sunhae to continue making records with her sales. By all means, give her the customers on a gold platter.”

 

“He was already my customer,” Sunhae fumed. She couldn’t stand it. He was both making her into a spectacle as well as increasing the competitiveness in the office. Yes, of course she wanted all of the commissions she could successfully earn, but she didn’t want to compete. Sunhae wanted to hit him, or something - anything.

 

The gaze that Mr. Kim unleashed on Sunhae nearly knocked her off her feet. It wasn’t a glare in the fact that it held any anger or authority. Something about the look he gave her tore right through her, burning a path well past her own gaze and causing unbearable heat to spread through her brain, chest, and most alarmingly - deep within her core. Sunhae was scared. Only her previous anger kept her rooted in her place, while her expression never betrayed her actual reaction.

 

“I believe that Mr. Choi is waiting. I suggest that one of you get back to him before we lose his business.”

 

Sunhae took the hint and turned, grateful from the reprieve from her boss’ stare. She quickly selected the waiting line and greeted the man who had waited more than long enough for someone’s attention.

 

Sunhae continued to speak even while feeling the resentment rolling off of her coworker. She even continued to speak while feeling the gaze of her boss travel down her spine, as he must have been staring at her still. Sunhae wasn’t sure when she felt relief from the atmosphere around her, but she was pretty sure it wasn’t until she had moved onto the next customer. In fact, now she felt even more pressure to get through her day as seamlessly as possible. She couldn’t bear to lose customers solely because she couldn’t keep up with her workload.

 

 

It was a rare day when everything went ideally. Everyone was in a good mood and for once, Sunhae noticed her father actually spending time in her mother’s company. They were talking and maybe not about anything of much substance, but the subject matter was hardly important. Sunhae left them alone favoring the idea of making herself something for a late lunch that Saturday afternoon.

 

After much debate and admittedly some amount of laziness, Sunhae dragged out the items needed for making a deli style sandwich. She set to the task and when she was done she looked at her creation quite proudly. It definitely looked filling and satisfying for something she didn’t have to actually cook. She took to cutting the sandwich in half and laying it out on a plate. Sunhae sat at the dining table, which now had a new cloth covering it and the markings that marred the surface permanently.

 

After a few blissful bites into the meal, Sunhae became interrupted as an object was placed in front of her. She looked up to discover her brother standing near the edge of the table having just settled a drink in front of her.

 

“What?” she mumbled, mouth still chewing on her last bite.

 

“Make me one?” he asked.

 

Sunhae scowled. “Make one yourself.”

 

“Come on, Hae, please?” She actually hated being called by just half of her name. It was all or nothing in her book and she was sure she’d told her brother that before.

 

However, not being able to withstand that her brother wasn’t actually yelling at her for once, Sunhae left her sandwich to return to the kitchen and pull out the ingredients to fashion a similar meal for the perfectly capable adult.

 

“You know,” she stated after swallowing the last bite. “You could have just made it yourself.”

 

“Maybe, but yours looks good,” he retorted with a shrug.

 

When Sunhae was finished, she placed the plate with the sandwich in front of Chuljae before returning to her own seat and meal. A few bites in and Sunhae was happily eating again.

 

“Hae? Did you forget something?” her brother asked, somewhat skeptically as if he might be completely wrong in even asking her.

 

“Forget what?”

 

“This is, off or something…” he stuttered while scowling at his sandwich.

 

“I made it the same as mine.”

 

“Let me taste yours and see,” Chuljae requested while reaching towards Sunhae’s hand.

 

“Ew! No! Back off!” Sunhae pulled the sandwich towards her, somewhat appalled and yet not entirely surprised by her brother’s idiotic behavior.

 

“Yah! Sunhae! I’m telling you, this is weird!”

 

“If you don’t like how I make it then don’t ask me to make it for you again!”

 

“It’s not that! I think you just-”

 

“Why do you always think I forgot something?!” Sunhae yelled, standing up from her chair, posture rigid and anger rolling from her body in waves.

 

“Because you always do!” Chuljae fired back in defense.

 

“Fine! Eat the rest of my sandwich! I don’t care! I didn’t forget anything and you’ll see!” Sunhae left her food on her plate and stormed off to her room. So much for a nice afternoon.

 

Meanwhile, Chuljae took a bite from the end of Sunhae’s sandwich and sighed. There was no way to tell her without it coming out like an I-told-you-so.

 

 

Sunhae took a deep breath and knocked on the one office door that made her apprehensive. It was the only office she hated to enter. She wanted to avoid it and deny the request, but she had been told to come to the office and as an obedient employee, she did as she was told.

 

“Come in,” the low voice beckoned.

 

Sunhae pushed open the door and stepped inside. She didn’t make eye contact with the other occupant of the office. Instead, she turned and closed the door behind her but kept her gaze down to the floor.

 

“Sit down.”

 

Sunhae obeyed.

 

“Sunhae, do you know why I asked you to come in here?”

 

At this, she raised her gaze. Of course she didn’t. If she knew, she’d have promised to correct whatever it was that warranted the visit before the visit was necessary. “No, Mr. Kim, I do not.”

 

Sunhae didn’t miss the raised eyebrow or the warmth in his eyes. She hated that. She hated his gaze the most. It was always so deep and comforting when everything about being around him made her uncomfortable. If she had told that to anyone, they would have surely accused her of being crazy. Her boss was young, goal oriented, motivated, and by all society standards - absolutely gorgeous. Even as she mentally admitted the description to herself, her heart sped up - thundering in her chest and making her feel even more uneasy.

 

“You can call me Jongin.”

 

“I’d prefer not to,” she stated quickly.

 

“Would it be better if I called you Miss Yoon?”

 

Sunhae huffed out an annoyed breath. “Don’t patronize me.”

 

“I’m not. I’m merely making sure that I’m addressing you properly,” he excused with a smirk.

 

Sunhae gulped slightly, not sure why the conversation was making her feel a tiny bit nervous. “Miss Yoon would be more proper, but you already call me Sunhae so I don’t see why it should change.”

 

“Very well then. Sunhae, I need to talk to you about something that is concerning me.”

 

He had her undivided attention even though Sunhae was completely perplexed.

 

“In the past few weeks, your numbers have gone down.”

 

“I’m only human, Mr. Kim,” she retorted.

 

“I understand that, but they’ve gone down a lot.”

 

“It’s not on purpose…” Sunhae offered though a bit frightened at what ‘a lot’ meant.

 

“I didn’t think it was and that’s why I’m concerned.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I’ve been monitoring you while you’re on calls…”

 

Sunhae’s anger flared. So, all of the times he had been by her desk was to check up on her. For some reason she’d justified that he was just making rounds as an approachable manager. To find out that he really was there to watch how she worked fired up her temper like nothing else.

 

“I’m a bit concerned that you’re taking on too much and aren’t handling it so well.”

 

“Is that why you encouraged the entire floor to take my calls when they have the chance?!” Sunhae bit.

 

“Sunhae, no, that’s… I mean… I would rather have more competitive staff trying their best to handle each customer, but it wasn’t for that sole reason alone.”

 

Sunhae could feel her limbs shaking with anger and disbelief. She might as well be talking to Chuljae for the way she was feeling. Her two lives didn’t cross! This couldn’t be happening, and yet, it was. “I’ve always handled everything fine. I don’t know why my numbers are slipping but I can get them back up.”

 

It felt as if her heart was failing to pump correctly. Each beat was harsh and noticeable to the girl who always felt like she was fighting a war to stay on top of everything around her.

 

“Sunhae, please. This isn’t entirely about the numbers or the job. It’s about you. I don’t want you to stress yourself out.”

 

“I don’t believe you. It’s always about the numbers,” she huffed with impatience.

 

“No, Sunhae. You’re exactly right, you’re only human. You should never have been able to pull the number of successful sales that you have. The company is proud, of course, but I can see how it’s wearing on you.”

 

“It’s not. I’m fine. I can handle my calls,” she stated stubbornly. Sunhae wanted out. She wanted to escape now. He was staring at her again. He was making her confused and too warm for her own good. Sunhae was suddenly stifled and thirsty and more than uncomfortable.

 

To her horror, Mr. Kim stood up out of his chair and walked around his desk. He never once let her go with that gaze of his. Sunhae had no choice but to keep her eye contact as he came closer. It wasn’t fair, really. His dark brown hair was swept back in a perfectly sculpted design while his strong jaw and defined nose made him seem like someone not to be disregarded. Yet, beyond all that were gentle cheeks and plump lips and even more arresting were his dark eyes, which simply begged to be looked at and stared into deeply. Sunhae couldn’t resist a thing about him.

 

“Sunhae,” he started somewhat quietly though not quite in a whisper. “I want you to try to take a step back. Breathe and let a few calls go willingly.”

 

He was too close. She could feel her eyes darting around, focusing on each feature of his face for a second before honing in on the next one. There was no disguising just how crazy she looked, and yet, she couldn’t pull herself together.

 

“How can you ask that of me when you constantly use me as the poster child for what you want all of your other employees to achieve?”

 

His features softened even more. She didn’t want that. If she was going to hold her anger and get through this, then looking at a softer version of the normally intimidating boss was going to cripple her resolve. Sunhae averted her stare and quickly thought of all of the reasons she did what she did every day. She thought of the customers, her sales, her numbers, her paycheck, her brother, her father and her mother.

 

Sunhae stood suddenly causing Mr. Kim to rock back on his heels and give her the space she required. Without letting him answer her questions, she snapped. “Thank you for your concern, but I’m fine.” Sunhae’s tone was terse and wrought with exasperation. She turned towards the door, completely intent on leaving the office and making up for the time that her boss was once again costing her.

 

“Sunhae! Wait!”

 

She had every intention to ignore his plea until his fingers found her arm. Sunhae would never admit that she stopped short before those fingers wrapped around her forearm. She also refused to think about how she was ready to turn towards him before he pulled at her. Sunhae would always deny just how blatantly her body curved towards his when she stood toe to toe with him.

 

The sudden realization was backed heavily with denial. She would do or say just about anything to make an escape. “You don’t understand! I need this! I need this job and the commission! I can’t afford anything less than this. I have to pay for my mother’s medical care while my father is stuck with the bills. My brother has to take care of her and if I do any less than I’m doing now - I… I don’t know what will happen.” Sunhae’s eyes widened. She hadn’t meant to suddenly blurt that out as an excuse. She had never meant to tell anyone what she worried about or give any clues as to what her life was like.

 

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but the stretching silence was becoming uncomfortable. She could tell that he was thinking about what she said, a fact that surprised her. He had long let go of her arm and she was essentially free to escape, but something was keeping her from moving. Sunhae couldn’t put her finger on it and she looked helplessly at him as if he should be the one to say something or verbally give her permission to leave.

 

Mr. Kim’s eyes narrowed slightly and fully focused on her after finally digesting everything that had happened in the past few seconds. Sunhae felt heat from her toes to the top of her head and it was making her vision hazy and her body restless. She watched as his eyes softened towards her and a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

 

Sunhae flinched as fingertips touched her left temple. They were cool against her heated skin creating a calming sensation. Sunhae didn’t want to think about how her eyes fluttered closed and how she had to fight from leaning into the touch.

 

“I’m only asking you to be more careful. Biting off more than you can chew might work at first, but sooner or later it’s a struggle and I want you to succeed - not fall apart.” His voice was like caramel. It spoke of care but was layered in mirrored heat.

 

With eyes still closed, Sunhae nodded slowly. Her brain was fighting itself in every way. Her paycheck verses her sanity. Her capabilities versus everyone’s high or low expectations of her. And mostly, she fought against just what was going on or not going on between her and a man that she previously despised.

 

The hand at the side of her face moved so that the fingers combed into her hair and his palm moved to cup her cheek. She could feel the warmth in his hand, but it still felt cool compared to her own body temperature. Sunhae was sure she was blushing, but she had no way to control it. Blinking her eyes open, she quickly realized that he was much too close. She was sure that if he breathed heavily or spoke again, she would feel his breath on her face. The thought was intoxicating.

 

“Mr. Kim?” she whispered.

 

“Jongin,” he corrected.

 

Sunhae let the name bounce around in her head for just a moment before testing it out on her tongue, “Jongin.”

 

Her eyes closed quickly as soft full lips pressed against hers in a gentle rush. If she thought her body had been heated a moment ago then she was somehow creating an inferno now. She had no choice but to reach out for balance, each hand landing on either side of his waist. Sunhae felt his right hand move to cradle the back of her head while his other hand held her at the small of her back. It was enough contact to bring them torso-to-torso.

 

Jongin drank leisurely at her lips, never daring to press deeper or demand more of her than she could give in that very moment. Of course, the fact that her boss was holding her and kissing her was more than Sunhae thought she’d been able to ever deal with. Somewhere in the back of her mind she remembered all of the reasons she thought she had hated him. Now, they made absolutely no sense. She thought back to drinks left at her desk and the sticky note and his other interferences. Had he really just been caring about her the whole time while she’d thought him to be a jerk?

 

Thoughts rushed Sunhae faster than she was able to sort them. She compared Jongin to Chuljae and yet Jongin was concerned - not constantly angry with her. Jongin knew she was capable while only being concerned about her stress. Her own brother and father were more angry for every time she messed something up without taking into consideration all of the things she felt she had to juggle.

 

Sunhae’s grasp at Jongin’s sides tightened.

 

Jongin backed away from the kiss.

 

“There’s always reasons to why anyone gets as motivated as you’ve been. I just wanted you to know that I can see the stress. Okay? I’m not implying anything else, nor am I actually telling you to not do your job.”

 

Sunhae felt relief at those words. Was it possible that he actually understood her while knowing so little? Probably not, but Sunhae drank in the reassurance anyway. She slowly let her hands fall back to her side. Jongin dropped his own grasp on her, giving her the space she needed.

 

Sunhae had more questions than answers, but above all she still needed to escape the office and his overwhelming presence.

 

“Th-thank you for your concern, Mr. -”

 

“Jongin.”

 

Sunhae nodded.

 

Jongin gave her a reassuring smile, which echoed in his dark eyes.

 

Sunhae turned, finally reaching for the door and opening it to the maze of cubicles that she knew so well. She wasn’t sure why she found it hard to breathe in both environments, but at least at her desk she could fall into her familiar routine. And for the rest of the day, she did just that.

 

 

Sunhae ripped the headphones from top of her head as something managed to disrupt her music despite the volume. Her eyes roamed her room even though she knew that the noise was coming from elsewhere. It only took a moment for her brain to lock onto the muffled sound and identify just where and what was causing it. Years of living in that house had trained her well. Sunhae shot up off the carpet where she’d been sitting against the side of her bed. Her hand pulled at the doorknob at the same time that another nearby door was pulled open.

 

Sunhae looked at Chuljae who stared right back just inside the hallway. Everything was communicated in that look before Chuljae jumped into a sprint with Sunhae on his heels.

 

Once upon a time their house seemed so large to the two children who lived there and had once been afraid of the sounds and noises that sometimes happened in the late hours of the night. Now, in their twenties, the house was small and an inconvenience to run through. The noises were still worrisome but the two adults were driven by understanding and much more confidence than they had possessed as children.

 

Chuljae reached for the door to the back of the house and pulled it open. The otherwise quiet night was filled with harsh words that were slurred yet still coherent. Sunhae still followed her older brother as they ran around the corner and found their parents in a heated argument. If they didn’t get the two indoors quickly, it would be likely that cranky neighbors would call about the noise. It had happened more times than the two wanted to admit.

 

Chuljae stepped between his parents, causing instant frustration between them. Not showing an ounce of patience or lenience, Chuljae faced their father and ordered him inside.

 

Sunhae, however, cowered at her father’s return expression. Too many times, as a child, she’d thought the man to be a devil. When he was angry, mostly drunk and angry, the red in his eyes had become so intense that Sunhae had believed them to actually be red like that of a demon. It scared her as a child and even as an adult she found the man’s drunken gaze to be intimidating and somewhat chilling. How her mother ever continued to fight with him was beyond her. Even with her own stubborn personality, she would rather run than argue with him.

 

Sunhae took to their mother, trying to pull her into a hug and direct the woman into the house but through a side door that would give her a few moments of space from her husband. Sunhae was prepared for the way the woman fought against her. She irrationally blurted out her frustration at her children’s interference; constantly repeating that it was her business and not theirs.

 

All Sunhae could do was continue to drag the older woman into the house while leaving Chuljae to deal with their dad.

 

The older woman’s flailing arms constantly struck her, but Sunhae was stronger. She wasn’t lost in whatever emotion had set her mother off, giving Sunhae the upper hand.

 

Sunhae made sure to pull the side door shut firmly. She directed her mother into the main room and tried to get her to sit down. She assumed that whatever had transpired between their parents was pointless and just an outlet for tension, but as always, it was their children making sure it didn’t escalate too far. Sunhae had often wondered why they had stayed together for so long despite everything, but she didn’t really understand relationships. Sunhae had her fair share of people she’d been attracted to and instances of people being attracted to her, but it had never amounted to much of anything and perhaps it was her parent’s example that made her cringe towards being with someone for any real length of time. Really, Sunhae still had this mess to deal with without creating one of her own.

 

Sunhae sat on the couch and kept her mother at her side while Chuljae started to demand explanations and figure out just what had happened.

 

Sunhae, despite being there, stopped paying the slightest bit of attention.

 

She thought of Jongin. Would he be the type to fight with her? If she gave him even an inch in her life would they somehow wind up like this? She didn’t know him well enough to give herself any sort of actual answer. Sunhae couldn’t predict anything between the two of them and yet the thought was intriguing. She suddenly wanted to test it out. She wanted Jongin to prove to her that she could function in a world that wasn’t like this.

 

“Sunhae?” Chuljae’s voice suddenly broke through her thoughts.

 

“What?”

 

“Haven’t you heard anything?”

 

“I… I’m sorry,” was all she could say.

 

“I ing swear! Were you even paying attention or did you forget everything that just happened?” Chuljae accused more than asked.

 

Sunhae jumped off the couch in barely contained anger. “I was thinking of something else. I didn’t ing forget anything. Stop being such an Chuljae! We don’t need to fight like these two!”

 

“This is what is important right now! Not whatever else your mind wandered to. Honestly, were you actually daydreaming right now?”

 

“God, you must think I’m actually stupid or something!”

 

“I say exactly what I see.”

 

“Get your eyes checked, .”

 

Sunhae couldn’t care less. She walked from the room to leave the three of them to figure out whatever the hell was going on. It wasn’t really her problem. If her parents were determined to yell at each other to death, then so be it!

 

Sunhae closed her door and while she didn’t lock it, she was almost certain that no one would bother her after the small tantrum. Feeling a bit like a temperamental teenager, she sunk onto the ground and drowned herself back into her music. She couldn’t grow up in this environment. Everything here was poisonous. It wasn’t making her into any better of a person and while she always debated about being selfish versus sticking around, it was times like this where she felt like moving on was the better choice.

 

 

Almost a week later and Sunhae had recovered her numbers swiftly. Her concentration had centered entirely on her sales approach and dedication. She wanted to prove that she could succeed in at least one venture. She wanted to prove to Jongin that there was nothing he needed to worry about and she wanted to prove to herself that without the drama at home, she could succeed somewhere. Sunhae had spent the entire last week avoiding everyone at home. She refused any communication so long as it wasn’t completely important, but in reality there was nothing that was needed from her other than her paycheck, so Sunhae brushed them all off.

 

It was nearing one in the afternoon and Sunhae didn’t have the typical clutter on her desk. She had taken to organizing everything and was on top of every single detail. Her calls were streamlined and while it wasn’t exactly her normal approach, Sunhae was decisive in all of her conversations forcing customers not only to agree quickly, but without being given much of a breath of thought to debate and decide otherwise.

 

Sunhae reached to take a sip from the mug of tea she’d kept by her side when she realized that it had long been empty. She must have told herself several times to refill it, but her job was more important. Sunhae her lips and decided that she really needed to grab a quick snack and more to drink before continuing with her afternoon. Confident that she was on top of it all, Sunhae stood up.

 

Mug in hand, she walked away from her desk and into the break room. She smiled at her fellow employees on the way, reserving the last smile for Nari who was sitting in the break room tapping one toe of a black stiletto against the tiled floor.

 

“Afternoon, Sunhae,” the other greeted.

 

Sunhae was a bit apprehensive, but answered with a smile and a warm ‘hello’ anyway. She walked to the counter and put down the mug looking for the flavor of tea that she preferred amongst those kept stocked in the break room.

 

“Seems Jongin has been leaving you alone this week, hm?” Nari suddenly asked.

 

Sunhae wasn’t about to miss a beat. “My numbers are up, he has no reason to bother me.”

 

Sunhae could hear Nari rise out of her chair. The telltale tap of her shoes was an easy giveaway. “I guess not, but I’ve heard something else recently.”

 

“Nari, don’t you ever get tired of the gossip? I mean, how many times have you heard things about Mr. Kim that have ended up being false? Isn’t it a little exhausting to waste so much concern on the subject?” Sunhae rattled as she finally found the tea she liked and set the single serving brewer to the correct setting.

 

“Only someone directly involved would so easily try to deter me from finding out the truth. And I still find it funny that you call him by his last name. You want everyone in this office to think you hate him, but I think you’re already his little pet,” Nari ground out.

 

Sunhae rolled her eyes. Fortunately, her back was still to the other. Seriously, Jongin had kissed her once. Once! There was no reason for any speculation that the two of them were involved. Nari was inventing things and Sunhae didn’t want to be on the receiving end of the girl’s possessive behavior.

 

“I’m no one’s pet, Nari.” Sunhae quickly turned and faced the other. “I don’t have time for this. I have work to do. Leave me out of your gossip.”

 

Sunhae barely registered how the girl’s eyebrow lifted in mild shock as Sunhae walked out of the room. A moment later and she was staring back at her computer screen. She sat down and fixed her headset while collecting herself before getting back on task. Part of her was thrilled that Jongin hadn’t made the attempt to bother her that week. If Nari were already sniffing out suspicion, any other interaction would only add to that. However, part of her missed him. Part of her already felt keenly alone after the short amount of intimacy between them in his office last week. She could acutely remember what it was like to have his hands on her skin, his gaze meeting hers, and his lips hovering close before taking hers against his. Sunhae shivered from the memory before shaking it off.

 

Focus, Sunhae! Focus.

 

Sunhae moved her hand across the desk only to realize that she’d left her mug back in the break room. Swallowing hard, she decided to forego retrieving the thing. If it meant more of Nari, she would surely live without the drink.

 

Shaking the mouse to the computer console to get rid of the screen saver, Sunhae pressed the button next to the red light on her phone and proceeded to greet the caller and begin the rest of her afternoon.

 

Six calls later, and Sunhae was just ending one when her mug appeared on her desk in the spot she preferred to keep it. A warm hand passed over her left shoulder as if to bring her attention to the fact that he was there without shocking her out of her dialogue. Sunhae was quick to raise her hand to her own shoulder, catching her fingers with his before he could pull them away. As quick as she could, she ended the call and pulled the microphone away from her cheek.

 

“Thank you,” she mumbled in regards to the warm cup of tea.

 

His fingers squeezed against hers in reply. Sunhae couldn’t explain to herself why she suddenly had the urge to drop everything and spend time in his company instead. Knowing her professional reputation was on the line, she denied the urge and inhaled to relax. Letting go of his hand first, she slid her fingers around the mug and took another deep breath before taking a sip. As the warm liquid hit her stomach, she realized how hungry she was and that she’d skipped the snack she told herself to get.

 

The warm hand on her shoulder disappeared and when Sunhae finally took to turning around, Jongin was gone. Anxiously, she eyed her surroundings to make sure no one had noticed or was looking at her. She really didn’t want anyone to feed Nari’s suspicions or to become food for gossip. And to be honest, Jongin and her weren’t dating or in a relationship at all. There was nothing there except attraction, at least as far as Sunhae had determined.

 

“Sunhae!”

 

Her attention was brought up as one of her coworkers shouted her name from a few cubicles away.

 

“Line three! Urgent!”

 

Sunhae looked down at the phone and frowned before picking up the parked line. “Hello?” she asked tentatively.

 

“Sunhae, I’m sorry to call you at work but your mother has had a . Chuljae and I are here. She’s in the ICU.” Her father’s voice was like a bucket of ice drenching her further into reality than she imagined was possible.

 

“A ?”

 

“We will tell you more when you get here,” was all he said in reply. Sunhae wanted to yell at him and beg for the details now. She didn’t want to wait until she was at the hospital. Confused and more than upset, Sunhae ended the call and tore off the headset. Her mother was young still. She didn’t know a was even something to be worried about. Didn’t only happen to the elderly? How bad is it if she is in the ICU? Standing suddenly, Sunhae looked around at her desk. She needed something. She needed to get going. She had to tell someone. She needed to be excused for the day. Her thoughts swirled and before she knew it everything went blank.

 

“Sunhae?”

 

“Sunhae?”

 

Distantly, Sunhae could hear her name being called, but she couldn’t identify whose voice or the number of voices that were calling for her. She vaguely grasped that it was more than one person.

 

“Sunhae?”

 

She blinked and slowly the boring gray tones of the office re-materialized as furniture and devices took shape and became recognizable. Colors came back. Voices became distinguishable. But, Sunhae’s chest was tight with anxiousness.

 

“Sunhae.”

 

Sunhae focused on someone’s face whose expression was a mix of impatience and concern. Her heart pounded against her chest as she realized that whoever was standing in front of her had his hands on her shoulders and was staring intently at her as if waiting for an answer to a question that Sunhae didn’t recall being asked.

 

Feeling more than uncomfortable, Sunhae wrenched herself to the side forcing the other to let go of her.

 

“Sunhae. Who called? What’s going on?”

 

Sunhae turned back towards the stranger before staring down at the phone on the desk. Had I been on the phone? Of course, that is my job. I am on the phone every day. So, why am I just standing here in the middle of the afternoon? Shouldn’t I be taking calls? Why is my desk so clean? Have I been fired? These people work here so why don’t I remember?

 

“I don’t know,” she whispered more to herself than anyone else. The unease of the entire situation ignited her anxiety further. “I don’t know. I don’t know! I don’t know, I don’t remember!” Sunhae started to shout as she turned around for something that would help her memories click back into place.

 

Suddenly, her shoulders were grasped again and with a slight shake, her eyes returned to the man who had been staring at her just a moment ago.

 

“Sunhae, concentrate.”

 

On what? she wanted to ask. Sunhae looked into his dark eyes. There was some sort of warmth there swimming just underneath the concern. Her eyes traveled over his features until they reached his lips. With a wince and a slight shake to her head, Sunhae stared at him again, this time with embarrassing tears forming in her eyes.

 

“Jongin,” she whispered.

 

“That's right, baby, now what else can you tell me?” he coaxed quietly.

 

“I don’t know. Everything went blank. I can’t remember!”

 

“You took a phone call. Someone said it was urgent. Who called you?” he asked, still being quiet even though there were still plenty watching the commotion within close enough proximity to hear their conversation.

 

Sunhae couldn’t concentrate on the question. She’d forgotten her own boss. The very man she’d kissed and was quite possibly falling for and for a whole minute or two she had no idea who he was. Compared to every other feeling of forgetfulness, this scared her. It scared her to her very core. Sunhae’s tears spilled over.

 

Not caring about any office gossip, Jongin wrapped an arm around Sunhae and directed her towards his office. He barked out commands that people get to work, but not before asking if anyone knew whom the phone call had been from. Even the worker who had transferred the call hadn’t the slightest clue other than how it had been important and urgent.

 

Jongin decided that his staff was useless and pulled Sunhae into the office, closing the door and ushering her into one of the chairs near his desk.

 

“Sunhae,” Jongin called trying to keep her focused. He knelt down in front of her and gave her a few moments.

 

Her eyes locked onto his, but she didn’t know what to say or how to explain herself.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

Sunhae nodded.

 

“When you are stressed, do you forget things? Little things?”

 

Sunhae could feel her anger flare. He was asking nicely, but she could tell he had already drawn similar conclusions as her brother.

 

“I’m not crazy,” she blurted.

 

Jongin shook his head quickly. “No, not crazy…”

 

“Everyone forgets things! I’m not the only person on the planet who forgets to run an errand or who gets distracted.”

 

“Sunhae. Listen to me, please? Right now you can’t remember who called you and I’m just trying to help you focus so that you can. Obviously, it was something urgent enough that the stress of it was too much.”

 

Sunhae’s tears increased as she listened to him explain something that she didn’t want to hear.

 

“I was only curious, but it isn’t important right now. What could have happened? Did something happen to someone? You said before that your family contributes to take care of your mom. Is your mom okay?” Jongin wiped the stray tears from her cheeks in an attempt to keep her calm or perhaps reassure that his inquiry was only to help her and not to accuse her of anything.

 

Sunhae hadn’t paid much attention to anyone in her family lately. She remembered coming home and walking straight to her room. She barely recalled seeing a displeased look on Chuljae’s face one evening, but she’d ignored it. She hadn’t seen her mom or her dad lately. Dad, dad…. Something struck a cord after thinking of her father.

 

“My dad,” she mumbled.

 

“Is he alright?” Jongin asked.

 

“He called.”

 

“Why did your dad call?”

 

Sunhae felt words returning to her from memory, but they weren’t in order at first. If they were then they made no sense.

 

“He said he would tell me later. Him and Chuljae were waiting for me.”

 

“Waiting for you where?”

 

“Not at home,” she guessed.

 

Out of nowhere, the memory hit Sunhae hard. Her gaze moved around the space in front of her while she let the memory sink in. “What am I doing? I need to go!” Sunhae stood up and tried to move around Jongin.

 

He stood just as abruptly and locked his grip around one of her wrists. “Sunhae, where?”

 

“She had a ! How could that have escaped me so quickly? She’s in the ICU! I need to go!” Sunhae shouted somewhat hysterically.

 

“Okay, calm down. I’ll drive you. You shouldn’t drive right now. I’ll take you there and either you can call me to get you later or have someone in your family bring you back for your car,” Jongin stated while grabbing items from his desk, which Sunhae assumed was perhaps keys and a wallet or possibly his phone.

 

Returning to her side, Jongin suddenly tugged at her wrist bringing her scattered attention to him immediately. He quickly cradled her face between his hands and leaned in to give her a quick kiss. “Everything will be fine. I promise.”

 

Sunhae let the words sink in and get her through each minute until she was navigating the hallways of the hospital towards the waiting room just outside of the ICU.

 

 

Three days.

 

In three days, everything had changed.

 

Three days during the week of Sunhae ignoring her home life and her mother had locked herself inside of one of the spare rooms that had been turned into a small office years ago.

 

The first day she had told whoever knocked that she was fine. The second day and she had been able to murmur enough to sway anyone from intruding. On day three, she was incoherent. The end of the third day and Chuljae finally broke into the room. It was too late.

 

According to the doctors, their mother had suffered from a , which had gone unnoticed and unfortunately untreated for three days. Without quick diagnosis and treatment, she’d suffered extreme damaging effects.

 

The first twenty-four hours in the ICU resulted in little response. ‘Coma’ was the word used to describe Sunhae’s mother’s state. On the second day, Sunhae’s heart broke as she listened to her mom mumble incoherently. Some of the things she said sounded like horrible dreams or hallucinations. What was worse was watching her mother speak out of the right side of . Her left side was completely paralyzed. Sunhae had no words to describe the perception she had of her mother, but every time she thought of it she felt guilty and hopeless. On the third day, Sunhae did little other than cry.

 

She left the hospital.

 

She said nothing to Chuljae or her father.

 

Somehow, she wound up in her car in the parking lot of her place of employment, crying until she didn’t think she could anymore and ultimately falling asleep inside of the locked vehicle.

 

 

“You’re suspended, Sunhae.”

 

“Excuse me!?”

 

“Two weeks, although I’m pretty sure it isn’t long enough. I don’t want to fire you, but it seems that there’s no other way to force you to take time off. I’m suspending you.”

 

“You have no grounds to do so!”

 

“I have no grounds to let you go. I do, however, have reason to suspend you.”

 

“What reason?!” Sunhae wanted to scream. Work was the only distraction she had and if he took that away, she was sure she would go crazy.

 

“Your numbers have gone down again. This time we’ve been getting some complaints. We’ve monitored a few calls and you are short tempered and frankly a bit rude with some of the customers.”

 

Sunhae felt like he had slapped her. She had no idea that her calls were being monitored. It felt like betrayal and Sunhae was furious. She was still sitting down. The fact that she wasn’t on her feet and ready to claw at him was surprising. It aggravated her further to see him leaning casually against the side of his desk with one arm supporting the top of his frame against the table’s surface.

 

“I can understand with all of the stress recently, but I have to pull you off of the phones. You need to take some time, for yourself.”

 

Sunhae didn’t want to think about what two weeks without anything to do was going to do to her sanity. She was barely hanging on because she had work as a distraction. To take it away meant she’d have to face things at home and frankly she had no intention to do so. Everything was so awkward at home. Sunhae, Chuljae and their father had blamed each other and themselves for what happened. They avoided each other after all of the accusations following the doctor’s diagnosis. The funeral had come and gone and yet the three of them still couldn’t muster up the courage to say more than a few words in passing and even those were either fake or layered in accusation. Above that, this was Sunhae’s only time to be around Jongin. The fact that he was pushing her away with this suspension had her panicking.

 

“Please,” she began. Begging was low for her, but she didn’t know any other way.

 

“Sunhae, you need time.” Jongin lowered his voice. They were alone in his office, but he wanted to be careful. “Your mother passed away, Sunhae, and you didn’t even take a day off.”

 

“Has it occurred to you that I need to be here? I need to work, to stay busy.” I need to be with you, she added in thought.

 

“You need to find a different distraction. Something less stressful.”

 

“How do you know what I need?”

 

“Sunhae, take this as a vacation. Go somewhere. Do something recreational. Anything else.”

 

She looked at him, really looked. Jongin was maddeningly beautiful. Above that, he constantly proved that what initially was construed as concern only for the company was actually concern for her well-being. Sunhae felt like he was the only person on the planet who might have cared about her. The idea of being forced away from his presence seemed far worse than being forced away from the busy distraction.

 

“What are we, Jongin?” Sunhae asked suddenly.

 

“What?”

 

“You and I. What are we? You’re my boss, but you’ve kissed me twice and I don’t know what that means.”

 

“I don’t want to complicate your life more than it already is, Sunhae. We can talk about this another time.”

 

“It’s more complicated not knowing,” Sunhae argued. And it was. She had ignored trying to define just what Jongin meant to her. She had avoided asking what she meant to him. Now, more than ever, she needed the clarity. “Do you even like me?”

 

Jongin looked at her with apprehension. He didn’t want to do this here, under these circumstances. She was in the middle of being suspended from her job and she suddenly wanted to define their relationship? Jongin shook his head slightly and despite his inner debate, he focused on her after making a decision. “Sunhae, I’m pretty sure I love you,” he said on a sigh. Jongin pressed his lips together after the admission and watched as her expression changed a few times.

 

“Pretty sure?” Sunhae asked timidly.

 

Jongin crossed his arms as he was still leaning. With another quick sigh, he let out another admission: “Sunhae, I’ve been watching you closely for a while now. It’s not because you’re basically essential to the success of the sales floor. And while I’ve been intrigued as to how it is that you’ve done so well, I’ve noticed a lot of things about you that are far more intriguing.”

 

“What? Like a faulty memory and watching my world turn upside down?”

 

“Or watching you handle it with determination and doing your best to hide it all so that you come across as the most professional person in this office. Especially compared to those who spend their breaks whining about everything or gossiping needlessly? No one is perfect, Sunhae. No one.”

 

“No one thinks I’m perfect. My brother thinks I’m going to be just like my mother. I’m sure my father agrees. They already think I’m messed up. They never gave her a clear diagnosis as to what was wrong with her. I could do the same thing. I could hit fifty and have a and then what?  What if I am already halfway through my functional life? I already forgot you once!”

 

Jongin moved away from the desk and once again took the position of kneeling in front of Sunhae. “I’m not a doctor. I’m not sure what your mom went through her whole life, but I’m of the opinion that whatever varying degree of short-term memory loss you have is just due to stress. And honestly, you recover your memories too, which isn’t complete memory loss. You remembered me. You remembered your phone call. It was just a lapse, really. It happens with too much stress. Which is why I want you to take a break.”

 

Sunhae gulped nervously. Her stomach was filled with butterflies while the rest of her nerves shook with apprehension. His words seemed true and she latched onto them with a thread of hope. She looked at Jongin and wondered just where he’d been her whole life.

 

“If I take the two weeks, you’ll wait for me?”

 

Jongin almost laughed. “First of all, you’re taking the two weeks because you have no choice. It’s a suspension. Second, I’ll be here - unless, of course, they find some reason to fire me.”

 

Sunhae managed a small smile. “So, I guess that asking for a kiss, which clearly crosses the line between boss and employee, could be grounds for firing?”

 

“Could be.”

 

Sunhae played with the cuticle on one of her fingers while biting at her lip in thought. “Listen. I have the next two weeks kind of wide open. If you’re free, maybe we could get dinner? Drinks? Catch a movie?”

 

“Sounds like a date.”

 

“I trust you have my number?”

 

Jongin’s eyes narrowed in playfulness. “I have access to it, yes.”

 

“I’ll be waiting,” Sunhae said while standing up and taking a couple steps towards the door. The butterflies were still there in a swarm, but the tension was dissipating with every word that he spoke.

 

“Not for long. Promise.”

 

Sunhae was treated to one of Jongin’s infectious smiles that lit up his entire face and even caused his dark eyes to sparkle. With a nod of her head, she reached for the door.

 

The door didn’t open, however, and Sunhae looked up to find Jongin’s hand higher up on the door to keep it closed. As she tilted her head up, Jongin quickly caught her chin to turn her gaze towards him - stealing a quick yet purposeful kiss. He let go of the door and her chin at the same time, leaving a dazed Sunhae to exit the office.

 

Sunhae probably looked like the happiest person to ever be suspended.

 

She gathered a few things from her desk and walked out of the building without much of any explanation or conversation with anyone in the office. She caught Nari’s stare from a distance and wondered if the other would drop the assumptions that Jongin thought of her as a pet now that suspension was true. Still, Sunhae continued to smile. Once outside, she felt both nervous and excited. She was nervous to deal with the next two weeks, but the promise of still seeing Jongin gave her something to hope for.

 

She had a few steps left to reach her car when her phone vibrated from within her purse. Worried that it could be something urgent with her father or brother, as so many things had been so unpredictable lately, Sunhae pulled out her phone before getting into her car.

 

She didn’t even have to unlock her phone to see the message in its entirety.

 

Tonight. 7pm. I’ll text you the address.

Another text appeared as Sunhae was staring at her screen. It included the address and some badly described landmark based directions. Sunhae laughed out loud and pocketed the phone.

 

She’d never felt so much relief wash over her at once. Two weeks with no customers, no calls, and no coworkers. Two weeks to try to build back destroyed bridges between herself and her family. Most importantly, two weeks to begin a relationship that might just make it all worth it.

 

*END*