Kai had seen Kyungsoo drunk. But never this drunk. It was kind of amazing actually, watching the small brown haired guy slowly lose his composure as the night stretched out.

Kai himself had decided not to drink much today. Not after the embarrassment of the last party he'd been to. He still wasn't sure exactly what had happened - he couldn't tell whether the stories he’d been told had been exaggerated or not (although it was hard to dispute the video footage of the more embarrassing things he'd done). Regardless, he'd been absolutely plastered and he didn't feel the need to experience that again. Well, it was more the aftermath; the vomiting that had followed the fuzzy, elated, disconnected feeling... That and the insane hangover the next day...

Instead, Kai was entertaining himself by watching this little (don't call him that to his face) brunette getting more and more out of it. Kyungsoo was 'dancing' on the other side of the room, swaying in a slightly alarming manner to whatever music was being played. Plump lips moved along silently with the words. His head was low, usually wide eyes half lidded, arms waving awkwardly as he felt the music through his entire body. Kai shifted position on the sofa, swinging his legs up into Luhan's lap (he'd dropped down onto the sofa earlier and fallen straight asleep) and leaned heavily on the armrest. He didn't take his eyes off that unsteady body and almost gave Luhan a good kick somewhere unpleasant.

Just then Kyungsoo stumbled, somehow managing to trip over his own feet, and fell straight onto his hands and knees. Kai let out a short, sharp laugh. Drunk Kyungsoo was way too funny! Rather uncoordinated as well. Kai continued watching as the other looked furtively from side to side - did anyone see me? - before shamelessly climbing up the wall back to his feet. He pressed his face against the wall (for balance perhaps) and started swaying his instead. Soon after, Baekhyun joined him, wine glass in hand and moving his hips in a decidedly seductive fashion. Kai caught Chanyeol gawking across the room, but who could blame him? Baekhyun had a nice and he definitely knew it. Kai was less drawn in - the two of them looked so ridiculous, wiggling their asses with their faces smushed against the wall. Not to mention that they were both more than a little unsteady and a smidge out of time.

A silly grin spread across Kai's face even as Tao waltzed over and sat on the edge of the sofa in front of him. People watching was wonderful and if said people were drunk, it was ten times better.

Tao leant back slowly, resting his back against Kai's stomach, completely oblivious to Kai frantically moving his arms and glass out of the way to prevent an unfortunate accident. Tao's eyes were focused elsewhere, observing as Kris struggled in through one of the archways carrying too many drinks whilst trying (and failing) to maintain his composure. He was quickly rescued by Sehun who'd just entered through a different archway and ran across the room to relieve him of two glasses of... something... something that was a rather disturbing lurid green. The corner of Tao's mouth twitched up as Kris fumbled with the remaining two glasses anyway, almost spilling the substance on Suho's rather nice carpet. The hint of panic in the other's eyes was quite entertaining.

Kai noticed none of this. Once he'd gotten his drink out of Tao's way his gaze had immediately returned to Kyungsoo. He seemed to be drawn to the other boy. Said boy (also not something to say to his face) was now freestanding and dancing with Baekhyun. One of his arms was slung around the other's neck as they bobbed about. Impressively, Baekhyun was able to drink at the same time and he didn't spill a drop; slender fingers wrapped around the stem of his glass skillfully held it steady.

A shadow fell across Kai's face and a tall body blocked his view. He glanced up into the face of Kris. A face carefully arranged into the coolest expression Kris could manage as he held out one of the drinks he was holding to Tao.

"Here." He said, eyes flickering momentarily to Tao's before he returned to staring ahead. Tao struggled not to laugh as he reached out and accepted the drink, eying it with relish. Kai couldn't believe it - that drink practically glowed and yet Tao looked so excited to have it inside his body.

"Ha, thanks Kris!" Tao gushed, oozing enthusiasm. Kris deemed to nod once before turning to stalk back out the way he'd come in. Tao leapt happily from the sofa and practically skipped after him. Well at least no one was expecting Kai to drink any of that stuff.

When he looked back across the room, Kyungsoo was nowhere to be seen. Baek was still there, but instead of Kyungsoo, he was hanging off a broadly smiling Chen, much to Chanyeol's annoyance. He was glaring at the other with such intensity, Kai hoped he wouldn't start a fight. If he did, Kai would happily be anywhere but here. He waited a little longer, reluctant to move now that he was so comfortable but the look on Chanyeol's face was only growing more hostile. And so, having removed his legs from Luhan's lap (he was now drooling on himself), he swiftly stood up and moved into the high ceilinged hallway, not forgetting his own glass.  He really hoped that Chanyeol didn't start a fight. He especially hoped that no one would break anything.

Standing in the hall, he threw a quick glance to the front door. There was no one there, just a ridiculous number of shoes in a chaotic heap blocking the way out. Fantastic. He rolled his eyes. God forbid they all need to get out quickly for any reason. A glance in the other direction and he was met by a sight he really was not expecting to see. He gaped openly, stunned. Suho was a few feet away, being firmly pressed into the wall by none other than Lay. His brow was furrowed, his eyes closed, and his teeth biting his bottom lip as he clutched the back of Lay's pink t-shirt desperately. Lay was paying a lot of attention to Suho's neck, his hands somewhere inside the other's top. Kai stood a moment longer in shock but when Suho emitted a soft squeak-moan, he bolted across the hall and into the kitchen where he almost knocked over Xiumin in his haste.

"Sorry! Sorry, I-" He started in a panicked tone, ducking in a tiny bow of apology. Xiumin held up a hand.

"Don't bother. You saw Suho didn't you?" He had a knowing grin on his face and Kai found himself able to calm down just a little. He nodded and received a wry smile and a pat on the shoulder as he moved aside to let Xiumin leave.

The kitchen was a veritable hive of activity. Kai hadn't even realised there were this many people in the house. He wondered momentarily if Suho knew but then struck that thought down, he did not want to think about Suho right now.

Zhoumi and Tao were sharing more of that drink while Kris looked on with a seemingly indifferent expression. Kai really doubted that was how he felt but quickly became distracted as Henry and Amber grabbed him from different sides, dragging him across the kitchen and babbling at him all the while.

"Kyungsoo was asking for you."

"Also Tao."

"And Kyuhyun!"

"But mainly Kyungsoo."

"You should go see what he wants."

 Together, they gave him a shove and he stumbled forwards, trying not to spill his drink and fell into the arms of Kyungsoo. Said arms immediately constricted around him as a familiar voice happily chimed his name. Kai relaxed against the other involuntarily, content to be surrounded by his warmth.

"There you are! I wondered where you were and I wanted to share my drink with you! Partly because I'm not really sure what it tastes like or what's in it..." Kyungsoo trailed off before perking up as a new trail of thought struck. "I also wanted to take a selca with you but I suppose that can wait. Oh and with Sehunnie too, he photographs well don’t you think?" Kai was gobsmacked. He'd never heard the brunette talk for this long in one go unless he was yelling at someone. He broke out of his thoughts as he felt the other's fingers twining in his hair. He gaped. "Your hair is so pretty when it's silver. You should keep it silver forever. Or white, like Suho. You'd suit white." Kai did not need to be reminded of Suho right now. But those thoughts were only fleeting at any rate - the gentle hand running through his hair was quite distracting and he concentrated on not reacting in an embarrassing fashion. Such as leaning into it. Or whining. Or something like that... But it really was pleasant. He placed his glass on the counter behind Kyungsoo next to another almost full one. A moment later, he looked up to find Kyungsoo watching him closely from not very far away. Two large, inquisitive owl eyes, focused only on him and incredibly close to his own...

Kai broke away from the smaller male with a yelp, clutching a hand to his chest and wincing at the pull on his hair when the other didn't let go. Kyungsoo started and stared at Kai, some of the other people in the kitchen also turned to see what the fuss was about.

Kai was breathing hard. He could feel his heart racing through the palm of the hand he had pressed to his chest.

"You scared me!" He almost sounded hysterical, his voice cracking awkwardly in the middle of the sentence. Kyungsoo stood for a moment more before dissolving in a fit of giggles. He leant back on the counter behind him, mouth wide in a heart shaped smile. He slowly sank down onto the floor, his giggles evolving into high pitched laughter. It was infectious and Kai couldn't help but join in. He could still feel eyes on him but that didn't stop him. All too soon he was knelt on the floor in front of his friend, shaking as he laughed so hard barely any sound escaped. He slapped Kyungsoo's leg since it was in range. "This is your fault!" He gasped. When he caught sight of the ridiculous expression the smaller man pulled in response he could only laugh harder.

Kai didn't know how long they laughed for but he did know that by the time it stopped, after endless failed attempts to calm down, they were both lying on the floor and he was pretty certain they were the only ones left in the kitchen. He nudged Kyungsoo with an elbow.

"Perhaps we should get up." The brunette's eyes were closed and he didn't open them to respond.

"Nah, I'm comfortable here." He flung a leg over one of Kai's. "We should just stay." He shifted about a little bit, humming to himself. Kai looked on bemused. The look of contentment on the other's face was absolutely endearing and he'd love to see the elder smile like that all the time. He was certain that Kyungsoo didn't know how much more beautiful he was on the infrequent occasions that he did smile. The happiness seemed to make him glow and Kai was sure everyone could feel it exuding from him in moments like this. Kai would stay here forever if the smaller man kept smiling like that. He'd do anything for that smile.

Just seconds later, Kyungsoo sat up abruptly as a new thought occurred to him.

"But, I can't drink lying down..." He mumbled to himself, turning over onto his hands and knees and pulling himself up by the counter. Kai slowly stood as the other continued mumbling to himself, picking up his previously discarded drink. He took a swig and Kai marveled at the expression on his face which transitioned swiftly from relief, to joy, to confusion, and then quickly moved on to disgust. He screwed up his face at the aftertaste and Kai gave the glass a wary look - probably best to give that a wide berth. It was also an odd brown colour which was a bit of a turn off.

"Have you tried it yet?" Kai jumped, this time much less spectacularly, and whirled to see Zhoumi standing there with a distinct smirk. He'd forgotten the man was even at this party. Zhoumi repeated his question. When Kai continued to look blank, he gestured towards the drink clasped in Kyungsoo's hand.

"Not gonna lie, but I wouldn't even wanna touch that with a barge pole." Kai said, giving the substance a sideways glance. Zhoumi's smile grew suddenly dangerous, his eyes lighting up.

"That's exactly why you should be drinking it." Kai frowned. Beside him Kyungsoo was nodding earnestly and somehow Kai ended up being the one holding the glass. He peered in.

"Uhm, what is in this?" His companions both shrugged.

"Drink some and guess?" Zhoumi offered. Kai sighed. He could tell they wouldn't leave him alone until he'd at least taken a sip of the ghastly stuff. He refrained from smelling it, raised the glass to his lips, and took a tentative sip. "You need more than that!" The glass tipped some more and to stop the liquid from getting on his clothes he was forced to drink a lot more than he'd intended.

At first it wasn't so bad. He swallowed it down quickly and then winced at the frankly upsetting mixture of tastes in his mouth. First off, it was bloody strong! Something tasted of peppermint, but there was also a false fruity taste competing with it. There was something creamy and something else distinctly nutty and for a moment he just wanted to throw up. Never again! He looked on aghast as, between them, Zhoumi and Kyungsoo finished the vile concoction in a matter of seconds. Kai decided he didn't want to know what was in there. He just felt sad. Also he could still taste it. He took a gulp of his own drink to try and wash away the taste, but if anything that just made things worse.

More and more people were drifting back into the kitchen now that no one was laughing maniacally anymore and Zhoumi drifted away to irritate someone else. Kyungsoo gave his glass a mournful look. Then he turned puppy eyes on Kai, almost good enough to match Kai's own.

"Could you get me another drink?" Kai shook his head. Kyungsoo was most definitely able to get one himself so there was no way Kai was going to do it. In addition, the brunette was swaying a little on his feet, face slightly flushed and Kai could smell the alcohol on his breath.

Kyungsoo's expression hardened.

"Get me another drink!" He demanded. Kai hesitated, the cute little brunette had disappeared oh so swiftly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea...?" He trailed off and the last word came out as barely a whisper at the indignant scowl that took over the shorter man's face.

"Who are you? Are you my mother?" His tone was scathing and Kai tried hard not to flinch.

"No, I-I'm just a worried friend who-" He started to reply but Kyungsoo cut him off angrily.

"Don't be. Be the friend who gets me more alcohol when I ask for it!" He placed his glass down on the surface behind him and the soft clink was almost deafening to Kai. He spun Kai around by the hips and gave him a little shove forwards followed by a sharp smack on the . "Get to it!" Kai took a few steps forward out of shock and found himself fetching the little minx another drink without really registering what he was doing.

"Your hand's shaking." Donghae observed. Kai was deliberating over what to pour for his already pretty darned drunk friend. He selected one of the nicer ciders from those at the bar (Suho had quite the collection) and poured it as carefully as he could - his hand really was shaking. "He's got you well trained." Donghae continued. If looks could kill, Donghae would surely have died, but as it was he just scrambled away impressively fast.

Fuming, Kai walked back to Kyungsoo, glass of cider in hand and yanked the smaller man from the kitchen by his forearm. Suho and Lay were gone and there wasn't anyone else making out or doing anything more than standing about. Thankfully. He strode on through to the lounge.

Sehun was dancing with Heechul and Eunhyuk, or more accurately, Heechul and Eunhyuk were grinding on Sehun who admittedly didn't seem to mind. They were being cheered on by, well, basically everyone else in the room. Kai wasn't really sure whether to join in or walk straight back out. Whilst he was deliberating, Kyungsoo made a decision for him. A slim arm s its way around his waist.

"Dance with me?" Kai looked down to see Kyungsoo staring straight at him, face blank but decorated with a slight blush. He grinned at the memory of Kyungsoo's earlier attempt at dancing as he (unwisely) handed the brunette his drink.

"Sure, why not?" Kai wriggled out of Kyungsoo's hold and watched in horror as he downed the cider. Crap! He hadn't been thinking, but then again, he hadn't expected that the whole glass would be drunk in one go. He sighed internally. Never mind. At any rate Kyungsoo was totally ready to dance now, and, having placed his now empty glass on a side table, he was striding back purposefully.

Kai didn't know what to expect. The elder's arms were threaded around his neck, his body close and... was he making eyes at him?

Kai was sure he was blushing; he could feel the heat in his cheeks. He was incredibly thankful that soon after they'd started dancing, pretty much everyone else had suddenly got the dancing bug too. They'd put on good music and now with so many people on their feet, at least no one would be paying him any attention. He stiffened a little as Kyungsoo withdrew one of his hands, trailing it down Kai's chest before it came to rest on his hip. OH MY WORD! Kai had dreamt of this so many times; he'd always liked Kyungsoo. Ever since he first saw that serious face with such large, beautiful eyes. He watched them now in wonder as Kyungsoo hesitantly pulled him closer. Kai felt warm all over as his eyes dropped to the familiar heart shaped lips. There was a little voice somewhere in the back of his mind trying to remind him of his morals regarding kissing drunk guys - well, drunk people in general - but it didn't matter because suddenly Kyungsoo was pulling away. He let go of Kai, spun around quickly and darted out of the room. And in that moment, the memory of every rejection Kai had ever received from Kyungsoo returned, lining up in front of his eyes like books on a shelf. His stomach dropped.

Kai tried to follow, but the path his elder had taken out closed up after him and Kai found himself fighting his way past gyrating bodies, pulling hands from his clothes and trying really hard not to step on anyone's feet. When he finally made it out of there, he found the hallway almost deserted. The only occupant was Xiumin. Kai opened his mouth but before he'd even started his question, Xiumin pointed to the stairs. With a quick bow of thanks, Kai whirled round and started up the stairs. He slowed down after tripping on the carpet on the third step and walked up with a hand resting on the wooden rail. Emerging onto the landing, he found it similarly empty. The dark wooden furniture had been cleared of all the ornaments that would usually be there (Suho had some sense), the cabinets and side tables looking oddly bare. The remaining lamps were dimmed and, along with the dark wallpaper, made the place look like a gentleman’s club. Kai crossed it slowly deciding to work through Suho’s unfairly large house systematically – there were only so many places Kyungsoo could go. He swore softly under his breath before stepping up to the first door. He took a deep breath and opened it.

His mouth fell open.

He'd opened the door to one of the many guest bedrooms to find three people he really did not expect in the centre of the double bed. Baekhyun’s hands cupped Chen’s face as he kissed him hard, sitting half in his lap. The only one to look up was Chanyeol, halting momentarily in his task of stripping Chen of his shirt. Surprise flickered across his face and then he winked at Kai motioning for him to close the door before turning his attention back to the other two men. Kai complied quickly and pressed his back against the wall next to the door. He knew he'd never forget that. Ever. It was also a very different outcome than the fight he had predicted earlier.

After a moment more, he steeled himself and moved on to the next door. He wasn't sure if he was more relieved or worried at finding the room empty. With a sigh he continued on his way. The next room was one of the bathrooms. It wasn't locked so he assumed it must be empty but decided he should probably check anyway. Kai gently pushed the door and poked his head into the room. Four pairs of eyes turned to look at him as the small space descended into an uncomfortable silence. Moonbyul, Wheein, Solar and Hwasa looked up at him with wide eyes from their various positions around the bathroom. Moonbyul and Solar were occupying the bath, fully clothed but soaked through and each holding a wine glass in a delicate grip. Wheein was sitting cross legged on the toilet’s lid, one hand trailing into the bath. Hwasa though… She appeared to be in the middle of removing her top, hands clutching the hem and showing off her pale stomach.

“.” Kai bowed to 90 degrees and swung around pulling the door hastily closed behind him. “.” He so should have knocked. Seriously, why didn't he knock? And what exactly was going on in there? He shook his head as he retreated fast, heading over to the other side of the landing. “Please don't let there be someone.” He begged under his breath as he pushed open another door, once again failing to knock first. He peered into the room from behind his hands and was faintly surprised to discover that he'd found the right room. It was another guest bedroom, tastefully decorated in shades of brown, beige and red and, curled up in the centre of the four poster bed was a distraught Kyungsoo. He was sobbing softly and Kai quickly moved to close the door behind himself. “Kyungsoo?” He said softly.

The man on the bed barely seemed to register his presence, only curling into himself further. The sight tugged at Kai’s heart and he made his way to sit on the edge of the bed. He reached out and placed a hand on the man’s shoulder, starting as his hand was batted away.

“Please don’t!” Kyungsoo cried out but didn't move away. Kai had no idea what had upset him so much to spark this sudden mood swing. He remembered them being so happy in the kitchen maybe twenty minutes ago as he gazed down at his crying friend.

“W-will you tell me what's wrong?” He ventured, pulling his legs up onto the bed so that he could properly face Kyungsoo. He waited, watching the brunette fidget a little, throwing a tear filled look at him before turning away again.

“It's you.” Kyungsoo sobbed. Kai was taken aback. What? What had he done? He tried to think of how he could have upset the other but even as he opened his mouth to release the flood of questions, Kyungsoo continued. “I like you, I think I-I think I love you…” His voice cracked and Kai felt as if his mind had been sent into orbit. He didn't understand. Kyungsoo liked him? Then why was he upset, he must know Kai liked him back, where was the problem? “But I c-can't!” A loud sob broke up his words. “I don't want to.” And in that moment, it felt as if the smaller man had plunged a dagger into Kai’s heart. All of the hopes that had suddenly risen up inside of him were quashed, obliterated by those words. “Don't make me.” Kai choked on his own sob before shuffling closer.

“I won't.” He said, struggling to keep his tone neutral. He could sense that this was the alcohol talking, it must be, but at the same time he knew that incredibly drunk people usually speak their mind – they no longer have the capacity to lie.

Kai settled next to Kyungsoo, laying a hand on his shoulder once again.

“I won't make you do anything.” Kyungsoo looked up, hope showing through the tears gathered in his eyes and flowing freely across his face. He shot up and into Kai’s lap, burying his face in Kai’s chest. Kai’s arms automatically encircled him and held him close, even if Kai’s thoughts had gone into a tailspin and he was somewhere out in space. Kyungsoo’s next words brought him crashing down.

“I can never be yours, Kai.”

“That's okay.” With that lie, Kai could feel his own heart breaking, one little piece at a time. All of the previous rejections he had received from this man put together paled in comparison to this one. He sat there, holding in his tears, comforting the source of all his heartache and he stared at the wall dully. “It's okay.” His voice was flat but the brunette didn't seem to notice.

Kai rubbed soothing circles over Kyungsoo’s back and listened as he quieted down. The smaller man relaxed against him and, eventually, his crying ceased. They sat together a little bubble of calm in the dimly lit room. After a while longer, Kyungsoo slowly sat up.

“You're so nice, Kai.” He murmured as he slowly moved back out of Kai’s lap. His gaze seemed to have changed, eyes grown darker and deeper, and Kai felt like he could get lost in the depths. Kyungsoo moved closer again and suddenly Kai found himself on his back being straddled by his elder, their faces close and Kyungsoo’s hands firmly gripping his wrists.

Kai stared up in confusion. Kyungsoo gazed back, his face thrown into shadow and his expression unfathomable. Kai attempted to free his wrists, but the grip on them only tightened. He tried to move the other off him but Kyungsoo literally had the upper hand.

Kai had never noticed before but Kyungsoo was pretty strong. He leaned in closer and Kai struggled, turning his face away. There was no way he’d kiss a drunk Kyungsoo after that outburst. Not after the man had built up his hopes only to strike them down so cruelly. After a few more moments of squirming, Kyungsoo sat back, disappointment painted on his face and tears once more b in his eyes.

"You don't want to kiss me Kai?" He sounded utterly dejected as he sat back on Kai's hips and looked at him with hurt in his expression. Kai sighed. Kyungsoo had only just said that he couldn't like Kai.

"Not when you're drunk and I'm basically sober." Kyungsoo took it the wrong way. The tears started to fall and his bottom lip trembled.

"Y-you don't like me, Nini?" Kai could feel his stomach sinking. That wasn't what he'd meant at all. But at the same time he didn't feel like confessing to Kyungsoo. Not when the other had already made it so clear that nothing could come of it for some unknown reason. He'd have to redirect him instead.

"You said it couldn't happen." He replied gently, placing a hand on the other's leg. It actually made things worse if that was possible. The owlish eyes widened and then his face crumpled as he remembered the things he'd said before.

"It-it can't." He hiccupped softy as more tears trickled down his cheeks. Morosely, he moved off Kai and lay down beside him facing away. For a few minutes Kai listened to the smaller man crying softly. Then he sat up and shuffled closer, looking down at his friend.

"Wanna talk about it?" He didn't get a proper response, just an odd choked noise. Probably not, then. "Want a hug?" He plastered an unconvincing smile onto his face and held out his arms.

It worked. The older man flung himself on Kai and clung on tight.

“Let’s just stay here please?” He managed to get out. Kai agreed. He didn't think it was sensible to leave the elder alone, even if his very presence was hurting Kai. He was so drunk and so upset, Kai felt like he might do something rash or even just plain stupid. And so, he pulled the covers back and got them both settled, watching with an aching heart as Kyungsoo calmed and finally fell asleep in his arms. He just wondered what it would be like tomorrow.

“Will you remember this in the morning?” He whispered as he too settled down to sleep.

As always, thanks for reading lovelies ;)

I should have updated this a long time ago ^^; But I got writer's block on this story so bad >.< Today I just sat down and decided to finish it.

I hope you liked it ;3 Please tell me what you think <3 And if you have any theories about why Kyungsoo said that he can't love Kai, I'd love to hear them ~