“You would have seen them by now.”

For some strange reason that he could never understand, Bang Yongguk smelled like lavender and if Kibum hadn’t been so used to the fragrance he would have jumped ten miles into the air when the deep voiced male appeared out of nowhere behind him. He slowly cocked his head to the side and glanced at him for a moment before turning his attention back to the house across the street and three doors down. It was nearing three-thirty in the afternoon and the November weather was a bitter cold, but regardless of the temperature Kibum had made a habit of hiding behind the trees and watching his grandparent’s house at least three times a week, if not every day. The weeks had flown by but nothing eventful had happened yet; his grandparent’s carried on with their business and often or not they would haul around the two toddlers, bundled up in too many winter clothes.

Kibum his lips, shivering as a cold wind blew through the area. He hastily shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat, wrapping his fingers around the tiny plastic bag that had just been discreetly slipped in. Letting out a deep breath, he finally turned away from his espionage and faced Yongguk.

“If your parents were still alive you would have seen them by now,” Yongguk said again, his voice serious and his expression solemn, but there was a concern in his eyes that he solely reserved for Kibum. “I honestly don’t understand what you’re trying to gain by doing this. Even if they were alive they don’t want you; if they did they would have come back for you two years ago. You need to let this go, Kibum.”

Kibum laughed dryly and shook his head, brushing past Yongguk. As he began to walk away, he said, “You wouldn’t understand, Yongguk. I just need to see them, just once. I think I can let this go if I could just see them one more time.”

“This is why I won’t give you anything harder than weed,” Yongguk snapped as he trailed next to him. He narrowed his eyes at Kibum who merely shrugged his shoulders and continued leading the way back towards the bus stop. “I should have never given you anything to start with. I get needing something to take the edge of it, but you hit rock bottom way too fast. This needs to stop, now. No more coming out here, alright man? I’m going to have one of my buddies trailing you and if I find out that you came back I’ll cut you off.”

The sudden revelation shocked Kibum and he came to an abrupt halt, his eyes widening ever so slightly. The thought of no longer being able to escape reality with a flick of the lighter was almost terrifying. He needed to buzz out, it was what kept him going. If there was no more weed then he didn’t think he’d be able to make it through the day. The emotions alone would kill him and the pandemonium in his mind was enough to drive him insane; his white pills had stopped working weeks ago and only the high from smoking dulled away everything so that he could actually breathe.

“Don’t. Don’t say that,” He said pathetically, looking at Yongguk with pleading eyes. “Please, Yongguk. Don’t say that. I can’t do this without – You don’t understand what it – Please.”

“When was the last time you looked in a mirror?!” Yongguk exclaimed suddenly, forcefully grabbing Kibum’s shoulders and shaking him. “Have you seen yourself lately, Kibum? Have you? You look like ! You’ve lost weight and you have dark circles and there’s this manic look in your eyes. You can’t ing go home and think nobody is going to notice. What’s going to happen when your new dad starts asking questions? He’s going to put two and two together!”

Kibum stared at him in shock, his mouth clamped shut.

“You came to me crying a year ago saying that he threatened to send you away if he found you using again. Do you want that to happen? Because it will. I know you have had a crappy life, Kibum, you’ve seen that no one should ever have to see and have gone through hell and back. But you were given a second chance. This Heechul guy, he means the world to you and I know it. So what if he lied to you? You were happy, you got away from the madness. Don’t throw that all away because of a stupid lie.”

Kibum swallowed back the lump in his throat, feeling the strong urge to start bawling. In the far distance he could see the bus pull to a stop to let one a passenger before slowly driving away, but then Yongguk snapped his fingers in front of his gaze to get his attention back.

“You have to let this go,” Yongguk said in a menacing tone, but the look in his eyes was pleading.

Kibum looked away and clenched his eyes shut, unwilling to let any tears fall. The attempt was futile and when he tried to turn away Yongguk pulled him into a tight embrace, resting his hand on the back of his head. As he let his emotions run free, Kibum knew that his friend was right. This was getting so out of hand that it was almost frightening how far he’d fallen in the past couple weeks. Every day he left the house under the lie that he’d be at the library studying. Every day he would sit for hours outside in a neighborhood where he didn’t belong. Every day he would numb everything and throw away everything that mattered for a few short hours’ worth of being high, and for what? His parents were nowhere to be found and none of his questions had been answered.

The only way the questions would be answered is if he talked to Heechul. If there was any truth behind what Yongguk had said, that if his parents were alive then he would have seen them by now…

“I ed up,” He moaned, pushing Yongguk away and falling to his knees. He buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking from the muffled cries.

“Come on. I’ll give you a ride home.”

Kibum stared at his refl