“I don’t want to go home,” she whispers, leaning on him as they stay by the sidewalk.

“But it’s already late; you need to get some rest. We both might catch a cold,” he replies wrapping his other arm around her.

“I don’t want to go home,” she repeats.

“Jinri, please you need to be home,” he tries to look at her but she just snuggles closer in his arms.

“I don’t want to go home.”

There’s something in her voice that tugged his heart. He catches the faint tremble of fear in her voice.

She’s scared and she can’t find the strength to tell him about that fear. There are many things to fear about.

… The fear that this will be the last time they will be together…

… The fear that she will be seeing him only this time…

… The fear that she will never have this warmth again…

… The fear that he will soon forget her…

… And the fear that she has to forget him as well…

And there’s more she can’t anymore name. But no matter how she insists that she don’t want to go home, she has to. This is the chance she needs so she better grab it before she chickens out once again. The weight of the consequence of what she will do pulled the tears down her eyes.

“I’m … scared,” she whispers again, tears finally dampening his jacket.

“Don’t be; I will never leave you and you know that,” he consoles, parting slowly to look at her in the face.

There’s that faint trace of dark circles under her eyes. Her lips are not the familiar color he remembers. Her cheeks are not the same plump ones he loves to squish. She’s grown even paler and there’s more to say about how she physically changed, but not in the good way.

“It sounds so promising,” she sadly smiles, letting her fingertips grace his cheeks ever so slightly.

“I am serious Jinri,” he stated firmly, this time feeling scared for an unknown reason.

“I love it when you speak my birth name; it sounds so endearing,” she searches his eyes, letting her cold hand touch his cheek.

“Why won’t you believe me?” he insists, cupping her cold cheeks.

She draws a deep sigh.

“Let’s face it Sehun. Yes, I am scared but I have to face it alone. I have to get over my fear because reality is here; we cannot change it anymore. It will not work out,” she lowers her gaze afraid of meeting his already.

“I have my shortcomings but that doesn’t make me love you less Jinri. I still feel the same; the same when I first admit what I feel. I love you,” he tries to make her look in his eyes, but she removes his hands off her face, avoiding his gaze.

“I don’t doubt what you feel. I am aware of that; but believe me, it will not work out,” she insists.

“Are you giving upon us?” he sounds pained.

A sad smile graces her lips simultaneous with a drop of tear, “Is there even us to begin with?”

Every memory with her flashes in his mind and like every glass it breaks before another one comes and breaks again. It is a painful recount that squeezes his heart in the most painful way.

… Those stolen glances at school…

… Those moments under the shade…

… Those hugs and meaningful looks…

… That moment by the company’s basement after meeting her right after their showcase…

… Those calls and messages…

… His birthday where he finally had pulled the courage to confess…

… Are those just nothing?

He doesn’t want to lose her. No, that will crush him. He has to convince her not to go, he has to…

“If you want a proper courting then I will do so. If you want me to spend my free time with you, you don’t even have to ask. I will always call you, video call you if you prefer that all the more. Tell me-“she places her forefinger on his lips to silence him.

“There are people out there who wants us to end up together and so as those who don’t want us together, but which side is fate?”  She lowers her hand with her gaze, taking another deep breath.

He doesn’t need her to tell him the answer; he knows it.

“But can’t we at least try, for the last time?”

He is begging and her heart is breaking.

She went there to have him hold her probably for the last time, but the weight of reality is much heavier than the chance of them ending up together. There’s just many things at risk; many things to sacrifice. This is the time where letting go is the very best option.

After one last breath, she looks up at him, trying her best not to sob.

“I love you but I am sorry” she leans forward, ghosting her lips on his, whispering another “I really do.”

She finally stands up after pressing a kiss on his lips, turning away from him without even turning to look back.

His mind is screaming at him to chase after her but he is paralyzed in his place. His body coordination is failing him today. He slowly stands up, looking like he is forcing his feet to take a step but he only manage a rough scrape of his shoes on the roadside.

He watches her back slowly grow small. No matter how he tries to move his feet, there’s just this strong force stopping him.

“Jinri,” he faintly whispers, hoping the wind will take it to her as tears finally fall down.