girls like girls like boys do, nothing new 

Word count: 3533 words

Warnings: unbetaed, violence

Growing up with Lu Han by her side, Sehun had a slight clue why people thought the older girl was her best friend. Lu Han was somehow always there. She was there to put a comforting hand on Sehun’s shoulder, to say the right words and to punch some sense into Sehun when it was necessary. But what people didn’t know is that Sehun could never compete with Minseok when it came to Lu Han’s attention. It seemed that Lu Han had an obsession with the girl, putting her everything aside just to please Minseok and make her happy.

And Sehun never judged her for that. Because just like Lu Han has Minseok, Sehun has Yixing.

Only Minseok doesn’t have obligations like Yixing does; that’s why Lu Han gets to press kisses on Minseok sun-kissed skin whenever she wants. Lu Han also gets to dance her fingers through Minseok’s violet hair and Sehun only gets to watch.

And watch is what she does.

She watches from Lu Han’s window when Yixing’s family moves in the house across the road, a pretty girl with brown bob and bangs skipping down the pavement and swinging a bunny plushie in her hand. White skirt twirls around the girl’s bony knees and messy hair falls in her eyes as she runs under the summer sun. There’s a dimple on her pretty face Sehun’s envious of. For a split second the girls stops in her game, turns around on her toes. She spots Sehun’s lanky frame in the window and waves. The dimple on her cheek is visible once again and Sehun, completely startled, ducks under the window frame. When she gets on her feet again, the girl’s gone. Sehun waves back at empty asphalt, heated under the summer sun.

Dressed in her favorite sunflower dress, Sehun watches as Lu Han talks with the dimple girl. She can’t hear what the girl is laughing about, the rustle of leaves she’s hiding under not allowing her so. Sehun’s six years old at that time; she doesn’t understand her emotions when Lu Han hugs the other girl, holds her hands there longer than necessary – they’ve only met. Many months later, when Sehun brings her cousin, Minseok, to Lu Han’s house and holds her tiny palm in her own, Lu Han tells Sehun she’s jealous. She wants to hold Minseok’s hand just the same.

(Later, she’d admit how she wanted to kiss Minseok as well.)

Sehun doesn’t want to hold Yixing’s hand, nor kiss her lips. Sehun only wants to talk and that can’t be jealousy.

When Sehun starts elementary school, Yixing – even though she lives on the other end of the street – takes the same bus as Sehun. Sehun watches through the window of bus number 14 where Yixing – rosy cheeks, bunny hairclips and bruised knees – runs with her backpack askew and untied shoelaces. Sehun can’t watch – she’s going to trip. The bus halts. Yixing walks in, hundreds of apologies on her tongue (she overslept! forgot her homework! found a lost puppy in a trashbin!). Sehun doesn’t think there are any excuses when she sits next to her though. There are many empty seats among them. Still, Yixing insists on sitting there, her bare thigh pressed against Sehun’s. Sehun’s legs are also bare. Her skin burns where Yixing had touched it. It feels nice.

Somewhere between finishing her second grade and a young summer, Sehun finally asks why’s Yixing taking the bus number 14 and not the one that stops not a meter from her house. Right as they pass the kindergarten Lu Han’s mom teaches at, the cinnamon bakery and the closed thrift shop, Yixing motions with her chin for Sehun to watch. Next to the thrift shop, a bus number 16 stops by and a group of three boys – they couldn’t be older than Yixing – walk in. They’re slightly bulky, but nothing out of ordinary for boys their age.

“That’s my bus and those boys are always there. They aren’t exactly nice towards me. One of them stole my green hairclips. Silly boy, I wonder what’s he using them for,” Yixing chuckles. Suddenly, her face falls.

“I don’t feel safe around them,” she admits silently.

The rest of the ride to school passes in complete silence. Sehun picks on her nails, something she did whenever she felt nervous. Or upset. Or angry.

Two weeks later, Sehun holds Yixing’s green hairclips in her hands. They’re slightly bloody, because Sehun keeps wiping her broken nose with her hand.

Lu Han tells her she’s stupid. When the nurse tries to stop the bleeding and stuffs her nose with way too many cotton buds, Sehun couldn’t agree more. But when Yixing flashes Sehun her dimple with an ear-splitting- smile, the green hairclips now back in her hair, Sehun decides it was all maybe worth it.

Years pass and right before her eyes, Sehun watches as Yixing grows from an endearing bud in frilly dresses to a young teen in low denims and cut shirts. Sehun’s still ten and not wearing anything under her shirt when Yixing gets a real bra, sponge and everything, for her thirteenth birthday. Yixing wants to try it on in front of Sehun, to show it off. The bra is pretty blue color, resembling a spring sky, a perfect contrast to Yixing’s milk skin. Sehun agrees, only half- heartedly, and waits for Yixing to turn around or go to the bathroom maybe. To Sehun’s horror, Yixing takes off her shirt right there, in front of Sehun, not even a blush on her pretty cheeks. It’s Sehun who flushes instead, idly searching her chest for the same perks.

Yixing notices her discomfort and, still and everything else sinful, walks to Sehun’s side.

“You’re still very young, Sehun-ah,” she says with a smile. Not knowing what to say, Sehun settles for a nod.

Later that evening, Sehun can’t help but think how she’s not worthy Yixing’s company.

When Sehun turns twelve, she watches Yixing start high school and Sehun still doesn’t understand the whole concept behind it or the excitement. Yixing won’t stop talking about boys, boys, boys. Sehun doesn’t want to hear about it anymore.

She starts hanging out with Lu Han more, since Lu Han doesn’t talk about boys. At all. Lu Han only talks about Minseok, but Sehun figures out its still better than talking about boys.

Sehun’s still twelve when Lu Han comes out. Lu Han’s sixteen, hair a color of wheat, head in clouds and hands under her classmate’s skirt. Lu Han doesn’t come out publicly, only to Sehun. Sehun thinks it’s probably because she found this girl and Lu Han kissing in her friend’s bedroom.

Lu Han pulls her outside, wanting to talk with her about something. Lu Han explains how she doesn’t like boys at all, only girls and especially Minseok. It would be nice if Sehun kept quiet about it.

“That’s not Minseok in there,” Sehun points out.

“I know,” Lu Han says with a smile, although she’s not happy. Sehun can see it.

“I don’t understand. Why can’t I tell anyone?”

The smile is still there, but Lu Han only looks sadder. “It’s complicated. Just, please, don’t tell.”

The incident only makes a bigger ruckus in Sehun’s head, since girls are supposed to like boys and Yixing only talks about boys, boys, boys. Yixing only likes boys, Yixing with pretty hands and long hair, and there’s Lu Han, talking about kissing girls and being okay about it. Sehun doesn’t understand. She wants to, but it’s all too much. She’s twelve and hasn’t kissed a boy, especially not a girl.

Sehun doesn’t sleep that night. She decides she’s going to find Lu Han the next day and give her a piece of her mind.

 “I think it’s okay for you to like girls. Kiss as many girls as you want, especially Minseok,” Sehun states firmly. Sehun’s lucky they’re hiding in some empty alley, so people can’t see them hug or when Lu Han starts crying.

“Thank you, Sehun.”

Sehun’s thirteen when she first sees Yixing and her boyfriend walk hand in hand down their street. He’s probably walking her home, carrying her rucksack like a true gentleman. Yixing’s lucky to have a boyfriend like him. He’s also very lucky to date a girl like Yixing – sweet, calm, petite. They’re both very lucky.

It’s when Sehun finally starts high school that all these boys start watching her.

“You’re a gorgeous girl, you could have any boy you want,” Yixing tells her. Lu Han only looks at her in discomfort.

Sehun’s not absolutely sure in what Yixing has just said. She’s too tall, skinny, her s make her feel like she’s preteen and not fifteen.  Not to mention her pink bob – Lu Han thought it would look cute, Yixing thinks it is cute, Sehun hopes she looks badass – that not many guys are digging.

Although her looks haven’t changed much in the past two years, things around her have. Lu Han and Minseok, after much persuading from Sehun and Yixing, are finally dating. Sehun’s never thought a person could be that much in love. They’re cheesy as , but Sehun can’t feel but happy for them.

As for Yixing, she’s not dating anyone at the moment. Apparently, she wants to take a break and dedicate her time to studying and school. Sehun also can’t feel but happy about that for some reason.

Her age of fifteen is also the year Sehun kisses a boy for the first time. Someone proposed a game of 7 minutes in heaves – Sehun will hate that person forever – and she gets chosen to go with this boy, a year older than her, who still wears braces and wipes his nose against his sleeve. They’re only three minutes in the closet when the boy, after taking his fourth break to catch his breath, tells her she can’t kiss.

Sehun kicks him in the balls for that.

As Lu Han drags them out of the closet, the poor boy gripping on his lower regions as if his life depends on it, Yixing gives her a slightly concerned look. Sehun only shrugs and Yixing lets her head fall, her hair acting like a curtain and hiding her face from the rest of the room. Sehun can’t see her face, but she can definitely hear Yixing laughing and laughing and laughing.

In the mist of her education and growth, Sehun learns that boys are complete . And out of all the boys out there, Yixing’s boyfriend is the biggest .

Yixing and the start dating while Yixing’s in her senior year of high school. He’s a drop-out, greasy hair and ugly beach shirts. Thinks he can woo girls with dirty jokes, a comb in his back pocket and cold beer.

“He looks like a cheap version of Grease,” Lu Han had said once and Sehun agreed. 

The day Yixing celebrates her two-month anniversary is also when Sehun starts having her own relationship.

The first guy she dates is a year older than her, loves her bubblegum hair, tells her dirty jokes and Sehun dumps him after two weeks.  The next one is her age, only this one thinks Hawaii shirts are fashionable. They end their relationship after a month. The third one has awful hair, and the fourth thinks he can drive Sehun on that.

Lu Han corners her one day after school, leans in her face so Sehun can see the mascara crumbs she forgot to wipe.

“I see what you’re doing and you need to get a grip asap,” Lu Han tells her. Sehun fights the urge to push her away, because who the is Lu Han to tell her what to do.

“If you don’t, I’m telling Yixing myself,” she continues and Sehun feels her body stiffen.

“She has nothing to do with this! I’m not like you,” Sehun snaps back. She pushes Lu Han away, making the older girl fall flat on her back. Sehun doesn’t care if she’s hurt, or if she’s in pain; she has her own problems to deal with.

Lu Han stops talking with her after that. It’s their first real fight and Sehun doesn’t know what to do.

Months pass, and Sehun finds herself stuck in an infinite circle of failed relationships and failed friendships. Lu Han won’t contact her, Minseok has to because they’re relatives – she finds out from the older girl that her girlfriend is still very upset, hurt the most – and Yixing is the only one who comes at her place.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?” she asks Yixing one afternoon.

They’re sitting on the bathroom floor in Sehun’s house. They have their hair pulled in towels on top of their heads, faces fresh and toenails painted in purple and yellow. It’s summer outside, the last “teen summer” for Yixing as she liked to say, – “I’ll be 20 soon, can you believe that, Sehun-ah?” – the hot breeze moving the curtain falling over Yixing’s shoulders. She has a tiny scar right above her left collarbone, a mole on her cheek. Sehun yearns, wants, to press her lips over that scar, mole, shoulders, lips, everywhere. Kiss away the line between her brows that wasn’t there months ago.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Sehun mumbles.

“Are you sure?”

No, I think I love you.

“I am, thank you for caring.”

Their last summer as careless youth, Sehun spends dreaming of Yixing’s kisses.

“You’re here,” Yixing squeals and hugs Sehun tightly.

“You’re here,” Yixing’s boyfriend mimics, earning a playful punch from Yixing and a glare from Sehun. He gives Sehun a not so gentle ruffle through her short hair, saying something like “Hey there, lil one”, before backing away in the house.

It wasn’t Yixing’s idea, but her boyfriend’s one, to organize a small gather up at her place. There’s booze, single boys, food and most importantly, there’s Yixing.

Yixing introduces her to everyone in the house, to every friend of her boyfriend, before she throws the two of them on the couch.

“I haven’t seen you in forever,” Yixing says as her boyfriend hands her a beer. She looks ridiculous with that between her small palms. She takes a sip and pretends her eye just didn’t twitch at the bitter taste. Sehun can’t help but chuckle, Yixing joining her soon. “How’s life, Sehun?”

Sehun opens to talk, when Yixing gets pulled up suddenly by strong hands. Sehun looks up to watch Yixing’s boyfriend holding his smaller girlfriend in his arms, obviously trying to maneuver her into kissing him. Yixing giggles, trying to push him with one hand, the other still holding the full bottle of beer.

“Sweetie, can’t you see I’m talking with a friend?”

“Come on, you’ll talk later,” Sehun hears him growl against Yixing’s ear. “Kiss me.”

“Later,” Yixing says, still trying to free from his persistent hands. He’s not giving up, his lips playfully nipping at Yixing’s ear. Sehun feels her hands tighten into fists.

“I said later!” Yixing snaps and pushes him with both hands. She lands back on the couch next to Sehun, spilling beer all over his ugly shirt.  

“Fine, later,” he finishes with an angry huff, storming off to god knows where.

Moving her eyes from the door the boy just stormed through, Sehun lets them fall on Yixing’s shaken form. She has her head in her hands, elbows on her knees. The room that was silent till now, once again fills with chatter and laugh. Everyone’s either too wasted or used to it to care about what just happened.

“Unnie,” Sehun starts when Yixing looks up. She’s not crying, but the crease between her brows is back again and Sehun wishes she could just go outside and beat the crap out of Yixing’s boyfriend.

“I’m okay, I really am. I just need a minute.”

She laughs it off, actually laughs, and moves to stand up. She heads to the backyard where the pool is, leaving Sehun to sit on the couch, surrounded by the people she doesn’t know.

“Hey!” A guy next to Sehun brings her attention. Sehun gives him an unimpressed look. “Hey bubblegum, you single?”

“ off!” Sehun bites back, marching to where Yixing has just left.

Stepping out outside, Sehun expects to find Yixing and her boyfriend in a mist of heated make-up session, forgiveness already leaving their lips. What she finds instead is her friend sitting on the edge of the pool, her sandals left by her side, feet in the water. She reminds Sehun of a very young Yixing, Yixing that would skip in her summer dresses and bunny hairclips, of rosy cheeks and pink flowers in her hair. Of Yixing that she never realized she was in love until now.

“Hey,” she says, sitting slowly by Yixing’s right.

Yixing gives her a small smile, grabbing Sehun’s hand in her own.

“Hey”

“I just want to tell you-“

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Yixing butts in. “Lu Han already did, many times in the past.”

Sehun feels her heart stop. Not Lu Han again. She couldn’t have - no.

“You need to break up with him, he’s an , he’s not treating you right,” Yixing says, mimicking Lu Han’s voice. “I want to, but… I don’t know. He keeps telling me I won’t find anyone after him, that I’m not worth anyone. Is that really true, Sehun?”

No, Sehun wants to say. You’re perfect, she also wants to say. Absolutely perfect, I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re amazing and I love you.

“Yixing,” she says lamely. Yixing meets her eyes and all words die on her tongue. “I…”

Letting her eyes drop on Yixing’s lips, Sehun feels go dry. Chapped with a tinge of pink; two petals, one slightly larger than the other, just begging to be kissed. Sehun lets her fingers dance over Yixing’s hand and Yixing shudders. Sehun wants to laugh and cry and scream at the same time, because the moment couldn’t be more perfect and Yixing, her beautiful Yixing, is shaking under her palms. With a final touch of thighs, Sehun’s skin burns and her eyes close. Yixing’s skin smells like grass, breath she puffs against Sehun’s lips like beer. Finally, Sehun leans in.

Out of all things, Sehun never imagine her first kiss with Yixing to be like this. Her hair gets yanked so hard, Sehun thinks some of her pink strands have fallen off. Everything is blurry, than black, than blurry again. She can’t smell beer or grass, only blood pooling by the side of her head. And the headache, oh the headache. And the beeping – someone make it stop!

“Out of all people with her! What were you thinking? Don’t you even try and apologize!”

The voice awfully sounds familiar, but everything is so black and Sehun can’t see or move.

“Just keep your mouth shut! Look at me!”

Her vision starts clearing slowly and that’s Yixing and that’s Yixing crying and no one should make Yixing cry.

“I’ve had it with you. I’m so going to-“

This time, Sehun doesn’t watch.

With all the strength that’s left in her body, Sehun picks the rock with her blood written all over it. The first punch is imprecise, sloppy; she’s weak and so, so tired. But then its Yixing sobbing, her Yixing, Yixing with green hairclips, Yixing in her summer dress and untied shoelaces. It’s the petals of her lips and dimple on her cheek than makes Sehun throw the second punch, third, fourth, fifth and finally its Yixing’s arms around her waist that pull her upwards, away from the bloody boy lying on the grass.

“He’s had enough, Sehun. Oh my god, are you okay?”

She’s crying, and Sehun doesn’t understand why she’s crying. She’s okay, Yixing’s okay and safe, Sehun won’t let anyone hurt her.

“You stupid girl, look at you,” she sobs. Sehun shouldn’t laugh, she shouldn’t laugh because there’s blood on her teeth, her lip is ripped and she probably looks ugly as hell. Yixing doesn’t seem to mind it thought, because those are Yixing’s lips on hers and their kiss tastes like blood and tears and everything girls like them are made of. Sehun’s head hurts so, so, so bad, but it doesn’t matter because Yixing is kissing her, and that stupid boy is not going to bother them, no one is.

---

There’s someone knocking on Lu Han’s front door and they’re awfully persistent. With a groan, Lu Han puts her laptop aside, strolls through the hallway and finally opens the front door.

It’s Sehun - Sehun with a ripped lip and blood in her hair and tattered knuckles. The same Sehun who once beat a group of boys over hairclips is now standing in her doorway smiling all red teeth and gums, but with tears in the corners of her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” is what she says before she lunges herself in Lu Han’s arms. Lu Han lets the girl cry and cry as she stains the material of her blouse with salty tears and whispering, “I’ve finally figured it out,” over and over again.

a/n: inspired by this amazing video and song

and written in the same verse as this story here