When you have a creative writing prompt for class and you wind up writing MarkJin for it instead of doing the actual assignment....

Hope you like it ^_^

PLAYING TO WIN

They were playing a game. Or at least that’s what he thought they were doing.

Jinyoung thought it would be a good idea. He and Mark had argued the other day over something completely stupid, and Jinyoung wanted to make it up to him. The day before, BamBam had left one of their huge ice cream cartons on the table, and it had made a huge mess in the kitchen along with completely destroying the specific flavor Jinyoung was setting aside for Youngjae’s birthday party. Jinyoung had snapped at BamBam, BamBam had gotten upset, and instead of doing the responsible thing and scolding him as well, Mark had simply hugged BamBam and told Jinyoung to lay off him since it had been a mistake. Jinyoung had started yelling at Mark for always coddling BamBam and letting him get away with being careless since he never ended up punished for it.

Which wasn’t true. BamBam wasn’t that careless, what he’d done had been a mistake, and Mark usually scolded him when he needed to be scolded. But he’d gotten angry out of jealousy. Mark had been distant with him lately, and it ticked him off to see him so quick to come to BamBam’s defense. Why hadn’t Mark done the same thing when Jinyoung had spilled tea all over Jackson’s favorite shirt and had to put up with the fencer’s week long grudge against him?

But when he saw Mark playing video games the next day, he decided to join him for the sake of putting it behind them. If they were occupied with something else, it would be less awkward to start talking again. It would happen naturally, and Mark would forget he was mad in the first place.

“What are you playing?” he asked, grabbing the unused controller next to Mark.

“Street Fighter.”

Great. A fighting game between two people who are fighting. “Can I play?” he asked anyways.

“If you want.” He scooted down the couch even though there was already plenty of room between them. Jinyoung frowned. That wasn’t like Mark. He’d initially been unused to skinship when he first joined the group, but it hadn’t taken him that long to warm up to it. In fact, Jinyoung prided himself on being one of the members Mark had felt the most comfortable with. Even Jackson whined about Mark never talking to him, which was most likely his own fault for never shutting up, but still. It made Jinyoung feel special when Mark touched him or talked to him or accepted his touches without backing away. That was the way it was between them, so why was he acting like this now?

“Which character should I be?” Jinyoung asked. “Which one is good?”

“Good… you mean strong?”

“Sure.”

“They’re all strong. You just have to understand how they fight.”

“I’ve never played this game before.”

“Then prepare to get crushed.” He said this lightly. Jinyoung hoped that meant he wasn’t angry anymore. He wanted Mark to move closer to him on the couch, to prove it.

Jinyoung scrolled through the fighters and selected one at random, a buff old guy with long white hair pulled back by what looked like a bead the size of a coconut. Mark selected a Japanese school girl and then proceeded to kick his for two matches in a row.

“Hey!” Jinyoung barked, randomly pressing buttons to prevent the school girl from chucking his character across the screen. And failing. “Aren’t you supposed to respect your elders?”

Mark looked at him gravely. “Aren’t you, Jinyoungie?”

Jinyoung shifted in his seat. ‘You’re still mad, then.”

“About what?”

“About me yelling at BamBam?”

“That? Not really. I mean, I know why you were mad. It was a mistake, but you were allowed to be mad. I don’t know how you can stand seeing his cute pouty face when you yell at him, though. I can’t. That’s why I wanted to hug him and have him not be upset anymore.”

So Mark couldn’t take BamBam’s upset face. Apparently he could take Jinyoung’s just fine. His chest throbbed with another pang of jealousy. He wanted the distinction of being different to Mark, the first when it came to anything having to do with him, the one he liked the most, the one he treated the best, the one he wanted to tell everything to, the one he sided with.

The one he loved. He thought that sometimes, in the privacy of his mind. It had confused him at first. But if Mark loved someone else, that naturally meant that there was someone higher in his heart than Jinyoung. That was unacceptable, somehow. He didn't want to share the relationship they had, the time they spent together. Maybe that was possessiveness and not love, but whatever it was, it nagged at him. He hated that Mark didn't seem to be talking to him properly anymore. He hated Mark for thinking BamBam's pouting face was cute.

"Whatever," Jinyoung snapped. "Just don't forget that as the oldest, you should have more control of the younger members. It's embarrassing when you're a pushover like that."

He winced at the sound of his voice. This wasn't like him. Mark hadn't done anything wrong, but still he was being a brat over it. Mark stared back at him expressionlessly, or maybe there was an expression-- disappointment-- he was deliberately ignoring. Jinyoung tried to look back defiantly, but he couldn't. Mark was going to hate him more now, and it was his own fault. He turned his eyes to the screen and focused on picking a character for himself.

"Is this your rebellious phase?" Mark wondered.

"What?"

"You're usually the most behaved. But lately you've been pissed off at everyone. It's weird."

"No, I haven't."

"Yes, you have. I've been paying attention. Of course I'd notice if you started acting differently out of nowhere."

He felt slightly flattered that Mark, if nothing else, knew him well enough to tell the difference. "You're the one who's been acting different out of nowhere," he insisted.

"Have I?"

"Yes."

"In what way?"

"You're not..." He stopped. How could he just say something like "You're not touching me anymore, or staying close to me" out loud? Mark would probably find that hilarious. Oh, you needed your daily cuddling? Could have just said so. But that wasn't it. He didn't want it to be a routine, something Mark felt he had to do, something that simply happened with no meaning. 

"I'm not...?" Mark pressed.

"Nothing. Let's just play the game." He selected a green monster-like character with ripped shorts and bright orange hair. Mark chose a boxer whose facial expression made him look as if he'd been infected with rabies. The fight began. At first Jinyoung started losing just as spectacularly as he had in the first match, but then he mashed a few buttons and found out that his character had the ability to generate electricity. He held down on that button, and every time Mark jumped at him, he'd be electrocuted as soon as they touched. The way the health bar of Mark's character went down made him feel smug. He let up on the button and Mark would approach closer, and just as he was about to land a hit on Jinyoung, he'd press down on the button again and Mark's rabid boxer would light up with electricity.

"Cheap," Mark muttered.

"I'm playing to win, aren't I?"

"You're just making the same move over and over. You're not making it fun."

"Not fun for you."

"Are you having fun, then?"

Jinyoung thought about it. No. He liked the feeling of winning in his own way, but he wasn't having fun. He wasn't doing what he'd sat down to do. They were still fighting. He didn't know why Mark was acting differently towards him, and then he'd gone and made Mark think he was angrier about the thing with BamBam than he really was. It wasn't really fun at all.

While Jinyoung considered that, Mark took advantage of his distraction and began pummeling him until he ended up KO'd in spite of is early lead.

"Cheap," Jinyoung said, even though he wasn't mad about it. He kind of wanted the game to end, anyways. He wanted to cut his losses and go.

Mark looked at him with a small smile. "Then we're even."

"Not really."

"I guess. Not really." He grabbed the TV remote and shut it off. "Don't you have things to do?"

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"I'm done playing the game. We're not doing anything right now. You don't have to hang around."

Jinyoung stayed right where he was, staring at the blank TV screen. Mark stayed on the other side of the couch.

"Why are you even over there?" Jinyoung asked, finally.

"Over where?"

"All the way over there. Do I have an infectious disease? Do I smell? Am I ugly? Do you hate me?"

Mark blinked. "You smell great, actually. And no, I don't hate you. Or any of that other stuff."

Jinyoung stood up and marched over to Mark, sitting right down beside him. "Then this should be fine."

"It should be." It sounded a bit like Mark put more emphasis on the word 'should' than he needed to.

"If you do something and then suddenly stop out of nowhere, of course the other person would feel weird about it," Jinyoung muttered. "Don't make me feel like you hate me, or I really will have a rebellious phase, okay?"

Mark looked at him, biting his lip. Idols always did that while trying to look y, but Mark didn't seem to be trying to do anything. He simply achieved the effect nonchalantly, unaware of the direction of Jinyoung's eyes, not assuming anyone present would have any interest in his the shape of his mouth. Not knowing anyone present wondered what it felt like, or wondered what it meant to wonder about it in the first place.

Without saying anything, Mark rested his head on Jinyoung's shoulder and closed his eyes. Jinyoung flushed. Here it was, the contact Mark had been avoiding for weeks now. He had been used to it before, but now that it came upon him suddenly, he wasn't sure how to deal with being touched. He didn't want Mark to feel his heartbeat increasing or feel his skin flushing. He didn't want to give him a reason to stop now that he'd started again.

"If I do this," Mark said quietly, "if I do this just because my head feels heavy and you just happen to be right here, or if I do this unthinkingly because it's something I'm used to doing and no other reason, does that make you happy?"

Jinyoung almost drew back in surprise at that question. Did it make him happy? "Yes," he said. He missed Mark touching him, so of course he was happy. But then he thought about it. If Mark was doing this just because, if it was something he would do for someone else-- for BamBam or Jackson or Youngjae or JB or Yugyeom-- then it wasn't special. It wasn't okay. It might make him happy, but it made him sad at the same time. "No," he corrected himself. "No, but yes. Kind of."

Mark laughed. Jinyoung glared at him. "Hey, it's exactly because I understand you that I can laugh," Mark said quickly.

"I don't think you do understand," Jinyoung retorted. God, it really did sound like he was in a rebellious phase, being an obstinate brat.

"Or maybe you don't." Mark ran his fingers through Jinyoung's hair. "You get upset when I avoid touching you. And you kind of don't like it when I do touch you, if there's no reason for it. Why don't you tell me what that means?"

Jinyoung didn't say anything. He had an idea what it meant, and that's what made it terrifying. He didn't want to have to say it out loud and have it denied to him. If Mark didn't like what was on his mind, everything would end. He'd cease being special. He wouldn't be first for Mark anymore. They wouldn't be comfortable.

And worse. He'd have to watch someone that wasn't him take that place one day. He'd have to pretend it was okay, that he wasn't anything to the person he wanted to be everything to.

"Let me help you," Mark said gently. "I don't want to touch you anymore if that's all it is, just touching and nothing else. But I don't want to not touch you either. I missed it just as much as you did. I'm sorry for making you feel bad, but I've been feeling pretty bad myself, you know? Do you think you can tell me why that is?"

Jinyoung went slack jawed for a moment, his heart pounding. "Why... why do I have to be the one who guesses the answer?"

"Because if you have to guess at this stage, I should probably go back to keeping my distance, to be honest."

"Well... then..." Jinyoung closed his eyes. "If neither of us want to do this without it meaning anything..."

"Yes..."

"Then it should probably mean something for us to be happy with it."

"Hmm. Mean what, though?"

Jinyoung's eyes flew open. "Seriously? You really are being cheap!"

"I'm playing to win, aren't I?"

He couldn't help it. He started laughing. They were both being ridiculous. Not just right now, but for a long time. It was time to stop playing and live the things they wanted.

"I'd like it to mean I'm the most special person to you," he said earnestly. "Because that's what you are to me."

Mark grinned and wrapped his arms around him. "And if I said that you already are, and this absolutely means that, will it make you happy?"

"Yes."

"And..." He leaned into Jinyoung and kissed his lips. Jinyoung had wondered what it would feel like, but really, there wasn't just one word for it. There were thousands. It was happiness, but beyond that. It was the purest knowledge that the person he loved loved him. That they weren't fighting each other anymore. They were loving, and that's what it meant, that's what everything meant.

"And," Mark said again. "Will that make you happy?"