*warning: this was supposed to be crack. but even my crack fails ;___;

Something's wrong with his mp3 player. Jimin shakes it irritably when it skips over a Big Bang song for the sixth time since he turned it on. 

"What the hell? I just got these songs!" 

Taehyung's chair swivels around from his own desk. 

"What's up?" calls the violet-haired man. Jimin says violet but it's more like a delicate blush of lavender, inspired by the gloomy spook they squeezed out last Tuesday. 

"Damn Ipod is funking up. It keeps skipping all my songs!" Jimin groans. "I knew I should have replaced it with the newest version." 

"What's the use? Might as well wait a year for the next version to come out." 

Jimin's about to reluctantly agree when the mp3 player knocks out of his hand straight into the cup of coffee on his desk, splashing caffeine goodness everywhere. 

His jaw drops. There's faint, muffled laughter behind him like someone's trying to hold themselves back with their hands over their mouth. Jimin glares over his shoulder. 

"Shut it, Tae! It's not funny."

Taehyung spreads out bewildered hands. "I didn't do anything!" 

"You were laughing at me!" 

"For what?" 

"You know what!" 

"No, I don't!" 

"Yes, you do!" 

"No, I don't!" 

"Yes, you do!"

"I don't know anything!" 

"Yes, you―!"

"OI DUMB AND DUMBER." Yoongi, head of their humble agency, looks about as cheerful as he usually does this early in the morning. Hoseok's standing next to his desk, looking amused. 

"If you don't want me to blast both your asses out the door, shut the up!" 

He flicks his finger at the office door and it slams shut hard enough to make it shake. 

A long pause. 

"...You made Yoongi-hyung mad." 

"You made Yoongi-hyung mad." 

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did!" 

.

.

The next day, Jimin's luck doesn't get any better. During an exorcism in a zoo of all places, Jimin trips on air into a hippo exhibit and gets dung and mud all over him. 

Taehyung, the ungrateful bastard, can't stop laughing long enough to help him as he crawls out of the hippo pit by himself. 

Jimin doesn't have a change of clothes so he has to perform the exorcism while he's gross and stinky. At least the crowd parts easily around him, no one willing to come near the coated ghost hunter.

"...Do I want to know?" Jin says when he sees him trudge into the office. He and Namjoon have just gotten back from their mission at Jejudo where an entire party of spooks had possessed the statues of the island's museum. 

"He's clumsy these days," Taehyung explains, still grinning. 

Fed up, Jimin tries to stomp away only to slip on a piece of paper someone left on the floor and go careening into a desk. 

"I see." 

Namjoon looks unimpressed. "Try to fix that before you get yourselves killed, would you?"

.

.

Easier said than done. Besides his new ability to trip over smooth surfaces, Jimin's cooking ability deteriorates to college freshman level.

Anything that can burn burns, he keeps mistaking sugar for salt and vice versa, and he spills everything. Taehyung has sworn off eating anything Jimin brings where before he used to steal half of Jimin's food. He claimed he didn't want to die of food poisoning. 

Hoseok looks bewildered when Jimin's can of soda explodes all over his face and the documents on his desk. 

Stunned, Jimin sits there dripping and turns large eyes up at Hoseok. "I must have...accidentally shaken the can on the way to work...yes...that's what happened......" 

Jimin sniffles a little, wiping at his cheek with the back of his hand. Hoseok kindly passes him a tissue from the box on his desk. 

"Did you do anything to induce karmic justice recently?" Hoseok asks. 

"I don't think so?" Jimin sounds doubtful. "I mean I knocked someone else down when I fell off my treadmill this morning." 

Hoseok's eyes widen in alarm. "You fell off a treadmill?" 

"Yeah, at the gym. The thing glitched and the speed suddenly went way up. I flew off, and hit this other guy who was walking by and he went down like a bowling pin." 

"This is troubling."

"Tell me about it. He looked like he was going to sue so I ran for it." Jimin sniffs sadly. "I don't think I'm going back to that gym anymore." 

As Jimin mops up the soda spill on his desk, Hoseok folds his arms and frowns at the spot of space over Jimin's shoulder. 

'Are you proud of yourself now?' Hoseok mouths.

There's a faintly guilty aura around the spot as it shifts in place like a person shuffling their feet in shame. 

.

.

They're not exorcists per say. At least not the kind you see in horror movies or Ghostbusters. They use words like exorcism and carry around rock salt guns, but the guns are only for the most violent poltergeists.

To be honest, they do a lot more talking than anything else.  

"Are you sure this is what he wants to see?" 

Namjoon and Hoseok are in a ballroom dancing pose, their arms up and bodies close. Neither of them are looking at each other, which makes it more difficult for Jin to correct their postures properly. 

"Alright take it from the top! 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3! Don't drag your feet!" Jin shouts like an army instructor as the two awkwardly sidestep across the floor. 

"Why is this my life," Namjoon says.

"Shut it. At least you get to lead," Hoseok mutters back. 

Jimin and Taehyung watch from their seated position at the edge of the large window sill. This was originally their assignment, until they discovered what the spirit wanted before he passed over to the Other Side. Then when they found out neither of them knew how to dance formally they called up Jin, who luckily knew ballroom basics after going to all his cousins' weddings. 

"How's it? Is it everything you expected it to be?" Taehyung asks the ghost sitting―floating―on his other side. "We can make them tango if you want." Taehyung looks a little hopeful. 

'No, thank you. This is perfect,' says the specter, wiping at his eye like he has a tear.

Can ghosts cry? Jimin wonders.

Even with his bad Sight, he can tell the deceased man with his gaze glued to their dancing hyungs died of unnatural causes. The back of his head is a black mass, like it was blown apart with a gun or cracked open against something hard like an egg. All he requested of them was to see two men dancing together in the ballroom he died in. 

There isn't any music. Sounds of traffic drift in along with the wind and Jin's orders soften slowly, the volume on his voice dialing down to a murmur. Namjoon and Hoseok have their heads on each others' shoulders, and they all feel it when the ghost fades away, content at last. 

Nobody says a word so Jimin hears the whisper on the breeze clear as day.

'Don't look so scared, son. It doesn't hurt.'  

But, thinks Jimin as he peers around his co-workers, who on earth is he speaking to?

.

.

Of their rag tag bunch of clairvoyants, Jimin is the least powerful. He can just barely sense ghosts, and he doesn't have any extra sensory powers like Hoseok who can practically taste a person's emotions in the air, or Taehyung who has visions so often it's normal to see him gazing off with a dazed look on his face. 

Yoongi picked Jimin up when he was still a grimy high schooler selling homemade good luck charms to make pocket money. He hadn't known until this tired looking college student with scary piercings had informed him that he was making actual good luck talismans and siphoning off his own good karma in the process. 

"Does this mean you're here to take me out for ruining this karmic balance thing?" Jimin edged away, eyes going to the door and back as he mentally calculated how fast he could run. For all his gruffness, Yoongi looked as pale and skinny as any of the computer nerds in his classes.

"Don't be an idiot, of course not." Yoongi looked like he regretted coming there. "I'm here to hire you." 

Jimin stopped edging back. "You mean like Men in Black?" 

"Yes―no―you know what, just don't talk anymore."  

No one knows exactly what Yoongi can do since he's always loathe to talk about his abilities, but so far they know he can See spooks almost as well as Namjoon, who's pretty much the grown up version of the boy from the Sixth Sense. They also know he can move things with his mind. 

The one and only time Taehyung asked him to bend a spoon, Yoongi made his rice bowl blow up in his face without blinking. No one has ever asked him about his powers again. 

.

. 

Since Jimin's a glutton for punishment, he asks Yoongi if he Sees any bad karma hanging around Jimin. 

Yoongi's eyes flit to a spot over Jimin's shoulder and linger there. "No," Yoongi allows finally, corners of his lips hooking up as he returns his gaze to Jimin. "I don't See any change in your luck."

Jimin sighs, relieved. 

When Jimin's back is turned, Yoongi makes a gun shooting motion with his hand. From the way the spot of air behind Jimin ripples like a person shivering, Yoongi knows his message has been received.

"Tell me if you have any more trouble though," Yoongi says with a smirk.

Jimin looks surprised. "Hyung, you can care?" 

"...Nevermind."

"Wait, come back, hyung! I didn't mean it!" 

.

.

"What color do you think I should change it to next?" Taehyung asks the wisp of a ghost they have been sent to exorcise. It's weak enough that Jimin can barely see a haze where it hovers.

"Haven't been inspired lately?" Jimin asks, swinging the wooden staff he brought with him in case they needed it. It's just a broom handle with various jingling silver charms screwed into one end, but it works better than rock salt and it looks cool. 

"Not since gloomy Tuesday," Taehyung replies and then flaps his hand at Jimin. "Don't interrupt."

Taehyung has changed his hair color at least twenty times in the four years that Jimin has known him. It was a clean black when Jimin first met him, dyed for his grandmother's passing in his hometown of Daegu. Yoongi, who is also from Daegu, found him chatting up his grandmother's ghost in the graveyard after the funeral and dragged him all the way back with him to Seoul where he became their last and newest exorcist. 

The gloomy Tuesday ghost inspired this current shade of silvery lilac that Taehyung has worn for so long that the roots are starting to show. Jimin thinks it looks nice, and it matches how the spook felt to Jimin. Young, and sad, and lonely. 

Suddenly, the hairs on the back of Jimin's neck raise and his eyes snap to Taehyung. The haze of a spook is gone and Taehyung's biting the inside of his cheek like he's trying not to laugh. 

"What just happened?" 

Taehyung grins and throws his arm over Jimin's shoulder.

"Forget it, I changed my mind. I'll keep this color for a while longer. I didn't know it had such a dedicated fan."  

"Who, the ghost?"

Taehyung just grins harder and doesn't explain even when Jimin calls him an airhead. 

.

.

Their next assignment's supposed to be an easy one. 

While Taehyung's busy coaxing the small ghost of a young girl out of a tree she died falling out of, Jimin gets the bright idea to climb the tree himself. 

He jumps up to grab the lowest branch, one near the side of the road and swings himself onto it like it's fourth grade monkey bars. He's reaching from that branch to one higher up when he hears the audible creEEEAACK.

"Oh no," he says right before he and the branch he has his legs wrapped around fall into the street and oncoming traffic. 

Horns blare, tires screech and someone yells right next to his ear. 

"Why did you do that, you're so stupid!" 

That's strange, thinks Jimin as he blacks out. Taehyung's trucker drawl became much higher-pitched all of a sudden. 

.

.

Jimin wakes up to a white hospital room and the widest eyes he's ever seen on a ghost. As soon as he realizes he's been spotted, the ghost vanishes.

Even so, Jimin croaks out, "Are you the one that's been drawing on my face while I nap?" 

"...No," comes the petulant reply. 

"Liar." There's no answer and Jimin's afraid his bluff has been called when the ghost pops back into view. 

"Okay, fine, it was me. But your purple-haired friend started drawing them first, and he lied when he said he didn't," the ghost tattles like a grade schooler. He looks younger than Jimin and has a clean, boyish haircut. He's wearing a dusty-looking high school uniform that Jimin thinks he's seen before. 

Then things slot together in his head and he stabs a finger at the ghost. "You're gloomy Tuesday!"

"The name's Jungkook, thanks."

Jimin tries to sit up and ends up with his head throbbing worse than ever. The ghost boy hisses, "Lie down, you're just making it worse for yourself."

There's at least ten questions Jimin wants to ask off the top of his head. But the first one that comes out of his mouth is, "What happened?"

"Well, you didn't get hit by a car," says Jungkook. "Luckily for you, all you got was a concussion and a bunch of bruises."

"Lucky for me," Jimin repeats. "Great, but that wasn't what I meant. I mean, what happened to you? I thought we exorcised you from that school rooftop."

The ghost shrugs, looking away. "You did. I just didn't want to leave yet." 

"So you...followed us back to the office," Jimin guesses, and the ghost boy nods. 

Then Jimin's eyes narrow. "You've been giving me a hard time." 

"You're the one that shot rock salt at me first," Jungkook retorts belligerently.

"You jumped at me out of nowhere!" Jimin sputters. "I was surprised. I thought I was going to die." 

"I wouldn't do that," Jungkook denies, looking insulted enough that Jimin believes it. "I would never take anyone's life away from them. I just wanted to scare you away. But then you shot me and it hurt a lot." 

Jungkook gives him a nervous look under his bangs that makes Jimin melt a little, even knowing that this is the same brat of a ghost that's been drawing on his face and making all his meals taste like crap lately. 

"Are you going to exorcise me now?" Jungkook asks, already fading at the edges like he's prepared to disappear as soon as Jimin reaches for the rock salt. 

Jimin knows what he should do right now is to persuade Jungkook that the best thing for him is to cross over to the Other Side. He should tell him that he'll be more at peace that way, even if Jimin doesn't actually know what lies beyond.

Instead, he says, "If it's not broken, pass me the cell in my coat pocket." 

.

.

Yoongi doesn't look amused.

"You're kidding me right?" 

The three figures standing in front of his desk―well, two standing and one hovering―gulp in unison. 

"We'll take good care of him! We swear!" Taehyung cries and tries to hold Jungkook close. It's like trying to grab a cloud though, and if Jungkook were less astonished he would fade right through Taehyung's arms. He vibrates in front of Taehyung like he's not sure what he should do. 

The obvious fear makes Yoongi soften slightly, and his tone is kinder as he addresses Jungkook this time. "Are you sure this is what you want? You know you're going to have to cross over sooner or later."

The ghost boy flickers in his uncertainty, so Jimin draws closer to give him a reassuring smile.

Slowly, Jungkook smiles back, and tells Yoongi, "It can be later then. If you don't mind. Sir." 

"Don't call me that. I'm not that old." Yoongi clicks his tongue. "Fine. You can stay, but only as long as you keep these two idiots alive." The three of them brighten at the same time, making Yoongi roll his eyes.

"Now, get out of my office." 

"You heard the boss man!" Taehyung hollers. "Kookie, you can stay!" 

"Kookie?" echoes Jimin.

"Don't call me Kookie," says Jungkook.

Then Jimin remembers and turns to Jungkook to warn, "You better not mess with my meals anymore. Or trip me wherever I walk. Or draw all over my stuff." 

Jungkook bats his eyes at him innocently. "I didn't hear him say anything about that though? I just have to keep you alive."

"You brat." 

"Kookie~" 

That's about the moment when Yoongi, patience gone, kicks all three of them out of his office.  

a/n: alot of ppl asked for a sequel to the omega au, so i'll be working on that next. have a wonderful weekend everyone~!