[1/???] prologue — high school days
 

forever young — got7
❝i can't forget that moment
the day the dazzling you came to me
you are the best of the best, no one ever had❞

"Eunmi!"

Kim Eunmi turned around at the sound of her name, and she tried to suppress a smile when she saw who was calling at her. With his perfectly straight bangs and gummy smile, the sight of her classmate Jinyoung waving at her was enough to make her cheeks grow pink. Eunmi couldn’t help herself—Jinyoung was freaking adorable, and god forbid she make herself obvious that she was affected by his good looks. Clutching her large textbooks in her arm, time seemed to move slowly as she raised her hand just high enough to send him a little wave back before turning her direction back towards the classroom door.

Three years of liking him and you would have thought she would have at least confessed or made a move— and other girls she knew probably would have. But not Eunmi. As a quiet, introverted girl, Eunmi was quite shy and preferred to keep to herself; during the first years of high school, it was hard for her to break out of her shell and make friends with others.

(However, that all changed when she met Jinyoung.)

Park Jinyoung was in her homeroom class freshman year and was the model student; intelligent, friendly and helpful to his peers, and always giving everyone a smile when they saw him. Eunmi literally felt like dying every time she caught a glimpse of his angelic presence floating around the room. How anyone could possibly be such a God-given gift from the heavens, she would never know. Jinyoung was practically her secret guardian angel; he didn’t know it, of course, but the quiet Eunmi always looked to him for inspiration. He inspired her to work hard on her grades so she wouldn't feel like she was falling behind him. His example taught her to always greet everyone with a smile, even if she couldn't yet muster up the words to say hello. Eunmi watched him silently, noticed his likes and dislikes and created his personality in her mind as someone kind, outgoing, and responsible. Eunmi admired him; he was everything she felt like she couldn't be, everything she felt like she wanted to be. It was just admiration.

She didn't realize that she would actually fall for him until one day after the winter holidays, when everyone was chatting about the upcoming camping trip in the nearby woods. Eunmi had wrinkled her nose in disgust when she thought about the idea of actual camping in the woods. As much as she loved nature (and she meant it sarcastically, because she could barely keep her potted cactus alive and even that didn’t need much watering), Eunmi would rather do anything else other than camp out in the middle of the woods and sleep on dirt. She was sitting at her desk, trying to get ahead on the next history assignment when a hand plopped on top of her worksheet, making her look up in a start. To her surprise, it was Jinyoung, with his dumb smile and crinkled eyes, looking down upon her with a chuckle. "I heard you were thinking about skipping the trip," Jinyoung said, voice dropping down quietly so only they could hear. "Rethink about it, okay? Come and join us, Eunmi-ah."

For a moment, her head felt blank. How did Jinyoung find out she wasn't going? And how did he even know her name? She could have sworn she’d spoken like, two words with him before. "Um," she managed to reply, "I'll think about it."

"Great," Jinyoung removed his hand from the desk and shoved it into his pocket. "I would be sad if you don't go. I really wanted to get to know you better." He gave her a grin before he set off.

Eunmi just sat there, still in shock and replaying the scene over and over in her mind— what did he mean he wanted to get to know her better? Jinyoung was friends with basically everyone in the class—and why wouldn't he, considering how friendly and outgoing he was—so why give her any attention?

Heart thumping, she shoved all her belongings into her bag and dashed out the door to a classroom a few rooms away. Eunmi hovered around the classroom door until she caught the eye of another girl, one taller and with long brown hair, and beckoned her over. With a nod, the girl rushed over to Eunmi's side and linked her arm through hers, dragging them both down the hallway.

"Suzy, you will never believe what happened," Eunmi managed to sputter out when they reached an almost empty courtyard and sat down. Bae Suzy was one of the first friends Eunmi made during high school, and they quickly became close friends despite being put in separate homerooms. They were both quiet and kept more to themselves, but their outside images couldn't be anymore different. Suzy was tall and had long, brown hair, with the aura of the kind girl next door. Eunmi sported wavy black hair and a chic demeanor that explained why people were less adamant to talk to her than to Suzy. While both had yet to break out of their shell in front of others, together they were cheerful and always trying to have fun. Eunmi often wondered if she would get along better with people like Jinyoung if only she could show this side of herself to them.

Suzy sat in silence, occasionally nodding her head as Eunmi recounted what happened just a while earlier. By the end, Suzy's eyes grew bright and she clung onto Eunmi's arm. "Do you know what that means?" she gushed, and Eunmi shook her head. "It means that Jinyoung's been paying attention to you! You've never talked but he obviously knows your name, plus he went out of his way to try to convince you to go on the trip."

"Really?" Eunmi bit her lip as she stared down at her shoes. She knew Jinyoung was nice, but she didn't think he was that nice to approach her like that. She wasn't anything special either, just another classmate too shy to socialize with the rest of her class.

"Girl, come on," Suzy drawled out, "Just believe me. Plus, didn't you say you wanted to get to know him too? He's made the first move and you should too. You have to be friends with him!"

After that, Eunmi began following Suzy's advice: the next time she saw Jinyoung, she smiled and greeted him hello. He greeted back. (She then proceeded to have heart palpitations, or so Suzy claimed.) The days passed and she tried to make small talk after bumping into him in the hallway. She asked him for help on homework, and she began drifting away from school topics to talking about his interests— what his hobbies were (cooking and reading), what kind of music he liked (hip hop and jazz), what his family was like (he had two older sisters, which was sweet and explained his interest in fashion, no matter how bad his style was). And he never failed to show her kindness. He opened doors for her, brought her a drink whenever she was cramming too much before a test, always encouraged her to talk and open up.

By the end of their second year of high school, Eunmi had fallen for him. She fell for his bubblegum smile, the way he ruffled his neat black hair out of habit, the witty puns he managed to make, his dorky fashion sense, his hardworking mindset, his intelligent attitude, his sense of responsibility— and they had finally become friends, not best friends but not just mere acquaintances, friendly enough to walk together to class or sit together at lunch, friendly enough for both their respective group of friends to hang out together. Jinyoung was perfect in her eyes; he had his flaws but it seemed like he could do no wrong. Eunmi had fallen head over heels and she didn't know what to do about it.

(That was the year she also realized how much taller he actually was and how good his arms looked in their uniform. If Eunmi saw him one more time wearing the full uniform complete with the coat and tie—well hot damn, somebody call the doctor because he was smoking hot and she felt like she had jumped into a volcano.)

Now it was close to the end of their final year of high school and as Eunmi stepped through the door of her classroom, the chatter that was heard was predictably about studying for the upcoming exams and stress over getting into the top universities. "Good morning!" She managed to call out amidst the loud chatter. Several heads turned toward her direction and smiled, replying their greetings to her as she sat down at her desk. She barely managed to crack open her notebook before she heard a loud thump in front of her desk and she jumped.

Jinyoung was leaning forward from the chair in front of her, arms crossed and staring at her notes. "You're studying again?" He looked up and faked a pout. Eunmi couldn't help but think he looked so, so cute. She knew no shame when it came to Jinyoung. "You need a break, Eunmi."

She shook her head as she let out a small laugh. "I can't. I may not be aiming for SKY but I at least need to get a scholarship somewhere. Just getting a part time job during university won't help pay for all of my tuition."

Jinyoung reached over and ruffled her hair, making her squeak and glare at him slightly. Did he seriously have to mess up her hair like that? She tried so hard everyday to look good (for him), and this is the repayment she gets. May the heavens help her. He laughed and proceeded to fix his mess as best as he could. "I understand. But will you at least join me and Suzy for lunch later? I don't want you skipping out on your meal again. And Suzy's going to have a panic attack if you don't show up after that last fiasco where you fainted from lack of nutrition."

Eunmi grimaced at the thought as she vaguely remembered falling out of her chair in the middle of class after skipping her meals for two days because of her excessive studying. What she did remember was how Suzy was loudly sobbing by her bed in the infirmary when she woke up, sniffling grossly and scolding Eunmi for being an idiot and worrying her like that. Since then, Suzy had instructed Jinyoung to pester Eunmi to stop studying and eat whether she liked it or not. The scheme was both annoying yet helpful, because while Suzy took the liberty to nag her all the time to eat, she also would give her a sly wink every time Jinyoung felt obliged to take care of Eunmi in case she fainted again. Eunmi was grateful for both their concerns and tried really hard not to smile too much when Jinyoung doted on her. Like, really hard.

(At times like those, Jinyoung never failed to ask why she grimaced so much at him all the time. If only he knew.)

It happened one day during the second semester of their final year, on a breezy autumn morning. Eunmi remembered this fact because her legs were shivering under her plaid uniform skirt as she tried to walk quickly to her class, where she knew she would be warmed up by the heater blasting from the corner of the room. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Jinyoung down the hallway, and she waved her hand to say hi before she paused midway, stopping herself.

Eunmi wouldn't admit it—okay fine, she admitted it to Suzy through text message complete with frustrated key board smashes and angry emojis—but she was jealous. Jinyoung, for the past second semester, had been extremely friendly to the pretty new transfer student, always helping to show her around and make new friends. The nerve of that guy to even introduce the new student to her and Suzy, and suggesting they eat lunch together during her first few days! Eunmi had been eager to please him and so had said yes, but before long she found out that the transfer student was a sly vixen who insulted Jinyoung's too-friendly nature the minute he turned around and bashed on how low standard their school was. Eunmi would have pulled the new girl's hair out if Suzy hadn't stopped her and calmly told the new girl off.

When they tried to explain to Jinyoung, he brushed them off with his too-good smile. "The transfer student is an angel!" He had persuaded, patting both girls' shouldera before looking behind him at said girl and smiling. What he didn't know was that the minute he turned back around, the transfer girl shot Eunmi a look and mouthed a very inappropriate word at them, causing Eunmi to gasp in shock and stomp away. Jinyoung did not deserve to be played with by some two faced devil.

And yet the weeks had passed and Jinyoung still acted too friendly for his own good, even though the transfer student had clearly managed to be fine on her own. Suzy told Eunmi that she was just overreacting, as usual; Jinyoung spent less and less time with the transfer and more time with others, but Eunmi had just been too jealous to notice.

"But what if he likes her?" Eunmi had whined, staring at her half eaten bowl of rice as the two sat at their usual lunch table.

"Chill out, he definitely does not." Suzy paid her friend's complaints no mind as she played with her phone. "Besides, haven't you even noticed that he's been eating lunch with us more often lately? You're the one with the crush on him so I don't know why I have to tell you this."

Eunmi groaned. "I can't help it. That girl's so much prettier than I am, even with her terrible personality."

"Well you're going to have to stop being jealous soon, because Jinyoung's been telling me that he noticed you're always in a bad mood around him."

"Well excuse me for—" Eunmi stopped when she noticed two figures sitting at their table across from them, and widened when she saw Jinyoung and that transfer student. Speak of the devil.

Jinyoung shot his stupid eye smile at them, which Eunmi really wished he would stop doing because she cannot afford to have more than one heart attack per day. She didn't believe in karma, but she sure as hell knew that one day everything would back fire on her and she had Jinyoung to blame.

And that damn transfer student still had the smug smile on her face when Jinyoung explained how he was helping her with a math design project and wondered if Suzy (who had a talent in art) and Eunmi (who was good at math) would help out too.

Suzy glanced at her friend, who was gaping at Jinyoung. Was he serious right now? Curse him for being so nice all the time. Eunmi struggled to decide whether she wanted to help just for Jinyoung, or if her anger at the transfer student would take over and she would refuse. They were all supposed to be friends, but Jinyoung failed to see the insecurity seething from Eunmi's demeanor. Screw it, she thought, getting up from her table. The transfer smirked at her as Jinyoung's eyebrows shot up.

"Sorry," Eunmi said drily, "I have somewhere to be right now. I'll see you later."

With an air of mock confidence—where it came from Eunmi wasn't entirely sure, because inside she was literally dying at showing such a rude side of herself in front of her crush—she picked up her lunch tray and walked away. By the time she had dashed out of the lunch room and into the hallway, Eunmi was already punching herself in the inside for being so haughty. Why didn't she just say yes to make Jinyoung happy and impress him? Why did he have to be so frustratingly nice to everyone? Why—

A hand grabbed onto her shoulder, and she swung around to see Jinyoung panting, trying to catch his breath. He had obviously run to catch up with her, and Eunmi almost felt her breath hitch when she realized that he was concerned for her, or else why would he have chased her out of the lunch room.

"Eunmi," he managed before straightening himself out. "Is something wrong?"

Eunmi wanted to scream; curse him for making her feel special and trying to take care of her all the time. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She wasn't sure if she was angry at him for letting himself be used by that mean spirited transfer student, or whether she was jealous that he was showing kindness and friendliness to someone other than her. She could have laughed. Of course Jinyoung was nice, and it was foolish of her to think that she was anything special when he acted the same way to everyone.

But she couldn't help it. What started as admiration and inspiration turned into wanting to be noticed, and then wanting to know him more, and then thinking the whole world revolved around her and Jinyoung and she would be damned if that transfer student played her way around him like that—

"No, nothing's wrong," Eunmi managed through her teeth. She should have stopped there but she didn't. "Only you are just too nice to even notice that the transfer student has been using you and talking smack about you behind your back while pretending to like you—"

"Is that what this is about?" The tone in Jinyoung's voice made her make a double take; he tried hard to sound calm with his usual friendly voice, but something sounded harder, more rough, and it made Eunmi realize in the back of her mind that he maybe couldn't be a considerate angel all the time. "I'm sorry Eunmi, but the way you're acting seems so unnecessary. The transfer has been nothing but kind, so either you're making this up or your mind is playing tricks on you."

"I thought we were friends, Jinyoung." Eunmi felt her voice waver and she couldn't help but think of the small bits of happiness she felt when Jinyoung greeted her in the hallways, when they texted each other about homework at night, when he would linger around for her to walk with her to lunch. "Why don't you believe me? Why would I even lie to you?"

"I don't know," He smoothed the back of his hair down. "Suzy said maybe you were just overreacting, and I think the transfer just wanted some friends, I don't know where you got that crazy idea that she liked me because honestly—" Was that a tone of insecurity in his voice? "—who would do that..."

What? She couldn't believe her ears. Did Jinyoung seriously think no girls liked him? Did he really think that lowly of himself? Eunmi was so appalled that she couldn't help but blurt out—

"Well, I like you," she sputtered out, but not before gasping in shock and covering . Jinyoung just stared at her speechless, and it felt like their silence dragged on for ages before he spoke up.

"You what?" Eunmi just stared at him as he seemed to fumble over his words, appearing less like the wonder boy he was and more and more like a stranger. "I...I don't know what to say..."

"Just...forget it." Eunmi bit her lip and stared down at her shoes. "Forget I said anything." If she had lasers in her eyes she would have burned through the tips of her shoes by now. Why wasn't he saying anything? He probably got confessions all the time. Or maybe he didn't, judging by the way he was acting. She could feel her heart pounding in her ears and the silence was killing her.

"Okay." His reply was short and bittersweet. She looked up and saw that same eye smile that she loved, but she noticed it was faltering. Was that all he could say? Was he even going to give her an answer?

Before he could turn around to go in his stupor, she called out, "We...we're still friends, right?"

"Of course." He gave her his usual friendly grin, all uneasiness seemingly put aside. And then he left.

(And Eunmi couldn't help but feel like her heart was shattering into a million pieces.)

The weeks passed until graduation, and true to his promise Jinyoung still remained friends with Eunmi.

He had stopped putting in so much energy into the transfer (much to Eunmi's relief) but to her disappointment he spent less time at their lunch table too. Although he talked normally to Suzy when he saw her, with Eunmi he seemed just slightly more awkward, as if their past three years of getting to know each other meant nothing anymore. His actions, while still friendly as usual, were lacking in his usual joy, and they dampened her spirits. She couldn't believe the past three years she spent liking him had led up to this. Was it karma for what she did, or was she just royally screwed over for the rest of her high school career?

What pissed her off the most was the lack of closure. Her crush just started and ended just like that, and she didn't even get a proper yes or no in the meantime.

At graduation she found out they would be going to neighboring universities. (Suzy had been accepted into an arts university that was a two to three hour drive away, and the two of them had shed tears and promised to keep in contact all the time.) If Eunmi had found out in the beginning of the school year, she would have been ecstatic, coming up with schemes and excuses to go and see him, but now she dreaded it. Their friendship had already become awkward enough, and she didn't want to have to deal with seeing him again in college.

She was going to pursue a new start. She would focus on her classes, make new friends, maybe get a part time job, and she would move Jinyoung out of her mind.

As they walked up one by one to receive their diplomas, Eunmi spotted the said boy walk up to the stage with his cheerful gummy smile plastered on his face. She remembered his angelic demeanor, his dorky and friendly personality, how she thought he could do no wrong. She remembered how good he always looked in their uniform, hair neat and body masculine, and how many times she had thought he was so attractive when he shot her a sly smile or a wink. She remembered how it was him who inspired her to work harder in class just to catch up to his level, to become more outgoing and express herself more. She remembered how hard she fell for him, and she remembered all of what made him the high school wonder boy Park Jinyoung.

When they stood up as the ceremony began to close, Eunmi let out a breath and smiled in relief for the first time that day.

Goodbye Jinyoung, she thought to herself, and thank you for everything.

(She would find out four years later, when Jinyoung stumbled back into her life trying to make a caramel macchiato at her part time job at the coffee shop, that sometimes goodbyes aren't truly goodbyes, and that karma was a .)